Sometimes we come to a point where being ourselves is the one thing that is holding us back.
Ever since I was young, I was always taught by both of my parents (regardless of their separation) that one of the most valuable lessons I should hold onto in my life is to never stop being yourself. Both of them told me that if people couldn’t accept you for exactly who you are, then you don’t want those people in your life. For a long time, I agreed. Up until recently, that is.
I think we all fall for the romantic idea that we’re all actually perfect just the way we are, and while I believe all people are unique and have good qualities, I wouldn’t go as far as to say we default as the best person we could possibly be. I think it’s fair enough to say that we all have things that we could benefit from by learning them, and often times that means we may end up inevitably changing. That’s all well and good, but under no circumstances should we change for other people, right?
I would have to disagree, partially anyway.
It’s time to be realistic here; everybody wants to be liked. Now before I lose you with that sentence alone, let me further elaborate. We live in a world where our interactions with other humans will ultimately dictate the successfulness of our relationship with them: from your coworkers or boss to potential lovers and friends, how you behave towards them is greatly going to dictate whether or not you have the kind of relationship that you want with that person. You can’t exactly get a raise if you act like a jerk to your boss, and that date of yours may never call you again if you have a bad habit of complaining about how you’ve been wronged so many times by the other gender.
Let’s take a look at it objectively: more often than not, the average person wants to be viewed in a positive way, and will thrive off of positive reactions. The more positive reactions a person receives, the more they will inevitably thrive: they’ll have more confidence, they are more likely to have successful social and romantic relationships, and are more likely to be more motivated than somebody who receives little to no positive reaction. But what does this all mean exactly? That we have to change the person we are completely to be more successful. Not entirely.
I’m going to use a very common and relatable example here: dating. Let’s say you’re a person with little success in dating, or at the very least are currently struggling with being successful with dating; you know you’re a good person, who is smart and/or talented, who could have a lot to offer if someone gave you the chance. However, you’re being held back by your physical appearance and a developed bitter attitude. In a situation like this, you have two choices: change nothing and continue to have little success until you find somebody who will be fine with your flaws, or work on your weaknesses and open yourself up to more options. You could continue to be a bitter person who lashes out at people when they find themselves rejected, or you could take a moment and try to access where it is you stand as a desirable potential partner, and make some changes that could greatly benefit you. After all, there is a saying that goes: “Being yourself doesn’t help if you’re an asshole.”
Of course that doesn’t mean everyone with a few flaws is an asshole, I mean to use the quote figuratively: being yourself is not going to benefit you if you’re not being the best person you can be, and are being held back by bad/less desirable traits. Now, does that mean by any stretch that you have to change your appearance or style to match common fads and sacrifice your own sense of style? No. What I’m asking people to consider is the idea that working on yourself and your appearance is a healthy way to grow as a person, so long as you are doing it for the right reasons. Ultimately, you should be the first person in your mind to keep happy, and then other people should come next. If you can figure that changing up your style or attitude may help you in the long run and you’re willing to at least give it a shot, then it’s time to consider other people – in this hypothetical, a potential partner.
What could you improve to make yourself more attractive to them? Perhaps try a new hairstyle? Invest in some new medicated skin products to get your skin cleared up? Maybe even go to the gym and get yourself a bit healthier so your overall self-esteem draws them in? It could even be as easy as taking the time to work on yourself personally: maybe you have some issues that pertain to negative experiences in the past that you need to work through in order to find yourself more happy and positive, and therefore eliminating otherwise unattractive behaviors that were caused by these negative experiences. You heal, and you draw people in as a result; because once that veil of negativity was cleared away, it let them see the amazing person you could truly be.
Change is something that is necessary for personal growth, and ultimately, you should be changing for yourself before anybody else. You have to love the person you’re trying to become, because at the end of the day, if you do change your style or some of your traits and it makes you unhappy, then there isn’t a reason to continue doing it. However, at the very least you experimented and found out something new about yourself: that you didn’t like these particular things and now know to avoid them in the future. With this information, it’ll be easier to discover who you truly are at your core and figure out a better course of action to further your growth. When it comes down to it, if you can’t be happy with any potential changes in your life, you’ve either already reached the peak of your self discovery, or you simply aren’t okay with change. Either way, it’s your life and your happiness is most important, these are just some things to consider.
As always I sincerely hope everybody enjoyed this article and understood what I was trying to say. I hope you all have an amazing Friday and thanks for reading!