Would a 23 year old guy date a 19 year old girl?

[justAgir1]

Would a 23 year old guy date a 19 year old girl? There's this 23 year guy that I've found an interest in, but I could've swore I heard him say, "too young" when he was looking at me and his 'friends' were around. I personally don't think 4 years is that much of an age gap, but then again, he's probably already had a couple of girlfriends. I've never dated, so maybe I lack expericence? I also found out that we are both going down the same career path, but he's obviously a few steps ahead of me. I get the feeling I may run into him again. Do you think he'd give me a second chance now that I will be closer to 20 this year?

Updates

+1 y

There's 1 more thing that I'd like to add. I recall another time when I believe he said, "weird orphan child." Then one of his 'friends' said, "Maybe she needs a mom. Maybe you can be her mom?" I think they were trying to be sarcastic, or maybe they were trying to 'shoo me away' since I'm apparently "too young"? But if I'm not mistaken, they were referring to me. Be as blunt as you guys want, I just want answers.

[Splithead]

First off 23, or whatever age you are that first year out of college, is a big age for dudes.

The saying that women mature faster/ are more intelligent than men is true... but only up until about 17 or 18. After which men mature faster/ are more intelligent for a host of reasons including the fact that taller people also mature faster and men are usually taller. These are averages mind you. I say this because a lot of women think that they are generally on the same level as men 4 or so years older than them when they're like 18 or 19. Not true usually. Especially if there are differences in education. If he's 23 and has graduated college for over a year and you're still a sophmore, he probably sees you as far too young. Also other women in his life will look down on him because here's another man going after some young girl. It reminds them of thier age even if they aren't actually old themselves likely 23 just like him. Also at 23, guys start to get busier and can't be in the sort of high commitment relationship that they could have been in in college. Not that they're unfaithful, they're just busy. A younger girl is more likely to be clingy and play mental games which are time and energy consuming, plus he'll likely have to spend a bit of money on her, which would normally be fine unless he feels that she is draining him in other ways. At this point dudes need a girl they can go around to recharge thier batteries. Hanging out with you has got to be a leisure activity. Prior to that, a lot of guys are just really focused on getting girls and will go far out of thier way to keep one happy, sometimes making that the primary stressor in thier life. Younger girls, even if they don't demand this tend to simply be more used to it just because they've been dealing with younger guys thier whole life.

You want this guy? Show him you're not a child. Be direct, he doesn't have time for games. Make sure you actually like him, as opposed to how you look being with him too.

[justAgir1]

That last bit stood out to me the most. But I do agree with you, guys his age will more than likely be busy. I have thought of showing him that I'm not a child. I'm doing that by attending college and giving it my best. Whenever I go to school I always find myself surrounded by students who are already in their early 20's. Doesn't that already show some form of independence? I'm finally going to begin taking specific courses that pertain to the career path that I chose to pursue, and because of this I think I might run into him again. Should I just focus on my studies for the time being?

[Splithead]

Honestly. I would just focus on studying if I were you. Date guys in college for now. They're really different from post grad guys (or post grad guys should be different unless they're regressing). After highschool age matters less but it still matters. The college girls who end up dating older guys sucessfully are often the same girls too mature for thier surroundings who tend to hate thier schools. If you're enjoying your surroundings and the people around you, just enjoy it... because most likely you'll grow past it eventually. Don't try to change yourself for someone who may be a bit out of reach like that, especially if it's just a crush... unless you're just looking for something quick and fun. If however you really like his personality and are getting to know him a bit better by all means go for it. Just know that he's at a slightly different life stage.

[justAgir1]

Define "date" I would like to know what dating means from a guy's perspective, and yeah, I know he's at a slightly different life stage.

[Splithead]

Dating, the stage before you are together where you're deciding weather or not to to be together. May or may not include sex.

[ModernGent]

Let me put this into perspective, I just turned 29 and was interested in dating a 21 year old. If I was in front of my not-so-close-friends I wouldn't admit to liking her because of the age difference, even though I really liked this girl, but as we spent more time together I told her how I felt. Keeping our business private and no one outside of her I and our closest friends even know that I still like her.

They could have been just joking around you to see if you'd come back with a smart-ass remark, I know I'd do that to see if I can strike a nerve. It's a way to see if a girl can have fun and handle her own in a playful conversation.

I think once you get to be 18/19 and into your twenties it doesn't really matter how much of an age difference there is it's more about how you connect with each other. The lines kind of blur. You ought to get this guy alone some time and flirt a little to see how he reacts, most guys tend to date younger women anyways, I think it's how we're mostly wired neurologically anyways.

Hope that helps.

[murphtheman]

You should talk to him when he is alone, never around his jealous and obnoxious immature buddys that jack off by themselves every night! Many guys have the "scorched earth" complex, meaning if they can't have her than there is something wrong with her

[justAgir1]

This has got to be the best advice I've read so far.

