Real Masculinity: What Makes A Man A Man, And How It's NOT Toxic


"Toxic masculinity, the idea that there is only one way to “be a man”—strong, tough, unfeeling and aggressive—is a double-edged sword. " - taken from an online article on toxic masculinity

While reading a thread on GAG today, something one user mentioned caught my eye: it was a male user (won't mention his username) who was advocating for men that women's expectations are unrealistic now, and not just women's but society's too. This is nothing new. However, the next thing this user said really shocked me, and I thought Wow, I wish all men were like that! This guy is a REAL MAN!
The user simply said, "I don't care what anyone expects of me. I'm a man and I will stay a man, whether that means adapting with society when I need to or leading a revolt. Regardless of what women think, I am a man and that's not going to change."

So to start this off, I want to say that this male user was RIGHT, and this guy leads the example of what men should be and what makes a man a real man. He's basically considering the fact that women as a whole gender have various preferences when it comes to partners, but he's going to remain a man true to himself regardless. I will say that THAT'S what I want in a man!

This guy had an Alpha mindset.

Real Masculinity: What Makes A Man A Man, And How Its NOT Toxic

Mindset is the core of everything. Mindset determines your actions as well as your emotions and how they tie together. The first thing a real man has is the mindset that he likes who he is and that he can adapt to anything when necessary - or snap a bone when he needs to. He knows that either way, he's a leader and doesn't run the same way with the rest of the pack, which means that if a woman tells him to rollover and let her kick him like a dog he won't do it! Women have a lot of different demands of men nowadays, and sadly many men are giving in to these crazy demands just to get on the woman's "good side." That does NOT make you a man; it makes you a follower and a loser. But confidence and an optimistic self-respect for himself is the first thing that makes a man a real man.
This is NOT to be confused with conceit and arrogance, which is demonstrated below:

Real Masculinity: What Makes A Man A Man, And How Its NOT Toxic

Nobody is perfect, so don't try to fake it.

Real Masculinity: What Makes A Man A Man, And How Its NOT Toxic

Part of a confident mindset is acknowledging that you're not perfect but knowing that you are improvable and being thankful for the imperfections you do have as a man. (Again, this is a difference between confidence and arrogance.) Faking something is one of the most laughable things you can try - especially if you're trying to fake perfection because you'll never ever succeed, so good luck with that. Look at your flaws and smile at your image in the mirror. :)

Real men are strong in pursuit of what they want.

Real Masculinity: What Makes A Man A Man, And How Its NOT Toxic

Real men don't plan on blending into society and staying in the crowd all their lives. Instead, they make something of themselves. This doesn't mean the guy has to become some five-star celebrity, but it DOES mean that he has to put in the work ethic. A real man can be a man sitting at home watching t.v. right now, who consistently goes to his job every day without fail and makes his own living. Even deeper, a real man can be a man who hasn't even moved out yet and still lives with his parents - maybe he even has mental issues, let's throw that in there - but he's WORKING HARD FOR SOMETHING. Perfect example of this: Bill Gates became a billionaire, starting off by staying in his little computer room and working toward a dream. He even dropped out of college. Now look: he's one of the richest guys on the entire planet.

Real Masculinity: What Makes A Man A Man, And How Its NOT Toxic

This also applies to wanting a certain woman. If there's one particular female you feel like you just have to have, then consider this: if you don't try then you can't succeed. If the woman rejects you and you still have feelings, don't be afraid to make sure she still knows you want her. This doesn't make you less of a man; it shows your humility and self-respect. If you lose those feelings and move on, that also shows self-respect. The point in this is... Go after what you want. The worst thing you can do is to still have those feelings in the end and never have gotten what you wanted.

Real men show their emotions because they have peace within themselves.

Real Masculinity: What Makes A Man A Man, And How Its NOT Toxic

A man who feels the freedom to express his true emotions is a rarity. Men are human just as women are. The difference in emotional expressions between men and women is that men are not as emotional as we are, but that doesn't and shouldn't mean that when they are feeling emotional they can't express it. Honestly, I find that demand to be inhumane. A real man will be himself, which includes how he prefers to express his emotions, regardless of what the critics of society say. They can't stop him from being human, and everybody needs that freedom. A real man feels free.

A real man is respectful.

Real Masculinity: What Makes A Man A Man, And How Its NOT Toxic

As a woman, I can say that we are absolutely not perfect either. However, we all need to respect what should be respected. That goes both ways. For example, a real man does hold the door for a woman, but he DOES NOT sleep with a woman who's well-known to be promiscuous. This is out of respect - both for himself and also for the women. And trust me, in turn we women respect him greatly and mightily for it.

