I've made a sextape and my boyfriend is mad?

[Anonymous]

It's not as bad as it sounds--okay maybe it is, but my ex filmed us while having sex, but we don't really see our faces (just mine, but for a couple seconds) we just see the sex part... And the only person to have it is my ex. He is a good guy, and I know he won't do anything with it.
The problem is that I told my boyfriend that I made a sextape with my ex and he totally lost it. He started calling me names, and telling me he doesn't see me the same way as before. It's been a couple days now and I don't know what to do. He answers my texts and calls, but he's pretty distant. I can understand why he's mad, but does he have to be THAT mad?
The sextape was clearly a mistake. It was for fun, and it only lasts a minute or two tbh. But I don't know why my boyfriend reacts the way he does considering he knows everything there is to know about this.

What do you think?

[gray_sailor]

You said in reply to another poster:

"As I said, I trust my ex to be respectful about this. I'm pretty sure he won't ever post it somewhere."

The problem is that you are asking your current boyfriend to trust your ex.

If there is a basis for that trust, then why did you and your ex break up?

If you and your ex have truly parted ways permanently, why does he get to keep a part of you forever?

Even if he can be trusted now, should your ex be trusted forever? What happens should he become less worthy of trust? Your current relationship remains permanently exposed to risk whether your ex remains worthy of trust or not.

This risk is something you've known about. However it is a completly new thing for your boyfriend. His mind is swimming with possibilities:
- what if her family sees this?
- what if my family sees this?
- what if our future children see this?
- what if I see this?

For you, the video is a part of the past and properly remains there. For him, the fact that this video is controlled by a rival of his (being your ex makes them rivals) makes this video a part of the present and possibly, a part of the future. This future may pose more risk for him than being your boyfriend (or even one day, your husband) is worth.

[Asker]

My ex and I broke up because we wanted different things in life. He is in his biology stuff and I'm in my music, composing and singing. We didn't get along in a lot of things and arguing was pretty much what broke us apart. I still trust him though because I've been with him for four years, and I know his family, and I know that he's someone respectful. With my current boyfriend it's different. I really love him and we're alike.
But I get what you are saying. He doesn't like my ex, so why would he trust him? But really, he did react pretty badly saying I was a slut, even though I know he regretted it.
I guess I could call my ex and ask him to delete the video, but I don't really want to do that mainly because it's in the past and because it's not important to talk about this now. It would be weird. I guess I should just wait for boyfriend to calm down.

[gray_sailor]

Deleting the video is the best possible action. It does not take the video from the past and bring it to the present it destroys it, preventing it from being a part to the future.

Give deleting some serious consideration.

[Asker]

Thank you for the advice. I will wait and see. I'll probably ask my boyfriend and if he really wants me to 'delete it', I'll give my ex a phone call.

[complicatedthoughts]

Just delete the dang video! It's not about the fact you have had other partners before him but the thought of that person being able to watch his girlfriend getting ***** IS a problem even though he knew that you had sex with your ex.

I'm not trying to be malicious by any means but what is your problem and why do you have a problem with the video being deleted?

If I was in your situation I would've called without even the slightest bit of hesitation to have the video deleted and been like
"hey..., your feelings matter to me!! I seen how much it was bothering you so I had the video deleted. You mean so much more to me than my ex being able to watch a video of us *******". I would not have included the (ex being able to watch a video of us *******) just showing a thought that I would almost guarantee crossed your boyfriend's mind.
Instead I would've said "You mean so much more to me than a tape that means absolutely nothing to me"
It would only have taken an extremely small amount of effort on your part but would've meant so much to your boyfriend but instead you want to "wait for boyfriend to calm down"

It's mind boggling that you have such a problem with having your ex delete that and in my opinion it seems kinda shady

[complicatedthoughts]

Geeeezzz! Just delete the dang video!!!
What is your problem with having it deleted?
You shouldn't wait and you absolutely should not have to have a stipulation such as "if he really wants me to" for you to have it deleted.

