Hyper Masculinity & Gender Stereotypes Hurt Men

[Hyped_up_on_coffee]

Violence, Media & The Masculinity Crisis

We watched part of this documentary in my Social Psychology class a year ago and it explains an issue in society that isn't really talked about much: the expectations of men.

We Live in a Patriarchal Society

Our society is very Patriarchal and men are expected to fit in to a certain model even from a very early age. You notice this in the toy isle: blue for boys, pink for girls. Monster trucks, mud, super soakers, and GI Joe are for boys, but dolls are for girls. It splits both genders in to two different boxes and somewhat makes us believe that we have very little in common from an early age, which can cause communication issues in the future.

Violence is the New Norm

If we pay attention to boy's toys the muscles on GI-Joe keep getting bigger, guns keep getting bigger as well. This affects how young boys perceive themselves especially if they aren't particularly athletic. Another thing that was mentioned above was how men end up considering violence as the norm and fail to learn how to explain their emotions. This affects men in racial minorities a bit more because of the limited ways they are portrayed in the media.

80% of Violent Crimes are committed by men, and its not just women who suffer because of this; most of the victims of those crimes are men as well. It hurts young boys with issues such as bullying or being picked up for not being 'masculine' enough.

Suppressed Emotions Lead to Depression

Because its supposedly "not okay" for men to express their emotions, men end up repressing their emotions and it causes psychological pain and unhappiness. It takes men more time to admit that they have a problem or to even seek help with debilitating issues such as depression.

Stress Plays a Role, Too

Stress, however, takes a toll on Men's health. They genetically live shorter lives than women because of the toll stress can really take a toll on one's health. And its not just work related stress. Women are simply more used to crying when they are sad or talking to a friend about their problems, and it helps deal with stress.

Let's Encourage Change

Therefore, it is important to encourage the men and boys in our lives. We need to remind them that its okay to talk about their problems and feelings so that they are able to cope with their problems better, and live happier and healthier lives

[AllAboutTheX]

When feminist try to shit down male traits with nonsense like this, they are in essence telling men that the only way to be a man is to become a woman.

Men have difference psychological mentality than women. This is not "patriarch-bullshit" it is genetic differences between how women and men function mentally.

Being a boy and becoming a man, is not a bad thing.
Violence happens in both genders and the statistic that 80% of violent crimes are committed by men, is a broad statistic which doesn't take into account the fact that women are perpetual victims in this society and therefore the same crimes we commit are often given lesser punishment or are excused somehow.

I agree that men should not have to mask their emotions as much, but you also need to understand that mentally we are more emotional then men genetically.

Men don't live as long as women because women usually don't take the softer job roles, or workloads that we women take in life. This isn't a "patriarchal" thing either. This action would happen anyway, the society then structures around it.
Ex. If you had apples and oranges on a table and men always seemed to take the apples while women usually took oranges, you would then start marketing apples to men and oranges to women... the men are not then taking apples because the media tells them to.

The best way to allow men to live Happier, Healthier lives ISN'T to make them feminine. It is to let them BE WHO THEY ARE and STOP TRYING TO REFORM GENETICS.
Stop telling them that everything they do is wrong and their sexuality is evil.

That's my two cents. Take it or leave it.

[molan]

Well said mate, you got it :)

[AdamThomas]

Agree 100%

[AllAboutTheX]

I get a kick out of the down votes. The two male votes are 100% female in male accounts.
If the are really male they would make comments without being anon and explain why they feel I am wrong.

[LastGirlScout]

I down voted you, its a well voiced opinion but I don't actually agree with it. However, I find it rather childish and silly when people believe that down voters must be fake gendered accounts. You honestly believe that no man could disagree with your opinion?

[AllAboutTheX]

I am not saying for 100% that there are guys who wouldn't disagree, I know there are men out there who have been fem'nestitized into the belief of feminist ideology. But I would confidently bet money on at least one of the blue being a feminist female troll account. I know of 1 obvious fake male account that down vote everything I say, and making comments that NO male would ever say EVER.
But it's interesting you call me childish and silly for expecting feminist to stoop to such levels to shame and disregard things they don't agree with, they are known for doing whatever vile action they can to stifle logically discussion about the flaws in their ideology. Why would you think it such a stretch?

The question I have for you is why do you disagree? and about what?
- men have a different way of thinking?
- violence happens between both genders?
- violence towards men is ignored?
- male female work roles?
- Trying to change men?

Because I have many reasonable sources for each.

[DeltaDanner]

From a mans perspective, and on my personal level, I agree. I agree we should be left to be who we are. I hate it when something we do naturally is seen as "wrong" and brought on by "the patriarchy". However, it is difficult being raised to not show emotion and "just man up". I don't like the fact that there are no battered men's clinics, while there are for women. That women's emotional needs are met and catered to while men just have to "suck it up". If there is anything a hate more than being told my emotions don't matter, it's when women say what a "real" man is. No offense, and your opinion was on point by the way, but you don't know what it's like to be a male. I have no idea what a woman's day to day is, I don't know what it's like, in the same sence that you don't know what it's like to be a guy.

