Is the phrase "Just be yourself" a comforting lie we like to say & believe?

[WhateverMayBeWillBe]

*A little personal rant to start*

Trying to change your mentality and erase years of feeling like a loser is extremely difficult. Especially when you have no one around to help through the process.

I was delusional, I thought I was choosing to be anonymous when really I was just invisible. The world doesn't care for cynics anymore looking for the flaws & trying to improve upon them.

People don't care about honesty & loyalty, they say they do but they don't. Just like how some people say "be yourself" to make you feel better because they either want to believe it or they feel it will comfort you. When in actuality people just want generic carbon copies - the safe-bet...

Fake bullshit & fake optimism is what people want now, a conman selling snake oil with another candid lie. To make you think that the poison is the cure, and the condemnation is salvation. I guess it's best to pretend everything is okay because people don't give a shit either-way.

So I'm left with a choice; be myself and continue to be ostracized or create a fake persona to socialize?

Sink or Swim

I feel like we as people are always evolving even if we know it or not. Whether it's a digression or progression we are changing constantly. Lately I have been very focused on getting healthier/feeling better and have been getting frustrated with certain aspects of this transformation - my body & mind.

Somewhere along the way in my youth I became an outsider and ventured further & further away from conventional thinking and the popular opinion. It was very difficult at first but eventually I became very numb to it all and almost in a way content with it. During those years I became more introspective while exploring all sorts of ideas while experiencing a lot of highs and lows.

Almost three years ago things started to change and I really felt like I was moving towards something that could be special. Only to fall flat on my face and realize I was being delusional again and that's when I saw that my way of thinking was irrelevant and nobody cared.

Just Be Yourself

I embody a lot of traits from bygone eras that clash with today's "blindly accept/ignore the world around you" mentality and the only way I can succeed in life is if I'm not myself... or at least change

I'm at a crossroad where I need to change not only my body/appearance but my thinking which is difficult when you've spent so many years becoming who you are. It would be an understatement to say that I feel directionless, it's hard not to when the goals I've been pursuing for last decade or so seem even more outreach and unattainable.

Through-out my life I've seen people fall for cheap gimmicks and turn their backs to things of substance... that I myself have been doing the same lately. I really feel the sense of giving into complacency that originality is overrated when we're so painstakingly the same.

Just follow the guidelines shown by other people in person or articles or videos

Main points from the video are:

• 1. Be a better listener - engage, put phone down, make eye contact


• 2. Become more interesting - engaging and actively seeking out education and information


• 3. Practice and adopt a more optimistic outlook on life - talk about positive things and look at things differently


• 4. Be encouraging and supportive to others - people raise you up with positive energy


• 5. Have integrity and treat people with respect


• 6. Don't talk about people, make fun of other people, and gossip


• 7. Don't be afraid to be yourself


• 8. Have the ability to laugh at yourself


• 9. Do things that you need to do daily to facilitate your confidence - if you like what you see looking back in the mirror and know you bring value to the world, this confidence will transition to everything in your life.

Even though I agree with the video, I still feel like a dinosaur and that people who were like me are either extinct or have moved on (which is upsetting because I always felt like I was on the social pulse).

I feel like people behave like caricatures of what they see & hear, like nobody is being their trueself which makes it even harder to be honest... Basically I've lost faith in transparency.

If you're too truthful people will take advantage of you so being fake is almost like a defense mechanisim.

So how is someone suppose to be themselves if no one else is, Is the phrase "Just be yourself" a comforting lie we like to say & believe? Or a term meant to be taken loosely?

Thanks for reading.

PS- this turned out kind of sloppy/negative and little more personal then I intended but I think the main point is still there.

[selfishstars]

I think the problem with the advice "just be yourself" is that it's vague, and thus, unhelpful.

What does it mean to be "you"? One thing to consider is that who "you" are isn't static. People change over time. Your appearance changes, your attitude can change, your values can change, your opinions can change, your interests can change. People learn, they grow. They can change in positive ways, or they can change in negative ways.

Perhaps one way to think about it is: What are the "core" things that make you "you"

I think that some people take the advice "just be yourself" to mean that you shouldn't do anything to improve yourself---you're perfect just the way you are. Well, no. I mean, we all have things that we could do to improve ourselves. And I wouldn't necessarily characterize "trying to improve yourself" as "not being yourself".

