how many of us Ladies have faced an emotional crisis with our Boyfriend/ Husband, sometimes even Brother or Father ...
YES they have one thing in common ...
THEY ARE MEN !!
Let's try to understand that Men (attention please) DO HAVE EMOTIONS...
But they show it differently ... or basically THEY DON'T SHOW IT AT ALL, but this does not mean that they don't have them ...
But why would I as a female know?
Well...I had a little help from my Male amigos on G@G because asking this question today on G@G, inspired me to write this MyTake, and you will see the comments that made ME think a lot, and i personally learned a lot from them, and I HOPE that you ladies will also learn something, and any additional comment to this is welcome..
DISCLAIMER: I would like to inform you that i have the consent of every G@Gster below to post their comments. I don't steal without asking (this sounded so wrong but OK you got my point)
So let's take NOTES ladies here we go:
Dargil Age: 26 Because many of us are far less verbal and don't want to stutter. mumble or sound like idiots. Also, I think women are far more emotional by design.
Imhotep99 Age: 18 Because they do not want others to think they are less masculine and less manly.
Piluex Age: 29 Lets be honest here, most girls say they want men to open up... but once they actually get to deal with a men opening up and showing emotion, they realize they really don't like that at all, get turned off and think you're pathetic/weak/useless/clingy/all of the above.
coolbreeze Age: 33 Because we have big egos and it makes men seem weak and less masculine that way. We have to stay tough for the girl.
Cosytoasty Age: 28 It's because VERY few women are capable of handling a guy's emotions without being overwhelmed and turned off. Women don't want to be a mother to their partners.
RedThread Age: 29 Because it usually isn't considered masculine. We all want to do it but we certainly won't share with other guys. One of a few ways traditional concepts of masculinity can be kind of toxic to men.
ThisDudeHere Age: 21 In my opinion being seen as less of a man is probably the biggest reason. I tend to avoid opening up at all costs. I don't want to trouble other people with my own problems. Those are mine to carry.
ak666 Age: 35 One of the reasons I think some guys don't express their emotions very well is because they're too emotional. At least that was the case for me when I was younger. I became much better at it when I became more self-disciplined and started thinking about the best ways to improve my relationships instead of just acting on my emotional impulses.
FatherJack Age: 45 We are less emotional by nature & also social conditioned " society " sees men being too emotional as weak , BOTH genders are ruthless towards men that are deemed weak , even if they really are strong. Evolutionary biology at work , men used to do all the hunting , this is why men are more detached ( I am VERY much like this , as a FT working single dad , it's a good job too !! ) & also talk much less than women.
Genuinely, I do agree with all of them, it might not make sense to some of us, but i think we should just respect their points of view and accept that MEN are just MEN and they don't really want to loose their label and pride by being all emotional.
If you ask me, it's better this way.
This is why relationships are more exciting, the differences between two genders, or between two different emotions, carry relationships on different seas, and it all depends on how we navigate ourselves.
Sometimes they make us cry, sometimes they make us laugh, sometimes they make us just question everything, BUT if they want to show their emotions, they show it through actions - which do speak louder than words as we all know.
Well at least something don't you think.. ;)
Bless you all
Natured <3
Men Are Not Able to Show Emotions? Not Really -Real Opinions by Real G@Gers-
I remember watching my neighbor start crying in front of me one night. His friend immediately told me to leave like I was breaking some sort of unknown rule that I wasn't supposed to sit and watch a man cry, but my neighbor told him to let me stay. I felt like he wanted me to see him cry and his choice to let me see it showed his mad respect for me because I never saw him cry in front of any other girls (including the three girlfriend he had that year)
I also remember my uncle crying when he told me how happy he was to see my face when he was lying in a hospital bed after having a stroke
The main difference between how men and women express emotion is that women spread it out more while men bottle it up until they can't hold it in anymore, and all of it comes out at once. We are desensitized to watching women cry because women cry all the time, but we don't always know how to react when men cry because they rarely do it, so you know something heavy happened if you see a man crying. Men and women express emotions differently, but that doesn't mean either gender has more or less emotions than the other
Women need to stop crying over broken fingernails and men need to start crying when their fingers fall off. (Seriously I know a guy who lost his thumb without crying--that is a perfectly acceptable time to cry.) Expressing your emotions is healthy, but you have to express your emotions in a healthy manner
@Imhotep99 @Peachman That's not weird at all. It's actually quite normal for both men and women to act this way when they're overcome with emotions. But being normal doesn't make it healthy. Bottling up your emotions is extremely stressful and you don't want to blow your top at the wrong time or at the wrong person or in the wrong way
Using a punching bag to channel your anger is a very healthy way of expressing your emotions. You're utilising a tool designed for abuse rather than breaking holes in walls hurting a human being plus it physically wears you out which can also lessen your anger. Creating art, listening to music, exercise, cleaning, and writing your thoughts down in a journal are all healthy ways of expressing or releasing your emotions without having to feel awkward opening up to anybody or talking about it. Crying is perfectly acceptable and sometimes you just need a good cry to get over something, so let yourself cry if you need to and don't worry about people judging u
