My boyfriend's dad tried to kiss me? Should I tell my BF?

Question

I've met my boyfriends parents twice before. But he decided to invite me over for a barbecue. (I don't think I was dressed provocatively I wore leggings and a nice top). Well his dad was near the grill and I decided to go and talk to him. We where both behind the grill so no one could really see what he was doing. So anyways we're talking and then he places his hand on my lower back, he gradually kept moving it down until it was right on my butt. He eventually lightly squeezed it and then told me how pretty I was. I was shocked but by then my boyfriend and his mom came over, I was too scared too say anything. also I assume that because he was so much taller than me that it was a mistake. 
After that I went to use the bathroom, when I was walking to the stairs his dad was there. He pushed me against the wall and kept putting his hands on his waist and my butt, and kept telling me how pretty I was and that I look more mature than most high school girls. Then he tried to kiss me, I didn't kiss him back so he eventually let me go. I went to my boyfriends room and cried for a minute, but wiped the tears away. When I came back I pretended that there was a problem at work and that I had to leave. I'm honestly really scared to tell my boyfriend. I don't want him to be mad at me or his dad. Should I tell him? Would you want your girlfriend to tell you

scorpioGirl01 · Accepted Answer

I was in a very similar situation and didn't say anything because A i didn't want my bf to be hurt and B because i didn't to be the cause of his parents troubles or worse separation and my bf had a temper which i knew would cause a really big situation. However, I REGRETTED not telling him because his father did not stop. The first time he did the same as you described just tried to kiss me and i pushed him away. Later I made a point to go into the kitchen when only he was in there and told him never to touch me again and chalked it up to him being drunk. I figured it would end there but it did not and the next time we went to visit his family my bf had gone to the store and his mom was already in bed I was in the living room and thought I was alone I dropped something and when I bent to pick it up i felt someone grab my hips for a second i thought it was my bf but then he thrust "his junk" into my ass and I realized immediately that it was not my BF. At that moment I swung around and only got the chance to get "What the fuck are you doing" when I heard the door slam and my bf come in from the store. Still to scared to say anything I went straight to bed and after that avoided going there. Then he started messaging me on fb. Me and my bf broke up for other reasons and i still had his family on fb. Did i mention that he is my kids grandfather. makes me sick just thinking about it.. But moral of the story is if he was brave enough to try and kiss you the first time he WILL DO IT AGAIN and could do worse and more. It is never ok and thinking back on it my bf had a right to know what was going on. I wouldn't tell his wife.. I feel that telling your bf is best and let the pieces fall where they may he will be furious at first but if he's anything near a logical decent guy he will not blame you. Keeping it a secret will hurt your relationship in one way or another so if you care about him you need to tell him and for your own sake as well. Never put up with abuse from anyone

Paris13 · Accepted Answer

I was once on a similar scenario where I was working with this lady who was like a mom to me and every once in a while she would bring me home to her house for lunch. Her retired husband would join us in the kitchen and we all would Indulge in a little laughter and some lunch time Dinner conversation.
However, one day, when my friend left the kitchen to go to the powder room, Sam started to get a bit frisky and too friendly and I Realized right then and There-------The party was over and I never felt the same way as a close friend with him any more, but More like he was a cheating husband to his wonderful wife, hitting on her younger close friend.
I let it go but when he ended it up Doing it Again, this time Ada wasn't home at all, for I thought she was here herself for lunch, I let him know in a very Strict and Straw boss manner that he was Never to put his hands on me again or I would go to Ada myself. I became my Own Sheriff.
He never tried this trick again, I put it to bed right then, and you need to do the same thing, sweetie. If you are going to remain in your boyfriend's life, maybe end up a wife down the road, you need to set this little Bronco straight as an arrow by Letting him Know you will not tolerate his octopussy paws on you, Putting and prodding, that you will be forced to talk to his son and have Him intervene with his own set of Guns. This will surely scare the pants off of him, for he would never dream in a hundred years you would have the Goalies to do this.
"Go ahead, sir, make my day," you tell him... If you stand for this, you will always be stooping for whatever poop he decides to throw your way. Nip it in the bud. However, for now, let sleeping dogs lie, try and handle it yourself. You don't want to get the barking dogs barking at one another, so silence is golden for the time being... Try and avoid a Family war of the roses and a family affair if all possible.
Good luck. xx

OrionRose · Accepted Answer

First, tell your boyfriend. This will not bode well for the relationship (how can you go around his dad again), but he should know. His dad will likely try this again unless confronted and dude sounds like a rapist.

