Can a sober (recovered) alcoholic date someone who drinks?

[Anonymous]

my boyfriend just dumped me out of the blue, but come to find out a month later-- he admitted that it was mostly because I drink. not only do I drink socially, but embarrassingly so, he's seen me black out drunk a handful of times. I had been going through a really hard time when I met him, and was coping via alcohol. I've been working on stopping this behavior, but it hasn't been a quick change for me-- however I am continually making progress.

MY issue is that he dumped me without even telling me that the alcohol was bothering him-- he always acted like it was NBD, like it didn't bother him and be so nice and calm about it, he'd encourage me to have a drink while we are out, etc. After Breakup he NOW tells me I "should have known" it would bother him (if he didn't work so hard to act unbothered by it YES I would have thought this im not dumb lol)

He claims that he didn't want to talk to me about it because he wouldn't want me to "stop drinking because he asked me to". WHY is it not an option to tell me it bothers him and have a talk about it before just throwing in the towel?

In the end, he made this HUGE point about wanting to get back together once I've stopped the unhealthy drinking (which is not a problem for me, im not an alcoholic I had just been through the ringer and am on my way back up). but is this really fair, to tell someone they don't want you now, but they want to save you for later? and to breakup without even asking "hey, are you working on this (drinking), will this be a problem for much longer?"

[EricWeston]

When my ex wanted to get married I told her that I wouldn't marry or have kids with anyone who drinks and stays out all night.

She decided to quit drinking and so did I. It's very difficult to be around people who drink when you're sober, they're just annoying as hell all the sudden. Relationships don't usually last when people drink either. I can't even have my old drinking buddies around when I want to stay sober, it's just too much pressure to drink.

[Guy13]

It is not a good environment for one to place him/herself in... NO!

[On_cloud_wine]

Most definitely not.. a lot of people change their circle because temptation and they already changed their biology with their addiction by becoming an addict..

basically, he wanted you to stop for yourself, to see where your head was in the long run.. too many people fake it until they have their crush/so wrapped around their finger.

i mean, being with the right person will make us want to be a better person.. but I suppose it was some sort of test.

[kylee2437]

I guess it depends person to person, but honestly I think you are at fault here. You have zero common courtesy for the fact that he used to have an alcohol issue and you sit there and black out in front of him. You have no empathy for his past addiction. You have no courtesy for the fact that he wants to limit himself being in an environment like that. I can totally understand why he broke up with you. He is putting himself first.

[Asker]

I get that and I feel bad for not assuming it's bothersome I was distracted by my own issues... but he always encouraged me to drink, and every single one of his friends AND family drink the same if not more than I. Not to say my actions are okay... but to say why I didn't realize it was affecting him as much as it was. He acted so nonchalant about it, so I just kept working on my issues to myself. I get why he broke up, I just dont get why he didn't talk with me or ask me about it first. if he came to me about it first, I would have done something about it. I've never been around a recovered alcoholic before, so when he tells me it doesn't bother him I assumed it doesn't bother him.

[In_Trance]

Not going to work out well

[Marshymallow]

Bad idea