BF's dad died... why is he shutting me out?

[TinaM]

My boyfriend's dad died recently. He had been sick a long time. We've been dating six months, and we have a good relationship otherwise and are very close. I saw him break down when he got some bad news about his dad, so he doesn't seem ashamed or unable to show me his feelings.

Since his dad died he's been staying at his brother's with his mom and brother's family. He talks to me, calls all the time to tell me how he's feeling, but he won't see me.

I offered to come up there and take him out, just sit with him, etc. He keeps turning me down. He refused to have me come to the funeral. He said it was just immediate family but then I found out his good friend came and that was a huge comfort to him... so I feel pretty crappy. I haven't said anything to him of course because I know it's the wrong time; he's grieving.

Why is he doing this? Will he come around? I'm being shut out, and all I want is to be there for him. I haven't seen him in almost two weeks now.

[Glitter_TE_ART]

Watch the How I Met Your Mother episode where Marshall's dad dies. He goes back home and reverts to a child like state without responsibility. He wouldn't let Lily see him so she drove the 4+ hours to his moms house where he was playing video games and looked like a mess having not showered.
Everyone deals with grief & loss differently. Though you feel he's blocking YOU out, this isn't about you. This is about a man losing his father.

[Anonymous]

He needs some space. I know you feel hurt that he is pushing you away, but I think he will come back around and is hurting. His close friend is someone he has known for longer and that is why he wants him there.

[Longshot]

Sometimes when a close family member dies, one gravitates to their family and very best friends. I know because I just lost my mother this past Xmas, and she and I were close. When she died, I just wanted family and my best friend around. To a degree, it's a natural psychological reaction. It really took me 6 months to get past it.

[gotc147]

Was his friend invited or did they just show up?

Everybody grieves differently and for different amounts of time, there is no "right" or "wrong" way to grieve and no set time limit.

Do with that information what you will.

[TinaM]

I think he was invited.

[gotc147]

Find out for sure before drawing conclusions, also find out if it wasn't your boyfriend who invited him.

[TinaM]

After he told me his friend was there, he must have realized that would have hit a nerve with me, because he said, "we decided only those who really knew my dad would come". I just said, "oh". I didn't want to make it a big deal or tell him it hurt, because I know that it's the wrong time to do that. He's grieving (even though it hurts me to be shut out) and I don't want to make it about "me" because he'll resent me and that's the last thing I want.

[DanAG]

Let him deal with it in his own way.

I'm going to stereotype here, but you are acting like a girl thinking that you should be a part of this and want to help him through it. Again I'm going to stereotype and say guys internalize things more than girls.

It's just the way he deals with it. There is no right or wrong way to deal with grief. He might talk to you some time later, or he might never talk to you about it. Either way you just have to accept it.

[Anonymous]

He's hurt and has to sort out some complex feelings. give him some time. Death is very hard to deal with. let him know u r there to support him. We often r toughest on the ones we love the most. I use to shut my X out when I was going through problems, at the time I had no idea why.

Patience

[XXXYYYMAN]

Just give him some space and time. Everyone has his own way to deal with crises. yeah dad death is a disaster for a man. Dad alaways the backup and the support.

[Annymous8]

Some guys grieve like that.

[jointhepatriarchy]

Give him space. This must be devastating for him.

[randomwhiteguy]

Give him some time, and try to comfort him