Will he eventually call?

[ippebl]

I think I know the answer already, but I would like some guys to answer this. I had sex with a guy within a week of knowing him. I am not at a good point in my life and feel rather low to say the least. I would not normally do this so quick and feel stupid that I did! I liked this guy as a new friend really not really as a boyfriend. Anyway, after the 2nd time we had sex I texted him when I got home that night which was Friday, and since then have not heard from him in 4 days. I know he is showing me no respect as one of my male friends told me, but here is my question do you think he will ever get in touch again? Or is there any way of changing the dynamics here and getting it back how it was before? When can I contact him? I am in my 30's and so is he, so things are a little different when it comes to sex. I have friends who have slept with someone straight away and they are still together.

Updates

+1 y

Ok, so I ended up texting him, couldn't wait any longer. I texted him this morning and unlike before when he probably would have text me after a few hours, he didn't. However, 6 hours later he did text me back! It was a very impersonal text but he texted

[Professor_Zoom]

Like you said, it may be that he doesn't want a relationship and think you that you do. Another thing, some people lose interest after having sex with someone. That could be it. Now, you may have saw him as a new friend, but he could have also just wanted to get between your legs. Some men stay friends with women for years knowing that they are just waiting to sleep with them. That is sometimes the driving force for the friendship on their end. If they ever did have sex with them, they would probably lose interest. Since you had sex with this guy, maybe his reason for being nice and friendly to you is now gone. That can be why he hasn't responded because he got what he wanted from his end of the friendship.

[ippebl]

But our friendship was new. The reason we were introduced is because he works in the field that I wish to get into. He was going to help me. I stupidly kissed him after just knowing him, granted he kissed back, but I feel I pushed this. On the 2nd Friday that I knew after dinner and drinks, and talking lots and noticing we had similar goals (similar future business plans) we got talking in his car and kissing and then I felt things were moving too quickly in the car and I told him so. So I..

[ippebl]

So I told him I felt weird, and then we had a bit of a talk and he told me but some relationships you have sex straight away and the relationship lasts a long time and other times you wait and it can go wrong or not but he said it depends how it goes. I thought about it and said actually the one good relationship I had the guy and I had sex the second time we met and we dated a long time. So I decided to go ahead with it anyway. We did not have sex there but did other things.

[ippebl]

Why I am telling you all this because I got the impression that was not an issue with him. He has a child of 8 that is going to be living with him from September on if he gets full custody. He seems like a responsible person. This last Friday when I left him at his house at 2am, he kissed me and said goodnight. It didn't feel like that would be the last time I would see or hear from him again. I just didn't really feel he was the player type. I am currently out of a job, but in..

[ippebl]

But in my previous profession most of my work colleagues were guys and believe me I knew what a player was, and this guy just didn't fit the mold. I know that him not responding to me but mean he doesn't want to talk to me but what I do not understand is that is not making much sense to me. The way he acted that night was not of someone who was not planning of ever talking to me again. I know I am not a guy or think like one. And yes like my friends say I must move on, but I can't. It hurts. :(

[ippebl]

I know I need to be strong and not contact him but I have never been treated like this before and it really hurts.... I am planning on writing him a text next week to ask him how he is and hope he responds. I have an urge to do that now because today will be the 6th day of not hearing from him. I know you're probably thinking why bother but I am a supersensitive person and I feel realy hurt.. :( Thank you for all your advice and I am sorry I keep going round in circles.

[Professor_Zoom]

Well it's been 6 days. Who knows how he felt after you left on Friday. Things could have changed from there to Sunday, but who knows. But the fact that you told him that you felt weird about having sex right away, and he gave you the talk saying that sometimes it just happens this way, tells me that all he was interested in was sex. If he really wanted a friendship he would have backed off when you said that you felt things were moving too quickly.

[ippebl]

Because he said he would follow my lead. He didn't kiss me again after our chat, I did. He didn't initiate sex at his, I did. But I thought after what he told me it was ok. I thought since we were getting on pretty well, that it was going to be ok.

[Professor_Zoom]

If he hasn't contacted you in 4 days, then I wouldn't hold my breath. If he does contact you and wants to be friendly and go out, then fine. Until then you have a life to live that should not include you waiting for a call from this guy.

[ippebl]

Ok, but like I said I do not do this normally, and I think the reason I have not heard from is because he thinks I want a relationship, but I do not. When I left on Friday we did not leave on bad terms. In fact before we had sex we watched TV and drank tea. Granted I texted him twice afterwards once in my car and once when I got home, but I didn't ask him anything in those texts. I just want him to know that there is no pressure and that I just want to be friends.

[Professor_Zoom]

So have you told him that?

[ippebl]

No I haven't. I was hoping he would have contacted me and we could have met up for a coffee, and then I would have told him this face-to-face. As is I have not heard from him in 4 days. I want to call but maybe he won't pick up phone and then how on earth will I tell him..

[Professor_Zoom]

Call him. Don't text because it's not as personal and he can just ignore it and it would be a lot better if he heard your voice. Call and see if he picks up. If not, then leave a message and explain your position. If he doesn't call back after that then you'll know he's not interested in any kind of relationship.

[ippebl]

I hate leaving messages as I am so bad at them. I was thinking if he doesnn't answer to write it in an e-mail.. I mean in that way I get it across without stumbling in my words, right? But I would prefer to talk to him and hear what he has to say to be honest. I guess I just have to hope he answers the call.. I always used to see him on Facebook but I have a feeling he is avoiding it because he knows I am on it..

[Professor_Zoom]

Let me also say this. He's being a bit of a punk as well. Instead of avoiding you he should just say, "You know the sex is great and everything, but I don't really want a relationship." That would make things a lot easier. But instead he's avoiding you. Even though you only have platonic intentions with him, is this someone you really want as a friend anyway?

[ippebl]

Well you are right really aren't you. He does seem to be a d*** as he cannot be bothered to contact me, and yes you are right should I really want him as a friend. But the fact of the matter also is, I feel upset because I am not someone who has sex so quickly and it is not making me feel very good about myself. We were getting on pretty well and since I sort of initiated it it makes me look like I wanted a relationship but I didn't. And to be honest when I had sex with him it did not feel right

[Professor_Zoom]

But you know, it happened and you can't dwell on it. Even though you're someone who doesn't have sex with someone quickly, you're an adult and this happens sometimes. So don't beat yourself up over it. You know you didn't want a relationship, and this guy isn't even man enough to call you back.

[ippebl]

You are right. I am an adult. He is an adult. I think if I called him it would also seem like I really wanted to talk to him. I think he probably wouldn't hear what I was saying anyway, and that perhaps it would come across wrong. I hope he will call me one of these days, that we go out and meet for coffee and that he then asks me to go back to his house, because then I will politely say no. Thank you for your input. :)

[ippebl]

I know I thanked you before, but see this is what happens.. I seem happier and then I think about he was on Friday, that we kissed and he said goodnight, and that I thought I would be seeing him again in a few days time and he doesn't contact me anymore. Since you are a guy can you tell me why you think he hasn't contacted me anymore... Sorry I am just one of these people who thinks and thinks about these things...

[ippebl]

I would just really like to hear from him and wonder if I ever will.. I am thinking of dropping him a text maybe next week just to ask how he is and that is it and see if I get a response. Although I must say I have the urge to do that at this moment too.... but I have to be strong. However today will be the 6th day that I have heard nothing. Thank you for all your advice. I know I should be strong but I cannot tell you how awful I feel. I've not been treated like this before and it really hurts