How Come Girls Don't Like Nice Guys?

Question

I have heard the saying: "Nice guys finish last". I have seen youtube videos of girls telling guys not to be too nice. Thinking about all the women that I have heard of complain of abuse from boyfriends and husbands, it really makes me wonder why don't they want a nice guy? I have heard of women say that when they are young they want a "bad boy". Then later say, I want a "good guy" to settle down with. This is all very confusing to me.

Noredcarpet · Accepted Answer

I think in general if you are too good, too kind people will see that as if others or themselves can run you over, that you are weak. I think too some people have made that impression about me til they see that there is another side to me. It reveals who they themselves are when trying to abuse someone elses kindness, the games.

I dated a good boy after a failed relationship with a not so good boy if we put it that way. It was one of the most desired qualities I always truly wanted in a partner, kindness. Only to find out he had too weak boundaries. He had a first family that used and abused his kindness and heart. I tried to get through to him and turns out others had said the same thing to him and he just went Yeah, I know. Did not do anything about it.

When his family lashed out to me not once but twice, I decided I could not continue our dating no more. If we had and gotten serious, married, starting a family, things he told me he wanted to do with me, I would have exhausted myself, I could not do his work, boundaries for him. His family was crazy. He would not protect me. He would not protect himself.

The feelings I had for him changed. I felt sorry for him. I had tenderness and frustration. Then for me it all died out. He was not on the same page. I pretty much gave him back to his family. Wished him luck with all that.

I think what we all need is balance, balance with the boundaries. One of my worse memories with the not so good ex is that he could show cruelty to others that was not OK and when I thought he was cruel to me too I could catch a glimpse of him thinking he was holding back, that he thought he could do a lot more to me, almost as if I should be greatful. You could say his boundaries was messed up too, only in the other direction.

I still think I hold kindness, goodness so very dear to me, but is important it is balanced with the healthy boundaries. If so it is a winner all the way.

emeraldsaphire · Accepted Answer

There is a difference between being nice and being kind. If a nice person sees you on the side of the road with a flat tire they will say how awful that is, but will do nothing. A kind person will make fun of you for not knowing how to fix a tire, but will help you replace it.

When we are talking about "nice guys" we are talking about guys who are being superficially nice for attention. You can see why that's creepy.

As far as the bad boy thing goes; that's just the female equivalent of wanting a goth girlfriend. It's an aesthetic and attitude

nolabels · Accepted Answer

I think that most women's fantasy ideas of a "bad boy" aren't that of men who are assholes, but of guys who habitually live a little closer to "the edge" than most so-called "nice guys" might.
Living a little closer to "the edge" can mean different things to different women.
Adventurous, non-vanilla, interesting men.
"Bad boys" can come in many different varieties.

As a man, when life has taken me closer to the edge than usual, I feel much more alive than I do in everyday existence.

I'd imagine that some women might like to experience that "more alive" feeling by living vicariously, or even actually, closer to the edge by being in the company of such "bad boys".

Younger women do seem to more often yearn for the "bad boys" than more mature women, maybe to hopefully spice up what they may think of their own possibly somewhat drab, but otherwise safe, childhood and adolescent existences.

"Bad girls" have much the same effect on many men, younger and older men alike.

I also think that the term "nice guy" doesn't necessarily apply to just any decent guy.
I think it's somewhat of a codeword for a guy who's willing to allow himself to be somewhat of a doormat for women, guys who have so little respect for themselves that they have little self-confidence, sometimes putting the women in their lives, not on equal standing with themselves, but on a pedestal above them.
That's not a healthy position for a man to put himself in.
Women can sense that in a man, and either go ahead and use them as doormats, or are disgusted by them and run the other way when encountering them.

I'm no authority, nor a sage, on the subject.
Those are just my observations and opinions.

Summeroflove · Accepted Answer

It depends on your definition of nice guy. Women who are genuine can start to see through the facade and bullshit of a fake nice act. As a means of getting sex, validation, attention, etc from women. Without having any genuine interest.

Most women who aren’t shitbag women themselves don’t want men who aren’t nice or men who treat them like shit. Women who like that are toxic women who deserve what they get in the end. I digress. Don’t listen to just random women online who are probably grifters looking for clicks.

