Although it includes a question since I’m seeking advice as well, I will make it a MyTake since it’s very long. Hope I’m not on the wrong track. Also BEFORE reading y whole post read my last sentence first, otherwise you will waste your time by reading it.
Well here how things are. I just want to drink as much in order get tipsy but not in order to be unable to stand on my feet. For the story, 2 years ago I made an oath to myself to not drink again, not even a glass of beer, since last time I was drunk I turned into a total asshole and I even puked inside the cab. I just felt disgusted of myself. Not that I was drinking on a daily basis, just like twice per month mostly, but every time it happened I was drinking like 4-5 glasses. When this happened 2 years ago I think I drank 7, I really broke my limits.
But to hell with my oath. I just broke it already in July by drinking 2 glasses of beer. So who cares if I break it again? So I thought it would be nice to drink like 3 glasses of red wine or sangria (my favorite drinks) like 5 times per week. Reason I want to is I want to be more open when I want to talk to a girl. Being sober doesn’t help. Also keep in mind I don’t care about starting a relationship. I don’t care for getting a sexual partner. I don’t care for making new friends. I just want to do it for ego boost and only. Of course I wouldn't say no, if she wanted a date, but it's not my main purpose. That’s why I want to talk to random girls. And since I realize I’m unable to do it sober, I want to be tipsy.
Another thing that sucks in my case is I don’t live in a city. Not that I like city life in general, but nightclubs or bars are not an option where I live since the closer one must be like 1 hour away if I go on foot. So I have to get a cab, which is expensive especially during nighttime. It’s not convenient for me. Here there are only some local café that close as early as 12 AM or so. Although I hate city life in general as I said above, I feel jealous of you sometimes that you can have a bunch of nightclubs only 5 minutes away from where you live. And you can go there anytime you want.
So in my case, I prefer going out in the morning or noon. When all stores are open, and girls come and go out on the street. I have seen so many hot girls out there, either on their way to work or on their way to their college or on their way to the stores and having myself sober I feel like something stops me to talk to them. Being sober SUCKS really. I can’t even say a simple “Hi” to a girl passing by. I know I don’t have nothing to lose by talking to them, but some unknown force stopping me from talking to them. By consuming alcohol I just destroy this unknown force.
I believe by drinking those 3 glasses of red wine or sangria along with my breakfast and then go out for those various jobs I have to do, I will have a chance to hit on a girl when she’s on her way to college, or why not during some college break and they hang out outdoors. I can go anywhere in the morning since transit is available unlike nighttime. I can even go to the city during morning.
So there we go. Having myself tipsy I can be open by talking to various girls without feeling stopped. I believe I lost many chances by being sober, thanks to my stupid “oaths”. I have to stop all this nonsense. The sooner the better.
But, still I don’t want to destroy myself. I don’t want to die as early as 40. Yet I don’t want to be as old as 70. I would feel disgusted by seeing myself old-looking, so I don’t want it even if I’m healthy. I believe dying at 60 and looking like 40-45 at most it’s decent. I also want to outlive my mother since I don’t want her to see me dead first. It would suck for her since she lost her husband (my father) when he was only 41 as well. So if I die at 40 chances are she will still be alive.
I don’t want to start a family or anything, so if I die without any family member around, nobody is going to give a damn, which is fine. So I just want to stay alive for my mother’s sake, and enjoy my life as much as I can. I don’t want to die old and being healthy. So what if I reach 90 being healthy, but being a worthless idiot who cannot even speak to a girl? No I don’t want that. Health becomes a curse in this case.
What I’m asking you is to give me some tips to keep a balance, without having myself totally destroyed. What kind of diet should I follow? Well I’m not so fond of smoking, since it doesn’t make you “high”. I just smoke 1 or 2 cigarettes once in a blue moon, if in case I go out with someone who smokes and offers me one. I just don’t want to sound like a sissy by refusing. I don’t smoke on my own.
Yet I like junk food. So don’t tell me to cut it off completely. I want to have a pizza, a box of fries or a box of chicken wings, like twice per week. But I eat a fruit on a daily basis. Like a mango a lotus or a banana. I walk 1 hour daily too.
Any tips are welcomed. And most of all, if you are anti-alcoholic and a strong believer of the “alcohol is unhealthy, you should avoid it anyway” line, then you are not welcomed here.
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