Men, and How to Avoid the Dreaded Friend Zone

The reason why guys get “friend zoned” is because they give way too much. There is no challenge in the relationship. Women like men who are masculine---not necessarily Alpha males, but are strong and independent---the man who doesn’t need to hear back from his girl immediately when he texts her, or needs her to comment on every Facebook status update.

Women get bored with it easily because of their natural nature to be complex. The guy who: replies back to every text message she sends him even when he is in a meeting, picks up the phone immediately even when he is in the shower, texts her first even though he is very busy with errands, that guy is going to get friend zoned.

Why? Because women like “independent” men and you are not showing her you are independent.

She doesn’t know you are in: a meeting, the shower, driving, etc. She only knows she wants your attention. That is a good thing. That means you are not “friend zoned.” If the girl gets upset that you didn’t reply to her right away, that is probably the girl you don’t want in your life. She wants you to be your lap dog, but at least even in that case you won’t be “friend zoned”.

If she texts you when you are in the shower, let her wait until you are done. That anticipation makes her think (in some cases, worry). “Why isn’t he getting back to me?” “Did I do something wrong?” “I hope he is okay.” You want her to worry because that is an instinct of a loved one.

Here are a few approaches you can avoid the “Friend Zone”:

1. Sexual Attraction

You have to have other people besides the one you want to be physically attractive to you. Don’t be discouraged if your opinion on your looks is low. That’s not what makes people sexually attracted to one another. A great example of this would be, Howard Stern. He is not particularly handsome in any means, but he has several other characteristics that he has going for him. Some people find him funny, he has projects that he works on that turned into great careers, independent, and has good hygiene. Even though stern prefers the shaggy look, he still has good hygiene.

  • Hygiene. This is very important. A girl will be a friend of a guy who has bad hygiene, but most likely won’t go to bed with him, and that is the entire point of getting out of the friend zone. Plus, it is not that hard to take a shower in the morning, brush your teeth, and put on some clean cloths. This is a very simple change to make for the person you want to be with.

  • Personality. This is very important. Guys who are down on themselves too much will be friend zoned. Mainly, because the point of a relationship is to make each other feel good and if you are only sulking you are not giving anything to the relationship.

    Also, you want to make other people attracted to you. If you stimulate peoples’ minds you will through interesting topics people will find you interesting. Interesting, is an attractive quality. In can be about anything: Politics, Economy, Law, Art, Video Games, History, Business, Electronics, Make-Up, Film, Music, Current Events, How to make a great sandwich etc. You just have to have a passion about anything, or something you know a lot about/like to talk about.

  • Laughter. You don’t have to be Russell Peters, but knowing when to insert a funny quip is perfect. Even if it is not that funny, you can come off as “endearing” it is an attractive quality to have. You can even copy comedians if you give them their credit. For instance, you can say, “I love Russell Peters....” and then proceed to mimic his monologues. Mimicking can be funny when done right. Don’t pick on anyone because then you just come off as ninny. People don’t like ninnies.

  • Respect. To have the respect of the people around is very sexy. You can gain respect by being: honest, hardworking, trustworthy, and loyal. Even if you don’t have a job, the fact that you are looking for one gains the respect of people around you.
"If you stimulate people's minds through interesting topics, people will find you interesting!"
2. Independence

You don’t need anybody, but yourself. Understand that you like people and you want to be around them because that is human nature, but don’t start becoming a follower instead of a leader, or just an independent.

  • Do not be clingy. Clinginess is a huge turn off. A relationship is about being a partnership, and when a one of the partners is clingy it is no longer a partnership. It now becomes “neediness”. No one wants to be “needed” they want to be “wanted”. For example, when a guy wants the news Droid/iPhone, he “wants” it, but he doesn’t need it to live (even though some guys may think they do). Girls want to be treated like that new Droid/iPhone. They don’t want to be needed like someone needs their mother, or best friend. Women don’t want to know a guy will be miserable without them because that would only make a girl feel guilty. No person wants to feel guilty in a relationship because they don’t want to tend to their lover like they are their mothers.

