Are guys afraid to admit their feelings for women?

[Anonymous]

Are guys afraid to admit their feelings for women? Or is that just a movie device? I mean, if a girl gives him a lot of encouragement, why should he be afraid?

[Anonymous]

Opening up = girl loses attraction/respect

As a guy, it's something you learn and accept. Don't open up to women. Don't do it! Things go to shit when you do. No matter how much she begs, pleads, threatens, encourages--don't do it. You can make it look AS IF you are... but you also have to clearly be holding back at the same time. Be charismatic while you dodge her pleas.

As a man, you realize that push comes to shove, the only one in your corner is you. So you accept that if you want a girl, you have to supply her the illusions she desires--if you don't, she leaves. Appear vulnerable, but never actually open up. You have to be your own comfort, your own shoulder to lean on. You can give her a taste--you can't give her the meal.

[Asker]

Oh my! Have you always had this perspective, or is it something you came to understand over time? I guess it's kind of like "The Rules" for women. But... how long to you keep this up? Do you ever get afraid that the woman will conclude that your not that into her?

[Opinion Owner]

No, I haven't always had this perspective. I used to be open. Success with women when open was nonexistent. No sex. No girlfriends. May as well have been asexual.

How long to keep it up? You practice until it's as natural as breathing, until you don't think about it. She says "I love you," as a guy, don't say I Love You back. Instead, you pull her close, flash a sexy smile and look her in the eye and say something like "and what do you think I feel about you?" Let her guess a few times, get nervous, and when she starts accusing "You do, you do love me" you smile a little more, let her hit you and call you a jerk, you pull her close--she feels great, she's aware you feel positively toward her, but you never actually opened. You can't. It all has to be indirect, veiled.

True of expressing any kind of emotion, any feeling. You give her the illusions she wants, because she doesn't want your genuine emotion--she thinks she does, but she doesn't. She leaves if you truly open.

[Opinion Owner]

I think that's one reason why a lot of guys get bitter toward women. When they figure this out, they get disappointed that they can't truly ever have someone they can be truly close to. It's the illusion of being close, an illusion of intimacy.

Occasionally you tell yourself "maybe I'm just playing a game, just getting in my own head believing this. Maybe I'm bullshitting myself." So you open up the girl you like--you've been dating for a long time now--then she loses her feelings for you and leaves. Every time you try it, you lose. Maybe there are women you can open to, I don't know. I just know every women I've opened to has left, so I just don't do it now.

Opening up can mean just about anything. Telling her you love her. Letting her know how you feel about a friend's death. How stressed you are at work, or how you are afraid of how your business might fail. You always have to seem like a strong, mysterious rock, or you lose her.

[Asker]

I'm sorry your romantic experiences have been this way. :( I read something once about how there is a difference between "wanting" someone and "liking" someone. It sounds really simple, but many people don't realize until it's too late that they only liked "the chase" and not the actual person they were chasing. It's sad. And it happens to women as well. So many people, women and men alike, aren't in touch enough with their own emotions to realize whether they value a person for who they are or for the excitement they initially provide.

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks I appreciate that.

I agree with what you wrote. A lot of people are chasing the feelings a relationship/sex/love/whatever gives them, but not the actual person those feelings are attached to. It's overall about self-gratification, satisfying their own desire and impulses. Taking, not giving. The other person's feelings are secondary or even entirely neglected--a lack of empathy, a lack of sympathy. Perhaps even just neediness, nothing pernicious, just a vacuum desperate to be filled.

It's just a sad reality--women seem to desperately want a man to connect with them, and men want to, but doing so ruins everything. It seems like no one gets what they want. I guess I do what I do so we can at least approximate it, have something that looks like it. Maybe she feels it, I don't know.

[Azara]

Until you actually meet a woman who genuinely likes you and are genuinely honest with her you won't know.

By the sound of it you ran into women who like games. If a woman really lives you and you play these games, maybe she'll feel you love her but she'll know you don't respect her and she'll leave you. Knowing someone has feelings for you isn't enough. There has to be respect. With games there is no respect. You're not going to get a real relationship this way. Just crazy people with emotion phobia.

[JustinX9]

this encouragement thing is a subjective thing... and most guys are not good at decoding body language... me who have done the wrong thing in my entire life where i invest feelings for the girl i just met or know... so when i approached a girl and got rejected... i was humiliated and hurt... well its because i fail to gauge her interest at first... i was confident but unfortunate thing happens... so i will never admit my feelings for women until i'm very sure or certain that she is attracted/liked me in the first place or i'll never be

[Asker]

What are some things that would make you "very sure"?

[JustinX9]

until she tells me "she likes me or loves me"... i've learned my lesson already... all the girls I've crushed on the moment i decide to tell them how i feel... they suddenly have a bf and fate keeps me from getting a gf.

[Asker]

Good to know! Thanks. :)

[JustinX9]

ok no problem

[JustinX9]

thanks for the MH

[Asker]

You're welcome :)

[JustinX9]

i never expected to get MH though lol

[DivaPrincess]

He is probably a commitment phobe. I can't think of a reason why a man should STILL be scared even after you tell him. Or maybe he is playing games. I am so tired of guys doing that weird shit. I know women do it too but I personally don't do that kind of thing. I have told numerous men my feelings regardless of how scared I was.

