Not All Men Are Shallow: The Secret the Media Keeps From You

This is a weird subject. Because GaG is such a political place. Oftentimes you don't get to just express yourself and just be who you are without someone claiming you are apart of some political conspiracy. You have to always concerned about some political narrative.

So I know a lot of you guys are confused about how to feel about this subject. Because this thing gets spun so many different ways. Men who look past a woman's looks get criticized by both men and women, a lot of times for being "beta", losers, brainwashed by the liberal media, etc.

The truth is that without being brainwashed by the liberal media, without being losers or betas, many men, "Black", "White", Asian, Latino, etc. do not chase after women simply because of physical attraction.

The media actually hides this fact. But because conversations here are so politically charged, it is hard to get to a point where people can objectively talk about dating preferences of men from different backgrounds. And the funny thing is, the people who rant about the media do it in two different totally contradictory ways. They claim the media portrays men are sex addicted freaks who only want women for one thing. Simultaneously, they claim the media try to brainwash men into dating women who are physically unattractive. Men all of a sudden are being forced to date women who are obese, ugly, etc.

Anyway, back to the main point. It is obvious that if the media is biased. It is biased towards men who are not dating women for just their physical attractiveness. They date women who are not supermodels or considered to be the Western ideal of beauty. They do not celebrate or showcase these men the way they do women. So there is this silent resilient narrative that men do not date or marry because of special connections to the women who become their mates.

How many people in this forum know about these couples?

Most famous of course is Hugh Jackman. His wife, Deborah Lee-Furness, was never considered to be a beauty queen. And I am not sure how he could be seen as anything but an Alpha. Of course, he is considered to be one of the sexiest men alive winning the award in 2008.

But they do look happy.
But they do look happy.

The same goes for Pierce Brosnan. Another man who won Sexiest Man alive. His wife is noticeably overweight. It sure does not impact the love he has for her.

Pierce Brosnan won Sexiest Man Alive in 2001.
Pierce Brosnan won Sexiest Man Alive in 2001.

Idris Elba the Sexiest Man for 2018, while his new girlfriend is gorgeous, but his two previous women were not especially beautiful.

Idris with first wife Sonya Nicole Hamlin
Idris with first wife Sonya Nicole Hamlin

And if you didn't think Idris deserved the award for 2018, the obvious choice would have been Jason Mamoa. Jason is married to that hot mess Lisa Bonet. Dude, she looks like the crypt keeper.

Wow!  Aquaman, you have fallen far.
Wow! Aquaman, you have fallen far.

These are not exceptions. I can talk about Clive Owen and his wife, Cuba Gooding Jr., Robert DeNiro and on and on. To pretend that men are solely obsessed with a woman's physical features is simply not using common sense. Men like women who are intelligent, loyal, good-hearted and kind. We appreciate too many different feminine qualities to just be obsessed over just one thing. And it is hard sometimes seeing so many questions asking about what men find sexy or why men are obsessed over sex. Of course, many are, but just as many are not. And what I find fascinating is when it comes to media representation, there is almost little or none focused on all of these supposedly good looking guys who just have women most would consider average.

Some how when women do this, it is because they are so special, not shallow, and can see the "beauty" in a man's heart. But when men do this, they are brainwashed by a leftist agenda into body acceptance or some fruity crazy crap. We have always been able to look past appearances to find a relationship with a special woman. And to those women who feel they are not "hot" enough, skinny enough, that they need to go get plastic surgery for bigger boobs or fake butts, it is not us driving you to this. The societal images are maintained by both men and women. And instead talking about how men are totally obsessed over sex or sexualized imagery, I think it is time to note the significant portion of men who are not like that at all. The thing is, it isn't even all that hard. Since we have so many of these men quite visible in plain sight.

A
A "body positive" Jazzy and her husband who is built like Megatron.
Mazelee and her husband Joe Lee.
Mazelee and her husband Joe Lee.

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RolandCuthbert is a GirlsAskGuys Editor
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What Girls Said 10

  • 4d

    This is a great MyTake 👍
    I had a boyfriend that kept telling me that my brothers could have done better in the way of how attractive their wives were.
    So bloody conceded and it got me thinking that I actually deserved a much nicer boyfriend than the one who didn't seem to like any of my family.

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    • 4d

      Yeah, some men are like that. Some aren't. Its funny. I bet his brothers will end up being much happier in their choices than he will. He will probably end up with a woman just as conceited as he is.