Personally, I've noticed that when I feel good about myself, I'm far more outgoing and friendly. When my self-esteem is low, I assume people won't like me. I become less friendly, more shy and closed off, and more of a loner. Part of how I feel about myself is linked to my appearance---I've struggled with my weight and I've been both a healthy weight and overweight. I feel worse about myself when I'm overweight. So, these are things that I can work to improve about myself. But even if I change these things about myself, it doesn't mean I'm not "being myself". My weight and my low self-esteem aren't core to "who I am", for example.

But there are things that are core to who I am (or at least, they're core to who I am right now, they may change as I get older). The values and interests I have that mean a lot to me. Much of my personality.

But here's the thing: If I pretend to be someone I'm not; if I act like I'm interested in things I don't really like, or hold opinions I don't really hold, or project a fake personality and suppress my real personality, I might attract more people into my life (whether that be romantic partners

[selfishstars]

or friends). And at first, I might be happy---Yay! People like me! But over time, am I going to be able to keep up that fake persona? And even if I can, am I going to be happy doing so? Am I going to feel good knowing that the people who like "me", don't actually know/like the *real* me? Am I going to actually like the people who like me (considering that they're probably not compatible with the *real* me)

The fact is that there are probably less people who are going to like the real me---but the people who do are going to be people I'm actually compatible with. And I'm going to be much more happy being able to be myself around them.

To me, that's what "be yourself" is actually about.

Some people say, instead, "Be the best version of yourself", and I agree with that.

[DarkHumorRUs]

Correct!
I think "yourself" is referring to your natural thoughts and opinions. Being yourself is speaking and acting without changing those thoughts and opinions.

[Kinstrome]

The phrase "Be yourself" has been whittled down to meaning very little in that phrasing, but it is ultimately true. Whatever attention and adoration you gain from the outside world from a false self, your ego knows damn well that it isn't you they like, but the false self. Ultimately you can only be happy if you like yourself, and one of the fundamentals of self-esteem is integrity.

The problem is that many meanings have been generalized under one bad name "fake." Smiling at strangers even when you're not happy--or trying to listen to someone you're not interested in listening to--aren't fake, any more than jogging when you don't feel like jogging is fake. It's an exercise to get better at something healthy. The intent isn't to swindle people into a lie, like claiming to have achieved something you haven't achieved, but to better yourself.

A person who's angry at the world and throws bitterness around, or who is afraid to undertake challenges for fear of failure, is hardly pushing himself to realize his potential. To people who think that's they're true self (and a lot of people do), I think quite the opposite. Those things are defenses.

[WhateverMayBeWillBe]

Great response - especially the last 2 paragraphs.

I haven't been able to give a smile to strangers yet but I can smirk/nod/wave (not to sure if that's good enough but whatever) and right now I just came back from the gym after forcing myself to go because besides just eating I didn't really have a reason not to.

"A person who's angry at the world..." Everything about that statement felt like something I would have heavily implied on myself in the past and even though I'm in a little bit of a dull-point I most constantly remind myself not to become like that again because it becomes an excuse to do nothing.

[Kinstrome]

I think it's good to at least give smirk/nod/wave. You don't have to start off smiling to strangers, just gradually work your way up. It's something I did in cognitive behavioral therapy that helped.

I think it's much easier to start feeling like the world is good and people are not so irrational by going out in the real world and getting to know people. When I was a teenager and spent all of my free time on the internet playing games, I definitely thought the world was worse than I do now. If you find that you're spending too much time talking to people over the internet and not enough in real life, you should consider going outside more often. It is very, very hard to stay positive when secluded inside all day. Not that I know that that's what you're doing, but a lot of people do that.

[WhateverMayBeWillBe]

"I think it's much easier to start feeling like the world..." Yup, we've walked similar paths. I'm still guilty of spending too much time inside online but I am trying to get out more. I've been going to parks and other random places just to read because it's more fulfilling to me than staying at home. I still have my personal grips with the world but those are for a multitude of reasons, if I have a solution for a problem I will try to solve it and if I don't, I'll come back to it later.

