My bf is a hypocrite and tries to control me?

[Anonymous]

My bf is quite controlling. When it comes to him, he can go anywhere or do anything he wants but when it comes to me I have so many restrictions.. It's really unfair but it's because he has insecurities issues. What do I do? Do I let it be? It sucks because then when we get into fights and I do something he would do he gets mad at me even if I say but u did that

[heavenonearth]

Leave and find someone who isn't so hypocritical and controlling. You definitely do not just let it be, unless you're okay with being treated that way. If you feel strongly about him though, you can try talking to him, explaining your side of things, and then see if he changes. If he doesn't, break up. There are plenty of other men out there who don't police their girlfriends like that.

[BrunetteNYC]

Controlling men usually end up later on being abusive. Take a break, clear your head without HIS influence and decide if you can deal with this. He's NOT going to change. I suspect you are better off leaving him.

[SillyQuirks]

Can you see yourself spending your life with him? Is he visually part of your future?

[Asker]

yes i do we have been together for about 8 1/2 years. Im new to this site so I didn't add too much info b/c I wasn't sure if anyone would respond but his dad left his family in his teenage years and is with someone else now so I feel like one huge reason he is like this is because of his dad.. He has trust issues. I've tried talking to him many times about it but it doesn't really change.. he said he is trying but its like a rollercoaster.

[SillyQuirks]

Let us fast forward a few years and just get a visual for what may be to come... This is a very black and white visual, granted, but it will give you some perception.
Lets say you both get married one day... Typically as we grow up and are in a relationship - we spend the majority of our time at our job and then the rest at home. It may turn into less of a want to go out and do things with out your s/o... Which thus turns into less arguments and insecurities because your time is focused on one another and potentially the family you build together. (That is one way to view it...)

Now it may turn into the opposite of that depending on his morals/priorities. Though most likely it will fall some where in between.

All relationships come with communication and compromise. Do you know what his love language is? Knowing someones love language will help you love them the way they desire to be love.

https://www.5lovelanguages.com/

[SillyQuirks]

I can definitely understand his childhood impacting his behavior now but it is important for him to grow past that and in order to do so, it may be best for you both to see counseling. You can do so individually or as a unit... You can go to a psychologist/therapist or if you are involved in a church (even if you are not) they offer free counseling as well.

[SillyQuirks]

Just be proactive in your relationship. Maybe you both should read the love languages book together :)

[Asker]

I will look into it thank you so much.

[SillyQuirks]

You are welcome! Thank you MH!.

[Niceguyscumlast]

DUMP HIS CONTROLLING DOUCHE ASS this had RED FLAGS all over it the next step is isolating you away form your friends and family and then he will get angry and hit you and he will apologize and say it will never happen again until it does.

GET OUT OF THIS ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP NOW.

[halafax]

Ill make this simple: If he can do what he wants and not have an issue, but you can't do anything (assuming you are talking about hanging out with other people, especially other guys) then you need to either says he needs to treat you as an equal. Personally I would just walk away.

[med11]

You are really going to need to be more specific to get a rational and intelligent response for this question.

[med11]

1) You say "when it comes to me I have so many restrictions." - Explain this in detail.

2) "It's really unfair but it's because he has insecurities issues" - Explain this in detail.

3) "What do I do? Do I let it be?" - I can respond to this and my answer is that you are an adult woman so what you don't do is ask the internet community for an answer that you can easily garner yourself by simple conversation between two adults that could lead to either a compromise/remedy or a breakup. Simple relationship communication.

4) "It sucks because then when we get into fights and I do something he would do he gets mad at me even if I say but u did that" - Explain this in detail.

You are an adult woman and if you expect to be counselled you are going to need to add details so people can, first, understand what you are even saying (in a few sections) and also to know who is to blame here, the reasoning and plausible remedy.

[Asker]

1) For instance I cannot go out to the a club without him yet he can. I cannot go out for a few drinks without him yet he can. He even feels insecure when I simply go out to eat with my friends. He doesn't like it when I talk to other guys.

2) His dad left him and his family when he was a teenager. He used to beat his mom and left her for someone else. He has major trust issues due to that and has admitted it to me. We've been together for 8 1/2 years and both have made mistakes in the past for instance lied to each other over little things but this was like 4 years ago. I've moved on from it.

3) Of course I have tried talking to him many times that is why I have come for advice from an outsider because being in a relationship can make you blind sometimes. I am sure that is why a ton of other people are on this website.

4) For instance, If I go out with my girlfriends and have a couple drinks he will get angry at me.

[SandPlanet]

Leave him. Now. Don't wait another single day. I can guarantee you you'll never ever become happy as long as you stay with him.

[RedThread]

Hmm why are you still with him? Women should stay away from insecure and controlling guys like they're the plague. You can never be happy with guys like that.

[Anonymous]

break up with him. I don't think you'd want to spend the rest of your life with the guy so break it off now

[Cómoestás]

If he doesn't let you hang out with your amigas, walk away