Real Masculinity: What Makes A Man A Man, And How Its NOT Toxic

Plus, I don't just mean this telling you to respect women in general. This applies to when a man has a female partner - whether it's his wife, girlfriend, fiance, etc. A real man won't treat her the same way he treats other women. He singles her out and makes her feel significant. This doesn't require giving her the world or doing expensive things. It simply means showing her that she's more important than any other woman in his life, even through the smallest ways possible.

Real men are dominant and don't surrender their dominion. Real men have no problem taking the dominant side of a relationship. They have no issue asking a woman out (considering that they're ready for a relationship) or making suggestions. They don't expect women to lead them; instead, they lead the women. Real men have this assertive dominant quality that is just so fine <3

Real men take responsibility.

Real Masculinity: What Makes A Man A Man, And How Its NOT Toxic

This is in reference to ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. Real men actually hold themselves accountable for their own actions, and that makes it fairly easier for them to take the consequences that come with them. Again, nobody is perfect. Everybody's gonna mess up sometimes. Take responsibility for everything you do, and take it with pride, because a man who has no sense of self-respect and responsibility is not well-liked among women for it.

Conclusion: I greatly admire that one GAG user for his words. I have never seen another male user on here stand up for himself that way; instead, all I've seen are the males trying to conform and please everybody else - especially the women. And for the other guys... You don't have to be an Alpha to be a real man, but you DO have to put in the effort and try.

Real Masculinity: What Makes A Man A Man, And How Its NOT Toxic

Even given the definition of toxic masculinity and the degrading factors that a lot of women place on men these days, that does NOT mean that you can't be desirable among women - regardless of who you are. When you chase and try to please, you won't be able to please everybody, and you'll end up getting a reputation you never intended to have. Stay true to yourself, be the man YOU want to be, and the rest will fall into place.

Real Masculinity: What Makes A Man A Man, And How Its NOT Toxic
Real Masculinity: What Makes A Man A Man, And How It's NOT Toxic
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Most Helpful Guys

  • HungLikeAHorsefly
    Yep, I agree.

    A lot of guys on here criticized you for posting about your opinion on what men should be, because a woman shouldn't be telling a man how to be a man. That's completely true.

    I can't help but notice, though, that in the few years I've been on GAG, only a handful of men actually even bring up the conversation. That is, if you don't count dudes just taking potshots at Feminism or how they feel like modern men are sissies (good examples of tearing other people down rather than working to improve your own lot).

    I don't think, if I were to make a similar post, that I would say anything different. I am pretty growth-oriented and I have a lot to say about that and how it influences masculinity, though, so maybe I'll make a post about it this weekend.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Anonymous

      True. And if you notice, the ones who are only posting negative things on this take are the same ones who cause trouble throughout the whole site and don’t want to put in the effort. The positive ones are open-minded to it.
      But yeah, that’s why I have kept a distance on this from arguing with them. It’s not worth it. When you argue with a fool you only make a fool of yourself. So don’t bother with them lol, we women are still the picky ones so it’s not like they’re gonna win anything

    • joeblow123


      "taking potshots at Feminism"

      Deservedly so.

      "examples of tearing other people down rather than working to improve your own lot."

      Not me. I engage in political activism to cause positive changes.

    • @joeblow123 Oh yeah? How?

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  • Mynameisbobby
    Being caring and considerate of others doing the right thing you think is right not what everyone else thinks is right. Standing up for what's right isn't always easy in a world where everyone has a certain view of how a man or boy should act. I would rather stand up for what's right than follow everyone else even if it means I have no friends. Everyday I set an example for my little brother Jimmy who is such a caring little kid. Being a man/boy isn't about being tough it's doing the right thing at the time. Good take.
    Is this still revelant?
    • Anonymous

      Agreed! And thanks Bobby :) your brother is fortunate to have a great example

    • You're welcome! And thank you.

    • Well said Bobby...

