Why don’t girls like nice guys?

[Anonymous]

Updates

1 y

As in nice I mean Someone that is literally generally kind, not just nice to her but nice to everyone, someone that is willing to hold their hand out for a stranger

[SteveSmith1985]

They actually do! Girls do want a guy who is generally kind, respectful and thoughtful. A guy who is, generally speaking "a nice guy."

What they don't want is a pussy. A lot of guys who specifically think of themselves as "nice guys" are too nice. They are nice in a way that makes them come-off as subserviant. They seem eager to please. Eager to get into a girl's good graces BY being so very nice.

And those guys are pussys. They are nice in a way that seems almost like a begging dog. They are nice in a way they specifically beg be noticed. They want girls to like them BECAUSE of their niceness (as a main REASON they should/would find a guy attractive.

You should never be nice to a girl because you're trying to get her to like you. Be nice because you're nice. But don't be too nice. You need to know exactly when to NOT be nice (including to that girl. Not all that "women secretly like being treated shittily" not at all. It's just... they'll try and get you to do shit for them because they're mistaking you for a pussy eager to please. Things that you would tell a guy to fuck-right-off if he asked you to do the same for him. Maybe choose different words, but tell that pretty girl to fuck-right-off just the same, if she's expecting/asking you to be nice in a way that's unreasonable).

Don't try an impress anybody with your niceness. It's not impressive to girls. It's basically a requirement. A baseline. An expectation to even be considered. But it can totally work against you if you're hoping they'll find your niceness itself attractive. They won't. Hoping that, and acting accordingly, will make you quite unattractive. You should be a nice guy. But you need to understand... women are expecting more than that. It's not what attracts any girl to a guy. Again, it's like a requirement.

What you're asking here is similar to asking something like why don't girls like guys with noses. Well... they do! In fact... they expect you to have a nose (in most cases anyway). But asking why girls don't like you... even though you've got a nose... misses the point of why any girl might like any guy. Have a nose. But counting on it to impress a girl or get you a girl... is a huge mistake. 🙂

[TrueConfection]

I agree with this! Nice and kind and polite is key, but a begging puppy is not attractive in a mate. That's a pet. Jerk is also unattractive.

[SteveSmith1985]

In regards to your update: They do! I wrote this assuming that's exactly the kind of guy you're talking about (I'm one of those guys). My answer still stands. The fact that you're asking this, along with your update, suggests that you are still expecting your niceness to be a factor that should attract a girl.

If you're trying to say that being the type of "nice" that you're describing, is, in fact what is responsable for girls not liking you... then I'd have to call "bullshit" based on a lifetime of experience. If this is the case, you are TOO nice (to her, to others, it doesn't matter which). Be nice, but don't be nice in a way in which you're taken advantage of, or played for a sucker (by her, or, again, by anyone else).

If you're saying that being nice is an IMPEDEMENT to girls liking you. You are TOO nice. Plain and simple.

Girls do like guys who are generally kind, respectful and thoughtful... to everyone (not only to her).

[SteveSmith1985]

@TrueConfection Thanks!

[Billlewis]

@TrueConfection A pet... lol I love it!

[Finchie40]

They do , but he can’t be too nice or she will lose interest and he can’t be too much of an asshole or she will lose interest , the best thing for a guy to do it pretty much learn how to be both and balance between that , Girls’ need drama in their lives , they need a challenge , she needs a man that can put up with her shit and protect her at the same time Most girls want a man she can look up to one that she feels safe and protected by. And one she will be submissive to , Never let a girl take advantage of you , most girls like to play games to see if her man still loves her or not , When she feels him drifting she will get nervous that he doesn’t love her anymore , a girl needs to be put in her place for the most part, she is turned on by a guy’s masculine energy , she will be turned on when another girl is checking you out and you act all cool like it’s no big deal , Girls love a guy that takes control that doesn’t need her to guide him , when she feels like she is constantly babysitting her man she will lose interest and be drawn to another guy that shows more Masculine energy , don’t worry about her cheating is she cheats, let the other guy have her, she isn’t worth your time anymore , Find a girl that knows how to respect you and removes selfishness for you , Most girls are very selfish , if she starts being selfish put your foot down tp her and tell her you won’t tolerate her actions , you don’t have to be an asshole but make it clear to her that you are perfectly capable of being without her , Girls love that shit they need that challenge , when a girl feels like you aren’t much of a challenge anymore cuz you constantly kiss her ass and tell her it’s ok baby I am here for you baby, I love you baby blah blah blah , that’s going to make her throw up inside , once in awhile that stuff is ok and the right moment after
You fuck her brains out but if you constantly say those things to her she will lose interest in you and treat you like a punching bag cuz you are too much of a Simp , Let her know you aren’t messing around and she will respect you and adore you most likely lol

