I’m getting a little tired of hearing about this nonsense “Nice Guy” bashing culture online. It’s easily the most substantial simplification ever created and doesn’t really help anyone. So I decided to write a little story from the perspective of a 500 pound “Nice Girl” to explain to women how these bitter guys come into existence. In this role-reversed fantasy world, men have a more feminine, indirect way of communicating, to highlight the experience of guys communicating with girls in this world.
Chapter 1 – The First Few Rejections
I’d been obsessing over this guy for weeks. He seemed like he liked me and we got along so well, my heart literally skipped a beat every time I saw him. He wasn’t that handsome but I felt like his personality was so special and there was something unexplainable about him that I admired. I didn’t know what to do though. Up to that point he hadn’t asked me out and it didn’t seem like he ever would.
“What should I do?” I asked my best friend. “Well, do you like this guy?” She asked. “Oh yeah absolutely, and we get along so well, I just know that it has to work out!” I told her, trying hard to mask my excitement. “Have you said anything to him?” She asked, still not appearing particularly interested in my story. She examined her nails as I thought of a response, “No… I don’t know how to bring it up. Shouldn’t things just happen naturally? I don’t think he likes me.” My voice became droopy as I forced myself to examine that very real possibility in my mind. My friend jumped to attention, “Don’t think that way! You have to believe in yourself or no one will want you. I think you should go for it, tell him how you feel.” She seemed sure. Absolutely sure. I hesitated, but I suddenly felt so sure of myself.
That night I saw one of my favorite characters on TV. She looked a lot like me, a similar weight and her boyfriend was so cute. Much cuter than the guy I liked, I thought. I turned the TV off and knew that tomorrow would be the day. And it was. As we were talking, I brazenly decided to go for it, “What do you think of me?” He looked at me for a moment with a clueless expression, “Well I think you’re a great friend. I like hanging out with you.” I thought this was a good sign. I pressed further, “Have you ever thought that there was more between us?” His expression didn’t change, I knew that he didn’t understand, “Umm I don’t really understand what you mean. Yeah we have great conversations and I really like spending time with you, of course there’s a lot there!” His enthusiasm began to irritate me slightly, and I pushed the conversation over the boundary that shouldn’t be crossed, “I don’t know what to say, I just think it could be more.” His face was still equally hard to read. Then he began to smile.
My heart dropped. It was not the smile that I wanted to see. He almost began laughing, “Oh is this, like, you asking me out or something?” He became a little more serious as he saw that my face had become deep red, “Umm yeah. I guess.” He took a deep breath, “I feel like such a jerk, I saw this coming actually. I thought you’d say something eventually.” A lump formed in my throat. “I don’t think you want to become involved with me, I am sort of seeing someone right now but she’s being a bitch and I have other personal problems too. I can’t talk about them,” he answered in the most sincere of voices. “But is there anything you don’t like about me?” I asked. He looked at me, “Aww you’re red. I just don’t feel it. I’m sorry but I’ve learned to trust my instincts.”
I talked to him for about an hour after that, driving myself deeper and deeper into the conversational hole. He just couldn’t tell me why he rejected me. All he kept saying was that he just “doesn’t feel it.” I didn’t get it. We connected so well, we had so much in common, and he’d just thrown all that away. Why? I became depressed for months after that, I had never been so humiliated. Thinking about how he’d rejected me for someone that he called a bitch and didn’t even seem to like made absolutely no sense to me. I was so nice to him always, and we got along so well. It was like a slap in the face. I wasn’t ready to give up though, I had to find an explanation.
Chapter 2 – Descending into the Bitterness
I scoured the Internet for weeks, looking through obscure love forums, joining question and answer communities, everything. They all told me the same thing: “You are not entitled to anything from men!” “Just because a man isn’t into you doesn’t make him a bad person” “Just stop looking” “Be yourself” “Nice girls DO NOT finish last.” It drove me crazy. I couldn’t use any of that information and it just made me even more bitter.
Soon I happened upon an absolutely mysterious corner of the Internet. They called themselves PUA’s, pick up artists. Their advice was different. Some of them taught that the easiest way to attract men was to exploit their sexual drives in seducing them. Using this approach, they said, any girl could attract men and that being brazenly sexual but then switching to being distant and bitchy would lure men into their trap, securing them permanently. “Pull and push” they repeated. The pattern was too accurate. Uncanny, I thought. That’s what had happened to my friend who rejected me, one of these Bitches was playing him.
