Why "Being Yourself" is Bullshit

[Words_and_Wisdom]

The phrase "just be yourself" has been preached to me so many times and by so many people. And while I understand where they're coming from and their genuine intention to help me in my times of need, this advice isn't practical.

For one, you can't be anyone but yourself (unless you're a professional actor but that's a different can of worms.) Second, your 'self' changes in different situations. The person you project yourself as when talking online is often entirely different than in person.

But most importantly it prevents one from improving themselves. Say you're a miserable sack of crap that gets overly frustrated with him/herself, is socially awkward, and lacks confidince in his/her own abilities. If someone tells you to just "be yourself" and "don't change for anybody," then is that honestly a friend you want? Do you truly want a friend who wants you to be a perpetual miserable sack of crap?

If you're trying to improve upon yourself as a being, then you have to change things about your personality and attitude. Real friends would stick with you and encourage you to change your mental, physical, and emotional habits.

There may be a level of truth to being genuine towards your goals and ambitions. And of course you should be honest with yourself and others as much as you can. However, you should have every right to remove and alter everything that's holding you back; be it your own attitude or even your own friends.

Enough with this "be yourself" nonsense. It doesn't help.

[AleDeEurope]

Being yourself doesn't mean you can't improve, it's actually the opposite: stay true to yourself, to what you want in life. If you think a change will make an improvement in your life, then do it, not doing it just because "you have to be yourself" is actually the opposite of being yourself, because you're doing something you don't want.

[kangy]

Yes I agree

[demonology]

How about this, don't be dishonest.

"see that Lamborghini over there? yeah thats mine" a man winks to a woman
"really?" she lifts one eyebrow and pushes a button on her keys and the car lights up.

You own the minivan in the back, live up to it you liar.

[Spywriter]

Most of the time when someone says "be yourself" it's them that needs to here it the most. Most people who use that phrase are using it as a slam, and usually the person they say it to is *already* being themselves, which bothers them, since it means that you are in control of yourself, that you live life on your own terms, which is the true meaning of "being yourself." So they say "be yourself" as a way of controlling you, by fucking with your head.

I agree with a lot of the posts here - that you are a different person in different situations. It's so true. And there's this myth going around, usually from very controlling people, that you should have "one true personality all the time." Author Ginie Sayles pushes this crap. This is complete, utter bullshit, since no one on the planet is like that, and you would be psychotic of you were. I'm happy-go-lucky in some situations, and I also get pissed off in others. Sometimes, I'm sad, sometimes quiet, sometimes gregarious. I'm not an extrovert or introvert (probably an ambivert).

Besides, who you are (I'm talking about your outer personality) is a very fluid thing. It changes. It's also a construction. It's been influenced from the moment of your birth by your family, friends, culture, events, etc. So why not take control of the process?

Another way some people say "be yourself" is by calling other people "tourists" when that person wants to explore other things. I get criticized for that too, and it's such BS. We ALL, without exception, like to experiment with different clothes, language, music, hairstyles, living situations, tattoos, cars, art etc etc etc. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. I dress like a nerd sometimes. Other times I like leather wrist bands, hats, boots. Still other times I like suit and tie. That's because that's who I am. I like different things. The reason people stop experimenting is that they get browbeaten into *not* being themselves by the very people who are saying "be yourself." One of the regrets of the dying is they allowed other people to control their lives.

[drummerdude25]

This type of conclusion typically comes from socially awkward people that don't want to do anything to improve their situation, or that are too afraid to. Not saying you are or anything but it's usually true.

Be yourself yes, but do so in a way that people are going to respond favorably to. For example, if someone is always awkward and doesn't like the way people treat them and/or pass them by, they shouldn't be awkward! lol

Live a little, don't be a downer, be relatable, and have fun with your life and people will want to be a part of it. This sort of thing is all mental... With a positive change of mindset and a little bit of work and personal growth, you can become a better version of "yourself" without compromising the things that make you, you.

[DarkHumorRUs]

Usually "be yourself" means to not even TRY to act differently for different people. It's about being natural in every situation you come across, and not over thinking it. People change the way they act around different people all the time, and at some point they reveal how they act around people they're actually comfortable with, and it's quite different.

So yeah, being yourself is acting how you would act around the people you are most comfortable with, who you've spent the most time with, who have helped to define you over time.

Because you won't succeed in changing your true personality, aka "yourself". You can only change how much of it shows. And it's always best to show all of it.

[Reason2BTubby]

I actually agree... The past months I've been depressed, and i would just have a bad mindset. Just recently even though nothing really happened i finally just got a better attitude and I can finally talk to people without being so depressing now. You have to change who you are for a while to make better changes.

there's a study that if your sad... and you fake smile for a while it will increase your mood.

[AshleyMD]

When people say be yourself they mean don't act like a certain way to impress someone or to fit in especially if it is out of character for you. Be yourself means don't change because some people don't like you, it means do what you want to do, not what your parents, family or friends want you to do.

[ObviouslyBored]

This

[Mesonfielde]

"Be yourself" is designed to mean that "if you are by nature a good person, then don't try to suppress yourself in social situations and trying to be like someone you are not".

It means that you ought to stop being stressed about things that you cannot change. It shouldn't mean that you shouldn't try to fix your fixable problems if you have them, that is called self-awareness and self-improvement.

[koibito]

I agree it doesn't help. But there are some cases where people are pretending to be someone they are not. It places a lot of stress on them because they're constantly overextending themselves or putting on the act. It could lead to burnout or fear of revealing their "true self".

Perhaps a better phrasing is, be yourself and be better.

[AdoringFan]

I think that they mean that you shouldn't want to change your attitude and personality because other people don't like you. Changing yourself because you feel like you could improve certain aspects of yourself is completely different.
Your motivation for changing has to come from yourself, not others.

[kambo_trick3y]

Boy oh boy, did you you entirely miss the point of the words "be yourself."

It literally went, like, right over your head.

https://i.imgur.com/9912ppo.jpg

[Prof_Don]

oh wow this is hilarious as fuck! :-P

[Words_and_Wisdom]

And boy did you miss the point of this take.

[kambo_trick3y]

How do you know I missed the point of this take? I read paragraphs of detail from you, you didn't read any of mine. I literally know your head better than you know mine right now.

[BumbleSuperBee]

You're right. This is just a phrase used when someone can't come up with a good advice so they just say 'be urself'..

[rocelot]

I am who I am whoever I may be, and I will be who I need to be whenever I need, and I will be who I want to be because that is who I want to be.

[Scrambled]

Dude change yourself:( that whole "be yourself" is so stupid. If I had to be myself, I would be pissed 24/7, playing guitar and hiring prozzies because women don't like who I truly am!!

[YourFutureEx]

Change is necessary for survival.
"Be yourself" means don't 'fake' that you changed.

[tenofthepeaks]

it depends... perhaps don't beat yourself up at not being popular..

[Anonymous]

Thanks for humbling me, this is very true.