    • 3d

      No dude he was talking about my brothers.
      I dumped him and he ended up stalking me for awhile making threats to cause me harm.

    • 3d

      Sorry. I meant "your" brothers.

  • 5d

    Hmm I support this message,

    🤔 I just need to think about whether there is any reason for me to respond. If I do it will probably become very long with some digressions. I don't know if the World or myself needs it , as you already covered so much.

    so we will see but mean while, I like that you spoke up 😊🌹

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  • 4d

    I love seeing happy couples and don’t much care about their attractiveness in relation to each other. I've not heard the “when women do this... they see the beauty in a mans heart”thing, but what I have heard is When women marry not as attractive men, people assume gold digger, she’s only after his money.
    Good mytake. Well written.

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    • 4d

      True, I forgot about that part. There are women accused of being gold diggers. Many folks in my community claimed Beyonce would not give JayZ a second look, if he wasn't worth half a billion.

  • 4d

    Well I guess we all have our own opinions on attractiveness

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  • 4d

    I agree! I never thought men were so empty, lots of people think this way. But also men are mostly the ones who portray this image and exercise it. They give women the idea that men in general need a pretty girl by his side. And it gets to us, so we do everything and anything to seem attractive to the guys we like. It’s the same for the guys who go to the gym to look hot for girls.

    But you’re right. I never thought men were that shallow. But they keep expressing that they are! I recently read a Take where a man was upset about being “dehumanized” because men were thought of as sex obsessed pigs! And I felt so sad for him, but then I saw on many other posts (made by men) that men indeed place sex and looks as a top priority.

    It’s just hard to understand because some men say they’re not shallow and others say they definitely are in terms of looks because they’re supposedly ‘visual’. I think this is absolute BS but I almost believed it!

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    • 4d

      No, "we" do not keep expressing that we are. I have never been shallow. I like what I like. My ex was overweight and when we met there was sexual attraction. She knew it. I knew it. The same thing happened with current lady who does not weigh a 100lbs. Too many people are projecting their insecurities.

      I cannot help what other men do or say. I can only ask that women find a way to stop believing men who claim they speak on behalf of all men. I can only ask for women to see me for my unique individual self. But if she can't do that, I would wonder what hope could there be for us anyway?

      You are a young lady. There are plenty of men who will love you just the way you are with no modifications. Just try to be happy, healthy, kind and intelligent.

    • 4d

      I didn’t say “you” did. I said some men expressed it that way and make up stereotypes about being sex obsessed and focused on women’s looks. Look at @PoliceLivesMatters opinion lol I can’t even take that guy seriously! He keeps saying that men “biologically” see women as sex objects and keeps saying that men are “naturally” inclined to such behavior. He always links inappropriate behavior and thoughts as “biological” as if he knew so much about the topic. So many men do this! Especially young men.

      I just wish people knew that there are variations and different people like different things.

    • 4d

      I know PLM and he hates my guts. But he is just another in a long line of young guys who pattern themselves after media images of men. They have not learned what being a man is about yet.

      But again, you are going to have to stop listening to men who claim they speak on behalf of all men. PLM is no authority on manhood.

      Many guys here are lost. Evidenced by my "take"on what are masculine traits.

      What Are Masculine Traits? ↗

  • 5d

    I like this. Women are women’s biggest enemy.

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    • 4d

      @KupKakes Yes, some men do. But lots of women seem to think they are uniquely capable of loving a man who does not have physical attractiveness.

      And Kup, I am talking about something that is plain common sense. Remember this guy? He was ripped apart online for being with this woman whom he loves. That does not happen to women or at least it does not happen as often.

      Of course, not all men are shallow. The big secret the media keeps from you.

    • 3d

      @KupKakes women bully women more than any man has

  • 4d

    I think all these celebrities pick these "unattractive" people because no pretty celebrity click with them think about it. Let just say Leonardo DiCaprio this guy never got married and he dated young women for years, I personally think there a reason for it and that is he just hasn't found a woman that click with him yet. He literally could have any woman on this planet yet he can't seem to get married. I could relate in a sense because I know there plenty of guys who would date me but yet I still feel like I can click with any guy anymore. I personally think it really bases on the emotional connection between two people. I notice a lot of people rather settle on someone then actually be single and wait it out for their right one. I settle in high school I have no idea why I did but after the relationship end I realize I did that and realize "why the fuck did I do that? I could literally get better guys yet I settle on this manipulating ugly slug".