I was turned off immediately. Their tactics were disgusting and even if they worked, I would never do such a thing. No, there was something more to this, I knew it. As I sifted through more and more PUA forums I became disgusted and even more embittered with how obsessed men were with sex and promiscuity. I began to hate men.
I turned to my male friends to see what they thought. “What’s wrong with me?” I asked, in the most accepting possible voice. He looked at me and without so much as blinking began to speak, “Awww there’s nothing wrong with you at all. You’re nice, you’re smart, just be yourself!” He seemed so sincere, and I felt uplifted on the inside. I guess all guys aren’t so bad after all, I thought. “So guys really don’t like Bitches?” I asked. He laughed and looked at me, “No of course not, that doesn’t make any sense at all.” I pressed further, “But then, why do so many guys date them?” He seemed lost, he thought for a moment and then came back to me, “I don’t know how to explain it. Some girls are just so… uhhhh I don’t know, you just want them so bad and you can’t explain why. You just have to have them. It’s just a feeling I can’t explain it to you.” My heart sank again. So guys really are that bad. What was it about these so-called Bitches that made them so attractive?
In the coming weeks I started paying more attention to TV shows and the relationships around me. It seemed that every guy had had a relationship with a Bitch at some point. She played him and used him but he still wants her, but they still don’t want ME. How is that possible? It was clear to me, guys are attracted to Bitches. Ooooh I resented men so bad at that point. Imagine a whole gender that would ignore my nice traits and my talents and be attracted to someone they hate? I try to be nice to them and the next thing you know, they’re running around with another Bitch. It drove me crazy. I didn’t want to become a Bitch but by that point I had little choice…
Chapter 3 – The Truth is Revealed
I pillaged forum after forum looking for information about my problem. But it was all the same. Thousands of girls complaining about how guys were only into Bitches and ignored them. Their bitterness did little to help me. But then, I found a corner of the Internet that was decidedly different. Guys DO NOT like Bitches they said. I read on, intrigued. Slowly the truth unfolded before my eyes as though the meaning of life had suddenly been revealed to me: guys are generally attracted to women who are slim and physically attractive.
I didn’t believe it at first. No one ever told me that. All the guys that rejected me never told me that. I started looking deeper and sure enough the pattern emerged, clear and consistent as anything. Guys went for the thin attractive girls, regardless of whether they were Bitches or not. I read on as the article described in razor sharp detail the evolutionary reasons that males make these choices and it all made sense. I looked at myself and was immediately disgusted. “Why didn’t anyone tell me?” I thought, a tear almost coming to my eye. I had wasted so much time, and all those guys LIED to me. I was furious. Would it have been so hard for them to just explain it to me? In a way, I resented men even more now. They had left me to suffer for so long without even so much as a bit of leniency. I couldn’t take any of my male friends seriously anymore and I resented them all too.
At least I understood them at that point. The self-improvement began. I was a determined person and I didn’t mind changing myself just to suit what men wanted. Besides, it’ll be great once I’m finally able to experience this aspect of life that I was denied all these years. I slaved away in the gym for months. I hated it and eating right was emotionally torturous. But I did it anyway. I started to like my life. The literature was right, building a life for myself that attracted men really did feel good. I felt unstoppable.
Chapter 4 – The First Taste of Success
Like magic, I started getting more matches on Tinder. I couldn’t believe that the technique actually worked! Guys were starting to notice me and take an interest, something I had never experienced before. I was both fascinated and elated with what I was able to accomplish. After so much work, I felt as though I DESERVED these men. I guess one could say that I felt entitled. Besides, I had done what they wanted, wasn’t that enough for them? My huge emotional investment began to cloud my vision, but I didn’t notice immediately, all I cared about was the newfound attention I was receiving.
Guys wanted to be my friend now. They’d text me, want to hang out with me. It was a totally different feeling. Guys would look at me on the street and the look in their eyes was something I had never experienced before. It was DESIRE. I felt so excited I could hardly contain myself. After so many years of heartbreak and then so much hard work, I finally deserved something.