The behavior you’re talking about is the behavior of delusional narcissists. It’s the equivalent of men who want to marry a virgin but have slept around witn sluts and whores. That’s the female equivalent they want their share of fuckboys, bad boys, and all those type of men. But in the end need a good man to marry to provide for her, rescue her form her bad choices, and just not judge her for her past and present situation. But he better have it all together… Delusional. Those women aren’t your responsibility.

Find women you’re genuinely attracted to. Find women who are compatible who are genuinely atttrafted to you. The ones who aren’t leave them be. For women who want to play games don’t waste your time on them.

ohsheeT · Answer

They do
You have 3 types of guys
Bad boys who are just bad all the time but they hate women well most of them do and girls find out the hard way

Bad boys grew up with out a father there mother had many boyfriend and the boy didn't like that his mom mostly yell at him and she gave the boyfriend more attention than her son
AND HER BOYFRIENDS WOULD pick on the boy

Then you have good guys who know how to treat a girl
But what the girl that likes Bad boys doesn't know is that the good guy is also a bad boy but he doesn't need to show it until he needs to..

And then you have the other type of good guy but he's afraid of a lot of things and probably wouldn't or couldn't protect his girl friend

And 9 out of 10 times the girl that is seeking out a bad boy is because something happen to her growing up and she never wants it to happen again
But she walks in to a trap because one day he will see his mother in the girl some how and he will start abusing her

Cormac995 · Answer

because decent guys do for free what douche bags charge for. A girl is never going to give a guy that's nice to her the time of day because he already does the things she wants him to without getting rewarded. Why would you pay for a free service? Don't kid yourselves women view sex as transactions even though they hate to be objectified or at least claim it. The number of women who at their core aren't whores is next to 0 just like how men that bastards aren't are a nearly extinct species.

The reason we have so many men and women that are saying "All men/All women are trash" is because the vast majority of people are trash. A little advice ladies and gents don't aim for 10s aim for 5-7s anyone that's an 8 and past is almost always a narcissistic selfish asshole because they've had it good most of their life. Girls if you want a husband who won't cheat or abuse you don't look at the guy with the nice house and collage degree look for the guy who is reliable and always there without you having to ask.

As for you gentlemen if you want a woman that isn't a whore just look at how the girl behaves when you're around and dating and if she acts like things are transactional and need to be even all the time run. Women with that mentality sooner or later will get bored and tell themselves they deserve more than use that as an excuse to justify cheating on you. I've literally even seen it here on this site.

So, in short. Girls if you want a GOOD husband date the guy you can always count on and guys date the girl that's modest and has a caring personality. I'm sure sex with a hot chick/guy is great but It's not worth a divorce down the road when you realize they're a narcissist.

Anonymous · Answer

This is so cliche. So worn out. So overwrought.

It’s also so hopeless. No one woman is going to read this post and magically change her dating choices. No “nice guy” is going to read this and magically become a chick magnet overnight.

But here are from my observations over the years. Food for thought:

A woman’s conscious thinking is strongly at odds with her subconscious. She might say “she likes nice guys” but her subconscious might (where feelings, romance and sexual decisions are decided) will often override her better judgment. And women get more leeway than men to be “emotional”. More leeway to be self destructive. Society definitely gives them more of a shoulder to cry on vs. men they face consequences for their own bad decisions.
So called “nice guys” are usually worried about their image. This is most the fault of domineering parents particularly domineering mothers. They have a lot of toxic shame and guilt for things they shouldn’t. This causes them to second guess themselves and become people pleasers. Unfortunately this is a major turn off for women.

There is one thing I’m beyond disgusted with though. It’s how society mocks nice guys who get rejected and friend zone (and the friend zone IS rejection ladies…and it makes the worst form it). He’s already suffering but it’s “okay” to bully him over it. That bullshit has to stop.

Anyway being a former “nice guy” myself I’ve developed radar over the years for women who are looking to take advantage of me. I’ll call them out on it and never look back now. It’s better to lonely and have self respect.

Amy_Mi · Answer

They do, but “nice” isn’t the same as weak.

Many men hide passivity behind politeness, thinking agreeability equals attraction. It doesn’t.