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • Mickey9999
    Men are men. And women are women. Although we are alike in so many ways, we are not the same nor do we think the same. The older I get, the more I realize this is exactly why I’m so attracted to them. It doesn’t matter what level of physical or sexual attraction, there’s some small minute attraction no matter what just because they are men. Doesn’t matter how muscular or heavy they are. Doesn’t matter how much hair they do or don’t have. Doesn’t matter how much money. Doesn’t matter what they drive. Not they’re age. Men are men and I look at all of them... not all of them make my body respond but they are all worth giving a look and sometimes a second or third or even an approach. I love they way they go about their work no matter what it is... they make it look effortless when most days I can barely drag myself out of bed for work. I love how they sit behind the wheels of their vehicles all casual but yet on a mission. I love the way they wear their hats whether down low or high. Everything just because they’re men. Don’t have to figure out anything beyond that. If questioned, and I’ve seen it posted here before, they’d answer the same way. So women, think a little less and just love men for them.
    • Anonymous

      I see what you mean, and I love everybody simply because I'm a Christian and it's part of my religion and culture - to love everybody. However, I'm not going to love a person just because he has a dick dangling between his legs. There are all kinds of people, and some are obviously more attractive than others. For a counter-example: a man is less likely to appreciate a woman who is a prostitute and has slept with 37 different men. He's more likely to appreciate a more reserved woman who respects herself. And that's not a bad thing on the man's part; it shows his self-respect. It's the same thing.

    • Mickey9999

      Just because someone has a dick doesn’t mean I love them. My point being is that I don’t judge men or women for that matter into a further label. I appreciate men for the assholes some of them are or can be as im sure men do the same for women. I get and understand your take and it’s worded well but I stand with the guys who have said something about another women telling us how to be. I don’t want to be told how to be a woman not that I think this is what your attempt was. I just appreciate people for who they are and expect the same in return. Not because of culture or religion or anything except for its the right thing to do. There’s no set mold for anyone...

  • Regmorus
    Great mytake! I agree with everything in spite of the circumstance that some things of the mentioned I'm hardly going to ever implement or think to implement in my life because of own conscious decision not to do since it'd be against my inner nature. Anyway as an ideal towards which one should strive for the majority of the men population it's exactly THE IDEA.

    Ironic a bit, though not bad at all but kinda didactic to us, that mytake of this kind that is so perfect is presented by a woman... Maybe bad in the sense that I don't remember to have seen here a comparable one about men written by some man and that is sad.

    And to stay faithful to my general concept of unity of humans in every aspect instead of division I should mention that like by any other mytake about the topics what is a good..., there are some things in this one that relate to personality improvement that are applicable and should be applied by and to women as well.
    But this again is maybe just about my conviction every human has to embrace the good of both genders and to learn to supress when needed the bad of both in their mind and actions for the better of themselves and of their neighbor.
    • Regmorus

      What I mean: whoever you are, be a Human and that is already much and enough. If you want to play specially in the league of your gender too, it's great, but when you are Human, it's enough. IMHO

    • Anonymous

      Thanks! And yeah, apparently a lot of the guys on here misunderstood what I was saying lol

    • Regmorus

      Well they've read that with their very special glasses on that kinda make blind... Nothing to wonder about the reaction. I think the true reason of their unhappiness is exactly the thought I brought up that it is sad that no men on gag write such mytakes about men. Only that these certain commentators are unable to see it for what it really is and they hide it from themselves behind accusations and disbelief that a woman could teach a man who he should be. Unable to see real things (even about themselves and their perception) that collide with their illusions and prejudices - they deserve only compassion for that...

  • DanielAppleton15
    Honestly read the title of this and thought it would be an angry rant telling us man up.

    But I read this and really loved it. Thanks for a great my take👌

    Being true to you’re self, accepting that you’re human and showing your emotions is what being a Man means to me.

    The only part I disagree with is the Man leading the Woman in a relationship.
    • Just to clarify, when I say I disagree with the part about the Man leading a Woman in a relationship, I’m saying that I don’t think this should be one way.

      I don’t expect a Woman to lead me in a relationship but I don’t think a Woman should expect a Man to lead her in a relationship.

      I believe the best kind of relationship is one where you both put equal effort into helping each other and lifting each other higher.

      To summarise everything in this my take is what I’d call real femininity as well. So in a way this my take is ‘How to be a human being regardless of your gender.’

    • Anonymous

      And how is that femininity? Who doesn’t want to be a human being, regardless of gender? lol

    • Anonymous

      Wait nevermind, what automatically popped into my head was “feminism,” which I am not a feminist. I’m sorry, I took that wrong. But for being feminine, I’ll take that as a compliment.

    • Show All
  • joeblow123
    You wrote some things that I agree with. The relationship between the sexes is give and take between the two. When that is disrupted that is when things go downhill. Feminism has been such an interruption.