  • Stick to your own beliefs. If you are an atheist, don’t let the person who believes in Buddha enforce their ideas on you. It’s okay, if the person opens your mind and you change your decision on your own because that is what makes sense to you, but don’t just start believing in Buddha because you think you are in love with a girl. It’s not attractive, not even to your love interest. It’s best just to understand her and not agree with her.

3. Responsible

Yes, there is a time when people have to grow up. Taking on responsibility is apart of life, and girls tend to think of the future more often then guys do because most women would like to have children some day. Girls like to know that he potentially one day will be able to take care of himself and a family, even if it never ends up that way. Girls just like to daydream/think about it.
"Be responsible. Girls like to know that he potentially one day will be able to take care of himself and a family."

4. Live

Live your life as if that person wasn’t there. Whether it is going to school, working, having a dream, or just keeping busy on a regular basis. Again, girls will be “friends” with a guy who doesn’t do any of these things, but she won’t be attracted to him in that special way if he doesn’t. As I said earlier in this article, a girl wants to be a partner, a lover, not everything. She doesn’t want to be: your goal, your job, your muse, your sunrise and sunset. It sounds beautiful when said, or written, but it is not reality.

5. Flirt

You have to not only talk to the girl you like, but flirt with her. Flirting is key in not getting friend zoned. There is a big difference between just talking and flirting because of the intimacy that is involved in it.

  • Eye contact. Establishing eye contact has a personal connection that friends don’t share. The girl will understand what your eye contact means.

  • Tease. Playful teasing is very intimate, and brings two people closer together.

  • Touch. Touch her gently to stimulate the little hairs on a person’s body that makes us shiver. Tickling, holding hands, moving the hair out of her face, are all very carnal moves. You can even try to massage her shoulders/hands/feet if she is stressed. Rub lotion on her dry skin, or if you’re at a beach try to rub the sun block on her.

  • Compliments. Point out something you love about her. If you find her: smart, pretty, funny, etc, just say it. Tell her that you like her, but don’t over do it.

This is a general article on how to avoid the Friend Zone, and it will work in majority of cases. It won’t work on the girl that will only date “rich” guys, or the girl who wants to be waited on hand and foot. It will work on the everyday girl that most guys seem to crush on.

Most of this advice can even work for the ladies who want to avoid the “friend zone” as well. For instance, the “Independence” section and the “Sexual Attraction” section can be easily applied to their own situations.

Men, and How to Avoid the Dreaded Friend Zone
Add Opinion

Most Helpful Girl

  • toulouse
    Best relationships are made up of best friends, who trust, support, care, for each other & want to f*** alot. Hw can you trust someone that you can not be honest with.

    There is nothing ethically wrong with anything on this list that you say makes a guy undesirable. Al it means is he clearly shouldn't date you.

    There is nothing about respect or partnership or compassion - in what you presented. You want a robot who can f***, make money, & take the blame when you don't feel excited or happy.
    Is this still revelant?

Most Helpful Guy

  • andre251
    Too many terrible examples, and obvious things to get me to agree. The big issue is that girls find certain features attractive early on, but then they turn out to be the ones who act needy. Its quite ridiculous actually. Also keep in mind that these things only work when the guy has something the girl finds desirable. Basically, a guy will get friend zoned no matter what if the girl has no initial interest.
    Is this still revelant?

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

  • XRabbitHeartX
    I don't see why it's good thing to make a girl wait and worry about a reply. That's just plain nasty. If I'm chatting to a guy who I like it definitely does NOT make me want him more because he's taking longer to reply. I get annoyed and that will make me think he's not interested in me and I will move on. I'm not saying every time like a "lapdog" but come on, after a while it's just plain mean to make someone wait to seem more "masculine", not all girls are into that.
  • MadameGrimaldi
    @toulouse - "I would not want to be with a guy who followed any of this.. You have an extremely immature view of people. Your advice is shallow & arrogant." My article spoke of: independence, respect, good hygiene, laughing, you find that to be shallow?

    I think you took some of the stuff I said out of context.
  • Jpartist
    Good article, unfortunately most guys, myself included, had to get a good amount of emotional ass kickings before we man up and grew up! Funny thing is it was probably easier being a man back in cave man days, all you had to do was go out and kill a dangerous animal or something like that. Frankly, knowing what I know now, I would have rather gone toe to toe with a bear or a lion than having my heart broken so many times.