@Imhotep99 Give that punching bag what it deserves. Feel free to trash talk it as much as you want because it can't retaliate against you and won't hold a grudge
I had a councillor tell me to take my anger out on a pillow instead of my sister (it was all her fault anyway lol) and it kind of worked because then I just felt stupid yelling at and biting a pillow (I was in elementary school by the way, I don't have anger problems anymore). Sometimes realizing how stupid you're being can be a good shock to your system to simmer down a bit
@Peachman Drawing messed up shit is the best way to express your darker emotions. As you progress with your emotional maturity, looking back at your artwork can help you better understand yourself and not forget the places you've been to. My artwork has gotten much more colorful and refined as I've been able to control my anger and depression. I've even been able to refine my doodles into an exquisite technique that I use on large pieces now. One time I had to make an angry face and draw it with heavy shading and messy strokes. I feel that is one of my best self-portraits because it shows raw emotion, one most artists avoid for aesthetic purposes. I even felt better after finishing it
Grazie !! Bravo , Women & men are complete polar opposites in most respects , due to evolutionary biology , good meme you put by my previous comment , it is true men are EXPECTED to " suck it up " ... if men don't like that.. then tough shit !! I have taught my daughter , Lucia , now 10 , to see the male POV , she wondered why I am so different in my attitudes than her mother. I told her my brain & her big brothers are wired in the opposite way to girls.
Sadly many girls , mainly due to the anti-male " media " , feminist propaganda & sometimes own mothers , are taught to view boys / men as beneath them , men then respond by turning their backs on women...& the sad cycle continues !!
Yes i totally agree, honestly, some women are trying to get all this equality thing going on, when sometimes in some cases we ALREADY have equal standards, but they just don't see, maybe it does vary from country to country, and it does matter from personality to personality.. I just wish we all find our peace with this, and I myself did learn a lot, and i will put these things in handy, and i will respect a man's EMOTION !! LOL !! Weeeee media.giphy.com/.../source.gif
All the "This is wrong and BS" guys are the same assholes who say that having emotions is a weakness. Grow up guys, you watched way too much He-Man for your own good, you don't have to be a muscly barbarian with no emotion who saves damsels in distress, you can a human being with the ability to feel emotion and still be "manly."
I hate the fact that the suicide rate is 75% men and 25% female. And that's the ATTEMPT rate... Typically men die in suicide attempts 400% more than women. (mostly because men prefer guns and more 'messy' but lethal routes).
This isn't from lack of emotion, this is from men being told they aren't allowed to show emotion. Of those suicide attempts, a minimum of 70% of women seek professional help, with numbers reaching almost 90% in some areas... For men a MAXIMUM of 50% seek help with a minimum of 30%.
And not to mention that every time this is brought up, there comes a brigade of "boo hoo, poor men commiting suicide... You just want to drum up a sob story to make men look like some poor victim."
And what is sad that women who say things like that are the ones trying to fight rape culture... while propagating male suicide...
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And whats the icing on the cake is these male comments, about "men having feelings is BS." Quit lying to yourself. It makes you sound like the "Why Rape Is Sincerely Hilarious" video. I really hope some brave souls watch the whole thing through because I was not able to.
I just don't know how all of this has something to do with suicide and rape, I was just gathering opinions, and this is not meant to be something SO DEEP, just some basic understanding...
Think it can be a lot of factors sometimes, you kinda always grow up with that mentality too. Women and children first. Men being forced to draft and fight wars. Constantly reinforced ideals that we are expandable, lesser value. Thus naturally our emotions would matter less too. I know I was told once I feel so little cause I feel so much, which I think is pretty too. It becomes a point where everything is just overwhelming that you just simply turn numb to cope. People have kinda always seen me as a stone, I felt like one too. Nobody can read my face nor tell if im angry, sad or happy. Its always the same face.
And I know too I really never had much luck opening up to women for example, not entirly sure why but it just never seem to go good, it kinda always go bad, so naturally too always get reinforced that idea again that I should never share anything and just keep it to myself. Maybe its cause women maybe dont expect there to so much there, maybe they just dont know to handle it cause of it, since its a rare thing probably that they have to handle, thus less experience with it. Then naturally too, are many who rather just react rather than think too, so they end up handling the situation wrong again.
Again, many factors and reasons, but in my case I sure know even though women in general gets labeled more as emotionally comforting and understanding, I really experienced quite a lot more the opposite, just coldness and cruelity, not from everyone, but certainly the majority. At times you can ponder if men actually have such intense emotions that in general many women seem cold by comparrison, which I kinda think is somewhat of the side effect of keeping things to yourself. You no doubt grow more intense. Thus maybe instead, we are the more deeper emotional ones, but rarely show it.
I think the guys with closest to the view I hold to be likely correct are Piluex, and Cosytoasty.
