Why would girls lead guys on?

Question

I KNOW guys do this to girls, just as well...just to get that out there...

BUT, why would a girl show all the classic signs of interest: smiling, flirting, going on dates, getting physically close--and then, all of a sudden, DUMP the guy, leaving him to feel like an idiot? It really damages a guy's self-esteem.

Girls, have you ever done this/have friends that do this? If so, please tell me why. Is the person just a "tease", and how do you recognize one? (Some of them are really innocent-looking.) Guys can answer too from experience. Thanks : )

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

The problem with telling someone as SOON as you thin you may not like them , is some people are quick to judge & slow to learn... I personally have held out longer then I wanted to to make sure I wanted to make sure I gave us a chance because I have a tendency to loose interest really quick. had I known in advance that ultimately, I would not be interested then I would tell them as soon as I had doubts. It is for this reason I do not ask someone straight out how they feel. Things can change & people change & anyways I look at people as an experience, not as a means to an end {I.e Relationship per se, or whatever else you expect to get from them.}

In a perfect world we would know exactly how someone felt about us, as soon as we needed to. But in reality THEY do not always know, & the answer can really only be discerned by getting to know someone.

I am definitely apposed to playing with peoples minds for the purpose of personal amusement. If you are both willing participants that is fine. if you are just playing with them, it can be very dangerous as everyone has a different past and different reactions. What seems insignificant to on could be earth shattering to another.. id friends who near took there live over such things. I reserve my game playing for basketball & soccer. :)

Note : I think that When people grow accustomed to playing games with other people they lessen there chance of ever being able to trust other people. They hurt themselves as much as others if not more.

jextaimex · Accepted Answer

Well, the times that this has happened to me with guys its been because the guys I've been involved with kept sending mixed signals. I like shy, nice guys, but at the same time when I'm giving all the signs and I get nothing in return, I get exhausted and just lose interest completely. Of course, a few weeks later then it turns out that they have more interest and I have to let them down. Even guys that are outgoing and aren't normally shy are like that with me, and I just stop trying. I'm a nice girl and I'm classy, so they don't want to come off as sleazy, but guys sometimes go overboard with trying to hard to not be sleazy that they just don't know that its okay to make a move.

CrazynKinky · Accepted Answer

Sometimes it just takes awhile to find out if they're not into you.

Hughman · Accepted Answer

Yup, I can sympathise massively. Hell, I'd say this sort of event is what changed me. I could talk to girls no problem, get them to open up, get the number, get the first date.

Then nothing. *Poof* - right into thin air they'd go!

The girl that destroyed my old self is one of the hottest and sluttiest girls I know. She sleeps with any guys she dates. And yet I got nothing off her! Feck all. (I found out later I was one of 3 guys she was dating - she chose some burly army cadet in the end)

Why do they do it? Naivety is one thing - girls just don't realise the power they hold over most guys. Some like the ego boost they get out of it, knowing that they have sexual power.

The last reason I've found is the fickle nature of female sexuality. For guys, once he's attracted to a girl, she has to then show some pretty heinous attributes to kill that attraction (bad breath, totally unshaven, riddled with STIs etc)

For a girl, she can 'rationalise' just about anything. If the guy suddenly does something that 'shows his true colours' that she finds unappealing, then she can believe she always knew about it and was just testing. Typically this will be from 'beta' behaviour (ie the guy is a wuss and an arse-kisser) though the occasional girl will not actually find arseholes attractive (I've found them to be in a minority, and most are good Christian girls which don't interest me anyway)

TexPlayboy · Accepted Answer

it might help you if you realize that men and women usually want different things from a relationship. I am not saying that it is always the case, but generally this will be true.

We know what men want.. Sex. Women enjoy sex, but that is not what they "want". Women want attention and they trade sex to get it. It is usually what men offer to get sex. And this also explains why men move on after having sex. Which reinforces the women's actions; being more guarded for the next relationship.

If you are not the guy who is just after sex, then you are suffering for the sins of your brothers.

