Male Emotional Friendship-Zone Damage Scale (The Male EFD Scale)

As the exclusive Professor of the friendship-zone, I have put together a scientifically formulated scale rating of friendship-zone levels and their emotional devastation. My distinguished colleagues and I, at the University of Happy Hour........yeah...have formulated a scale rating based on qualitative data from our professor-like life experiences in the friendship-zone, quantitative data based on published books like Playboy, Zoo, FHM, websites like GAG, Reddit, Experience Project, Adult Friend Finder, Ashley Madison, and good old fashioned scientific observation that the University of Happy Hour happily provides (we thank Happy Hour for all the scientific observations it provides).

Scrambled’ s Male Emotional Friendship-Zone Damage Scale (The Male EFD Scale)

Side note and understanding the scale:

Scale is based on men’s experiences only. The game works differently for men and women, although there may be some overlaps.
For the phenomenon of emotional friendship-zone devastation to occur, the following elements need to be in place:

1) A guy needs to like a girl at some level. If not, this would fall in the zones of pure friend or enemy.

2) If the girl reciprocates his desire, it’s a relationship in whatever form (casual hook-up to deep relationship)

3) The Scale is based on the template for the Fujita Scale that measures tornado severity. Similar ratings, except that the Male EFD Scale is more useful, as emotional friendship-zone devastation effects more men worldwide.

(Emotional Friendship-Zone Damage) EFD Level 0: Almost Non-Existent to Very Light Emotional Disturbances

Male Emotional Friendship-Zone Damage Scale (The Male EFD Scale)

Very close to normal friends. In fact it is extremely hard to spot this relationship as it almost always looks like the guy and girl are excellent friends or acquaintances (or the guy may come off as gay). There isn’t too much deep conversations or deep interest involved and both parties are happy to talk shit. In the male’s head he doesn’t expect anything from the girl, doesn’t really want anything from the girl and the girl doesn’t show anything overtly to make him think otherwise in terms of love and relationships. However, sometimes the guy will think why she gets action and he doesn’t but not in a devastating way. He just wonders. It gets a little complicated when she screws a guy similar to him but never came for the said friend. Oh well. This relationship also exists when a guy has no hopes in hell of getting a girl. Like famous Actresses or Models, or that hot boss that is married to a major CEO of a company. The guy entertains the notions of having her, but knows it won’t happen and is easy to accept.

Steps to overcome it: Nothing much. Men usually just carry on. If something bugs you, a few beers and a friend will clear it up. A 5 minute p*rn scene should sort you out.

EFD Level 1: Light to Moderate Emotional Disturbances

Male Emotional Friendship-Zone Damage Scale (The Male EFD Scale)

This is when guys start questioning the said women, women in general and what is happening. This is the relationship where the guy may have a small crush on a girl and they know each other, but nothing really happens. She doesn’t feel anything for the guy or shows it but he does have something for her, and is characterised by the thinking “I reckon we would be good for each other”. She usually has a boyfriend or is a family friend that is distant, or that girl in school who you talk to but is involved with another (usually more popular) group. You still have that feeling that you probably wouldn’t get her at that time due to her status or looks or social situation (has a boyfriend) and you accept this, but you see her get other guys and it makes you a bit depressed. So its crap. But you can move on and a guy briefly entertains the notion that something may be wrong with him.

Steps to overcome it: Men usually move on. A few more beers and some good friends discussing the enigma that is women. Some laughs with the usual discussion ending of “women hey?”. A few more p*rn downloads will suffice.

EFD Level 2: Moderate to Peaks of Damaging Emotional Disturbances

Male Emotional Friendship-Zone Damage Scale (The Male EFD Scale)

Very similar to EFD Level 1, but the guy is usually closer to the girl as a friend and has a crush on her. She however doesn’t give anything away to make him think she has any invested interest in him in a romantic way. This is when girls start sharing some deeper stuff in their lives, like her high level boyfriend issues, girlfriend issues, some high level life issues (like maths class sucks), but the guy still isn’t at that level of going out with her as a close friend. Its usually a good school friend, work colleague, a friend you see often with your other guy friends or sister. The guy knows her, sees her frequently but is still not at that level to fully accept that she can be exclusively his (she is of a different status or too beautiful or has a boyfriend). So he can let go a bit easier but still it gets to him now and then. Questions like “why can’t I be hot like her?” or “why does she go out with that guy, and not me?” starts creeping in. He is generally fine, but has those days or reminders that he can’t get her.