Women don’t reject kindness, they reject the absence of strength beneath it.

“Nice” without confidence feels like seeking approval.

“Good” with backbone feels like leadership and that’s magnetic.

So no, girls don’t dislike nice guys.

They dislike men who mistake submission for sincerity.

Be kind. Be firm. Be grounded.

That’s not just nice, that’s irresistible.

sawno · Answer

Girls seek someone who is capable of showing what he wants. They will test you, at least I have been tested before very noticeably. They will ask you things they expect you to disagree with and then judge if your answer is honest. If you then are "Nice" by lying to them they know you're no good.

If your straight forward and honest with a girl about what you seek and she's that kind of girl that's attractive to her. But if she is telling what she wants and its a perfect "Oh me to" to everything with no honesty or resistance you can be as nice and adapting to everything she wants, but you won't be genuine and she knows it.

EzraIsShy76028 · Answer

From my experience, girls as well as most people in general like nice guys but they don't like pushovers.

Girls like guys who treat them well but they don't like guys who put them on a pedestal or who practically kiss the floor they walk on

From my experience though when a girl rejects a guy from being "too nice" it's basically a euphemism for not being attracted to him or finding him interesting. He might not react too well if she states specific things she doesn't like about it so the vague euphemism might be the best approach.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

They’re damaged. This is actually something both men and women do. They internalize the fantasy of taming the bad boy or bad girl, and tie that fantasy into their self worth. In short, they think being “the one” who can make the bad boy into a good man makes herself more valuable. Guys do it too, and in other ways. The blue collar boy getting the high society girl to go slumming for him is a common similar fantasy. The “i can save her” is every bit as common as “i can fix him”.
These are all damaged people who never did the work to put themselves back together before trying to take on a life partner. Destined for a string of failed relationships until they’re used up and jaded beyond the point of return.

ManOnFire · Answer

Because morally, girls are attracted to badness. Plain and simple. You will hear them say nice guys aren't really nice or try to negatively depict them in any other way, but they are more than well aware that there are plenty of "nice" guys who are not all those bad things and who are wonderful people. They want men who are morally bankrupt just like them, that really is what it boils down to. And they hope it will spite the men who are decent.

Then later on down the road these girls come limping out of bad relationships and thinking all men are bad and talking about "post-narcissist" relationships. I have no sympathy for them.

aceleon · Answer

it is not confusing.

breeder vs provider.

breeder: the male that is good for mating, strong genes that can produce promising offsprings, dark triad personality traits are strong traits for self-preservation. they want to mate with this guys they are emotion inducing bad emotions or good doesn't matter, still emotional reaction.

provider: easy to manage guy that provides needs for the survival of them and their offsprings, good for using but neither exciting or desirable in general.

ArrowheadSW · Answer

My take on this is that women tend to not be attracted to the placating type or the "do anything for anyone" type. I think they tend to look at them as too nice or not macho enough. There is one lady who I used to date who would almost always leave something at my house when she came over, and then she would call me and ask if she left it behind and then want me to bring it to her. I think I did that all of twice and then I didn't play that game anymore. Once she said that she left her watch in my car. I looked though the car and I didn't find a watch but I found some sort of cosmetic thing instead. She kept calling to see if I found the watch I think just to see if I would say that I found her cosmetics. I never mentioned the cosmetics. I wasn't being Mr. Nice Guy anymore.

SixFootSexy · Answer

TLDR:  Women have 2 distinct metrics for attraction/friendship. This is totally foreign to men. It took me way too long to figure out and I would've killed to have seen this video in my 20's. Women are attracted to dark triad traits even if a man never utilizes it. They want to know you can protect them and a nice guy is just a big teddy bear who (they perceive at least) wouldn't hurt a fly.

RavVid · Answer

I like YT PyscheDepth. He has good analogy that women are running very old software that did work well for them in the paleo stone age. Before Windows there were DOS programs. The mating and dating programs were written for DOS. Never mid we have Windows point and click and even AI now.

They might say they want emotional availability etc etc but it is actually the old DOS programs which are doing the Yes or No decision making.

Lets suppose a guy simps for a girl. She knows he will continue simping no matter what she does. She can probably fuck other guys in front of his very eyes and he will still simp.