Good Luck,

James

bibliovore · Answer

I've never done anything like that. I think it's incredibly cruel.

The only reasons I could think of would be: the girl wants to get herself into the dating world and get other guys to notice her, or maybe just to see if she can get a guy. Also maybe to show off to her friends.

I'm not really sure but those make sence to me.

Lee85 · Answer

I voted D, and since I'm the only person so far here's the run-down:

I have this friend and she's nice, intelligent, BEAUTIFUL, and a real great catch but has been used by past boyfriends. Well when we went to college (obviously a lot of clubbing, etc) she figured it was "her turn." Since all men saw her was was a nice piece of whatever you wanna call it, an arm trophy, or just a phase... she decided that all she had to see men as was a meal ticket, constant source of attention, and free drinks. So she plays the game until she finds a guy that can giver her those things better. It SOUNDS really harsh, and it is. But sometimes girls (especially those that dated too far up the age scale - older guys) learn to treat men how they have been treated by men in the past.

ifyouloveme__ · Answer

well, I'm a girl and I sometimes flirt with guys and lead them on, I know its mean, but we just like to have fun. & were you guys dating? maybe she just wanted to have some fun.

Well, if a girl really liked you then she wouldn't do that you.

Heres what to look out for:

She flirts with you for a whole day, then the next she doesn't even bother to say hi.

or she probably thinks you're just a rebound guy. A guy she can flirt with whenever, if you

don't mind then just have fun and flirt back but don't think of it too much.There's always gonna be

that one girl to flirt with who doesn't really mean anything to you.

Lol, but just move on & you deserve better :)

could you go and answer my questions? thanks! I hope this helped.

worldpeace · Answer

I've done this before, perhaps I am doing this right now. Its a difficult situation, where for me more than one nice guy comes a long at a time. Its not that I am not interested, I'm just trying to see who is right for me. If its a sudden ending, its because their is someone else I am more interested in. Sometimes you also realize that the guy you have been seeing is just not for you but you can tell that he has stronger feelings for you. Its hard to get up the courage to let him down or try to figure out a way to let him down easy.

letsplayalovegame · Answer

Depends on the girl- some like to mess with guys minds, and some have commitment issues/don't know what they want or are just like that.

It may even be the same reason guys do it- just for fun.

I've done it, but only with good intentions, I thought I could like the guy by giving him a chance, but I didn't. He ended up being clingy and possesive, we weren't even offical. We went on 1 date. I moved on very fast, he didn't. I have my heart set on someone at the moment, and he doesn't like it. He used to be friends with this person top, but not anymore.

greeneyedgal · Answer

Yea, I knew some girls that did this.  They were being a tease and living in the moment.  They loved the attention and that was all.  They had no interest in anything serious because they were playing the field.  I didn't agree to it and thought it was in bad taste.  Personally, I didn't and wouldn't do it to a guy because I have experienced it.  I completely concur, it is very detrimental to your self esteem and it hurts.

Anonymous · Answer

maybe she didn't mean for that to happen..maybe she was scared to be with you/ like you a lot..i dated a guy for about two months and I started to develop strong feelings for him but after my last relationship I couldn't let myself feel the same for this guy as I did for my ex..so I let him go..i still like him but I don't believe its going to work out..

I flirt with guys I like and don't like..but I don't mean to lead or hurt anyone..but when I flirt with guys I llike I tend to get nervous..but if a guy that I flirt with and I didn't like him told me he liked me..i'd tell him that I only like him as a friend and I hope we can still be friends

Haily07 · Answer

I went out with someone who I wasn't interested in.  I don't really remember flirting with him or trying to get his attention (if I did, it was unintentional.  I never had any interest in him).  But when he did ask me out, I said yes.  We went on a couple dates and made out a few times.  I did it mainly because I had zero experience with boys, and I was just curious to see what it would be like to be courted.  I also felt like it would be rude to say no.  I thought it would be better to go out with him a few times to see if I changed my mind about liking him instead of saying no right from the start.  I didn't change my mind; by the end of it all I liked him significantly less.  I didn't feel bad about dumping him.