    But it's nice to see that there are women out there that know what's up!
  • WeaponZero
    I realize what I am about to say is going to sound vulgar, just bear in mind it's not my words. It's a quote from a standup comedian. But I think it's true.

    "If you want the p****, never make the p**** a priority." You had a life before the girl came along, and you living that life was what got you the girl. Rearranging your priorities to accomodate her and taking away from other aspects of your life is no different than taking time away from work to go shopping when the job is what pays
  • MadameGrimaldi
    @punkfightergal - It's not playing games to be independent. It's keeping things balanced. No person should be texting someone during there meeting, or hopping out of the shower to make her feel better. The person texting can wait.

    At what point in the article does it look like it says, "play games with her head, ignore her"?
  • MadameGrimaldi
    @WeaponZero - I understand you completely. This article is for the everyday person. They don't think like the everyday person; therefore, it doesn't pertain to them. It's a general article. It's not one size fits all type of article. I just want them to know that.
  • MissAonethree
    You can not give away too much in the beginning. We are attracted to the mysteriousness of our man of interest. She is right, if he doesn't text back right away we tend to go a little nuts wondering what he is doing. By texting back too soon, it makes you too available. There is no mystery there. We enjoy the butterflies and that little rush we get when he does finally text back. Then when we are face to face, I am interest in knowing what he has been up to all day. It gives me something to look
  • WeaponZero
    They lack primal instincts you and most other women have that affect their taste in men. It's their nature to use logic in situations the rest of you would turn to instinct for. It's how aspies work. And because of that, a lot of this advice people give pertaining to dating is lost on them--and on me--because it makes no sense to them and seems counterproductive.
  • MadameGrimaldi
    @XRabbitHeartX - You missed the point. It's to not be a lapdog. If he is in the shower, he shouldn't run out to get his phone. He should get back to the girl when he is done. That stands for anyone. I think you took the article out of context.
  • superme000001
    A good side-note here would be: even if you do all these things, except maybe the eye contact, you can still just be a friend. But this article is pretty good! It will certainly stop a lot of things people do when wanting that bf/gf.
  • MissAonethree
    forward to when we meet face to face. He has now given me something to talk about. I am not going to be harsh like some of the other readers, but all in all, men can not avoid the friend zone if the attraction is not there.
  • WeaponZero
    MadameGrimaldi: You'll never be able to get your point across to Rabbit or toulouse. They're my people. There's a reason I get along with the both of them so well. =P They aren't aspies, but they sure do think like them.
  • MadameGrimaldi
    @Wassup - All I am saying is go about your day normally. Don't go out of your way for someone. Let things flow naturally. If you want to ask someone out, ask them out.
  • ThatGuyWithTheAfro
    Why do I find it bad that women need men to be the lead? All that talk about being masculine and not a leader makes me feel like this. Abandon this old belief, for Jesus's love!
  • OfAfricandescent
    Pretty good article, as you pointed out, it's a general article, and there is enough info for anyone to see where they are going wrong. If they are or have been in a similar situation.
  • MadameGrimaldi
    @DaRealMan - Thanks for the feedback, and I will remember that. You be easy on the ladies too now. :)

    @MyNameIsJonas - Agreed Thanks for the compliment too. :)

  • DaRealMan
    Sounds like you have friended a few guys huh? Shame on you, such a terrible person! Hahah, I'm just playin. Nice job tho, it was really well written and had some good points. Just go easy on the fellas in the future ok? ;)
  • MyNameIsJonas
    Very good article. You put forth effort and it shows. I agree that independence and a little bit of tension is healthy. A lot of people don't get that.
  • SuitsAreAwesome
    This is a really good article. I think I do already treat girls I like this way, but now I know a bit better what the more critical aspects are about avoiding the friend zone.
  • punkfightergal
    I'm afraid this article features a lot of the "play games with her head, ignore her" mentality, which seems to be accepted truth here on GAG, when it comes to attracting the opposite gender. It saddens me...
  • advicegiver
    "Natural nature to be complex?" That doesn't make sense. "Natural nature for wanting things to be continuously interesting" would be better.