Then out of nowhere as I was riding my tidal wave of confidence, I met someone. He was clearly flirting with me, not like any guy had ever done in the past. I really felt it this time, like I just couldn’t fail. We slowly became closer and months into our friendship we connected so strongly that I could sense that a relationship was just over the next hill. I became impatient.
He was holding back. I knew it. I couldn’t understand why he hadn’t asked me out. I did everything I was supposed to do. I became attractive, we connected so well, I hadn’t done anything wrong! My emotions tipped and I asked him about it, ever so gently. I had learned my lesson about being bold, so I first began questioning him about my attractiveness. “You know, I used to be fat,” I said, casually basking in my achievement. He seemed a little disinterested but said, “But you’re so pretty now, I don’t believe you!” I laughed, “I’m not pretty! I think I’m pretty ugly actually…” He gave a look of surprise, “Are you serious? Every time I send a Snapchat of you to my friends, they all say: wow! Who is THAT? Introduce us you dick!” I felt flattered, but not entirely surprised.
For once, I felt attractive and this to me was undeniable evidence that I was attractive to him. I casually hinted to him about the idea of us dating. Then, there it was. That smile. I was devastated. I could feel my face becoming red again. I could anticipate his words before he even responded to my relatively overt expression of interest, “Awww really?” He put his hand up against his chest before beginning to talk again, “I’ve always wanted any relationship to start as a friendship. Friendship is the foundation of a good relationship right? I’m not rejecting you but let’s stay friends and whatever happens, will happen because it was meant to.”
Chapter 5 – The Big Rejection
I felt as though my brain had become scrambled in my head. What did that even mean? Weeks went by and my male “friend” started to become more distant. He didn’t flirt with me anymore and it had become clear that he had no intention of being my friend until it turned into a relationship. He was just trying to subtly reject me. Weeks turned into months and I was driven to a point of insanity. What is it that he wanted? I had done everything right this time! And I was so nice to him, I just didn’t get it. I decided that I wouldn’t be toyed with anymore and decided to confront him.
After we had another one of our long conversations I slowly moved the discussion towards our relationship. “We’ve been friends for a long time now”, I said, hoping that he’d remember our talk from before but clearly he hadn’t, “And do you remember that talk that we had?” His expression didn’t change. “Which talk?” He asked in the most innocent voice. I gave up on his indirectness and allowed myself the liberty of speaking my mind, “If you don’t like me you can tell me, I won’t be offended. I just want clear communication between us.” He seemed to get the message and in a more serious tone replied, “I really like being your friend, but, I don’t know, I just don’t feel it.”
It was those hideous words again. At that point I was even angrier than when I had been rejected before. At least there was a reason then, but now there was no reason. As it turned out, he didn’t really want to be my friend. Slowly, he started avoiding me and passive aggressively ignoring my texts. I felt like such an idiot. I once again turned to the Internet, posting question after question on GAG. The responses only further confused me: “You are not entitled to affection from any guy” “You appearance doesn’t entitle you to anything” “Oh look, just another Nice Girl that can’t take rejection” “Just move on” “The fact that you’d change yourself so much to match what other people want shows how desperate and pathetic you are.”
So what was I then? Fundamentally flawed? Clearly I couldn’t do anything to satisfy anyone. I had become even more lost than I was before and the memory of all the labor I had put into improving myself made me beyond bitter. ”All that work for nothing,” I thought to myself. Of course, ultimately my life was made better and I didn’t regret making those positive changes but I now hated men even more than I did before and I started wondering whether men really did only go after the manipulative Bitches.
I had become angry and bitter which just turned men away even more. Somehow they could sense my “Nice Girl” attitude. They knew that I wasn’t really thin on the inside. I was just a Bitch wannabe working hard for nothing, while all the Bitches already had so much relationship experience that I simply could not compete with them.
So, what do I do now? Do I give up? Do I start focusing only on casual sex, an easily attainable goal? Do I become a Bitch? I just don’t know… I’m lost.
Conclusion
This ladies and gentlemen is where the so-called “Nice Guy” is and how many are born. Bitter, rejected, annoyed and frustrated. These feelings have a root cause. This story is very similar to my story and I know that it is the case for at least some guys. Try to understand how this frustration arises and think about it next time you use the “Nice Guy” argument.
Congratulations if you read this far, I’m impressed. I hope the story was at least somewhat entertaining and be sure to leave an opinion about how you felt about it.
Thanks for reading.
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