Second, get support. You will need help processing this. Call your local rape and sexual assault hotline and speak to a professional.

Third, and a professional can help you figure this out, really consider why, after some real fucked up shit happened with his dad, you chose to go back out there and continue on like nothing happened. I would have kicked the dude in the balls once he grabbed my ass and lost my shit in fury at him for ruining my evening and, potentially, fucking up my relationship with his son. The fact that you think your attire could even be an issue says you have some soul searching to do because, provocatively dressed or not, it didn't give his dad the right to touch you.

He seriously sounds like a predator and you should let his son know and get some support yourself

Best of luck

Kindherated · Accepted Answer

You need to hold his father responsible. Write all of ts in a password protected fie. Print it out and mail it to yourself. Do maybe three copies. This makes a time frame reference. Ask the post office if they can date stamp the envelope for the record. Call the help line as suggested to get guidance. Then confront the father and tell him it is recorded and date stamped. Tell the counselor all of your concerns. He or she should understand. REMEMBER ABOVE ALL THAT YOU ARE IN HIGH SCHOOL AND PROBABLY UNDER AGE. THE LAW SAYS THAT YOU ARE OFF LIMITS TO GROWN MEN NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH A BOYFRIEND THAT IS NO MORE THAN 2 OR 3 YEARS YOUR SENIOR. IT IS HIS RESPONSIBILITY TO FOLLOW THE LAW. There is a world of difference between looking and speaking to you and touching. Yes there are proper ways to touch but he went more than a little bit over the line. Do not let him get away with this. Tell your boyfriend that you have something serious to share. Hand him one of the envelopes to open because your voice would probably falter. His mother should know. Tell him you want to read the printout also.

I was sworn to secrecy one time before my girlfriend told me about a marriage license her father had bought for himself and someone not his wife. I was told about a girlfriend he had. Later I was told of a lady he had stood up at a wedding one summer when he was still fully married to my girlfriend's mother. After sometime later both the "FIANCE' " AND "GIRLFRIEND" came to visit the wife. Later he was shot in the face and they got a divorce.
It is not your family and you are a minor and he is not by at least the age of your boyfriend. Yes, you may loose your boyfriend but if it happens he is not worth having.

Kindhearted \ David in TX

syd48 · Accepted Answer

I think you should talk to his Dad and explain that you are thinking of telling your boyfriend and potentially the police for sexual assault.
If he does not agree and promise that he will NEVER touch you again then you MUST tell your boyfriend.
These guys must be stopped.

Mesonfielde · Answer

Wow, what the f*** am I reading. You should probably tell him, but this is going to cause quite some conflicts if you do. But he reaps what he sows, that is crazy.

MrMuffinMan · Answer

I think it is important to tell your boyfriend because if someone made my girlfriend cry I would want to know about it. On the other hand I can understand how this is a very difficult scenario for you and him as it is a very touchy situation. You only get one family and you can't choose them. I don't know how I would feel if my dad sexually abuses my girlfriend. Or what kind of lasting implications it would have. You can't keep your voice silent over something as serious as sexual abuse and rape though.

lovin_u · Answer

Be careful with this. Before you tell anybody, talk to ur bf and see if u can determine if anything like this has happened before.
If you do decide to say something (to him or his mother), just be prepared for the possible outcomes:

1. They believe you and all hell breaks loose within the family, causing a lot of strain between them all, with u feeling some of the heat!
2. They dont believe you, accuse you of making the whole thing up (hurling abuse at you in the process), and thats the end of you and ur bf.