I think the link below will help you understand that old DOS program. It seems a lot of work though and the question is if it is worth it. Juice is not necessarily worth the squeeze.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/dNe0WNjNMhc

Miristheiss · Answer

I think what the truth is they do not like weak men, pushiver men, men who do not lead, do not go after what they want, men who let them walk all over them and will do anything to appease the woman. Men who will be friends for a year to be in her life instead of boldly declaring he is attracted to her and he wants to take her out.

Nice does not mean kind, respectful, good character in these conversations. Of course women want that.

Just not weak, wussy men who are scared to go after what they really want.

Jove79 · Answer

The “bad guy” always gets the chicks because women like bad behavior, women like trying to “fix” a good looking BAD guy.. they love the chase.. there was even a survey and a lot of women actually like criminals and physical dangerous men.. they love all that high school drama.. and most importantly: they love getting RAN THROUGH until they can’t walk anymore by the bad guy, until he leaves for someone else, then the woman asked where are all the nice guys 🤷‍♀️ then once they hit the wall (usually at 30 years old) nobody really wants them, and the nice guys who finished last, usually get the woman after she’s 30 and ran through, and either simp for her and wife up the reforms hoor thinking he got the prize, or she gets played by the nice guy which is the better option.

Sweety_Torneeya · Answer

Its is not true that every girl likes bad boys. There are girls who are fond of good boys. I like good boys. Some of good guys liked me but they had some problems in their personality.. like most of them were lacking the maturity I expect from a man. Drug addicts, biased, extremist, aggressive, oppressors, hidden gay, liars, dominators, bossy, mischievous people are not acceptable wether they are good boys.

Well, a good guy should be somehow good looking and takes care of his physique. He should be smart and respectful. Mutual understanding of mindset should match. Then they are acceptable other than that good guys come in tk categories. Some of them may take cringe out of you by saying bullshit. But some are best.

Anonymous · Answer

Cause 'nice guys' aren't always actually nice. They think they are entitled to a woman because they are so much 'kinder' than all the other guys. But are actually quite emotionally immature.

Also... I find self-assured guys hot. Nice guys are agreeable. And I'm too agreeable. It'll be an endless, "but I want what you want" circle and we'd get nothing done. Please, boss me around and tell me what to do, so long as I trust you got my best interests at heart. And can listen when I feel really strongly about something.

But as for like pure sex appeal, the bad boy usually wins. They are dominant and exude confidence, someone who takes the lead. Some women with low self-confidence or other issues also punish themselves through their partners, causing them to seek out abusive men.

Anonymous · Answer

They do. Only after they’ve teen ran through, dumped, cheated on and knocked up. Then they want a good man who’s going to accept them w all their baggage, their kids, treat them like a queen and maybe even die for them.

I think naturally a lot of women just like the drama. Look at the types of shows they watch. A lot of drama. Maybe they grew up in families with drama, maybe a father who was like that. I think too women like to be able to change men. It’s hard to say w emotional roller coaster thoughts. I recently read that women who are on birth control tend to pick men who are beta males. Who knows.

Abdulw · Answer

I can answer this in many ways I’ll begin by saying it’s mostly low self esteemed women that go for damaged men etc
there are many universal attractive traits in bad boys such as confidence, carefreeness that rarely exist in nice guys which makes bad boys more of a fun guy women love men that can put them on a emotional roller coaster on the other hand I encourage you to be a good guy.
Nice guy can also be stereotypes as guys that are ungenuine only nice to get in her panties which is also highly manipulative.

Kelley1 · Answer

Because women like good-looking guys and nice guy are average looking and below. When awoman says, "I want a nice guy," what she means is she want a hot guy that will treat her like a nice guy would.

Twalli · Answer

Nice guys or good guys aren't entertaining or fun. They're secure and provide stability. They're the safe choice. When you're young and hot, you want excitement and fun. As you get older, you want security. Bad boys can't do that, good guys and nice guys can, as that's what they already provide. The reason girls generally can't find us is because we're taken quickly. Those who are ready to settle down find us and don't break up with us. Since we're generally looking for marriage from the start, we're the type picked for it.