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  • 4d

    Good take

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  • 4d

    But.. this doesn’t mean any of those men are faithful to their wife.. merely being seen with someone indicates not a damn thing. Men are in fact shallow.. always have been. Never met a man that wasn’t.

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    • 4d

      Some people here would call you a leftist. A feminist. A socialist.

      I am just going to call you dumb.

      No, women are not superior to men. Women are just as shallow as men. And men can definitely marry women who are not ideals in terms of Western beauty standards and live long happy lives with them.

    • 4d

      Wow that's a pretty Generalist statement.

      Not only did you imply that all men are shallow but that all those men who marry women who don't match western ideals of beauty cheat on them. That is an exceptionally dumb and shallow statement.

    • 4d

      Yeah, and women ONLY like the parts of a guy's personality, she can profit from. When he's likely to make a lot of money, or protect her. How is that not shallow? You love them for what they can DO for you, not for who they are.

      And there are MANY men, who can't afford to be shallow. You just don't recognize them as potential partners, because, guess what: You're shallow.

  • 4d

    Nothing body positive about being fat. I'm suprised you didn't mention Daniel Craig's wife.

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    • 4d

      There are too many men to count. And so many that are considered to be the best looking men on the planet. But Daniel Craig's wife is not overweight in any sense. And I think she is pretty.

      Of course, not all men are shallow. The big secret the media keeps from you.

      But James McAvoy is always high up on the list of sexiest men. And his wife is not pretty at all.

      Of course, not all men are shallow. The big secret the media keeps from you.

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    • 4d

      There's no indication that the celebrity examples of men with beastly women like jazzy, pierce brosnan' s wife, Clive Owen's wife or Jason momoas' wife are actually sexually attracted to them. For all you know they are getting their jollies on the set or are secretly gay.

    • 4d

      Yeah, I guess anything is possible.

      Like I said, that does not support your point.

      In fact, you don't appear to have one. For you there are no real relationships. Everything is a conspiracy.

      And that is not a conversation worth having.

What Guys Said 18

  • 5d

    When Hugh Jackman married his wife he was nobody (wasn't even an actor yet) and she was already an actress with accolades.

    When Pierce Brosnan married his wife she was pretty hot, she only became a fatty later in life.

    Idris Elba divorced that woman in 4 months, and according to her it was because his agent told him it is going to hurt his career.

    What again?

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    • 5d

      1. That does not explain why he is still married to her and not only that. . . happily married.

      Of course, not all men are shallow. The big secret the media keeps from you.

      2. Same deal.

      3. And his other wife? Was she a supermodel?

      Of course, not all men are shallow. The big secret the media keeps from you.

      And look at the women Idris was attracted to. No pattern there, right?

      Of course, not all men are shallow. The big secret the media keeps from you.

      Should I go on and post Robert DeNiro? Jason Mamoa?

      Of course, not all men are shallow. The big secret the media keeps from you.

      Of course, not all men are shallow. The big secret the media keeps from you.

      Of course, not all men are shallow. The big secret the media keeps from you.

  • 5d

    Media is The Matrix and many people are fooled by it, believing in an illusion designed to maintain them in a bubble.

    Let's set as example Disney. How many women haven't grown with Disney? Several have and they believe/believed there is a Prince Charming, and that "love" is effortless, and that if it's real why make any effort to maintain it afloat?

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    • 5d

      So how do we juxtapose this criticism of the media and its imagery with the obvious fact that most in GaG think it is quite healthy to continue to push unrealistic expectations onto women, their body image, and what to expect of men? Look at the comments in this thread? For all their whining about the media, they push the same exact narratives.

      I need to create another take, titled. . ."Are most Human Beings, even self-aware"?

      Because that to me is incredible.

      Why is fat people automatically seen as unattractive? ↗

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    • 4d

      That is an interesting statement.

      Gotta take some time to mull that one over.

      Thanks brother!

    • 4d

      No problem.

  • 5d

    I didn't think anyone actually believed there was a majority preference. It's like the whole "all women are bi" rhetoric that's been going around. It's ridiculous.

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    • 5d

      Haha! I think one of the posters here summed it up best. Many folks here are intellectually lazy. It is just too much effort to actually consider evidence, facts, etc.

      They kind of recite stereotypes out of almost like a reflex action.

  • 5d

    It's a lot easier to fall back on stereotypes - a cursory look through the post on GaG will show this to be true.
    - Men only want sex.
    - Why are men such pigs?
    - Why women who wear skimpy outfits are hoes.
    - Why feminists want to end Western civilization.
    - Liberals hate white people.
    : and often all these posts have no evidence to support any of their assertions.