In any case, also be prepared for the police to be called in. Tread carfully and be strong!

DodgersGM · Answer

Speaking as a man, hell yes I would want to know this sort of thing. First of all I'd want my partner to know that I trust her explicitly and that she has my support. Secondly, I would be able to deal with the person that made a move and made her uncomfortable and sad.

Quidthonian · Answer

I am sorry to hear about your experience. In my book that is sexual assault. As to answer your question, definite yes, do tell your boyfriend. I had the foresight to avoid your situation:
One of the reasons why I spent my 20's, 30's single is due to a perverted father. He tricked me into co-signing on the house, and I felt trapped there. I felt I couldn't have a relationship: I would have to bring her home at some stage. I did not trust my father with a girl-friend. He told me straight that he'd want to f**k her first.
A few years later, me and him attended a community event. He played chess, and got some sort of a prize. One of the organising ladies was presenting a small prise (a bottle of wine or something). He tried to kiss a woman he didn't know on her lips. I am seriously surprised that she did not file for sexual harrasement.

EmiBee101 · Answer

You might should talk to his dad first, like when everybody else was in another room, and tell him that his actions make you uncomfortable. But you need to make sure that somebody is withing screaming distance. If he still does not stop, you might need to either tell your boyfriend, if you two are really close, or just stop going to his house and tell him gently if he asks you why.

LightUp · Answer

Definitely tell the boyfriend. Perhaps his dad has done this before (in the past ) and your boyfriend might know that his dad does things like this. SO he will definitely listen to you. Even if he has no knowledge of his dad doing things like this , He WILL listen to you , don't worry. The only thing that;s gonna drive a wedge between him and his dad is his DAD. Not you.

heavensgift2girls · Answer

You need to tell him. He may not take it well, but if your relationship has any chance of working he needs to understand what is going on, and that you don't feel comfortable around his father. This isn't your fault. You don't need to feel guilty about what happens between your boyfriend and his father. This is his fathers fault not yours.

BahamaLlama · Answer

This just happened to me so I made an account to post. Two weeks ago my boyfriend's dad groped me and tried to actually get me to keep it a secret. I immediately told my boyfriend because I knew I couldn't keep that bottled inside. He was supportive at first but, later told me he couldn't turn his back on his dad. Mere hours after it happened. I was emotional and angry and immediately broke up with him. Now he's taken the whole situation and made it about him being angry with me for ending it. His dad claims he didn't do it and the family turned on me. I didn't get any sympathy or compassion and was just tossed to the side. We had been dating a little over a year and both talked about how happy he were. His Dad took that from us. You should tell him but, be prepared for the aftermath. Sometimes, you find out people aren't who you thought they were when something traumatic like this happens. I'm pretty sure I need therapy.

Popeye123 · Answer

I would want to be told so I could help you get over what you're going through because that can't be nice, I will be honest though, I would be sceptical because it's my dad at the end of the day, I would have troubles accepting that and I really like my parents to get on with my girlfriends. I would definitely take it seriously though and confront my dad about it, that sort of shit isn't OK in my book.

Gestalt · Answer

Tell him, or the wife, like seriously someone will best some sense into the father. Don't keep quite, you're boyfriend will not blame you for this if he is a decent guy at all. Things will get complicated but if the father is doing something like that he may take things to far. I wish you the best.

Roycaryn · Answer

I guarantee, so long as he's halfway decent, the only way he'll be mad at you is if you keep this from him. Of course he's going to be pissed at his dad for doing something like this and why shouldn't he be? Given the creep mentality this guy has, there's just no way he hasn't already been pissed at him at least since he turned 15.

luvme56 · Answer

just talk to his father and blackmail him that u will tell his son wht he is up to! wid this he will stop doing this if he really loves his son!!

If he continues to do this which means he doesn't love him!! Aftr this i dont see a reason why u should not tell this to your boyfrnd

remember...
1. blackmail
2. if it doesn't work
3. tell your bf

hope i helped!!!

thisGUYknows · Answer

Holy shit! If u care about his family. Talk to the dad. If u can't do it, tell the mother or your bf. But SOMEONE needs to kno. Your bf won't side with his dad. Trust me.