Steps to overcome it: Few more beers with friends and more humorous discussions about women. A few shooters may be added. At this point men start questioning everything, look at magazines, GAG , and they even start asking their mom’s and dad’s about love and relationships. Most men survive this type of friendship-zone but have their moments of depression. A guy starts getting very acquainted with online p*rn .

EFD Level 3: Damaging Emotional Disturbances

Male Emotional Friendship-Zone Damage Scale (The Male EFD Scale)

Many guys have been to this level. This is the damaging level where not only do you have a crush or really like a girl, but she shows signs that sometimes overlap with relationship behaviour. Its emotional turmoil as she invites you out with friends, or she chats to you about really deep stuff, she asks you to help her out with homework, you even participate in activities with her like work projects, clubbing or movies, BUT she sleeps with other guys. You don’t know if it’s your looks, status or what, that makes her not go that extra level. Advanced Level 3 stages are when she dances with you as a guy friend to cock-block other guys (but doesn't do anything to you), she speaks about her sex life to you as a trusted friend, you share rooms and toilets etc. as friends (I personally had a very close relationship with a university friend like this), you know her family very well, she sees you for alone time like movies or other hang-outs and nothing happens, she may even have a boyfriend while doing all these things with you. The worst, and greatest indicator of this level is when she one day tells you “I wish all guys could be like you” while she complains about her last couple of boyfriends she has slept with. The said guy friend is additionally hit with turmoil of "should I stay or go?" Good friends don’t leave friends? but you hurting? but you not in a relationship? and he is in essence, trapped. This is the period where many men make changes. They either tell her how he feels, at the expense of being rejected and having a weird post-tell-friendship, or he looks into Pick Up Artists, or he goes to dad and mom and tells them their advice is crap, or he may start to realising something is not working.

Steps to overcome it: Plenty of beers and many shooters. Drugs and other forms of self-harm are common. The major hangover the next morning makes you physically feel like your emotional state and for once you are in balance. Guys find solutions like Pick Up Artists, or dad actually gives the son cold, hard advice about how the game actually works, bro’s try help each other out, some guys mentally block it out altogether with things like work projects and hobbies, or religion. A guy falls to his knees and thanks whoever created free p*rn on the internet.

EFD Level 4: Severe Emotional Disturbances

Male Emotional Friendship-Zone Damage Scale (The Male EFD Scale)

Major shifts in emotional psych that create all types of extraordinary men (for better or worse). At this point a man has either been friendship-zoned by somebody, where the relationship resulted in years of being stuck in EFD Level 3, or there has been shorter yet many instances of EFD Level 3 for the guy. Said man is usually in his early to mid-20’s without much experience in romance and affection. This however can go into the 30’s or 40’s for a guy. The good side: Men try harder, see through all the friendship-zone crap and don’t waste their time there, learn how to cope with being alone, and guys like Neill Strauss, other pick up artists, players and the like are born. Some men try become more talented in their work or skills or hit the gym, or the combination of these things. The common theme for these men is that they do these things to get a girl due to severe emotionally driven tendencies that were born from a lifetime of EFD Level 3. Necessity breeds miracles and these men hopefully come right. The bad side: men who still don’t get it become bitter, become more warped and have inner emotional turmoil. They may even “settle” for a girl they don’t truly like because they know that they are mere friendship-zone fodder for other girls. These guys and single guys in level 4 sometimes see prostitutes, not out of fun, but desperation. They may even find solace in religion. Some men put up their white flag and/or go gay. Either way, these men fit the label “damaged goods” from a life of friendship-zone. Life has clearly shown that they are not worthy of the opposite gender in a romantic way. Some don’t even make that many good friends and their minds are in a different place to everyone else.