Reeses-pieces777 · Answer

I don't like leading guys on because that's mean and I would tell a guy if I was interested or not interested. It's pretty clear as day to me how people should or should not be treated.

some girls like the attention they get when they lead a guy on. some girls just are indecisive. and then there are girls like me who pretty say t point blank and make it cyrstal clear whether it's a go or not.

play-wright-boy · Answer

It's likely a cyclical thing. She started off in her younger days as sweet and sincere, then got jerked around by some guys. Now, seeing that there's no use being so nice in a such a world, she decides to behave as selfishly as everyone else out there. Why be nice to others if they're not going to be the same to you?

rdabby · Answer

why?

same reason guys do it! Ego Boost, to play the game on them, to feel better about herself, to be the one in control, to hurt people, to break hearts and to simply be a bitch!

believe it or not, some girls do that because they don't wanna get hurt! so they play the guy inorder not to be played or to give him a chance to hurt her so she hurts him first, its kinda like a revenge thingy.

maybe she lost intrest... as well you never know unless you ask her what's going on!

alessia93 · Answer

A girl may do that because she is naturally flirty.

Girl's also like the attention and flattery. We like to feel secure and liked and need to be touched sometimes...it kind of depends on the girl who may get bored and leave or lose interest after awhile.

LaTuaCantante09 · Answer

I've unfortunately been guilty of showing interest in a guy and then dumping him. He was (and still is) a good friend of mine, so I thought I'd give him a chance, when he told me he wanted to be more than friends. We kissed a couple times and were really flirtatious, but I just didn't feel that spark I was hoping for. I didn't mean to lead him on or tease him; I was just confused about my feelings (or lack thereof) for him.

bella0404 · Answer

Women are needy creatures. We need attention. We feel good about ourselves knowing we're wanted. Sometimes, we're so caught up on what we want/need we don't take that guys feelings into consideration. Shallow, I know. Girls run on emotions. We're emotional thinkers. Anything positive you provide to us emotionally, you've just become our next victim. Not all girls are like this, but a vast majority are.

Standingpretty · Answer

To feel attractive, that's basically the only other reason besides being nice or losing attraction that was once there. I only did it once, to make my ex jealous. I would say avoid girls who you know are just out of a relationship, they are not stable and they are TROUBLE. Hope this helps!

martyfellow · Answer

You don't know that a lot of girls just want guys to pay for the meals and the transportation and could not care less about them otherwise?   This takes you by surprise?   These girls are considered hip and smart especially by other girls in our society.  Even some guys buy into this.

Nijababe99 · Answer

well most girls do this to get back to a boy who ledt hem on or a boy who we thought liked us but was just taking it as a joke think about ti she proabbly does like yu and is testing yu 2 see if ur going to go fater her or she probably does not feel the same way and does not want to hurt yu or if she was mad when she heard it someone probably told her something about you-- think about it do you spend time with her if not she probably wants a full boyfrined who is there for her

pineappleshortcare · Answer

Going on dates is a way to get to know a guy.  Sometimes we find something out that doesn't fit with what we're looking for.  It happens with guys too.  I've also went out with guys that I was fairly certain I wasn't into because we're taught to give guys a chance to grow on us ... after a handful of dates, you know if he will or won't.

dontknowanymore · Answer

I like attention. There, I've said it. I like it when A LOT of guys pursue me. But I can only fall in love with one guy at a time.

Even if 10 guys ask me out on dates, and I actually went out with every single one of them. There's only one guy I REALLY wanted to hear back from. There's only 1 guy I want to be with.