[Bonnie12I27I12]

i dont really agree with this whole "be yourself" thing. no people we are not much different from each other. it's like saying hey my cat meows more than yours she's so special! we're a different but we all have the same "base" i guess you could call it. if you're rude, self centered, too talkative, and have terrible hygiene then obviously being yourself isn't gonna get you anywhere. its going to make people hate you more. your personality shouldn't be you "being yourself" but your hobbies and interests should. you like to sing? awesome. you cut people off all the time? not so awesome. your personality can always change and i would recommend changing it if everyone hates you. i dont care about how "unique" you are if you all you do is backstab people and act like a bitch because thats you being yourself no ones ever going to like you if you're a bitch. lets admit it. we DO care if people like us. we SHOULD care. we would be nothing without others. it doesn't matter how smart you are. if bosses dont like you because you're a snob then no ones going to hire you. see? we DO need other people. its important for people to like you. not everyone needs to like you but people SHOULD like you. how can you hate someones whos nice, kind, caring, sweet, listens to you, etc? we tell people to be themselves and its basically a way of saying "hey people dont like you and i dont know what to say to you so im just going to tell you to be yourself and wait and hopefully someone will like you" no people you shouldn't be yourself if you're creepy, weird, annoying, you yap too much etc. obviously no one will like you. so just improve on your personality while enjoying the hobbies that you like. of course your hobbies shouldn't harm others. you will have to change them if they're harming others. ex: stabbing people isn't a hobby but soccer is! i used to be rude, VERY talkative, self centered, didn't take care of myself, a total bitch, all that. everyone hated me but then i changed. im the total opposite now and people love me. im perfectly happy and now i even love myself.

[WhateverMayBeWillBe]

Agreed,

"If you're rude, self centered, too talkative, and have terrible hygiene then obviously being yourself isn't gonna get you anywhere."

I've fallen under each of those terms at some point, maybe all of them all at once for a moment. Definitely making sure I don't belong to any of them again.

" if all you do is backstab people and act like a bitch because thats you being yourself no ones ever going to like you if you're a bitch."

I definitely have never been the extreme version of that, but I have been in situations where being to candid when talking about other people's lives has bitten me in the ass.

And the importance of people or at least them liking you is much needed for networking or just succeeding in general when it comes to life. Unless you plan on being some recluse who lives in the woods and utilizes the land.

And if being yourself means behaving like Jeffrey Dahmer... than no, you shouldn't be yourself because that person needs professional help.

[Unit1]

"Trying to change your mentality and erase years of feeling like a loser is extremely difficult. Especially when you have no one around to help through the process."

This is sooo 1000% true, I've been there.

"Just Be Yourself"

I'm so on it! I regret nothing.

"If you're too truthful people will take advantage of you so being fake is almost like a defense mechanism."

Also a most accurate statement, the advantage of this information can be abused to attack on your weaknesses. The fake yourself however will avoid this for you. [When all the truth does is make your heart ache, sometimes a lie is easier to take.]

"So how is someone suppose to be themselves if no one else is, Is the phrase "Just be yourself" a comforting lie we like to say & believe? Or a term meant to be taken loosely?"

My personal answer on this question is: To be yourself, make yourself comfortable, make yourself happier, do not take what you do not want, do not force yourself into things you know will damage you unnecessarily. Have your own opinion and do not exactly copy someone elses (except if they match!). For one sports works like a medicine, for the other is does not but video games do. Believe in yourself on what you love and what you better want to avoid. You do not have to place somebody else in your body when it makes you unable to enjoy yourself. We are all so different and unique. That's why it's best to be yourself: Be unique, be yourself.

[WhateverMayBeWillBe]

I've seen "being fake as a defense mechanism" multiple times it's very irritating when you're trying to communicate/connect with someone. AND if you encounter someone like that and feel they're are just shy WATCH THE FUCK OUT because I got screwed over by a girl big time because of that. I thought she was just reserved or shy or something of that nature, no she was a massive liar and knew the more she'd talk the more she'd be exposed.
Sadly I didn't realize this until it was too late and I shared too much personal info of myself & friends and she used it all against me and ended relationships without a care in the world. I hate her guts for doing that and I'm still greatly mad at myself for allowing such a thing to occur by being too honest with someone who wasn't trustworthy.

[Unit1]

Sorry man, shit happens. Traitors exist everywhere. She is a bitch and you couldn't really know it in time (at least accepted the yellow-reddish flags), could you?

[WhateverMayBeWillBe]

It was a tricky situation, if I wasn't so curious about what was fact or fiction I could have probably avoided it but it's hard to when it's info about the people you care about... I should have seen the flags/signs when she was pressing me for information and once I was viewing it her way it was easy to maintain the facade.

I don't know, I found my own personal validation and contentment with the situation, even though the relationships are tarnished I know I was being honest and acting in everyone's best interest even if I was misguided.

[DarkHumorRUs]

"If you're too truthful people will take advantage of you so being fake is almost like a defense mechanism."
Where did you get this idea? People don't take advantage of me...
I've successfully become way more social than I used to be, because I started acting like myself. I spoke whatever was on my mind, without altering my words based on the audience.

