The difference between being controlling and being protective?

Question

What's the tipping point for you guys? Is there a line between a partner being overprotective or domineering? How can you tell?

AlyssaSalcido12 · Accepted Answer

I think for most women, seeing a guy being "protective" can be very attractive. I think it shows that he really cares about her and doesn't want to lose her. And girls can be similarly protective if they feel like their relationship is being threatened. But... I feel like for me, it's not necessary. If you are in a healthy relationship, you should feel a healthy protection from your s/o. It's those warm feelings you get when you know he doesn't want you around that creepy guy.. Or wants you to be safe.. But it doesn't have to be necessarily defined because you both have it when you're in a relationship for each other. I feel like overprotection is unnecessary.. It's like saying that they don't trust you at all to live your own life, and it's over the top behavior.. I think overprotective behavior occurs when your significant other starts to make you feel smothered.. Commonly seen in abusive relationships, they tell you to wear certain clothes, won't let you go out with your friends, and start fights with you for talking to that guy, etc etc..

marina307 · Accepted Answer

Controlling is when someone makes you feel bad about doing something so you won't do it anymore. It's when you can't hang out with your friends because the person will not allow it. They don't say anything but you ca feel it. It's bad when you barely have any friends as an outcome. Protective is when they'll scowl at you for maybe getting a little tipsy and wanting to walk by yourself at night. It just shows they're worried. If you're having problems, message me. I had a very big problem with a boyfriend I thought was only being protective but in reality he was controlling my life.

KitKat93 · Accepted Answer

Protective is telling you he's worried about your safety in situation x, y, or z because of a, b, and c. Maybe he'd even go so far as to say he'd rather you avoid those situations because he'll worry the whole time.

Controlling is if you tell him you're not changing your plans to avoid that situation for whatever reason you have and him getting angry with you, threatening to dump you over it, or making you feel afraid to disobey his request.

abzence · Accepted Answer

Being protective is simply trying to keep you safe from harm. That may sometimes express itself like the other person somewhat trying to restrict you. In like saying not to go certain places at certain times etc. The intention behind it is good and for the concern of the other.

Being controlling is not about the well being of the other person. That is an issue that person has when he/she has to know everything that goes on with the person they are trying to control. They giver orders and dictate behavior just because they can and feel like it. The intention is not the well being of the other. The controller have almost claimed ownership of their subject.

InquisitiveMale · Accepted Answer

Controlling is making decisions on anthers behalf while being protective is taking the brunt of the fallout from something they chose to do or confront.

However, domineering is different then all the above as it pertains to arrogance and selfishness- asserting your will over another- that is the line I believe you should have drawn for this question.

It's not synonymous with control- rather a desire to control.

What is the difference between being 'controlling' and being 'domineering'.

mr90skid · Answer

Protective: Lightly interrogating often while still respect the persons privacy and freedom Controlling:

joe_pickles · Answer

Selfishness is not doing as you want, it's expecting others to do what you want. It is never selfish to do what you like, it's your born right.
A perfect relationship involves letting your partner do whatever they want, and if they consider you, perfect.
If you are telling them what to do, the only thing you will ever know about your partner is whether or not they are obedient.

ThisGurl · Answer

I feel like for me... controlling is telling the person not to do something, without discussion. (There should be about feelings)

and Overprotective is insecurity over every tiny thing. (If there are specified reasons as to why they feel this way, then that is okay, there just needs to be some reassuring)

aaaaand Protective is... well less than overprotective... it is more "marking their territory". :)

AmandaLynn1930 · Answer

If u feel u can't do things without his permission. Or u feel u can't do things at all, then he's being controlling.
If he watches every single move pll make and keeps his arm around u kn public, he's being protective.
If he has ur back when u get into a tiff with a friend or coworker, bes being protective.
If he doesn't met u talk to anybody at all to avoid that, he's being controlling.

dwiller943 · Answer

Protective= Looking out for you and making you feel safe while still giving you the freedom to make your own choices.

Controlling= Dictates and controls every little thing you do; as if you're a dog, puppet, or a little child. But then claims they're only doing it to protect you. But they still end up hurting you just as bad; if not worse, than what they were suppose to be protecting you from.

Conscience_for_sale · Answer

When he tells you to do things as per his convenience, that is controlling. A protective person would let you do what you want but will tell you to do it right. Example:
Controlling: Babe, Dont talk to afsasf, I don't like it.
Protective: Babe, be careful when you hang out with afsasf. I don't trust that person.

Anonymous · Answer

Protective is just trying to keep them safe and away from getting hurt. Controlling is when they try to restrict you and you feel as though you have no room nor power to voice your opinion. Both of them are very unhealthy in relationships and cause troubles down the road.

TripleAce · Answer

Controlled is not giving one a chance to prove it by themselves that they know where to draw the line and the benefit is funnled to the person whos controlling... protective is doing something for the benefit of someone else

NerdInDenial · Answer

Being protective is asking where are you going and when you are coming home? Being controlling is asking those questions every 30 minutes while you are out.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

The line between the two is the partner being able to back off when told to do so.

GreatnessPersonified · Answer

A protective person should make you feel safe. A controlling person makes you feel not in control of yourself. A domineering person is controlling but LESS kind.

mooky06 · Answer

Controlling- telling you not to do things, running your life.. For you Protective- telling you it's absolutely cool, and be careful, have fun

ThatGirLqueen · Answer

Controlling: "You're not wearing that shirt, guys will be looking at you!" Protective: "He grabbed your arm baby so I bashed his face in. No one disrespects my girl"

Yanoa_Yanza · Answer

when the other partner feels 'trapped' and is suffocating in the relationship, that's when you're being 'too controlling'

apple24 · Answer

controlled- stritct bs to make sure u stay focus in school or whatever protective- careful not to let u make BS- trying to keep u safe from sex and drugs... whatever

Zendrya · Answer

Being protective is trying to keep you safe. Controlling is telling you what you can and cannot do.

Anonymous · Answer

Being protective means he is defending you and looking out for you. Being controlling means he is trying to restrict your behaviour.

grahamcracka · Answer

its protective when they create a powerpoint with facts and reasoning on the topic backing up their concern, otherwise they're just being controlling

notxing · Answer

Yes. Why do you need to control his behavior?

idkwtftoputhere · Answer

they're both annoying af.

Sabretooth · Answer

When you no longer have a say

The difference between being controlling and being protective?

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