    Responsibility and accountability has to be demanded from both sexes.
    • Anonymous

      True 100%. Also agree with you on the feminist part. I’m not a feminist

    • joeblow123


      There are tons of feminists on GAG. I know. I've had the displeasure.

  • MackToday
    "Toxic masculinity" is a made up political phrase it's not meant to describe as much as it is meant to manipulate. You can tell these kinds of phrases and words because they work backwards. Instead of describing a thing to help us perceive it, they attempt to create a perception of a thing.
    • Yamahoo

      @JessicaCovi Begone THOT!

    • joeblow123


      "Toxic masculinity" is femspeak bullshit, bro. The only use it has is to be mocked.

    • MackToday

      @joeblow123 It's worse than that. Women didn't come up with a sick concept like that on their own. That kind of weird shit comes from Marxist professors messing with young women's heads.

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  • akihon
    Oh yes just what all men needed

    Another woman telling men how to be men and to boot, using the argument about masculinity being toxic and how to not be a toxic man by using images of men who themselves have been the very thing the woman is posting about.

    Oh the irony.

    Ok so now can I write a take telling women how to be women and how to not be toxic.
    • akihon

      Well good for you, I don't.

    • Anonymous

      Go ahead. Actually it would be a good thing if you do

    • Anonymous

      Also, what's your definition of a "real man"? Considering personality and etc. ... meaning not just the biological definition of the word.

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  • supercutebutt
    Presidential quote
    Presidential quote
    • Anonymous

      Lol 😂

    • Unit1

      So raping women isn't so bad compared to going bald? Okie dokie 👌

    • Anonymous

      @Unit1 You took that way too seriously lol

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  • 9nsane
    Men are human. You women need to start respecting that instead of telling us who you want us to be. I have reached an age where I just don't give a fuck anymore. It doesn't matter. It's overrated. Everyone is running around like headless chickens chasing something they don't know what is.
    • Anonymous

      As if men don’t do the same thing to us 😂
      But no, really, if you don’t care you don’t have to. Nobody’s forcing you to. Honestly, we don’t care if you care, because we are the picky ones and we’ll choose the ones who do. It’s your life to live, not ours, but we aren’t concerned with how you view it. We will just pick a better man. 🤷🏻‍♀️

    • 9nsane

      I am well aware of that.

    • You do realize, yads, that to be attractive and get a man all women need to do, literally the only thing, is not be the fattest girl in her immediate area? That's it. The sole requirement revolves around eating less and going to the gym occasionally.

      You want to bitch, let's examine what it takes for a man to be attractive. Women love life in the training level of easy mode in the game if life; guys play on realistic hardcore with mods attached against us.

    • Show All
  • humanearth
    I didn't read any of what wrote, just the tittle.( I was too lasy to bother to read it... keeping it real)

    What's a mans man, well lets see if I can put it into words

    Man that is self-reliant, independent, a protector, wears what he wants and not somekind of follower of fashion, a do it yourselfer kind of man.
    • Anonymous

      Thanks for repeating everything I said, just in simpler terms :) Because apparently me breaking it down only caused confusion among some of the guys. Then again, some people's IQs don't exactly reach 20...

    • Anonymous

      And also thanks for not reading the title and freaking out, because some of the other guys read it and jumped to assumptions and had nothing to do but try to cause problems lol
      So thank you

    • humanearth

      Hey, when I see a lot of words, i tend not read. I rather wait for the movie to come out

    • Show All
  • standingUP
    That was a lot to read but a real man would read that. I absolutely agree. I would like to add that automatically taking control of your life’s situation family work out in society. When it comes to anyone needing someone to step up and handle any issue. I would already be their to help or support without hesitation.
    I have so many examples that are fresh in my head that just erks me.
    One: my ex girlfriend moved back home with her mother uncle older sister and 22 year old nephew. 6 people in that house 2 adult males. Their beautiful California home is falling short of maintenance. Everyone is aware of the problem an easy fix for me. Washing machine hose. Without detail. I would have it done in 10 minutes at the most. Instead non of them are attempting to even look at it. With piles of cloths adding for weeks now. Ick they are not trashy people. So this is confusing me why they are putting up with it. She calls me wishing I was here I’m yelling at her about why the fake males are not taking control and at least attempt fixing it.
    I’m so pissed at guys today so timid and weak and careless lazy.
    I do not understand this mentality. It got so bad in the past. That my 10 vacations that I worked so hard at work to earn. Was spent remodeling and fixing up their home from plumbing gutters roof installing a wall doors. Fixing lamps building shelving etc. While I should have been on the beach surfing or just enjoying not being at work providing.
  • Aakash_Hangargi
    Yada Yada Yada, come on now so if a man chooses not to take women seriously is a real man then, you ladies don't know what you want and start defining a Man so yeah as you said men should not give crap and work there way to Success yeah they should not give a shit about ladies and go on well said👍
    • Anonymous