Steps to overcome it: Serious drinking, many pub nights with a minority of men in the same boat. Psychology intervention, self-help books, religion, PUA groups, some men go into gangs or even ISIS to find a place in the world. You finally realise your dad is one lucky son-of-a-bitch to have mom because everything he taught you is wrong. You realise your p*rn addiction isn’t working and prostitution is a god-send to guys like you. Some guys can get out of this, some can't and those who do often have to reinvent themselves totally, contradicting the “be yourself” advice.

EFD Level 5: Utter Catastrophic Emotional Disturbances (also defined as the Bieber Uber Level of Doom)

Male Emotional Friendship-Zone Damage Scale (The Male EFD Scale)

The ultimate mental destruction. These are guys who have either never received any attention from the opposite gender, been in EFD Level 3 for so long without any changes, and have just snapped (leaving Level 4 out) or are usually the rare guy who compounds all the problems from Level 4 and never found solutions to their problems. Luckily it’s a rare to see guys in this level. By now most guys would have just accepted the fact they are not good with women and are happy to know they will be friends only (read an article about a guy who chopped off his penis because he thought there was no use for it) , or…Guys who let this manifest become so misanthropic as they realise that their mere existence in this world is not worthy of anybody. These are the guys who would make a song featuring Justin Bieber, Nikki Manaj, Iggy Azalea and Kanye West in one go!!! , these are the guys who come up with reality TV (like my super 14th Halloween party), these guys probably wrote the patriarchal religions. Their hell that started at EFD level 1 multiplied and grew, and soon it grew into a monster that most cannot destroy. They leak the first 4 episodes of Game of Thrones and club seals. At a minimum, these guys are not in society, they realised that their presence is not needed and sit at home, at a maximum, these dudes commit horrendous crimes and treat everyone as inferior due to their lack of superiority. They are carnage on legs.

Steps to overcome it: Serious intervention. Psychotherapy, 12-step programs, clinical hypnotising and cognitive therapy. These guys usually are already addicted to something (could be prostitutes, alcohol, drugs, gym, or a combination of all these things). They usually don’t fully realise their women potential and may become those single weird dudes or those old guys who are really bitter as their romantic soul was utterly eroded by a life of EFD 3 and EFD 4. I usually recommend good rock music;-)

Male Emotional Friendship-Zone Damage Scale (The Male EFD Scale)
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Add Opinion

Most Helpful Girl

  • MistiGal
    OMFG!!!
    Well first of all congrats on your great piece of work and for sharing such private personal information... You have great patience 💚💛💚 I love the way you used the pics of waves to demonstrate each EFD factor... And I can't say that I would be one to like a FZ with a guy... Just not for me... Although interesting you say one girl who you liked said ' I wish all guys were like you' well what did she mean? Wasn't that paying you a compliment to say I like you? Or have I misinterpreted it? Either way I'm not gonna preach but like wt? If you portray the same persona and demeanour to every girl... You'll get back the same as you usually do... Only change can bring different things and it's no different to relationships but one has gotta be prepared to change and for set backs before moving forward, it's easy to slide in our comfort zone and to shake it seems so hard... Making changes to see what works better always has a positive outcome... Thanks for sharing ❤️💖❤️
    Is this still revelant?
    • Scrambled

      Thank you @MistiGal, I love the waves too😊 I had fun with this post. yes, I fully agree, a person has to change something if the same behaviour equals the same results. But that contradicts the advice "just be yourself" sometimes. If being yourself results in negative, you have to change yourself. But I didn't misinterpret what she said "all guys be like you". That's why I put in level 3 where what women does to her guy friends overlap with what could be a relationship. Many of my female friends have said similar things to me in the past. But they dated other guys. The specific one who said this is a good friend of mine who I had a massive crush on for years but she was always having guy problems. She is beautiful and one day we were sitting at night and she spoke about her bf and then told me that. Shame, she got her heart broken again by some other guy now. But yeah, we never hooked up romantically and it won't happen now.