Just say what you're thinking. It's actually the most natural and easy thing to do, because you aren't trying to adopt different personas; you simply speak as yourself. The way this improves your life is that eventually people who appreciate your opinions and your personality will be drawn to you, and you may be drawn to them, and then you form relationships that are actually healthy.

Don't over think, and don't make social plans (like asking a girl out) that are too specific. And of course still pay attention to social cues.

[WhateverMayBeWillBe]

Being too truthful could be intertwined with gullibility in someways.

But what I meant by that was that I've met people who avoid opening up because they have been burnt too many times for allowing people to know what they're thinking/feeling. I understand, when most of the people they're trusted have turn information against them it's hard to be outgoing.

It's just that last year I found myself in certain situations where the honest answer was the wrong one to share and concealment would have been the better option.

Also being too truthful in business is death-note because of all the negotiating you have to do and whatever idea/product you have to sell could be undone from full disclosure. It seems absolutely necessary to develop some sort of selective honesty.

[DarkHumorRUs]

That's what I meant by paying attention to social cues... guess I should've elaborated. It's pretty obvious when you should withhold SOME of the truth, such as in the business situation you described. But being truthful doesn't mean speaking every single thing on your mind that could have a negative impact. Now it sounds like I'm contradicting myself, but really, it all becomes natural after you practice!

[lumos]

I always preferred "be the best version of you that you can be" over "be yourself". The former acknowledges your flaws and wants you to work on them, but not at the expense of your good qualities. The latter says that you and everyone else should accept who you are, even if you're the biggest couch potato loser in the world (which is not a very good message to send).

Anyway. I think it's good to think critically and to be self-aware, but you're taking it a bit too far. It just seems like you've been hurt in the past and this is your defence mechanism.

[kobe23]

It's just a term meant to be taken loosely. Nobody starts out with the same issues, so "being yourself" might be easier for one person then it is for another. I went through this a couple years ago, and I researched a lot into human psychology, how and why people behave the way they do, I was able to figure out what my issues were and work on them to the best of my ability, I've become a more confident person because of it and I'm still learning. of course. It's perfectly fine to want to be yourself and not a fake person who buries their issues. People who know how to be themselves tend be the most successful as well as leaders. People who aren't are only good company to those who share their mentality, they will spend their lives being miserable and envious of those who are themselves. That's just how it is.

[WhateverMayBeWillBe]

My social anxiety has died down a lot and my obsessing/over-analyzing has simmered a bit, so I as well am becoming a more confident person.

I like the idea of understanding & working on my issues on my own instead of revealing those potential weakness to other people. I'm constantly evolving I'm just becoming more selective with what problems I want to reveal with people and how descriptive or vague I want to be.

[kobe23]

Cool

[thetundrawolf]

I'll tell you the truth.

Who I was convinced was "myself"... The easiest, freest version of my personality turned out to be a disaster.

I was selfish, self centered, stubborn, foolhardy, angry, bitter, resentful, even violent.

But hey, it was "myself". I was comfortable, even enjoyed being that guy.

But the truth is, after years of agonizing introspection and chastising by God, I have come to see a glimmer of who I was MEANT to be. Not "myself" as my foolish self understood it.

But the true person as he exists before all of the trauma, abuse, suffering, rejection, pain, anger and sorrow.

So when I hear people say "Be yourself" I ask myself, what version of "Themself" is for real? I am thirty-five and only now just beginning to scratch the surface of who I really am as a person.

[lusciousB]

Perhaps now that you met the "easiest, free-est version of yourself", you can now find a healthy balance between the activities you possibly engaged in and the meaning behind those compulsions? Then gradually evolve into a responsible (meaning care taker of your health), "better" version of you...
Please excuse me if I sound assumptive, not my intent.

[thetundrawolf]

It turns out the desires of my "old" man stemmed from the desires of my "new" man, but manifested in healthier ways. Unfortunately for me, like the drug dealer (Did I mention I dealt drugs?) who finds out his money that comes quickly- goes quickly, easy come, easy go, every desire I have for companionship, love, affection, affirmation, stability, masculinity, control of my own world, is very hard fought. It has taken a lot fo suffering for God to show me that I cannot just "have" things, I must work for them.

[LittleMissy93]

I think people are confused when they're told to be themselves. They think that the person who has told them to be his/herself is saying that it will make things better. You can act like someone you're not with the chance of being accepted or 'be yourself' and do what you want, and act as you believe you should, but not be accepted. Neither will give you complete satisfaction. People advise each other to be themselves because they believe this will bring the highest level of satisfaction. It's the better option of two pretty crappy options.