      None of those things were said in the take or have been said by me.
      If you want to avoid the obvious meaning behind the message just to prevent the hard work you'd have to do to be a leader and set that example, then that's your life and not mine.
      This is not meant to be an argumentative post for guys who don't want to bother with it. It's like any other post: if you don't want to take it into consideration then keep on moving with your day and bypass it. No GAG posts are meant for the closed-minded anyway. Therefore, there's no point in even discussing it politely with you, since you come across with a closed-minded approach.

    • Nope just amazed at different view points of different people nothing to argue I said the same as you but what I meant was if a person is also loving and caring for a women doesn't make him less of man every body changes themselves for others that's the way of life doesn't make them less of a man, it's a good take i know there is nothing close minded with me every body is entitled there Opinions..

    • Anonymous

      I guess we have a misunderstanding then, so my apologies. I don't understand your original post because I didn't say any of that. Obviously the man would care about the woman, and that makes him more of a man. I made that clear in the take.

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  • alligatorblues
    It's always interesting what women think makes a man a man. About alpha males. Males of certain animal species compete for mating rights, by combat, and the stongest mates all the females. That ome is the alpha male. There is no alpha female. And 'beta male' is totally fabticated, without scientific basis.

    What I observe in popular culture to be an alpha male is some combination of masculine traits developed in Western Europe under the Christian religion. The, an alpha male would first be Christian. Women are not well-treated in other cultures.

    In South Korea an office had a sign that is translated, 'Virgin brides for sale! If she runs away in the first year, we'll replace her for free.'

    In China, the government can legally force women to have abortions. In Africa, adult men anally rape girls infant girls, because it is thought to cure AIDS.

    In Mexico, Latin America, and South America, women are routinely beaten, or acid is poured on them or down their throats, for defiling a man's honor. My cousin is a police officer. He told me, Mexican males freely admit to him that they didn't do anything wrong. They were just beating their woman. They are surprised that the arresting officer doesn't beat 'his' woman!

    In india, almost every female endures physical abuse just being out on the street.. it's called, 'Eve Teasing', and it's sick that it's tolerated as harmless! A nine-year-old girl was sentenced to 100 lashes for losing her virginity before marriage. She had been raped by her father!

    The Middle East, except Israel, is legendary for injustice toward women. Rape victims can be executed. Female Christian converts can suffer torture, captivity, and get raped daily until they recant. Saudi Arabia started giving driver's licenses to women last year. Indonesia arrests females wearing tight pants.

    Jesus Christ is the difference. Woman's rights originated in Christianity. The concept of women of women being treated well is Christian. An alpha male is pure, raw masculine, Christian male. He gives to the poor, defends the weak, fights injustice, stands for truth, reveres God, prays each day, reads the Bible, and protects a woman's chastity!
  • Malik00
    Yeah i'm sorry i can't agree with the "men always have to be dominant" part. Personally i don't care who takes the wheel as long as they know what they are doing. I care little about being in control or being controlled. I care about results, and if the best results require a woman to be the dominant force, then so be it.
    • Anonymous

      Sad that you would let a woman lead you around... but suit yourself

    • Malik00

      I would think you would feel ashamed to think you NEED a man to guide you. Do you seriously have that little agency, or do you just enjoy being a Dependapotamus? Me letting a woman guide me does not diminish my competency as a man, if anything i would think my not feeling insecure about letting a woman take the lead would proof of my superior manhood, because i'm confident enough that i can admit a woman is more qualified for a particular job then i am.

      It's not that I would let a woman lead me around, it's just that it's 2020, and i have better things to do with my life then cart around dead weight.

    • Anonymous

      Don’t “NEED” a man to lead me, but if I’m gonna be in a relationship I expect him to be a man and take the responsibility

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  • Dolemite510
    That quote is so true about if a woman wants to be respected she should give him something to respect. If a woman complains that’s all guys care about it’s usually cuz she doesn’t have a fun/cool personality to go with her looks.
    • Anonymous

      True. The same thing can be reversed too though. But yeah, you're 100% right

  • ThisAndThat
    If masculinity is right or wrong correctable, debatable, then femininity is by far also right or wrong correctable, debatable. And I haven't spotted any men in any marches or on TV hating and bashing women, have you? Doesn't that seem as something that should be correctable?
    • Anonymous

      Agreed. I'm not bashing anybody, but yes both are correctable!