[BlueCoyote]

To me, the person is much more important than the number. I have met people in my life who were older than me and unbearably immature and I have met other people who were younger than me and still very grown-up. Personally, I have always been much more mature than guys my age, due to a pretty severe physical handicap that forced me to make responsible choices already at an early age. Because of this, it's important to me that I date somebody that I feel connects well with me. If that happens to be a 19-year old girl... why not?

[SunDevil11]

I do not think 4 years is that big of a deal, maybe it is an experience thing. He might give you a second chance, you never know until you try :)

[justAgir1]

Thanks, I'll keep that in mind.

[godfatherfan]

The best judge of how young you can date is
half your age plus 7
I think that works in every case.
obviously there can be exceptions to every rule. but when your really young and really old I think this is especially true.
so in that case it would be 18 1/2. so 19 is fine.
there is a bit of emotional difference but not too bad.
I was 20 when I was engaged to my ex wife when she was 17. we lasted 25 years. if it was up to me we would still be married.

[Peterepeat86]

4 years isn't much when you're talking 21-25. But when one is a teen, might as well be ten years. Yes, there's a difference. You're a minor.

Don't get me wrong, it's possible. I don't know the situation. But if he's a college grad and you're a freshman, might be a long shot

[dogbert777]

My mum was 19 when she met my dad, who was 26 at the time. It's a long romantic story how they met in the middle of a supermarket. Sufficient to say here and now it was love at first sight. Please, whoever these guys were talking about, take no notice of them. It's their problem if they can't handle a younger girl, not yours!!

[weapon-x]

Well my older brother is 22 dating a 19 year old and he is always worried she is gunna cheat on him because she party's all the time. He parted just as much as her when he was 19 but now he works full time so he dosn't party that much. I also think she will cheat on him but that's because she is the hottest gf he has ever had.

Do you think she will cheat on him?

Anyway that's the only problem I see with the age gap.

[Diego9O]

Hot 19 years old party girl with a hard working boyfriend: RED FLAG.

[AzzaBlue84]

Every one has their preferences. You are only talking about a four year difference, and I myself would be cool with that. I actually know couple where the man is older than the woman by 14 years. Short answer, some guys may find you too young, others won't give a damn.

[BertMacklinFBI]

ehh i did once. its really not much of an age gap, its just that she was just shy of turning legal and it really just depends on the person. the one i dated was in a way too young, she was totally mature in a lot of senses but her mind still just wasn't there yet and it showed in ways. really depends on the person.

[get-shrekt]

please do not trust this man. when older guys talk to young girls and say "youre too young" they are manipulating you into acting more mature and trying to prove yourself to them, which makes you subconsciously want their approval. maybe you are mature, but they are immature. why do you think they can't find someone their own age? but i haven't talked to him ofc so i could be totally wrong. be safe, be happy, and if you have an inkling of a bad feeling or even one red flag goes up, get out

[Kabloosh75]

I'd date a 19 year old if she was a real catch. You never know.

Of course though there is that maturity level. I've ran into early 20 somethings that were a mess too. It really depends on the person though and I don't necessarily restrict by age, but younger girls tend to be more shallow and picky in the kind of guys they want. That and a 19 year old is nearly 10 years younger than I am. That is quite an age gap.

[Shaft50]

You don't want a second chance with him. It's funny, being an old guy, I don't see the huge age difference between 23 and 19. I think he's trying to appear mature to his mates, but not caring about who he hurts in the meantime.
Forget him, enjoy life and you'll find someone else who will value you for who you are

[This_guy_here]

It is possible, when I was 27 I dated an 18 year old and just recently dated an 18 year old turning 19. Though I live in another country, I know the US is prude and morally awkward towards... Everything, except producing hard core pornos involving under age Russian sex slaves.

[Anonymous]

I can kind of understand where he's coming from. I don't date too much younger, and especially under 21 as I like going to shows and such often where they serve alcohol and don't allow people under 21. I mean if I really fell for her then it is what it is. But if I just met her, I'd be like "nah, too young" and wouldn't pursue her.

[justAgir1]

What you're saying makes sense, but it's also kind of disappointing.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, but it works the same way with women. I've had plenty of women say outright they don't date younger guys, under the blanket assumption they aren't mature enough.

[mike5150]

I did it before, wouldn't say it is bad but you have to have some type of priorities or life goals. She pretty much decided after 2 years that she wanted a career that would make it impossible to find time for someone.

[Dansexuall]

I'm 27 and would date a 19 year old. In the UK that's perfectly normal and acceptable. My dad was like 35 when he started dating his wife when she was 18, they have been together 15 years now, married and have 2 kids. Age means nothing.

