On Men’s emotions and toxic masculinity part 2:

[Anpu23]

I want to tell you about Jane and Joe, both are typical in the gender sort of way (sis normative if you will). Jane had an argument with a co-worker Emily at work. It really upset Jane. Joe also had an argument at work with Bob. This argument also upset Joe.

Jane went home after the argument and spent an hour telling her husband about the argument, eventually calming down and feeling better. Joe on the other hand goes to the gym and works off his emotions. The technical term for this is Kinetic therapy here is an article about it. The issue is that in most women’s brains the centers for emotions are wired directly to their centers for communications, while men’s are wired to the centers for action or movement, (An article about the differences between men's and women's brains). The point is that both have dealt with their emotions and fell better, and are ready to continue on with their life.

Now Jane and Joe are married and when Jane came home the person she confided in was Joe, and he dutifully held her, let her cry, got her a glass of wine, gave her a back massage, etc. Again Joe acted to show his support, his response was kinetic as his brain was wired. But when Joe was upset he called Jane and said “I had a bad day, would it be okay if I go to the gym before coming home?” of course Jane being sympathetic says “yes of course.” Then when Joe get’s home she asked “what upset you,” and Joe responds “I got in an argument with Bob, no big deal.” Because the emotional baggage of the situation had already been dealt with, this is nothing but an explanation of what happened just as the original phone call was to explain why he would be late, not to relieve the stress. But to Jane he has bottled up his emotions, refused to share, he’s being “macho.” Because she expects that Joe needs to unburden himself, just as she did and his refusal to do so is worrying to her. In my opinion this disconnect is one of the primary misunderstandings between men and women. The fact that men and women emote differently. What do you think?