  • chadpattan
    ... you posted a bunch of quotes from dudes that swim in money.
    • Anonymous

      Doesn't make the quotes less true
      Also, a real man doesn't have to be rich or have a lot of money. Consider that my parents are both medical doctors and together they make over half a million bucks a year, and I'm also in medical school now. I have NO REASON to be a gold-digger lol but nice try

    • Does it need a "reason" though?

    • Anonymous

      @AllThatSweetJazz Yes. Put simply, EVERYTHING has a reason. I have every reason not to be one - since I have more than 99% of the guys I meet anyway and I don’t even have a job 😂 The only ones otherwise are my medical school professors.

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  • jaybee281
    What you wrote is very true i usually don't like when girls give their opinion on guys because it's usually just be nice or don't sexualize a girl or you have to be tall and stupid superficial crap like that that guys believe and makes them less of the man they should be which decreases their confidence due to what they heard.. While right here you got it you really do like if any insecure guy reads this and literally just keeps the headlines that you wrote in his head and work on them he'll be on the path of great self improvement thanks for writing some real shit
    • Anonymous

      Well thank you. Appreciate it :)

  • iOoko
    you tell us to show our emotions but as soon as we do you tell us to man up and even call us misogynist
    • Anonymous

      I don't, so I just want to fend for myself right there. But anyways... it truly is retarded (yes, I mean it like I said it) that women tell men this when you can look at their later years and be like wow she was so hypocritical. Because at the end of the day, what do even those women truly want? A man with some emotion - a man who cares. (In my own defense, I was raised in a culture where the definitions of masculine and feminine are very clear with no shadows, and I am thankfully not one of those women who shames men no matter what they do and says it's never right.)

  • Hispanic-Cool-Guy
    Decent MyTake. However, I disagree with a man can express his emotions how he feels like.

    A man expressing his emotions like a little girl moaning and crying isn't acceptable.
    • Anonymous

      Yeah, I tried to imply that when I said " The difference in emotional expressions between men and women is that men are not as emotional as we are" as a way of saying that men don't tend to be emotional to that extent

    • Anonymous

      Thanks though, amigo :)

    • 👍👍👍

  • hey i just wanted to critique that chart, which i know isn't your chart but well... it is just not quite right.

    Seeking vor validation, hating to be wrong, and highlighting flaws in others is not "toxic" or "arrogant". those are very basic psychological mechanisms, that every human applies. humans naturally hate being wrong. they wanna be right. that's why they seek truth and don't stick with falsehoods. validation is what litterally everyone seeks for, cause that's a good tool to gage your own "value" in society. highlighting flaws in others is a way to not feel depressed about how shitty you are yourself. it's social psychology 101. this isn't "toxic".
    • Anonymous

      Thank you for explaining it that way because that makes sense!

    • i think generally it is not a good idea to put the the word "toxic" with "masculinity". just call individuals that are toxic "assholes" xD don't call their entire gender toxic. i mean i know there are feminazis that are very toxic. yet i don't call that "toxic femininity". i don't even judge all feminists for those few black shep. i think it's more healthy for men and women to identify individuals as black sheep and not associate that with huge groups of people.

      i see it as "ok" to bunch up some typical "asshole moves" that generally only men do, not women and label that whatever... but with the term "toxic masculinity", people seem to associate all sorts of (maybe even just subjectively for them) unfavourable beaviour and bunch that all into the concept of "toxic masculinity"

      you see sometimes "kompetence" can seem like "arrogance" to people that are not well informed or less educated. i know this from myself. i feel like someone is "arrogant" if they tell me shit that they know better than me. it is really hard to gage if you're being right about thinking they are arrogant or just being more competent than you... i'm not sure if those labels like "toxic masculinity" help or if they will just make you ignore and judge people before even knowing them...

    • Well-said.

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  • fashionguy17
    Lol. Honestly, I'm tired of hearing about manly men, alpha males and beta males. JUST BE YOURSELF, GUYS! That's all you can do.
    • Anonymous

      Thank you! My post in a nutshell ^

  • Rei02
    I think the same applies to women. These traits and qualities shouldn't just apply to men, it is about every person.

    A way to know you are a balanced person.
  • I wish the girl I date has the same mindset as you. You got your shit together and you clearly understand men. I can't believe lots of guys got triggered reading this. Weak.