    • MistiGal

      Hey Scrambled..
      thanks for sharing your info.. I'm real sorry that it didn't work out for you with your lady friend... her loss I guess, sounds like she needed to change too in order to have a harmonious relationship with a guy... but in saying that... yes the motto usually is be yourself.. and as you say if that doesn't work.. then, yes something has to give... usually that person... good luck with it all matey... :)))

Most Helpful Guy

  • Rloco
    I'm usually seen as a friend and am ok just being friends. I'm waiting for the girl I connect with. I'm working on my self esteem. I'm always told I'd be a good boyfriend and could get a girlfriend. I'm usually told this by my female friends I have a crush on. I wonder if I'll meet someone but still have hope. Not sure where I am on your scale. I've never had a girlfriend and socialize with girls but just kinda passively seek out a relationship. I kinda am jistvseeing if I'll randomly connect right now. What level am I?
    Is this still revelant?
    • Scrambled

      Hey man, if you ok with being friends you on EFD level 0. Only when it starts to bother you, it starts escalating.

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What Girls & Guys Said

47
  • Bluemax
    I'm surprised there aren't more (seemingly obligatory) remarks about how the friend zone is a phantom.

    At every level of EFD, the most effective step to overcome it is to walk away. This doesn't mean you have to be mean or nasty about it. You can be friendly without being someone's friend.
    • Scrambled

      Based on your logic... for example, the best way for a man to get over his, let's say, murdered son, is to just move on, maybe even have a new son or adopt. Happy days, new son to replace old one. Life doesn't work that way does it? Friendshipzone is a colloquial term for something real. It's your negative emotional state dur to someone you can't have as a partner but she/he is a friend. The negative feeling is real. Just like anything else, like a murdered son, the son may have been murdered a long time ago but the feelings still hurt like a bitch afterwards. But I suppose that's only EFD level 3 and upwards.

    • Bluemax

      No, based on my logic the best way for someone to minimize the pain of rejection is to limit contact with the person. Do not compare the pain of rejection to the pain of the death of a loved one. Those two things aren't even on the same planet.

      For the record, I believe that the friend zone is real. However, many disagree, which is why I remarked how I was surprised there weren't more comments.

      The longer one lingers around in a friendship that is painful, the deeper one sinks. Therefore, the wisest course of action is often to leave. And yes, dating very much does work that way.

    • Scrambled

      Oh... ok, I took it the wrong way, my apologies. The death of a loved one isn't on the same scale but I used it as an extreme example for lingering pain that exists but not due to an event that is currently happening. You can walk away but it depends on the social situation sometimes too, like most of my friendshipzone ladies were in my close social group and couldn't walk away (even worse... she ended up with my best friend... or even worse, 3 of them ended up with my one best friend).

    • Show All
  • Noxifer626
    I don't believe in the friendzone.
    If someone's a "nice guy" who thinks he can get laid with someone just because he made an effort, he's not a "nice guy".
    Plus, ¿what's wrong with being friends with someone?
    • Scrambled

      @Noxifer626 Nice guy has nothing to do with friendshipzone (although they are found there the most). Friendship-zone does exist. Its not an opinion, its a fact. A guys perception of it however is much is where the fun begins. That's where the scales come in. You seem to be at EFD level 0: Congrats. Re your "whats wrong with being just friends?" please see point one of side notes.

    • Noxifer626

      What you call "friendzone" is actually called "rejection".

    • Kshppatel

      Lol at a male and female of which one is attracted to the other being just friends forever. It has never ended with just friendship. Usually one party gets tired of being just friends, makes a move, and enters relationship or gets rejected and stops talking to the other. Doesn't matter how long it takes it either ends in a relationship or ends in the two not being friends anymore.