Since it is an advise forum I will give some advice. Just go ahead and break up with him so he can find someone that would respect his feelings and care more about him than a sextape that her ex has.

[Mesonfielde]

Pfft. He'll have to get over it. No, I don't even understand why he's so mad, just because you had sex with a person before him doesn't mean he has the authority to act like a 4 year old.

[Cerenityy]

Some Guys don't like to know that their girlfriends participated in behavior they find demeaning or low class. It's just that simple. He sees you in a different light now because of it and he actually told you that himself. His perception has changed and although he has a right to feel the way he does, he should not be degrading you. That behavior shows me he's very judgmental and kind of an a*sshole. Either way, if he's going to change the way he treats you that much, then he doesn't realty care about you.

[DrKran]

Nono, you see this in the wrong way. He's mad because he can't unsee what he saw in your video. If you really cared about his precious mind then it could have stayed as an unseen video never to be brought up again.

The mind is an awful thing when it comes to memory. Watching someone else do your partner is as unforgettable as 2girls1cup. That video still haunts me...

If someone's that mad about something, it's almost impossible to change peoples mindset and beliefs, even with an explanation or evidence.

What went on his mind I'm guessing is "What if she cheated on me to see how I react? And what if he's in on this joke?" or "Who is that guy? who is that guy?". For him it's torture to see your face and his, that's why he's so distanced.

[Asker]

The problem is I didn't even show him the damn video. I don't have it, only my ex. Just the idea of me making a tape made him mad.

[DrKran]

Oh, then I see no problem here. Maybe he thinks that he'll get off to that video and he feels violated to know that someone has a naked picture of you.

[Low_Pride_85]

He's jealous. Your ex still gets to see you naked whenever he wants. Please get the damn sextape back from your ex and let him see you destroy it. That's if the names he called and stuff he did didn't cross the line. I mean if he was an asshole then call the ex up and make another tape!

[d3adn1nja]

Hmm. Well he acted like a child. I don't like the entire sexting/sex tape shit since sometimes people go crazy and spread this shit on the Internet in attempt to get back at there former SO.

But my policy is that if I get nudes or videos there for my own viewing and will never be public.

[Anonymous]

Any normal, mentally sane guy has the same mindset: He wants you to have sex with him and him only, and the idea of you having sex with anyone else hurts him--even thought it was in the past, before him.

It wasn't the sex video itself that upset him, it was because it served as a reminder that some other man has had his dick inside you.

This is exactly why i think everyone should just pick one person to lose their virginity to and stay with that person for the rest of your life. Or just fuck monogamy altogether and just do casual sex.

[godfatherfan]

Why the fuck would you Ever... EVER tell your boyfriend you made a tape of you fucking another guy?
what did you think you were going to accomplish with that? You may as well have told him your ex had a larger cock then him.
how do you not get him being pissed beyond anything? esp since your eventually going to end up all over the internet.
sorry, this is a bed you made. it will take a lot to make it up to him if it is even possible.

[Humping_Tornadoes]

The camera was only filming the stuff you did probably a 100 times before with your ex. No difference whether the camera was there or not, would it?

However, he sure as hell should be mad that your ex still has this shit. You shouldn't have this information "available" somewhere when you're supposed to move beyond that relationship. Plus, you're practically allowing another guy to see you naked anytime he wants now. So it's very disrespectful.

[Baggz]

I think he is intimidated or insecure. Tell him to stop his faggotry. Shit was buried in the past. Does he want to erase your other past boyfriends that you had sex with too? If you told me that, I'd ask of we can make one too.

[Asker]

Probably a little insecure. I've had more partners than he did and it has always bothered him somehow, because he wanted me to be a virgin. But that was a discussion we had at the beginning of our relationship and now he doesn't really care. Until recently when I told him

[Baggz]

Yeah... in the beginning until he himself tapped you now he starts to care and thinks all stupid-like. Personally, I'd leave. Don't need the drama.