ZoeUK · Answer

You must tell him or it will only get worse. The same happened to me, I refused him, but he only tried to do it again and again. Until one day, when I was tipsy and had earlier an argument with my boyfriend for going out, I gave into him. We had sex and I got pregnant. That was four years ago and I still don't know who is the father

ForeverYours39 · Answer

Yes you should definitely tell your boyfriend! That's horrible what his dad did to you. It must have been terrifying. None of that is your fault. what you were wearing never warrants sexual harassment.

JustinCaseUDontKnow · Answer

Yes what your bf s dad did to you was sexual assault if your minor which you say you should of called the police on him ( the dad) that's not proper behavior.

NerdyBubbleGum · Answer

R u dumb? Ur frickin supposed to tell that to ur dumb bf!! OMG!! U waited this long to ask this question here, get an answer u know about already and then complicate it and say it to ur bf? Really? Go get help!

Dignifire · Answer

Skip the boyfriend, this is something you tell the woman he was so eager to cheat on. Tell her now, don't wait.

Stuff_and_stuff · Answer

I agree with @JulyAndrews. Why didn't you push him away? It's just very creepy..

cool-man · Answer

slowly and gradually tell it to your bf, i think he would understand your position. just suppose he saw his father kissing you then what would be happened? could you satisfy him you are not wrong? then he will put blame on you,

Splintercell · Answer

You need to tell your boyfriend and if he doesn't believe you you need to end the relationship quickly. Second I would tell your father what happened. What you're boyfriend's dad did was inappropriate and needs to be said end of story.

Anonymous · Answer

You need to tell everybody and get help. If you let this go on it's just gonna get worse and worse and his dad is probably gonna end up raping you (sad but true) stop it while you can

kashin10 · Answer

Tell him!!! That's a huge deal and it needs to stop !

CommieDearest · Answer

Um, yeah. You need to tell your bf, and your parents. (Assuming you're in high school)

makel01 · Answer

YES! Tell your boyfriend and get some adult support (parent, teacher or counsellor) or break up with your boyfriend. His father is not a safe person to be around for you - please trust me on this.

blackkid97 · Answer

Nah, that's to crazy not to tell him. You can't keep that type of secret from him. So tell him

Strider90 · Answer

You have to tell it somebody. This can happen again and Im pretty sure it will. His dad is looking for trouble, so its not your fault at all.

DubbD · Answer

Hell yeah tell him! If my did that to my gf I'd probably murder him! You seriously need to tell him!!!

Shaqmove · Answer

Your boyfriend will really not like this. But ofcourse you will tell him. We don't know he might help you to talk to his dad and to agree never to do those kind of things again.

Anonymous · Answer

Probably you are American and white. It happens among whites all the times i guess.

Anonymous · Answer

These happened to me kinda but the guy who did it to me was 19 and I was 13 at the time. And I got raped.
If I was you I would tell my boyfriend first and then have him talk to the father. To stop it.

Lockfrost · Answer

Da faaaaaaaaaaaack? Of course you gotta tell him. It might cause so many troubles but you REALLY must tell him, girl!

goodlookingguy · Answer

How did you feel when he put his hand on your butt. did he try to flirt with you again

JulyAndrews · Answer

Why didn't you push him away?

Anonymous · Answer

TELL HIM!! Just be prepared for the father denying it and potential fall out with boyfriend/parents

rjroy3 · Answer

You should absolutely tell your guy

CommieKiller · Answer

Tell him, call the cops, press charges.

rUinSAYAN · Answer

tell your boyfriend goddammit

christopwt · Answer

Tell ur boyfriend and mom then just walk away him

Anonymous · Answer

Only if you want to start drama

Johnyoo · Answer

Obvious troll.

Blitzkrieger · Answer

Yes.

My boyfriend's dad tried to kiss me? Should I tell my BF?

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