[yaddayaddayadda02]

The problem with most of these "gender studies" is that it's boiling it down to "boys have it bad, so boys should act more like girls".

I have two daughters. I've never pushed them into any particular toy or toy aisle. They NATURALLY gravitate toward girly things.

I have an aunt who had sons. She was one of these "I refuse to buy guns for my boys because they are violent" parents. You know what happened? Her sons picked up sticks and started "shooting" with them.

We are biologically different.

[Modernhippy]

i like this guy^

[Hyped_up_on_coffee]

I never said they should be more like girls. I just said that it's ok to encourage them to talk to someone and to not be afraid to seek professional help. I have a guy friend who is a lot better because he saw a psychologist

[Victoria_xoxo]

Exactly

[kheserthorpe]

I kind of said it in my own opinion, but I think that the 'boys should act more like girls' can sort of be pushed, but falls apart because women don't sleep with men who aren't masculine.

You can say you're changing the culture, but if you're not chaning mate selection, you're not.

[kheserthorpe]

I think the problem is far deeper then suggested. To a large extent, I was raised, at least at home, being taught it was okay to be sensitive and gentle and non violent, and basically that's how I was.

The issue is, we can tell men it's okay for them to talk about their problems and feelings...

But it's not okay. Men are not permitted to be victims. Men are expected to be powerful. Boys who are soft and not tough are 'not real men'. Young men who are soft and sensitive and unable to be brave are rejected as sexual partners. We can tell boys all we want that they don't have to conform to gender stereotypes, if they get shut out of sex and relationships unless they conform, they'll smarten up (or go on furious rampages) pretty damn fast once they're in their 20s.

Not all of what we push on boys is necessary. We do a -terrible- job of raising kind young boys into being decent young men. We do a pretty bad job of identifying the many boys who are failing to make that step and helping them. We could do both of those much better. But unless women are going to suddenly start wanting weak men as sexual partners, I think we'd be far better off if thoughtful people did a good job of teaching boys how to be strong and in touch with their emotions. Because right now, we have one group teaching boys how to stay sweet nice boys, and other elements basically saying 'be a violent jerk'. Whenever I see people saying we need to try harder to teach boys to be kind and gentle, I'm terrified, because the more the 'gentle' camp fails to raise boys to become the sort of men society actually accepts, the more they will jump ship as young adults and follow terrible role models.

[srslyly]

No child born in the United States today has a legal father in any meaningful sense at the time of birth. That is, no identified man has any parental rights from the time of conception until the mother or a putative father engages the legal system to identify a man as a parent. To describe such a system as "patriarchy" is a crime against language.

But that's a digression, to your well intended central point, I would submit that the things you identify as masculine values are not valued by men generally.

The men I know who are respected don't hide their emotions. They are in control of their emotions. I can feel angry or sad or excited or happy and still choose whether and how to act on any of these feelings. I respect that in other men as well.

The violent crises which form the narrative backdrop of most media for boys and men aren't there to train men to commit gratuitous violence. They highlight the rationality and self sacrifice which men demand of ourselves and each other. From G. I. Joe to Batman and from Ninja Turtles to Masters of the Universe, our celebrated male heroes from popular media commit violence in the interests of others, often openly expressing their love for the women, children, families, comrades and communities they are defending. Somebody who bottles up his emotions until he explodes into a violent rampage would be the bad guy. Every little boy understands that he doesn't want to be the bad guy. Likewise, we can identify with female characters who displays the traits we value. Every guy everywhere loves Ellen Ripley from Alien because she isn't afraid to express herself constructively, but neither is she unable to control herself when decisive action is needed.

I'm running out of characters, so I'll close by suggesting you take a closer look at how anyone arrived at the patently false conclusion that the traits you identify as masculine are valued by men or are being taught to boys.

[Hyped_up_on_coffee]

its not a false conclusion i came up with we studied and talked about this in a psychology class

[srslyly]

I didn't say you came up with it. I said that whatever study could arrive at that conclusion is flawed, because the result is so obviously false. Most violent crimes are committed by men, but the overwhelming majority of men go their entire lives without committing violent crimes. I've been off work for the last six days, and I'm going out of my mind and I've been playing Gears of War this entire time, and I've never committed a violent crime. I don't like Marcus Fenix because he shoots at the locusts. I like him because he is rational and self sacrificing.

The proposition that "masculinity" equates to violence and emotional suppression is belied by the very existence of civilization. Almost 100% of men's time is spent working to keep the food growing, the electricity on, the infrastructure maintained and the assembly lines running. A little over 0% of men's time is spent committing violence.

[molan]

@Hyped_up_on_coffee
"its not a false conclusion i came up with we studied and talked about this in a psychology class"

The conclusion is false just the same, psychology CLASS or not.

Look at the professional reports on the subject done by those who is not long in class but have gained actual experience and done actual studies.

[RedThread]

Very nice. I agree that the "boys will be boys" mentality has to end. We lower the bar so much with men when it comes to violence and the ability to display our emotions. Men are just as capable at controlling themselves as women are and it's time society has greater expectations too.