[Anonymous]

Sex tapes are taboo. Say one day at his job a co-worker of his sees the tape they tip HR anonymously about it and he gets fired for being associated with you. Yes HR at a lot of places do in fact do that. So that could be a reason why he's freaking out.

[Asker]

As I said, I trust my ex to be respectful about this. I'm pretty sure he won't ever post it somewhere.

[OpenWine]

my reaction would be "lol".

definitely my future girlfriend could be a potthead or so in the past I would not move an eyebrow

[USMC-Crossroads]

He is an asshole... I'd love to see a girlfriend doing it.

[Asker]

With another dude though :/

[USMC-Crossroads]

Sure. As long as you weren't cheating. If it was in your past, then its no big deal. I'd still love to see it.

[Asker]

Wow, you really are open minded about this. My boyfriend would rather die than see it lol

[USMC-Crossroads]

He must be very insecure with himself. If you were with me, and we were going steady / exclusive, then I would trust you that it was over with him. And (even though I don't know what you look like), I would love ANY excuse to see you having sex, or even just naked. It's actually turning me on just thinking about it. I don't know how he can be suck a douche bag about it.

[Asker]

I wish he were more like you !

[USMC-Crossroads]

I wish I was him!

[justforkickies]

The fact that he still has it is pretty bad. Most guys or girls would definitely be hurt, it will take some time to get over, but if you both are worth it it will blow over.

[skeptic007]

he probably thinks you did it while in the relationship thats why he's mad

cause I have a couple of videos on phone ahhhhh memories lol most girls make videos now a days its normal he has to accept it and let it go

[hifromkai]

I think it has fuck all to do with him and you did it before you were with him

Although I'd be a little pissed if someone had a video having sex with my girlfriend

[dogman8073]

I'd be pissed too. You never know where it's going to end up. Not a good idea unless you're married and that's not guaranteed. If you want to make another you keep the tape

[gapminder]

I think that people need to quit making sex tapes and expecting nobody to find out. Just keep the damn camera out of the bedroom #problemsolved

[jmmmfi2]

No guy wants to think about his girl fucking other dudes let alone know there's video proof of you doing it

[AlphaAussie]

Need to see the tape before I can Comment

[Asker]

Yeah, no. I don't even have it myself

[orphan]

whyd u offer up this info to ur boyfriend

[Asker]

I wanted to be honest because I love him. I realize I probably shouldn't have said anything

[orphan]

no you shouldn't have. whatever u did w/ ur ex is irrelevant

[kahnkang14]

What the. Camera show you doing

[Asker]

Well, sex lol. There's my face at the beginning and then both our bodies 'doing it'. Nothing porn-worthy.

[kahnkang14]

I'd be kinda shocked. Probably pissed off-on. Turned on slightly

[Asker]

A lot of emotions at the same time :p

[kahnkang14]

Yeah , I'd prefer my space... but if it was before meeting I'd kinda be into it no lie about it. Probably find some moves from it. Which wouldn't be much cause he lasted mins u said

[Asker]

Wow haha some of you guys surprise me by being turned on by this (I mean IF one of your girlfriends did). I don't bloody know why mine reacted the total opposite way. He's different, I guess. He's very possessive and jealous...
But yeah thr video lasts maximum 3 minutes just the time for us to finish.

[kahnkang14]

That sucks I'm sorry it lasted so short. And why do these guys surprise you? I mean. It could be worse could've been with a ONS but it was a boyfriend right? I Mean I wouldn't want y'all talking though not while were talking

[Asker]

I'm surprised because my opinion is based on my boyfriend's POV, of him not liking it that I had a past with some guys and now even more because one of them has a tape of us. I'm just surprised to see that a lot of guys don't really care about this shit

[Ihav2fart]

Give it some time.

[Asker]

Would you be mad too if I was your gf?

[Ihav2fart]

I'd be a little disappointed but I wouldn't be mad.