Anonymous · Answer

I'm done with the whole girls and women don't like nice guys. Most of us don't live EXCITING lives. We work regular jobs, go on the odd vacation here and there, visit family every now and then for a family gathering or holiday (maybe), so it's not like everyone is interesting to talk to. I'll be myself, for me it is keeping to myself, not saying much, making a list what to do during my week (workout, get groceries, pay bills). Im not here to entertain women, they are a headache to deal with. Dealt with enough rejections and I've seen guys get girlfriends or wives where guys are lazy, stupid, cheap, cheat, and etc. Those guys dont have some magical formula when I know I am more assertive, I can be kinder, I can be willing to help but I don't care about trying to prove something to women.

OneViewpoint · Answer

You're asking the wrong question.

What you should be asking is why girls have no respect for nice guys.

And the answer is that nice guys don't respect themselves. They give their attention away to easily. Women don't have to work for it. That is the definition of low value. Common, easily obtained at low or no cost. Boring. Submissive.

Keyboardkat · Answer

I girl who chased me until I caught her, and whom I came to love too much, taught me a bitter lesson: Never be too nice to a girl, because she won't appreciate it. She'll just think you're a wimp and she'll disrespect you! This was over 50 years ago and I now know that is not true; it was that she herself had certain problems which I didn't understand back then. But still, it was a bitter lesson!

SeriouslyNotSerious · Answer

I'm a young woman and I'm certain I don't want a "bad" boy or an action star. 🤔 All of men I liked were gentlemen.

You will never hear girls talking to each other and flaunt about their "bad" boyfriends. Instead.. you will hear, "Oh my! My boyfriend treats me so good.. we went to this nice place and this.. and that.. he helped me with this.. he's so kind.. romantic.. etc."

This is just a craaaazy assumption. 😂🙄

NoDecision · Answer

Because maybe because they are not nice girls? I can't see someone of sound mind wanting to get involved with a cheater, an abuser, druggie, drunk, bad boy, or all around loser.

Finchie40 · Answer

They do , but they prefer a guy that is a mixture of both , A lot of Females’ aren’t as innocent as ya think , so they like a guy that’s sort of a challenge to her , that she thinks she can fix. If a guy is too nice or too bad , she won't be interested in him, but if he is a mixture of both , she will , because she wants to be the one chasing , not the other way around

jshm2 · Answer

LOL, they are just puerile and immature. Usually the type to fall for hype.

What they really mean is they want a guy who treats them as they want to be treated, not as they should treated. A "bad boy" will usually switch and bait them, before treating them like shit. Whereas a "nice guy" will be up front, or unassuming.

Genie23 · Answer

We like nice guys. We just don't like fake Nice guys who pretends to be nice and feels the need to announce it to the world "I'm a good guy. I'm not like every other guy" but his actions tells us that he's definitely a jerk.

DishLady · Answer

We most certainly do like nice guys. Just not wimps who are pushovers with everything. There’s stuff you have to be sweet/kind/fun about and other stuff you have to be firm and organized with. Balance is the key to the nice guy/gal.

NordicInScandinavia · Answer

We like nice guys. All the guys I know are pretty fucking nice and not had issues. Thing is a lot of men claim to be nice, and get mad that women don't pick them because well they be nice, while they in reality just fucking shit.

snermcger · Answer

Nice guys are deceptive or have weak genes.

A jerk on the other hand is a known, known and his confidence denotes strong genes.

Women want strong genes.

It's not a looks game per say. It's mainly, a confidence game.

Give zero fks.

Filthy_Immigrant · Answer

its simple, because women obviously dont like peace and definitely nothing that loves and respects them. they only love things they can brag and feel superior about in life.

and if you are a nice guy then you obviously dont offer anything that gives them luxury of bragging

SimonK56 · Answer

You're not alone, I've often wondered that myself too, best thing to do is just be yourself, who you are as a person, haters are always going to hate no matter what you do, it's their loss if they don't like you, there are girls out there that will like you for who you are.

dragoblack · Answer

Many of them find strong agressive guys who can kill them, but won't, super attractive. If the guy is the complete opposite of that, that have no interest. It's also why most women listen to murder story podcasts. Women have a weird fetish for murder, death, and life threatening stuff.
I must say this again... i said MOST, not all.