[justbanANNAz]

i believe many are. it's not an easy thing for anyone to do.
some just like to put it out there if they feel comfortable enough, while others will just hide it due to a negative mindset that it's pointless or whatever.
however, it's their call. they should know if they should or shouldn't do it.

[shadowlegend]

Some girls are afraid to admit thier feelings too. So yes, some guys are actually afraid and guys have a lot of pressure on them not to appear too sensitive or vulnerable.

[Redrevolver23]

Men are afraid of being hurt/rejected as much as you are. I had one girl beg me to open my heart up and tell her how I felt about her once. She ended up throwing it back in my face and decided to date my best friend took my 4 years to get over it. I put my heart on ice after that my girlfriend went through hell to melt it but you get the point.

[aficionado]

Yes, we guys are afraid most of the time. This is because girls usually don't know where to draw the line between 'being super friendly' and 'showing romantic interest', and their behavior/words often contradicts their thoughts. And being rejected/friendzoned by the girl he likes is possibly among the worst forms of insult/humiliation for a guy, so he'd rather avoid putting himself into that awkward situation unless he is almost certain she likes him too.

[randomocity]

agree 100%

[DivaPrincess]

But she says she encourages him. So he must know she likes him but is still scared? Then if a girl throws herself at a dude he gets all weird.

[aficionado]

@randomocity
Thanks for the acknowledgement!

@DivaPrincess
The way of encouraging is highly subjective. I have come across women who used to give LOTSA of signs like regularly texting good morning/goodnight, using words like dear, darling, sweetheart etc., cooking something special for their guy friends and several such gestures which the guys understood as positive signs, but yet got rejected/friendzoned. If these aren't signs or encouragement, i don't know what are.

[Asker]

Interesting. And no, my encouragement doesn't go so far as morning and evening texts and cooking meals, lol. Do I just need to say, "I like like you."

[aficionado]

@Asker
Hehe! So your signs aren't actually signs at all, considering what most guys go through! Like you said, its better to just confess to him in a casual way, without seeming 'too eager'. This will decide the matter once and for all, whether its in your favor or not!

[randomocity]

he could be seeing her encouragement as her liking him, but to him there is a chance that he is misreading things and if he tries anything he could fail, which he does not want to have happen.
men are simple creatures, if you like a guy, and you think he likes you then just tell him, don't beat around the bush about it. girls reject guys way more then guys reject girls. that;s why we really don't like saying anything unless we think that for sure she likes us back, but we are usually wrong.

and no problem dude.

(i dont know how the @ thing works on here so the first part is for Diva)

[JustinX9]

i totally agree bro

[aficionado]

@randomocity
Just use the '@' symbol before a person's username! That's it!

@JustinX9
Of course! You, me and pretty much all guys agree with this! hehe!

[Asker]

@aficionado What would you, as a guy, consider "too eager? What would be a turn off or send red flags?

[randomocity]

@aficionado oh, well i feel dumb now. mostly on YouTube and not Twitter so i don't use "@" or "#"

[aficionado]

Well... I personally wouldn't consider anything 'too eager', unless she did something like strip or throw herself on me. I only mentioned this 'too eager' part because I have seen a lot of girls on here mention that if girls confess first, guys this she is being 'desperate' or something (which I don't believe is true at all, and haven't seen too many guys think like this as well).

So yeah, just be yourself and let him know! Let me be honest with you, most guys would be absolutely flattered if a girl confesses to them. Even if he initially doesn't like her, he would be willing to give it a go because she came out of her comfort zone and broke the outdated 17th century tradition which says 'men should always confess first'.

[aficionado]

@randomcity
Hehe, that's alright! We all do really dumb things sometimes!

[Asker]

"Even if he initially doesn't like her, he would be willing to give it a go because she came out of her comfort zone and broke the outdated 17th century tradition which says 'men should always confess first'." That's very good news! :)

[aficionado]

@Asker
Yes, of course! Go for it! Cheers! :)

[countryboy1206]

Yes guys are afriad but its because most guys get very attached very quickly and they are afraid of being hurt emotionally.. believe it or not that is one of the worst feelings for a guy.. whether he shows it or not

[Phoenix98]

I only open up to a girl when she earns my trust and respect.

[Asker]

What things can she do to help earn your trust and respect? And, if she did those things, how long would she have to continue doing them before you opened up to her?

[Phoenix98]

Show me she is trust worthy the kind of person I can count on, show that she is kind and appreciates me for who I am, and just simply shows me that she is a genuinely good person. Only one person has ever earned that.

[JustinCaseUDontKnow]

Yes some times guys are afraid to admit their feelings and you women take things the wrong way

[DivaPrincess]

But SHE is encouraging him. Why would what he says be the wrong thing if he feels the same?

[JustinCaseUDontKnow]

@DivaPrincess - Your right she's giving him
encouragement to let him know her true feelings
thank you that helped me to see what i miss :-))) :XD

[Anonymous]

If that's the case, then you gotta open up first.