    • Show All
  • crayven
    Highest i reached was EFD 3.
    Working to solve things now - moved on but haven't found anyone yet, and am 32.
    Hopefully i won't fall into EFD 4 but... who knows...
  • Unit1
    Looks like my EFD level is 0 ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) nice job.

    Yeah, whoever invented and hosts free p*rn is a very GOOD human. Oh and I prefer Mountain Dew or PineApple with Apple juice instead of beer X)
  • pirofaz
    Where am i?

    I'm somewhere in between 2 and 3... But not with a particular girl, more as result of the accumulated rejection from different girls + lack of sex or intimacy... On the other hand i'm friend with a girl i like a lot... but instead of making me more unstable she makes me more mature, i consider here a true friend and i cannot throwh her out of my life. So, with her i somewhere in between 0 and 2 (varying depending on the moment) but its slowly diminishing to 0 as i accept she is just a friend.

    Where am i at?
  • RandomGuy2000
    Really good myTake, good job, seriously, very good job! "A guy falls to his knees and thanks whoever created free p*rn on the internet" xD
    • Scrambled

      Thanks man. Makes happy hour more happy.

  • abundantlyrich
    Not all platonic friendships has to become sexual ones later.
    • Scrambled

      I know:) hence my side notes, true/pure friendship. You will love this... I have been jolling almost every night (love that you know what I'm talking about) and my body got run down and guess what... I got cold sores:( then on the day of that, I had a hook up coming to my place. I told her I was sick and had cold sores. So no nookie for me that night.

    • Did you ever confessed to your beautiful friend about liking her more than a friend?

      sheesh I'm not always rapping about coldsores here all the time.

    • Your immune system must be weak if you get them every now and then.

    • Show All
  • coffeprince
    Lol this is cute.
  • Anonymous
    Friendzone only exists in the heads of men. You invented the word. Not us women. A man is either a platonic friend, a lover or a boyfriend. If you fall under friend a woman will only consider you a lover or boyfriend if she's desperate enough and is willing to settle for less.
    • Scrambled

      ... correction my dear, women control the love game. Isaac Newton for example did indeed change the world but he died a virgin. Why do you think prostitution is the oldest profession? Men havnt been getting laid for years. You also mention "if a women considers you a friend... blah blah... settle for less" but um no its not for the opposing genders point, it from the person who got friendzoned. And it is real... to say the emotional dissonance that occurs when a man can't get a girl he has feelings for isn't real is to say that a guy cannot fall in love or lust (or chooses this), which is incorrect. The choice comes then whether he remains friends or leaves her, but in reality, friendshipzone happens in social circles that you are in. So its hard. im still friends with many of my crushes of the past. Im glad I am, they are awesome people, but as you say, im not boyfriend material. Throwing it out there tho, I am getting better with age and I will never get close to them either;)

  • Anonymous
    what about the guy that you like but won't talk to you saying "she is not beautiful, she is ugly.. i have plenty of other girls"
    • Scrambled

      Depends. I have been there as a guy. If he isn't talking to you, then he is not a friend. Therefore not meeting the definition. If you are in the guys presence from time to time and he talks to you then he will be in the definition. But it should be at lower EFD levels. Whatever the reasons for the rejection or friendshipzone (ugliness, "nice guy syndrome", a boring personality) doesn't matter.

    • Scrambled

      ... well doesn't matter in terms of the reason for the friendshipzoning or rejection. But may indicate the problem to be solved.

    • Anonymous

      so u have rejected a woman coz she was not beautiful? so u wudnt even talk to her?

    • Show All
  • Anonymous
    Saw term "friend zone" used. Instantly discounted rest of take as infantile in it's capacity, and did not read.
    • Scrambled

      Ah... how boring are you!!! This satirical look is genius! You missed out pal. p. s friendship zone does exist, happy to school you if needed.

    • Anonymous

      Uh huh. And I suppose Jesus told you all about it while you were smoking a joint with a leprechaun on the summit of Mount Olympus.

      Keep your fairytale nonsense to yourself, thanks.

    • Scrambled

      No... logic told me. But anyway, as they say, "you

    • Show All
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