Men feel. They feel as much and as deeply as women, about as many different and varied things. And men do have outlets for emotion, we just show those outlets in different ways then women.
But it seems to me that the message behind how men, as dictated by society, should handle their emotions, is this: You master your emotions, they do not master you.
Men who express emotions, especially sadness, despair, depression, anger, and excitement, tend to be seen as either weak, or lacking self control.
This has been a huge problem for me with dating. I'm a rare type of guys who is in touch with his feelings and knows how to communicate them very well. This has made dating difficult for me. I have a ton of female friends but none seem interested in the least. I'm like by everyone just not in a romantic way. Lots of girls say they want a caring guy who is in touch with their feelings but I'm starting to belive it's not true. What you are saying is often true for majority of men. And for the minority it does not seem like a positive lol.
I think that a good bit of it is a defensive strategy based on a lack of trust. When conflict arises (in my experience) women tend to make emotional attacks, rather than physical or logical ones. If she doesn't know my soft spots, she will wear herself out making emotional attacks that I can simply ignore or laugh at. After she tires herself out, I can usually win the conflict with logic or persuasion. But first you have to be able to shrug off the emotional barrage. When things are good, emotional honesty leads to increased intimacy. Unfortunately, when things are bad, your partner still remembers those insecurities and won't hesitate to pounce on them.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
It's not that we are unable to show our emotions; it's that we're not allowed to. That's not going to change, regardless of what women say about wishing men would show their emotions.
Let's be honest here... women want their men to be strong. They want their men to be men, not women. Women who say otherwise are not being honest with themselves, and men who believe them are being set up for failure.
Ladies, stop setting men up to fail. Stop just saying what you think you're supposed to say and be honest for a change.
That first quote... being far less verbal, some men definitely are like this. Our female ancestors usually sat around the fire and cooked and talked to each other and children. Men traveled, had to stay quiet while hunting and fighting and communicated with other men. Some men are difficult to talk to, but they are so intriguing to decipher.
The main thing I'm not sure if you touched on is we are "programmed" right from birth by EVERYONE NOT to show emotion. By other males, the media, even other women. It's not "manly" and shows "weakness". It's stupid, but it's the mentality out there and is not likely ever to change. You're 100% right about 1 thing though, we absolutely have them still. Just a lot of us hide them.
A great way to summ up all men into one ball is to let them show you the truth and replicate it. Indeed some men learnt that being emotional brought them a negative result and learn from it it's that some men really were emotional wrecks that just changed over time.
Well, I've let my emotions out in front of others.. Felt good, and weird at the same time.. But I rarely do it.. I think guys let things out every once in a while... But anymore than that, and just naw.. Lol.. You make some pretty good mytakes, very inclusive and understanding..
I like how women can suddenly tell what men think lol... Pretty funny that they would try. Let me tell you men are pretty easy to figure out. They like pleasure in all sorts, they like praise, acceptance, and they like not to be questioned about it. We're pretty rational in general whether in a good or bad way, there's no estrogen involved
The point is not to "not show your emotions", but to be able to control them. To decide when, how and in which circustances to show them. Virtue is to be able to put your senses under the control of your reason ;) Right?
For me it's not about weakness, I think embracing your weakness makes you stronger. It's simply that I haven't had much positive experience with opening up, we become socially conditioned to not open up. The times where I did open up, people I opened up to weren't very recipient to it. For example I'd tell something to my parent and they'd be like "Oh that's a small problem, that's nothing and they'd brush it off". It would happen repeatedly, eventually I just stopped opening up to anyone.
At the end of the day, my growing up experiences led me to believe that my feelings and what I have to say aren't important to people so I've become sort of stoic. I'm just pretty quiet and emotionally distant
This was nice to read. But I assume that the women will probably disagree with your conclusion. Many will still insist "oh men are just too prideful/stupid. They should let go" and etc.
Well if women think that way, then too bad for them, i did understand this, and I am sure a few will understand this as well as they mature or as they get to know their man deeper :)
I was just talking to my brother the other night, who has mixed feelings about this girl he is dating, and it WAS SO FREAKING HARD to find out what he really wants, even though me and my brother have a tight relationship and he tells me everything, but when it's about emotional stuff he just backs up, and sometimes my boyfriend does the same but not all the time. Then i wondered and i thought ok let's see what G@G says about this. And just like i Expected, you guys reacted the same way, and i thought since a lot of us women struggle with this, and have no idea what is going on sometimes.
So seeing you guys similar answers, i thought okay, maybe us women do really need to LEARN out of this, so i made a MYTake, and since i love using pictures and i love writing, I JUST CREATED THIS MyTake really quick... Actually one of my fastest works so far because you guys just did everything for me basically lol.. :) THank you
women have perpetuated these toxic notions of masculinity as much as male peers did. emotions aren't a weakness but a strength if expressed in a loving manner that doesn't reduce and attack other people's personalities.
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