    Lazy thinkers fall back on stereotypes because it's comforting to them. It's them in their comfort zone. There's no need to crank up the brain power and think things through. It's so much easier to scroll through the Interweb and read stuff like "10 Reasons why she's a hoe."

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  • 5d

    I don't think these guys feel they need validation from the media- they're happy with their partners and that is all that matters to them.

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    • 5d

      Oh yes, they don't need or seek it. But I felt the need to post this because there are a lot of questions/takes on women and body image. And I wanted to show that too many men are perfect capable of seeing past traditional standards of beauty to find women who are special in terms of their personality, their kindness, their interests and intellect.

    • 4d

      That's quite true

  • 4d

    There has always been a small population of men known as "chubby chasers". Most other men are repulsed by fat.

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    • 4d

      Speak for yourself dude. Stop claiming some vast group of men agree with you on attractiveness.

  • 4d

    Well, not saying men can’t like women for other things but an argument can be made that those men you’ve listed above fetishize their lives in a particular way. Perhaps Jackman likes that his wife is older than him or Brosnan has a thing for heavy set or thick women. Either way, it’s impossible to know the motivations or intentions of a man who is dating a woman that some might consider unattractive. The motivations can be just as objectifying as dating a woman only because of her beauty. I think men & women are wired differently and I think men are attracted to women in a manner that is different from how women are attracted to men. Sure there are parallels, but I believe the brains of a man and woman work differently when it comes to what attracts them to the opposite sex. It’s why you see so many fetishes from men about women and you don’t see the reverse.

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    • 4d

      It’s why you see so many fetishes from men about women and you don’t see the reverse. It’s why you see the majority of porn watchers are all men, even probably lesbian porn. It might not be a pleasant thing to hear but it might be BIOLOGICAL for men to see women as sex objects

    • 4d

      I provided an example of men who are supposed to be the best looking among us. And I can flip your analogy around. Just because a man is with a good-looking woman it does not follow that sex and physical attractiveness was his primary drive. So using your logic it is impossible to discern anyone's primary drive.

      Of course men and women are wired differently. But relationships cannot endure based upon a fetish. But perhaps you have never loved a woman. If so, I think I can understand that.

    • 4d

      But men like sex PLM. I never claimed they didn't. But if all we needed was porn and prostitutes, we wouldn't marry.

      What Are Masculine Traits? ↗

  • 3d

    " many men, "Black", "White", Asian, Latino, etc. do not chase after women simply because of physical attraction."

    See? That's insulting. Those guys are PHYSICALLY ATTRACTED to their women. In his eyes, 1000 Beyonces are ugly compared to his woman. lol.

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    • 3d

      Read what you will.

      " do not chase after women SIMPLY because of physical attraction."

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    • 3d

      Then, those men aren't worth their salt. They probably settled for the first woman who touched their peter, no matter how terrible she is. lol

      Yes, there is more to relationships than looks, but looks are still apart of it. Taking that out of the equation is a recipe for trouble down the line.

    • 3d

      You are just looking for problems and playing around with semantics.

      Good luck in your search.

  • 4d

    Um... not wanting to date/fuck fat girls doesn't make a guy "shallow." Stop pandering. It's dumb.

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    • 4d

      And dating fat girls doesn't make a good looking guy brainwashed by the "media".

      If you don't like them, don't date them. But don't project your issues with your own self-esteem onto other men.

      You aren't them.

      They aren't you.

      Pandering?

      Son. . . please.

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    • 4d

      Aaaand... now you aren't even addressing what I've said. I guess that's the end of the conversation. Good day.

    • 4d

      I addressed your points perfectly. It was you who stated they were making bad choices for dating fat women. Or that somehow the pool of women who were fat was growing so someone like Idris Elba has to choose a fat woman. He can't just make his own damn choices without a fruitcake insinuating he was brainwashed or made a bad decision.

      I have dated fat, skinny, medium and average.

      No one "convinced" me. I had no issues making my choices. And I am not about to let some pathetic examples of manhood try to take my ability to make choices away.

      Do you. If you can't accept anything less than Mila Kunis, that's your issue. I won't criticize you. In fact, I don't even care.

      But that is a claim you cannot make. Because what other men choose, is a major concern to you. Because if they make different choices, you are gonna feel bad. Because you. . . it makes you look bad. . .

      Weirdness.

