Why is it hard for men to show their emotions or what they are feeling?
Women are often confused by men's lack of communication as is easily seen by the above question and literally hundreds of similar G@G questions.
Many people are going to say all sorts of bullshit like social stigmatization and being mocked by other men and, to a certain extent, that is true, but there is an underlying cause - as there always is - and, as usual, that answer lies in evolution.
Put simply, men are evolved to be quiet and not reveal information about themselves or anything else.
It is critical for women to understand this because it is fundamental to being a heterosexual male.
There are 2 major reasons why we are like that:
REASON 1: INFORMATION = POWER; INFORMATION ABOUT US IS POWER THAT CAN BE USED AGAINST US.
At an instinctive level, all straight men understand this:
Information = Power
and, in particular:
Information that your potential enemies have about you is information that they can use against you.
>>>>> This is why medical records privacy is SO important!
Why cheating on a man is both bad and dangerous.
Suppose you cheat on your man.
You know why your man gets upset?
It's not another guy's dick in you.
It's that you shared a bed with another man and may have told that man intimate things about your man - the man you just cheated on. To your man, that other man may be the enemy! Or, at least a potential enemy.... In fact, NOW he IS the enemy...and now that other man may have the information about your man that you gave to the other man - who may then use that information against your man.
You violated trustworthiness and loyalty that your man had with you and, in his mind, now you may have hastened his ruin. This is why loyalty and trustworthiness are paramount with men. Much more than sex.
This is exactly why crimes of passion in generation's past when men killed their cheating wives and her lover were common and accepted and, often, not even punished. Men intuitively understand this concept even if they can't explain it in words. For some men, at an instinctive level, the only way to feel safe is to kill anyone who has information that can be used against him and that now includes his new enemies: his woman and the man she is cheating with.
So, bottom-line, a male does not like to give out information about himself. It may be used against him.
REASON 2: Natural Selection Favors Smart Quiet Stealthy Males.
Men are evolved to be smart, quiet, and stealthy because smart, quiet, and stealthy keeps you alive. Being stupid, noisy, or talkative giving away information about you (like where you are) gets you killed.
Here's why:
Think of humans as clans of nomadic hunters during prehistoric times...
There are two kinds of hunting:
1) Hunting for food.
2) Hunting predators before they kill us and our clan.
Hunting for food
Think of hunting a deer (or any other prey animal) for food.
If the deer hears you or sees you, the deer runs off and you don't make the kill.
The smart quiet stealthy hunter kills the deer.
The smart quiet stealthy and his family eats that night.
He gets to have sex and reproduce and make another generation of smart quiet stealthy hunters.
The stupid noisy talkative hunter is detected by the deer who runs off.
The stupid noisy talkative hunter and his family don't eat that night... and every other night.
He and his children die off from starvation.
He might even be killed by the smart quiet stealthy hunters because they want to eat and don't want him fucking things up.
Hunting predators
Similarly, think about hunting a predator to prevent it from killing clan members.
The smart quiet stealthy hunter avoids being detected by the predator so he's not killed and eaten by the predator. Furthermore, he may even get to kill the predator - who's also competing with you for prey animals for food.
The smart quiet stealthy hunter and his family live another day.
He gets to have sex and reproduce and make another generation of smart quiet stealthy hunters.
But, the stupid noisy talkative hunter is a homing beacon for the predator who then eats the noisy talkative hunter.
The stupid noisy talkative hunter doesn't come home that night.
He doesn't get to have sex and make another generation of stupid noisy talkative hunters.
(My vet told me this is why injured dogs or dogs that are in pain, don't whine or easily let you know they are suffering; the suffering injured animal is already in danger of being killed by a predator so whining out just attracts the predators. So, dogs are evolved not to whine or let you know when they are suffering.)
So, bottom-line, over many generations, evolution causes the stupid talkative noisy males to die-off and the smart quiet stealthy males to thrive.
OK, that's the end of the communication lesson, but I hope now you understand why men are evolved to be nonverbal and not talk much.
SO WHY ARE WOMEN DIFFERENT?
Ironically, women are evolved to be the opposite.
To them, sharing information while together is how you helped each other and the kids stay alive. However, the women who don't share are ostracized and have a more difficult time surviving without support. They are more likely to die earlier. Over many generations, women are evolved to be communal and share information.
Men are communal only to accomplish an objective - such as killing dinner and predators. Men will teach each other things like any skill related to survival or protection of the clan.
But, otherwise, men really don't want to be near one another and would rather be with our women.
Any man who says he needs a "guy's night out" is a guy who is not in love with his woman.
As The Godfather, Vito Corleone says:
Do you spend time with your family? ("Sure I do") Good. Because a man that doesn't spend time with his family can never be a real man.
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