So. You're not that one guy. No big deal. Often time I'm not that 1 girl either. Lol!

xheartblondex · Answer

It's a difficult question you are asking sweetie. Girls are so difficult. I don't know how to tell people appart like that. I did that on accident in like the 3rd grade lol. I guess my answer is be honest with her and ask her if she likes you and if she doesn't well there are other mermaids under the sea. Be careful

Anonymous · Answer

i have to say that I do this... I think that I like the guy and genuiley at first I do like him, but as soon as I no he likes me back, I don't like him anymore, he gets like old, and I guess you could say we just want a lot of guys to like us, and we see if we can get them to like us... it kinda is a tease or a game. we like to girl gossip and say  "oh so and so thinks I'm hott. " lol

Anonymous · Answer

You are right. Guys do this all the time to female when it 's some much easier to be up front and tell that person that you are not really feeling them like that but you are willing to give it a try and see how things work out. Instead we play with people emotions than leave them high and dry and most of all confused. This anit a good look. Just be up front and tell that person that you are not looking for a relationship just friendship and that way when things don't work out you already know that person wasn't in it for the long run anyway.

Anonymous · Answer

I've done this before. Not ever intentionally or anything. The times I've done it was when I jumped into the relationship before actually getting to know the guy and a couple months in finding out I really don't like him more then a friend. That's why for me I always try to get the know the guy at least a little bit before getting too involved.

Anonymous · Answer

theres are the options

1.she doesn't like you anymore

2 she 's playing hard to get

3or she s upset with something you told her ( like me a guy flirted with me but then he said if he could he would start talking to a girl he always liked but never asked out so am not talking to him anymore)

Anonymous · Answer

i know that I have probably led a guy on before,

but I didn't mean to. if that makes sense I guess

maybe the girl wasn't getting the reaction from you that she wanted

or there was too much of a pattern and it didn't seem like

you were serious.

it could also be really simple, and she was a tease.

sometimes theyre obvious. or sometimes not

LCBABY25 · Answer

Because some girls are just mean Or they like you but there's something about you that turns them off

Blankname1 · Answer

Girls and guys both do this.I feel we all have a lot to learn and hope later in the future there will be a major change,but we should all remember that not all guys do it and not all girls do it.

Peace!

sef0181 · Answer

It could be any of those, it all depends on the girl. I have a friend who qualifies as "other", she is just really afraid to get close to guys, so if things start moving faster than she is prepared for, she ends it fast.

Enideqa · Answer

I know of some of my friends that have done this before, they did it because they really didn't want to hurt the person, I do think feelings are hurt in the end anyways but that is what I have heard.

malakai · Answer

girls want to dump before getting dumped. if they do that then they feel insecure and that you want to leae her, so she beats you to the punch to save herself the pain.

Pleasehelpmeplease · Answer

Sometimes theyr not into you and are just being nice. But sometimes they are genuine and do like you but then realise your not the right person.

mandy91 · Answer

some just like the attention, but it's possible she actually liked the guy then got to know him and found out more about him and changed her mind.

kenlim90 · Answer

well.. Guys cheat Girls for a Night, Girls cheat Guys for the rest of your life...

hot_princess7 · Answer

also, she might be juggling a few guys and decide on one (the other gets dumped)

Anonymous · Answer

from my experience...i do lead on guys but it doesn't mean I'm interested. We girls are like guys, messing around and having fun flirting with guys would be relaxing. But always...wen a girl really like someone, they might go a little flirty with some other guys but in their hea is always one guy.

you boys probabl thinks you can do but girls do it too just to make them feel a little better.

Anonymous · Answer

Women feed on attention and in todays feminist world, men are play toys. Only way to beat the game is to play the game. As 3oh!3 says, Don't trust the ho

karina88 · Answer

I'm ashamed to say I've done it once or twice in my life. The reason? I knew the guy liked me, and that felt nice, if I had shown that I wasn't interested he would have moved on and I would go back to feeling unloved.

BurgundyObsessed · Answer

well honestly I'm what people call a tease , I just do it cause I'm bored, lmao

Im in a relationship now , but if I flirt with another guy its cause I just want a little bit off new stuff , so my relationship is like a safety net ...

Anonymous · Answer

Because it is fun

Why would girls lead guys on?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Why would girls lead guys on?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.