Nikki1989 · Answer

They are the kind of men that most women prefer.  It is only bitter, insecure men looking for excuses for their failures at relationships that say otherwise.

Anonymous · Answer

Because from the caveman days, the nice guys were not Hunters, they were not Warriors, it is still programmed into the genetics of the human mind, even though a nice guy that works for Google or something is probably a better bet than some tough fuck who's going to treat her like shit etc.

Anonymous · Answer

My dude there is a massive difference between an actual nice guy, and the ones that bitch about nice guys finishing last. Actual nice guys get the girl.. Source I'm one I'd those and have been married 20 years. While the ones claiming to be nice guys but remain perpetually single are usually abusive, narcissistic, passive aggressive, and male feminists. None of which are breeding/marriage material.

Fulti · Answer

I think part of the problem is that nice guys are often also the more introverted ones or the ones that won't make 'the first move'. They are often a bit more shy, reserved and would be less inclined to approach women. So part of the problem is that nice guys are often not part of the 'equation'. Many nice guys are also not too active when it comes to going out or partying (with the idea to hook up).

Ironco · Answer

I'm a nice guy, I don't have a problem with women. It's all in your mind set. Just be nice and trust worthy, the ladies will notice.

Anonymous · Answer

It depends where they are in their lives.

Immature girls prefer "bad boys" in the same way immature guys prefer "sluts".

But when it comes to looking for a life partner and settling down, women prefer stable, nice guys with a career in the same way guys prefer girls who who respect themselves and don't have a promiscuous past.

DonaldDarko · Answer

Human mating is amoral. It involves the reptile part of the brain and it shows humanity at it's worst. Small wonder the world is filled with war and criminality.

AviatorTom · Answer

Women like nice guys when they are really nice guys. But women are taught by radical feminism that there are no nice guys, that nice guys are fake and should be avoided.

bunnyboo24 · Answer

Women dont like simps. However many nice guys who aren't simps get girls

Crankor · Answer

Nice guys hey classified as people pleaser and don't tend to have much of a character themselves. Like they go along with everything and don't say no or always drop what they are doing. at least that's how I've known that term to be defined

Unycorn · Answer

I want a nice guy more than an a**hole... Peace and harmony instead of tears and grief

LiamJHayden · Answer

They generally do. What they do not like: 1. Fake, manipulative "Nice Guys." 2. Real nice guys who are boring.

strateguy632 · Answer

Because we nice guys are boring. But she wants to get hurt... go ahead.

nas____isssz · Answer

For me, the problem is that the "nice guys" aren't really nice; they just think they are because they do super basic things, like not stealing, and then they proclaim themselves nice, but in reality they're jerks...

Unap0logetic_ · Answer

I suppose for the same reason that some guys don’t like nice girls..

genericname85 · Answer

girls do like guys that are able to be nice but if being a doormat is all you have to offer, that's simply not all it takes to interest a girl.

Anonymous · Answer

then just be a bad boy instead it's so much more fun and free when you don't give a shit about what women want

pervertedjester · Answer

When someone is nicer than us it points out our flaws as a fellow human.

beefcakebradybatson · Answer

Many women think nice guys unmanly and/or boring, especially before they begin to seek husband material.

Kingofkings1992 · Answer

How are you in your 40’s? Good grief you sound like a 14 year old. Women like nice guys just fine. What they don’t like is insecurity, immaturity, and lack of assertiveness.

Texaskid1 · Answer

Because nice guys don't give women the naughty tingles the way bad boys do.

soe11 · Answer

They like aggressive behaviour guy in sex.

blackeagle007 · Answer

How do you define that? If it’s a pushover m, no spine then yes. Someone strong mentally they like

foxsquirrell · Answer

I think nice guy needs some definition here. Its too vague and general.

AngryCarl2 · Answer

Girls like nice guys just fine. They're just not attracted to them sexually.

Godihateyou · Answer

Girls love nice guys. They dont like weak bitches that pretend to be nice guys

How Come Girls Don't Like Nice Guys?

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Why don’t girls like nice guys?

How Come Girls Don't Like Nice Guys?

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Why don’t girls like nice guys?

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