[LittleSally]

No... it's not just a phrase.
It's actually the best option for everyone. How can you feel secure in who you are if you're not accepting yourself as who you are?
Yeah...

So, no, it's not just a phrase. It's what can actually help you have a more decent life. IF you're a jackass by nature, then that's your own problem. But ad least you're bing yourself while everyone else is avoiding you, ya know?

[LittleSally]

Of course, people should strive to be the best versions of themselves. They're still being themselves, only working on it...

[WhateverMayBeWillBe]

I like what you said, you were close in guessing what I am.

I wouldn't say I'm jackass, I'm always trying to be kind & courteous towards people but I am definitely a pessimist which is worse in today's culture of trying to remain oblivious to the world & it's problems. My way of thinking can be overly negative and paired with being over-analytical it can be unbearable for most but extremely painful for myself if I have to suppress it.

*For example I was working a job with a friend of mine and we were both rookies and the people guiding us were assholes & rude. My friend oddly enough is an extreme optimist. I hated the way they treated him & how they push him around. They treated me like shit but they treated my friend worse because he was to nice to fight back. Anyway it got to a point where my thinking of "this isn't fair, we need to do something" along with my complaining of the job/coworkers clashed with his "happy go lucky, just let it go" attitude.

[WhateverMayBeWillBe]

It basically got to a point where we stopped talking to each other because my style of thinking & way of fixating on a problem (s) was to much for him to handle when added with the stress of the job. And I couldn't stop because if I wouldn't vent it left me feeling even more upset & irritated.

I've also have had been plenty of other situations where behaving like that has caused other people discomfort because of my always on, always aware state of disillusionment. So in order to move forward I have to change my thinking and find ways to tippy-toe around those types of situations, where focusing on the BS that's going on isn't doing anybody any good unless I find a way to change the issue/problem that has my attention. (which I realized years ago, and has calmed me down quite a bit that aspect)

Or I can just continue to be that way and alienate others...

(note - I have toned it down from how I was before, because that was way too nauseating even for myself)

[LittleSally]

Ah, yep, I know what you mean. I figured out a long time ago to not get bothered by the things I can't change or the 'small' things that don't even concern me. I used to be so empathetic and everything affected me so much.

No I'm pretty laid back.

Yep, just keep a realistic, not too pessimistic view on things, with time you may even get to the point of being content! =)

[WhateverMayBeWillBe]

lol that would be the dream

... but isn't contentment just settling and being complacent?

[LittleSally]

Hmmmm... I guess it depends on whom you ask. o. O
I'd like to be content more than miserable, and I'd like to be ecstatic more than content... so I guess it's a scale one is on...

[Remonster]

The problem is. "Just be yourself" is more like "Just be how all the normal happy people are"! The better saying would be to believe in yourself. It's not the same thing. Self-confidence is the strongest trait a human can have. It will make you better at everything and makes it so that you can be your own person. Not what others want you to be, but still be tactful about it because sometimes you simply cannot 'be yourself'.

[WhateverMayBeWillBe]

Exactly, I would have liked to have explored this idea a little further to drive the point home and come to a better conclusion... BUT, I was upset (which is pretty evident by how this is written) and ended up writing a more personal view on it and decided to rather just throw the idea out there to begin a discussion with who ever would be interested in exploring this topic.

People need to be flexible, if you're too confident you'll become arrogant and that will lead to a different type of downfall, just like how someone with low self-esteem might not try and their failure will be because of a lack of participation/effort.

I think it's better to be resilient and adapt to whatever is happening around, only problem is - that is easier said than done. Doubt & displeasure is just as important as confidence & satisfaction for personal growth, both are necessary at different times the only problem is when you get stuck and you lose the balance.

[Nathand]

its pathetic.

For example if a group of guys are eyeing a female, just being yourself ain't gonna cut it. You always have to step up so you stand out against the rest.

Not saying to do what they do on tv but, do something that you feel will be out of the ordinary yet natural.

[WhateverMayBeWillBe]

She's probably stuck up or purposely doing whatever she is doing to get all that attention... she doesn't sound worth it, sounds like she'd be too much of a headache.

But if I really felt compelled to go after the girl "everybody" is interested in I'd do it in a unorthodox approach because I look unconventional to begin with... or I'd do the Patrice O'Neal mindfuck method, where you do something intentionally insulting/rude to get her emotional because if you can effect her emotions than you are able to get through to her in someway, also if you start from the bottom you have nowhere to go but up...