    I gotta say, this is one of the best myTakes I've ever seen. Even though I am confident about myself and have a huge self-esteem, I'm still learning and improving and articles like these give me a solid push towards the right direction.
  • Felicityoyo
    "Real" men and women don't exist. There's just people. Everyones different and then you have societal expectations you can either follow to varying degrees or outright rebel against. What you choose to do is up to you and rightfully so. People who concern themselves where others fall on that spectrum are the pathetic ones.
  • TheEagle_000
    Nope, not taking "how to be a man" advise from a woman. But those quotes were great nonetheless.
    • Anonymous

      Didn’t ask you if you were or not 😊

  • yahyahyah
    Don't really agree with that. The description of arrogance sound more like insecurity, and the description of 'confidence' just sounds like a person who's receptive and eager to learn... It doesn't really describe what confidence is.
  • TienShenhan
    This is well thought out and put together very neatly. Are you a writer?
    • Anonymous

      No but thanks :)

    • You could easily consider it, you might be surprised how many writers can't even edit their own shit. I love well written takes and I love real, intelligent people. You deserve an award.

    • Anonymous

      I'm flattered. Thank you!

  • The_boy_who_lived
    So what about biological males who aren't or dont care to fit all of these criteria exactly as you've listed? You say a man doesn't need to be a 5 star celebrity yet thats what all your quotes and examples are. You think real men should be confident in who they are, but then contradict yourself saying they must be dominant and not relinquish that dominance at any point. You say a real man shouldn't cross into the "arrogance side of your chart but a dogmatic approach to dominance implies the exact arrogance and insecurity you dont approve of. Perhaps you dont really understand what it is you want in a man or have conflicting interests. I dont say this to be mean only to make a point of constructive criticism
    • Anonymous

      Well thanks for the respect but they don’t contradict - like you mentioned confidence and dominance contradict but they don’t. Anyways, wanna say thanks for at least respecting it and not being immature about it. Also, great view to consider 👍🏻

    • I didn't say confidence and domina ce contradict, i said confidence and dogmatism do. If one is confident, and enjoys not playing the dominant role from time to time, what should it matter that a girl on the internet thinks thats unmanly?

      Thats confidence. In my opinion this shows a contradiction in your post, but if you disagree its your perogative. All the best👍

    • Anonymous

      Yeah, “from time to time” is different. I’m talking about the relationship in general. And this post has nothing to do with dogmatism. But if that’s how you take it, okay 🤷🏻‍♀️

  • DeltaCharlieEcho
    How to be a man:

    Step 1: don't take advice from women about how to be a man
  • justcurious2019
    From this post it sounds like a guy like me who is very quiet like me woman would not be interested in me
    • Anonymous

      It doesn't say anything about being introverted. However, it does point that dominion matters. But I get what you mean

  • just_legit1998
    Don't chase people, show emotions, be yourself, know your worth. Those are the stuff I do believe is true! Respect all women despite of their flaws is also one thing gentlemen must do!
    • joeblow123


      "Respect all women despite of their flaws is also one thing gentlemen must do!"

      No, that would be your downfall by killing your dating life. To get girls I suggest you google "pick up artists" videos and learn from those. Also don't be a doormat. Confidence and backbone go a long way. Don't be afraid to hole women accountable for their transgressions.

  • Latino202p
    It's all about respect.. respect everyone and urself..
    • joeblow123


      She has to respect you too, bro. If a woman demands that a man be a leader then that woman has to be a follower. If a man is going to take the greatest risks he should reap the greatest rewards.

  • 1truekhaleesi
    Well done my take. Here's a crash course in toxic masculinity.
  • Fromdusktilldawn
    So this leads to the old clichée that women want confident men only
    • Anonymous

      Preferrably yes

    • Alex_988_2

      and looks doont matter? in general and to you?

    • Anonymous

      @Alex_988_2 EVERYTHING matters. Let’s be real: everything- looks, personality, etc. - all comes together. This is on being a man, not on which of those men we prefer. Yes, there are other factors. But I’d definitely say that if you’ve got this part and you’ve got the looks, you’ve definitely got the females.

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  • WhistleForTheChoir
    I understand you have good intentions here, and I appreciate the detail you put into this, but at the end of the day you're one more in a long line of women trying to tell men what it's like being a man, and your definition is somewhere between hero and villain. Something other than human.