[Ned26]

I am currently attempting to date a 19 1/2 year old girl, and I just turned 23 a couple months back. I see no issue with that. People who get weird about age are generally too concerned with what other people will think of them, instead whether or not they actually want to be involved with the person. I wanted to date a 28 year old grad student when I was 21.

[Mr_Xavier]

Did anything happen between the both of you? What "second chance" is there to give if nothing ever happened.

Approach him and let him know what you feel about him. Plan a date with him if that's what you want to do.

[mgalex]

Personaly i don't see a problema there.
It would be another thing if he was 20 and you 16, that's illegal.

so, just tell him how you feel and I hope you be happy :)

[SirChameleon]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a 23 year old guy being with a 19 year old girl! I don't think 25 and 18 would be wrong.

I say go for it. Just make your intentions SUPER obvious (I can't stress this enough to women). If he still indicates that you are too young, he is an idiot.

[Tdieseler]

That "young" probably meant inexperienced. Confidence beats all, if you are sure that he was considering you, i suggest doing a walk-up.

[justAgir1]

I see, but what do you mean by doing a walk-up? If a walk-up is what I think it is, I may have already done it. There was this one time we locked eyes during our 10 minute break, he was on his cellphone and I was getting ready to walk back into class, but instead I ended up walking towards him and I have no idea why I walked towards him. It's like he was telling me to come to him, so I did, but once I was a few feet within his range I got scared and did this 'never mind' sort of thing where I ended up walking away from him and sat with a guy who wasn't intimidating.

[Tdieseler]

Thats not a walk up... you actually have to walk UP to him, not walk towards. There is always an intimidation factor (guys have this more than girls) but you just have to brush it off and walk up and start with a "hi"

[justAgir1]

Damn it... then I completely messed up. How embarrassing > . < but I'm not the type to just randomly go up to people and say "hi" so, I guess I'm pretty much screwed, right?

[Tdieseler]

It seems no girl is.. but you have to understand, the same thing stop both genders, the fear of rejection. Thats why we don't do random "hi"s. You didn't mess up totally, luckily for you, you are a girl, this can be fixed, easily.

[justAgir1]

Really, I can fix this? Ahh, what a relief, so what should I do, if I ever run into him again?

[Tdieseler]

re-enact what i just said you should have done last time... do a walk-up

[justAgir1]

It won't be easy, but I'll try! Thank you.

[Tdieseler]

Its never easy when you have to do it. Its only easy to give advice. If its gonna make you buck up a little, send me a message, I will tell you what IM going through. If not, good luck.

[Agrojag]

Yes, yes I would. But people are different so it's up to him and our opinions aren't really relevant.

[Klaatu51]

depends on to WHO he said that "too young" basically...;-)

[justAgir1]

Are you saying that he was trying to tease me?

[steven31]

wow, if you really heard him say "weird orphan child" then wtf are you still interested in him?

[Waldoman7]

hmm. well, i know i wouldn't be too interested in someone who called me a weird orphan child.

[snowboarder720]

As long as they are over 18, age is honestly just a number to me.

[Anonymous]

Depends what kind of girl you are. Most likely not due to life experience gap. I mean girls at that age aren't even legal to drink, a guy doesn't wanna deal with a girl who can't wait to party and drink at 21

[justAgir1]

I can wait. I've actually never 'partied' per se because it doesn't really grab my attention. I'm the type who rather focus on school first and then try to party once I know it will be worth while. Do you think that may have anything to do with my situation? Would I come off as boring and "too young" because I actually have goals in life?

[Splithead]

That doesn't count. That's like a guy toting his virginity as a positive because he can't get laid. Tbh, as an almolst 23 year old post grad guy the type of girl I go for are the ones that had thier wild streak and came around of thier own volition. They know what it's like and made the decision that it's not for them. That's abstaining by choice not due to fear. There's always the chance that an innocent or straight edge girl will have "church girl syndrome" where at any point she could turn out to just be repressed and go do a bunch of crazy shit potentially ruining your and her life. Have fun gain experience, make measured thoughtful decisions based on experience. Don't deny experience in the name of maturity only as a disguise for fear.

[justAgir1]

It sounds like you're advising me to go out there and get laid first before I try and pursue a guy for a long-term relationship. Is that right?

[aegis_penguin]

It's possible. I once knew a guy who was 25 dating a 18 old year girl. It when well for them.

[cynbalistic]

I would date a 19 yr old girl if I was 23 years old. Hell I would date one now if she can handle my age. But some guys like older woman. And he must be one of them.

[Krayzee92]

The girl that i have a crush with is also 19... but in my case it's the other way around... She friendzoned me... :D actually age doesn't matter for me... just express yourself and try being as honest as possible to him... Good luck tho...