Note - I have never tried that personally but it sounds legit lol

[alphadoggystyle]

good take, there are so many morons out there that are to weak/scared to be honest real, that it has become the norm to be fake/dishonest, always portraying the best part of their lives, trying to look like they are so happy to get validation etc, and then especially when it comes to dating people are aware of this so they become scared if someone is forward and open because they always assume those people are being fake too, because they know majority of people are.

[Dsg1116]

That is a great question. The way I see it, in order to be happy (with yourself because that is truly all that matters in the long run), you need to be comfortable with whom you are as an individual. So, if you put up a front or decide to be true to yourself, someone is always going to have something to say. To conclude my opinion, you are better off being yourself.

[YourFutureEx]

Don't be yourself.
www.quotesworld.org/.../Hitler_36679e_1933654.jpg
Be honest to yourself.

[WhateverMayBeWillBe]

I think Adolf is an example of being yourself done horribly wrong (or horribly right depending on whether the person has a conscience or not). I actually was going to make a reference to him and other tyrants to argue the point and suggest the need for humility. Some of those people could have really benefited from some self-doubt & morality questioning...

[Kabloosh75]

Nah, "just be yourself" is just another phrase for flipping the bird to the rest of the world and screaming I will not conform!

There are genuine people out there. You just have to expose yourself to the shitbags first to weed out those who aren't.

[Balcazaurus]

I dig this post.

I'll just leave you with a little something I've come to live by.

"I will always be me, it's just my definition that changes."

---Me.

[WhateverMayBeWillBe]

Nice, I like your motto. It's light-years above the idiocy such as YOLO, but I think pretty much anything is better than what most halfwit modern rappers can spit.

[Balcazaurus]

Ja ja --- Foshizzle.

[muspelhem_5]

This was a smart Take, you're evidently very bright and thoughtful. I can totally relate to your dilemma.

If you had to pick, which would you choose: self-acceptance or acceptance from others?

[WhateverMayBeWillBe]

As frustrated as I am or can get and as much as this article has subtle undertones of wanting to change to be a part of the masses by denouncing individuality (or at least toning it down)... I have to pick self-acceptance.

You may be around some people a lot or not much at all but you are always around yourself 100% of the time, you can't avoid yourself because it's just impossible (unless you have dementia/schizophrenia but that's a completely different thing).

Acceptance from others would be great but my stubbornness is too overwhelming and the discomfort I'd feel from doing/being something I'm not is too overbearing as well. It's just that I have this delusional idea of a better me that's beyond unrealistic but I still strive for it & I'd settle for a 1/10.

But don't get me wrong by what I shared with you, I'm going to change because change is inevitable whether I want to or not. I just want to dictate the coarse to be the one that's most beneficial to myself and those around me.

[muspelhem_5]

That makes sense :)

[theviewfrmhere]

No one wants the real me most of my moodiness is a constant ringing in my ear, bells can't be unrung.

[WhateverMayBeWillBe]

As a moody person myself it's really frustrating when people can't handle the emotions I'm feeling at that particular moment which just intensifies the moodiness I'm already feeling.

[lusciousB]

Dont invest your energy in negativity. The rest will follow.

[lusciousB]

If you're disappointed in how things are, focus on something and improve it. :)

[WhateverMayBeWillBe]

Overcoming negativity isn't that easy, it's like a spider trapped in a glass with a small amount of water - not enough to drowned but just enough to make it almost impossible for it to get traction to climb out.

[lusciousB]

Well, I have had my share of negativity thrown at me since childhood and I EXternalized it. And I know it's not that easy for everyone and I am still fairly disfunctional tbh but I found ways to turn that energy into something positiv-ish. It's an artform that I'm still getting the hang of. :)

[lusciousB]

If the spider is trapped in a glass of water, throw it a stick... it will always climb up. Guaranteed.

[lisa_haden]

I think many people are going through this dilemma. I agree with you that "be yourself" is a vague term and most people spend half of their lives discovering themselves but being anonymous is never a solution.

[Anonymous]

I'm always myself. If a girl can't see that or otherwise doesn't like what she sees, then she can look elsewhere. I'm not going to be some girl's slave, just because she may want me to be. Girls don't tend to see good guys or bad guys for who they are. I've been myself all my life and I'm not going to be bothered if a girl doesn't like it, regardless of what she would say to the contrary.