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The Secret to Being Yourself and Not Giving a Fuck!

The Secret to Being Yourself and Not Giving a Fuck.


Living In a State of Feedback


As humans we tend to believe that we are who we are as a result of our own will, but the truth is that our personality has been modified in order to fit a social standard. We live in a constant state of reaction. Always modifying our behaviors according to people's reaction and never establishing a strong reality based on our own values.


As social creatures we rely heavily on each other in order to survive, but in today's world we have established ourselves to the point that is not an issue anymore. In this current moment in time we are at a place where we should be trying to meet our psychological needs. In that it entails our sense of belonging amongst other and establishing our value amongst others.


The downfall that most people fall into when attempting to establish themselves amongst others and finding self fulfillment is that they fall into the trap of attempting to please other and conform to their reality. As a result we end up living in a state of feedback. Always reacting to other people's standards and never to ours to the point that we compromise our values to please others.


Don't get me wrong, being reactive is important to a certain degree because it enables us to adjust our behavior when we are exposed to new cultures and customs. There are things that offends people in one part of the world and we must capitulate to that in order to survive and maintain order. This reactiveness is a trait that evolved purely for survival, but not for self fulfillment.


The need for fulfillment doesn't require the unison of individuals such as survival. We have to remember that survival is the most important need that organisms have but once we have that need satisfied, we must transcend to living a life where we are our own source of positive emotions.


There's No Happiness If We Look Outside Of Ourselves


Through thousands of years of social conditioning and natural selection we have been conditioned to believe that our psychological needs require outside stimulus.


I disagree, we need outside stimulus to provide for our physical body, but all the resources are in hand in order to fulfill the inner world, our minds. The problem with requiring others as a source of inner fulfillment is that it requires an unpredictable stimulus in order to feel good about ourselves.


People are unpredictable and as a result we experience highs when we meet their standards and lows when we don't. The saddest part is that we've been used to this state of living that it's considered normal.


Reactive living is using dopamine as a source of happiness. The problem with that is that dopamine is addictive and temporary. Once we get that social validation we will continue to seek more of it in order to feel happy. What we fail to understand is that dopamine is for pleasure, and not for joy.


What determines your base level of happiness is your serotonin level. This is what I call the joy chemical. Having high levels of serotonin is what produces joy, which does not require outside stimulus. Most of us only experience dopamagetic happiness and that's why we are so addicted to validation from others. Such as getting likes on Facebook or instagram.


We are constantly changing our personalities, looks and careers in order to attain a certain reaction from our friends, families and co-workers. We rarely ever develop traits that come from the inside. Traits that originates from our own being, free of outside influence.


The Secret To Happiness Was Inside Of Us All Along


In order to achieve this we must be at ease being alone and free ourselves from outside stimulus. One way to do this is through meditation. When you meditate you focus on your inner self and learn to enjoy simply being in quiet solitude.


You may be asking yourself:


"But Dalexis, what happens when we finish meditating and we have to return to our daily living? It's stressful."


Well there's something called "being present" or "mindfulness". Mindfulness is living one step at a time. If you are eating, you focus on each bite, if you are listening to someone, you focus on the way their voice sounds, the vibration, the silence between every word all while focusing on your inner body. It's complete awareness and appreciation for what's in front of you.


The results will be that you'll become the observer rather than the one experiencing it, and your mind and emotions won't be in control of your life.


It controls us because we end up believing that we are those negative emotions. We learn to make an identity out of those feelings such as depression, anger and etc. The opposite is true with positive emotions, if we make an identity out of them what tends to develop is an ego. So we must cut out these negative emotions as soon as they appear or else they'll be ingrained in our personality.


The Power of Observing Your Emotions While Being Present


Rather than thinking of what caused you that emotion, or lamenting how bad you feel, you simply observe the emotion while simultaneously focusing on the present moment. You observe it without judging it. You don't say "Oh I feel sad", instead you should say "Oh my body feels sad, interesting". It's similar to bringing a vampire to the light of day. It'll perish as soon as you become the observer rather than the one experiencing it.


The present moment is the light of day. Emotions only activate when we think of the cause which is usually in the past or in the future. We dissolve those negative emotions through focusing on the present moment.


When this occurs on a consistent basis you'll start doing things because they make you feel good. Outside influences won't be as impactful because we only seek validation when we need something. But we won't have any more needs because we are that source of happiness. You won't be reactive when you don't meet someone else's standard because you don't need their validation.


We React to Others Because of Our Lack of Personal Value


As humans we react to value and value is simply positive emotions. You might think that money is value, but what you should really be focusing is what does having money give most people. It gives them a sense of security, status and comfort. Meeting a celebrity makes you feel good about yourself and you might end up feeling a sense of euphoria. The body's production of positive emotions is a reaction to experiencing someone who has value in our eyes.


For example, if you know that if you lose your job you'll end up being homeless you'll do anything to keep it. You'll be living on the edge and stressed. That need to impress your boss hinders creativity because you'll be doubting yourself about what you're creating. "Is he going to like it?" Creativity only flourishes when you are in the flow through not thinking twice about what you're doing. You're just allowing it to flow.


If you just got a girl's number and she's the only girl you talked to all year long you'll hold on to that number for dear life. She presents hope in the future. You'll become needy and end up losing her because you'll be reacting to her even if you don't notice it yourself.


If she doesn't text you back for 5 minutes you'll get anxious and start thinking about negative scenarios when in reality she was blow drying her hair and couldn't hear the phone. This is because she is your source of positive emotions and your not grounded in your own being.


Your happiness does not come from other people's reaction, rather it'll come through your own actions as a result of being present to the moment.


The Secret to Being Yourself


People will naturally gravitate towards you because they'll feel that fountain of positivity and the best part is that YOU also will be drawn to yourself. Completing the circle and making you one with yourself and the environment.


From this place of centeredness and inner fulfillment your real personality will start to develop. You'll let go of the past because you'll be focusing your attention to the present moment. When you think about the past you think about it only as reference experience.


You won't be thinking of your past failures and as a result those emotions that emanated from those failures won't affect the decisions you make. It's almost like having a second chance at life and that will allow you to become who you were meant to be. This is what being yourself is all about!


Tips On Being Present


1. MEditate 15 minutes a day


2. Become aware of the quietest sound and focus on that sound. It'll block out outside noise.


3. Focus your attention on your breathe.


4. Focus on whatever emotion you are feeling and be one with it.


5. Focus your attention on your body as a whole and acknowledge your present being.


That's all folks!


Hakuna Matata.

The Secret to Being Yourself and Not Giving a Fuck!
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