How come girls say you're "such a nice guy", and then won't date that "nice guy" that is good to them?

[Anonymous]

for example my good friend has this girl who pretty much relies on him for emotional support when ever she's having issues with her boyfriend or whatever and always tells him he's such a good friend. don't get me wrong I'm not saying I don't think girls can be good friends some of my own best friends have been girls however I know because I've talked to him about this that he wants to be more then a friend with her and its oh so obvious she has put him in the oh so dreaded friend zone. so my question really is why is a nice guy who is always there for a girl not ever thought of as a potential relationship? isn't that what people want ? someone who is reliable and is there for you when you need them?

[Anonymous]

Just because you have a good personality and are pleasant to be around doesn't mean a girl automatically wants to be in a relationship with you. There is more to dating than just personality. Attraction matters too. If you have the personality down then that's half the battle, work on creating attraction with women you like so you can be on their radar.

If there was a girl you knew that was a really good friend, and extremely and nice would you automatically want to be with her? When was the last time you said to yourself "Wow that Ashley is really sweet and reliable, I want to get with that!" Probably never as there is more to that.

i think your problem is that you, like a lot of guys, try to be the friend and then wedge your way into a romantic setting. usually doesn't work like that. establish the fact that you're feeling her and attracted to her from the beginning. don't just wait around and be the friend and play the nice guy role and then think she should reward you with a hookup after she finally realized what a nice guy you are. if anything that is kind of manipulative. make your intentions known from the beginning. do you want a relationship with her or do you see her as a friend? because once you be the close friend that the girl feels close enough to come to you about other guys with, you've pretty much emasculated yourself in her eyes. she sees you as a nice guy friend but you're not on the radar for a potential boyfriend.

[silverapple]

Sometimes people don't want to date really good friends (of the opposite gender) because they're such good friends, and don't want to ruin what they already have.

Sometimes people just aren't attracted to their other-gender friends romantically.

A lot of times when people become good friends, they see each other like brothers or sisters - so again, there usually won't be a romantic attraction.

There's nothing wrong with being a nice guy. I wouldn't want a boyfriend who wasn't nice like that. But if there's not an attraction, there may not ever be one.

[Anonymous]

I can't speak for the other girls, but for myself, a guy that's like that, that's always there for me, I can always count on him to help me through a difficult situation, etc...I think of him as a brother or even a male girlfriend. dating him would be too weird because we're too close. Hope that makes sense.

[Professor_Zoom]

But if he wasn't like that from the get go. If he was still nice but let you know his intentions with you weren't to be friends, how would you feel then?

[Opinion Owner]

Well that would be different because I would be viewing him as a potential boyfriend instead of a potential friend.

[Anonymous]

Emotinal attraction is important in a relationship yes, but nice guys do not create sexual tension. Girls like to be dominated as soon as you start being nice they get turned off. Sexual tension, flirting, sex or the possilbity is about danger, unpredictablity and being out of control. Girls like to be dominated or controlled in a relationship and it extends to the bedroom, the guy leads he has to be in control. Physical attraction is also important they have to like you in that way, and you have to be physical with them to inicate that you are a sexual creature, that you are in control or capable of control as soon as you let a woman walk all over you she doesn't respect you and you end up in the friend zone being a nice guy that she can control and get things from etc... that's why girls love gay guys all the emotional suport wtihout the sex. Exept they will sleep with gay guys every now and then... go figure...

[Professor_Zoom]

Because he and all guys like that are too nice from the jump off. Girls aren't offended by your sexual advances. It's a part of their life. Thing is, men often feel ashamed of being men. They've been told by their mother's and aunt's to be a good boy and treat women right. If you think that women don't want to be banged out, you're wrong. Doesn't mean they are going to promote it. Doesn't mean they are slutty, but if you think that being overly friendly with them is going to get you to sleep with them, you are mistaken.

And they do want a nice guy. Which is why they usually have trouble with their asshole boyfriends because they are trying to turn them into that supportive guy. Maybe if your friend was a bit more ballsy, like his friends boyfriend, he would be with her and she wouldn't be crying on his shoulder.

[Irrelevance]

"so my question reall is why is a nice guy who is always there for a girl not ever thought of as a potential relationship? isn't that what people want ? someone who is reliable and is there for you when you need them?"

Attraction doesn't really work like that. You can have somebody who's completely suited for you but if you're not attracted to them, it doesn't matter. No initial chemistry = no relationship.

[ambermarie]

i like a guy thatl wear the pants and take control.. I think that's one of the hottest qualities in a guy