[LastGirlScout]

Wow, four down votes for saying men should be able to control themselves. That's pretty shocking.

[RedThread]

@LastGirlScout right? That's mostly all I said too lol

[kheserthorpe]

I havent' downvoted.

But it may be that people didn't experience that mentality.

I don't ever remember being given the impression that it was okay for me to be violent because I was a boy. In fact I've generally seen far greater pressure on boys to control themselves then women. But I -read- about places where they seem to think 'boys will be boys' more.

[Anonymous]

You got one thing right: men's problems are not talked about much. Sadly, when they are talked about, it seems it's usually from a female perspective.

While I appreciate your intentions, like almost every other female opinion on the subject of male issues, you get most of this wrong. We need to stop letting women try to tell society what is wrong with men and start listing to men on the subject for a change. Stop trying to understand men through female-biased lenses.

There are exceptions, and AllAboutTheX's opinion is one of the few. Thanks to AllAboutTheX for not buying into the popular feminized academic bullshit about the challenges males face today.

srslyly gets it right. Spot on, brother. Preech!

No offense, Take Owner, but your focus is all wrong here. I realize you don't see it (no surprise), but your view here is very female-centric. That is unfortunately still the norm today, and it's what needs to change before anything will improve for males.

[Hyped_up_on_coffee]

This isn't from a female perspective we learned this in psychology

[Opinion Owner]

If it was a high school or college class discussing anything gender related, it certainly was female biased. Regardless of the source, what you wrote here is the classic female biased view of male issues.

[Crazyced]

It reminds me of an article about a couple that pride themselves on raising their boy completely gender neutral. He could wear as many pink tutus as he wanted. But overly masculin stuff was 'obviously' prohibited.

I rolled my eyes so much I sprained a muscle.

[gapminder]

Great topic and I agree we as a society need to be open and more accepting of guys that choose to open up and share feelings. However we need to ensure that the moments of openness and vulnerability are not met with an assumption of weaknesses or a social stigma that suggests it. Guys are dicks to each other mostly because of the very social mechanisms this article describes
and overthrowing that way of thinking is going to take unity and courage. I guess time will tell if men are really ready to evolve or continue to die off as a product of our own demise.

[front2back]

You made some good points, but I think a positive model of masculinity can make men's lives better. Being a man isn't about punching a bear in the face or "gettin' mad pu$$y", it's about standing up to adversity, being loyally committed to your obligations, responsibilities, and relationships, and about making a positive change in the world. The issue is we've let Rambo be the role model and not Teddy Roosevelt.

[AdamThomas]

These differences aren't entirely due to social conditioning, plenty of studies show that biology is also a big part of the differences between men and women. As for the idea that it isn't okay for men to show emotions, I never grew up with that. I've never been ashamed to show my emotions. However men tend to want to be left alone to deal with these things ourselves before asking for help, most often we see talking about feelings the way women do as a waste of time.

[Mesonfielde]

I did grow up thinking that in order to adhere to the rules and be accepted, you have to be "masculine" which meant that "men don't show their emotions" so I basically became as stoic as humanly possible, and it caused me a whole bunch of trouble in my social relations and my capability for empathy.

While there are innate differences, the real question is just how much of the social expression can be attributed to that. Neurosexism is pretty rampant, and many people accept only what proves their prejudices.

[AdamThomas]

@Mesonfielde - yeah, I think it's a bit silly to say that it's entirely due to social conditioning or entirely due to biology, it's clearly a bit of both. And it's also silly to think that men and women are exactly the same and that we think the same way when we're so different in the way we're built and as a result different in our abilities. Gender roles weren't created to benefit men at the expense of women, they were created by nature. As for your experiences, I wouldn't say that that's typical of most boys/men.

[Mesonfielde]

No, what's typical is that they don't realize it's a problem and then claim that "men are naturally less emotional than women", lmao. It's a bit of both, but it's easier to predict behavior if you think we think alike than if you use stereotypes that make no sense.

[moistycakes]

I actually have a research assignment on this, it's fascinating how many men are uncomfortable talking about their own perceptions of what masculinity is and should be. If any of you would like I have a short survey on the topic https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/FSRKXLW

[kheserthorpe]

You'll notice some windbag just filled it out with long answers in all the text boxes :p

[moistycakes]

That's exactly what I want!

[Anonymous]

ifind it funny how men say the roles we take by the society and then when you talk to them they give themselves roles.. my ex bf used to carry heavy things for me not because he is a gentleman but because he believe that it is his role i was once carrying a box then he came and he took he said that he is the man and he must carry it and i said that it is just a box and that i can carry it but he insisted and he said what type of a man will i be if i didn't help you? and i found that as a realllllly useless sentence because he himself put those rules for himself i never asked him to carry my box because he is a man

[Anonymous]

"We Live in a Patriarchal Society"

I stopped reading hear and call, feminist bull shit...

[Anonymous]

This is that same feminized view of men that we have been fed for years. It holds no more truth now than it did 20 years ago.

[moviedude714]

ya this gets very annoying

[Anonymous]

Thank you :)