    And, I don't mean any disrespect, but you just have no idea. How could you? I have no idea what it's like to be a woman either, I wouldn't tell you what a "real woman" is, or I might come off as a little misogynistic. Intellectually, I think you're on to the right idea: that men can be whoever they want, but then you put goal-posts and gateways up without realizing it.
    • Anonymous

      So what's your definition of a "good man"?

    • Anonymous

      I mean a "real man." Sorry, was typing something else too

    • So "good man" and "real man" are different in your opinion? That's interesting.

      In my definition, a "real man", is a person with a penis, I guess. A "good man" is a much more philosophical question that it would take much longer to answer.

      Did you know that there is a lot of evidence that implies that men feel certain emotions much more strongly and intensely than women do? They even fall in love faster, and fall out of love slower. Now, it's just one part of your essay up there, but you say that men don't have the same emotions as women, and maybe that seems obvious to you. But eighty years ago, it seemed "obvious" to a lot of people that women just didn't have the same intellect as men. We found out that wasn't true. I find that interesting.

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  • Rohan-Thanekar
    That's what I see younger man not doing,,, that's how a man should act,, thanks for that awesome info🙏
  • captain_voidwalker
    A wise man once said don't be a hero, be a mercenary
  • Liam_Hayden
    What Makes A Man A Man
    Being an adult human with a Y chromosome. Everything else is someone else's definition of how men should be behave, which is not the same thing.
  • Levin
    Some good ideas here.

    But I wonder if there's any what makes a woman a woman, written by men here :)
  • Hunter7754
    Meh.. As far as toxic masculinity goes, there doesn't seem to be much of an incentive for men not to have toxic masculinity. Most women are attracted to men that are stoic, aggressive, arrogant, dominant, emotionally unavailable, etc, all of which are things associated with toxic masculinity.

    I mean it sucks but women can't help what they like. And if that's what it takes to be seen as attractive, I'm definitely going for it.
  • senor_bacon
    As a man, and as an individual living in an age where manhood is ill-defined, somewhat assaulted, and men are struggling to be men, it's no surprise for me to say I often think on what it means to be a man.

    One major thing men struggle with today is being emotionally centered and overall balanced, mature human being.

    Your take describes just that: an emotionally balanced and mature man.

    A man waking up to maturity is just the beginning.

    Being a man is more than just being a mature human being.
  • Petra150
    I don't agree at all in many of them very bigots opinion about what s " real" man " is or what make him a real man. When I se a picture showing Dwayne Johnson "the soff ball" I just must made my point, perhaps some men think that it's about being a big strong guy, who can scare of other. Now I and really many women , at least us mature and sensible women , do want men who make us feel good and a guy other want to be socializing with too. He must make us laugh and feel great, he shouldn't try to take away the attention a girl should have, he should have self irony and be able to make a fool of himself while not going beserk about it. He doesn't at all need to be big in anyway only inside. And he must stand up for his woman, not necessarily have to fight alone but give her mental support all the time
  • loveslongnails
    Sorry, I fell asleep halfway through this novella. I'll have to pick it up another time.
  • Totti94
    Earn money for himself and spend money for his family as well as for parents too
  • Stan_Control_
    What make a man a man?
    When they can stand their ground in a manner of speaking.
  • Lman3000
    I like how most of these posts when it comes to what makes a man it has to be a guy with tons of money or good looks or buff bods. good lord is this seriously how people betray men as. the alpha above the rest. shit makes no sense, I tell ya what makes ya a man it's a thing called genetics and gender, your a man if you were born as it or changed into it, now what kinda a man you are is what society or your own mindset likes to label on you, you can be successful, pathetic. strong, weak, top, bottom, honestly society has so many fucking labels for people to the point where it's just ridiculous. at the end of the day who the hell cares what others call you?
  • more_than_a_guy
    I liked your post! "Nobody is perfect, so don't try to fake it." This sentence is strong.
  • saggittarius039112
    This is amazing. I agree fully. 🖤
    • Anonymous

      Thank you <3

    • Its helped me realize I do have these qualities. Not only did I doubt it. I was to believe it was very different.

    • Anonymous

      If you have those qualities then don't let society fool you into thinking you aren't a man. Honestly, if you have even half of those qualities then you're wanted by women somewhere. Think about it... Even the women who cry hard-core toxic masculinity, at the end of the day what do they want?

  • Unit1
    What even is an alpha male?

    i only know winners and losers and everything in between.
  • ecfresh
    Thank you for posting this, good take.
    • Anonymous

      Thanks, friend :)