  • 4d

    Just a side note "They claim the media portrays men are sex addicted freaks who only want women for one thing. Simultaneously, they claim the media try to brainwash men into dating women who are physically unattractive" : these are not mutually exclusive, I'm not supporting this, just pointing this out.

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    • 4d

      Ok. But they seem contradictory. And if there is one thing I know about GaG, it is that a lot of folks do not believe in personal responsibility. At least not when it creates issues for the conspiracy theories they believe in.

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    • 4d

      Nice^^

  • 4d

    Being that I have the healthiest lifestyle, I don't see how a fat girl values would fit into my life.

    Actually the longest relationship that I had has been with a chubby girl. But she was super lazy. She wanted to stay home all day, and her highest ambition was to clean houses.

    It really isn't about the physique. I simply what someone who TRULY values her body, so to take care of it. Watching TV all afternoon for someone who has things going on in their lives is simply boooooring.

    For me eating clean and exercising is not for looks, it's basic hygiene, like keeping the house clean.

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    • 4d

      I don't think I was posting about your personal views on dating.

      But feel free to read the take and respond when you can.

      Thanks.

  • 4d

    You are really only looking at aesthetically shallow. People can be money shallow or sex shallow as well.

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    • 4d

      And how does that not support my point.

      Besides, I don't think Hugh Jackman stayed married because of sex or money.

      He makes all the money. And his wife well, do you find her sexy?

    • 4d

      My point is that your examples are only against the idea that men are aesthetically shallow.
      Because people can also be money or sex shallow, it does not logically follow that your above examples must of necessity fall into one of those categories.

    • 4d

      My point is that people in American society have been conditioned to think me are only attracted to women because of physical characteristics.

      And that is not true.

      Your point about people being shallow in other ways doesn’t really apply here.

  • 4d

    I don’t think any of those actors wives are ugly just average. Hugh’s wife is just way older than him.

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    • 4d

      The point is these men do not have the expected "tastes" that men are stereotyped as to having when it comes to dating/marriage. They are quite happy in their supposedly non-conventional choices. And if these men, almost all of whom have either won the sexiest men in the world or at least are high up on the list, were so concerned over supermodel looks they would have left their wives or changed their preferences long ago.

      Hugh's wife ain't been hitting the gym regularly.

      Of course, not all men are shallow. The big secret the media keeps from you.

  • 5d

    Of course.

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  • 4d

    Exceptions to every rule...

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    • 4d

      Said it before and I'll say it again. These are no exceptions. And the men listed are on the list of the sexiest men alive.

      For instance take Jesse Williams. Its funny to see the confusion at GaG. Guys don't seem to know if it is better that good looking men often choose women who are considered to be average or if it is better that they reject them and only seek out supermodels.

      Of course, not all men are shallow. The big secret the media keeps from you.

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    • 4d

      Nah, it is just that when I look at media images. . . I see things others simply do not recognize.

      Clive Owen, voted Sexiest man twice. And his wife would be considered average.

      Of course, not all men are shallow. The big secret the media keeps from you.

      We all know Robert DeNiro.

      Of course, not all men are shallow. The big secret the media keeps from you.

      Most people here don't even know that DeNiro was married to a "Black" woman. They only recently filed for divorce. I just have a different "eye".

    • 4d

      Probably you do, yeah. I couldn't care less who celebs date / marry.

  • 4d

    Nice, a token post defending men. Refreshing coming from someone who has become notorious for thinly veiled anti-male rhetoric. Not surprising though, considering it comes from someone pretending to be someone she's not.

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    • 4d

      Says the cowardly anonymous blue troll.

      You are just pitiful. You are a half mile past pathetic. I have nothing to prove to you or for you. When you become man, look me up.

      Until then, I will ignore you like I ignore the flea that comes into my backyard.

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    • 4d

      @es20490446e Oh, he does? I didn't know.

      Nor do I care.

    • 4d

      Do you know what percentile 25 means?

      Not All Men Are Shallow: The Secret the Media Keeps From You

  • 5d

    I'm only shallow when it comes to black women. Especially the dark ones. They have to have a big ass for me to want them

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  • 5d

    I love seeing people in love. It's so much more meaningful than when Hollywood sticks 2 perfect 10s together and they go around pretending to give a crap about each other, while they bang other people on the side. And yeah there's no shortage of contradicting messages when it comes to hating on men. I sorta think they do this just to confuse everyone so they don't know what to think and just throw their arms up in frustration and say "all I know is men/women are assholes."

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