    Anyways, I disagree with a few points, but overall a fairly good article.
  • Shy_Steve
    Women want a Guy a certain narrow way and it's hard for most Guys to be in that Gap, Us Guys are more open with what we want in a Girl and Women want someone with certain personality type aswell as being attractive and Guys are just happy with a Girl they find attractive and who is nice.

    If there was an average Guy and an average Girl who were both Confident, Who would get rejected the most?
  • tex151
    Your comparing people to Howard Stern, of course he can get any chick he ever wanted, he's famous, and he's rich.
  • MadameGrimaldi
    @WeaponZero - I think that is the point of my article. :) Lots of guys get too friendly and make the person their life, not apart of their life.
  • ep7cmatt77
    Sorry but that isn't true about the "looks doesn't cause sexual attraction". No matter how good a personality on a girl is, it doesn't matter if she is un-attractive.
  • toulouse
    article on how men may convince the woman they are interested in having sex with, that they are 'alpha;males.' None of this is based on who anyone actually is, but on how a guy can be attractive. relationships are much more complex than being 'excited'.

    Wanting someone else to entertain you, is not complex-its very one dimensional. & To wish to be deceived is insane.

    Emotionally balanced rational people, do not need to be handled, or toyed with, to find life fascinating, & their partners lovable.
  • toulouse
    @ You want her to worry because that is an instinct of a loved one. _A game. Not able to text -ok. Not responding just because- Game. If you don't want her texting SAY so. But then you don't like honesty.

    This whole thing is disrespectful. "Instinct of a loved one" As is missing someone, yet you forbid a guy to do so.

    You say these are things people should do anyway. Yet.. you did not write an article for Women & Men-on how to lead independent respectable dignified productive lives.. You wrote an-
  • toulouse
    oh.. I also think the 'friendzone' is some bullsh*t notion, some women/ men use as consolation when someone genuinely does not like them..

    I guess I'm starting to see that it has another use.. it would hasten any girl or guy to action- for fear of waiting too long&falling into the zone,..More convenient for people who don't like to wait.

    imo- all rubbish. If you are a rational person, & REALLY like someone.. You are willing to work through conflicts-unless your a spoiled brat. Or the conflict is abuse.
  • toulouse
    You talk about respect & partnership. If you are not able to be supportive, you can not have 'respect'- I don't know what kind of 'partner' that makes you.

    @ Women don’t want to know a guy will be miserable without them ___Many people do want to know they matter-not like a car or a toy. As a human being who has a profound impact on someones elses life. You don't have to feel 'guilty' -thats your choice.

    And if he does feel that way? You want him to lie. Dishonesty is great for relationships.

  • toulouse
    I would not want to be with a guy who followed any of this.. You have an extremely immature view of people. Your advice is shallow & arrogant.

    The fact you have a vagina,does not automatically grant you special insight into billions of women.

    People ARE needed. That's what being 'supportive' is .Relationships are not purely entertainment-get a call boy for that.

    If your partner seems clingy-you should not be together. To blame their behavior because you lack compatibility is selfish&pathetic.
  • MadameGrimaldi
    @Miiszlesley2u - Same advice for women. Just turn the tables. :)
  • MadameGrimaldi
    @Hades - Half the things I mentioned you should be doing for yourself, not for anyone.
  • MadameGrimaldi
    @advicegiver - Which points? I could use the feedback. :)
  • biirujapan
    5 is the one that matters most. A guy can be very sexually attractive, independent and have a life but. Women more.often than not will not pursue men
  • Yeahhbro
    serioulsy all you needed to say was number 5, the rest are not really necessary...
  • RedThread78
    Very nice article. There are many interesting points that all men could learn from.
  • Hades
    Yet it is. What sadistic narcissists women are by forcing men through all this.
  • Miiszlesley2u
    So true! You should write one for women too. Just saying :)
  • MadameGrimaldi
    Thank you :)
  • BCRanger10
    Good article. Thank you for writing it.
  • WeaponZero
    the shopping bill.
  • MadameGrimaldi
    @SuitsAreAwesome - Thank you. :)
  • MadameGrimaldi
    @Hades - This is really shouldn't be work.
  • funkadelic5
    Spot on. I really liked it. Great article.
  • Hades
    If you say so.
  • Hades
    So much work. Is it really worth it?
  • RikkiTikkiTavi
    Russell Peters isn't that funny