He's not a chaser, what do I do?

[Anonymous]

Indirectly, this guy said he doesn't chase after people. How in the world would I communicate with him and not become the chaser myself? He hates the chase. He thinks that if someone is worth it he wouldn't have to chase after them.

[gray_sailor]

He is telling you a fundemental truth about himself. I speak from experience when I say that for some men, myself included, the chase is unnatural. Pursuing a woman feels like going after a pipe dream. I feels false and forced. If a man does not have a good sense of where and whether someone is showing interest, then pursuing anyone feels the same.

Every relationship I've ever been in and every date I've enjoyed was either entirely the result of the woman or she had the majority effort to her credit.

This guy is letting you know that either you are the one (in which case you will act on that fact) or you are not the one and some other woman is.

The ball is in your court.

[Asker]

I'll admit I haven't been showing consistent interest in him, like if I text, I'll take forever to reply, or start a convo, he'll text back I don't reply and the convo dies. I don't know.

[gray_sailor]

Inconsistency is your message then. Your actions show that you doubt your own interest in him. Why should he fight with you to change your mind?

[Asker]

I am interested, but I listened to a stupid friend's advice to not take him seriously, which was a bad move on my part.

[AleDeEurope]

Why don't you chase him? He let it clear that he's not gonna chase, so if you expect him to come to you, you're gonna end up waiting for nothing.
Go for him if he's who you want.

[Asker]

Because I think he doesn't want to talk to me, and when I have texted first, he'll read it but not answer back sometimes.

[AleDeEurope]

Well, then just let him be, you've tried talking, he doesn't seem interested, so don't force things.

[Asker]

True. He also said he's an all or nothing person and hates games. And because I wasn't sure of him being interested, I wouldn't text back or take forever to reply.

[sobg71124]

He sounds like an immature boy. And with his attitude, he will likely remain alone.

[Asker]

Because he wants someone showing interest first?

[sobg71124]

Because a man can't sit around and expect things to come to him. If you are interested in a girl, then you pursue her! He just sounds... lazy.

[Drast]

If you want him you might have to become the chaser. He won't do it and you seem to be the one who wants to facilitate the relationship

[Asker]

I'm so confused:my girl friends said it is bad if women don't let the guy come after them.

[Drast]

Then you might not get him. When you wait for the guy you have no control of starting a relationship.

[Asker]

It makes me think he doesn't want to talk to me if I start the conversation or if I send a text and he reads it fairly fast but doesn't respond to it.

[Drast]

He may not be interested then. I wouldn't come to that conclusion yet though.

[Anonymous]

actually most guys hate the chase. personally I think its a b****y thing to do. you could, you know, actually try?

[Opinion Owner]

AND he sounds logical

[Asker]

I did, but it's weird texting first when I'm not sure if he wants to talk to me

[Asker]

Logical?

[Opinion Owner]

chasing is bull crap

[Klaatu51]

then y not chase him if he hates chasing others?

[Asker]

Because it makes me think he's not all that interested.

[Starry_Night93]

You're going to have to do the chasing.