[Randogirl491]

Why do nice guys only like mean/bitchy girls? We know why, she is beautiful and nice guy buddy only goes for looks. Most guys do anyways. He shouldn't cry that she is doing exactly the same. Boohoo hot mean girl only dates hot piece of shit guys 🙄 She doesn't even register him the same way nice guy doesn't register the presence of the nice girl, actually that of any girl who isn't hot. Yeah he also likes nice girls if they are pretty enough, but they are dating the pretty cute guys. That's generally how it works, people pair up with people of somewhat equivalent beauty level. There are beautiful women who WILL date nice guys who aren't cute.
If nice guy can't get a girl he either isn't actually nice, either lowering his chances by only being interested in women way out of his league/only going for looks while not having any looks to offer himself.
There is such a thing as women not liking men who are too kind with soft qualities and stuff like that. They will tell you that they have a hard time seeing him in a romantic light because he is too reserved, seems like a doormat and other things. That's a personality preference and there are many women who will like a guy like that. But most women won't like a childish guy who doesn't flirt and has enourmous self esteem issues which is what a lot of "nice guys" actually have. Men in general need to shut off the dick a little and realise that personality is important too. Yeah it's sad because she is so hot but you two are never going to work, not even for a hookup. You just aren't compatible. Get over it and start being a little more serious, you will find an attractive woman who matches your personality. That being said most actually kind reserved men have no issue eventually finding someone when they realize they can't just hit on all their pretty female friends until one says yes...
So in the end, the nice guy probably isn't actually nice.

[Manab]

True but it's not exactly everything. Girls are on an average are more attractive then men , plus they spend a lot of money too and take care of themselves. Again girls can score men irrespective of their looks , even if they are average or lower , as they have more options. I have seen countless numbers of not so attractive girls only wants the top looking to higher end guys only and they do get dates with them. Where it's actually very hard or rare for men , unless he's rich. Now come to the bitchy part , even unattractive girls get so much attention that they even get rude , so finding a sweet girl is actually very rare. everywhere. You assumed nice means probably ugly guys but that isn't true , a nice guy can be good looking too in many cases better looking than bad men but they still get rejected. Mostly young women under 30 want party dudes and a fun lifestyle and fear the responsibilities of later life.

[williael]

1. Define "nice guys."

2. Mature women like someone dependable and caring. Mature women don't seek drama or play games. Mature women can handle it when a guy treats her well; that is, mature women don't get entitled or demanding. They simply appreciate a good man, knowing that a good man is a treasure to find.

3. Is there something specific you've experienced or been told that makes you ask this question?

[Asker]

Someone that is literally generally kind, not just nice to her but nice to everyone, someone that is willing to hold their hand out for a stranger

[Asker]

And it’s something that I’ve been told

[williael]

A girl that doesn't like guys like that doesn't see the value of kindness, apparently. There are plenty of girls who do appreciate kindness, though. It might take some looking, but they do exist.

[dynamicyandere]

There’s fake nice (only pretending to be nice in order to get something in return) which is very off-putting. Fake nice is not a redeeming quality. It’s a negative, not a positive.


Then there’s genuinely nice. Which is great, but if that’s the only thing they got going for them, things can get boring. Being genuinely nice needs to be paired with other things to make things interesting.


It’s like… If a girl was very clean and tidy, that’s a good thing, right? You wouldn’t want to be dating someone who is super messy, right? But, if being clean and tidy is the only thing they have going on… You need a bit more than that to have a lasting attraction towards them, right? It doesn’t mean you only like messy girls, it just means that you need something more than just clean and tidy.



An example of someone who is nice but has a lot of fangirls is Doctor Who. Yeah, he’s really nice. But, he’s also super adventurous and spontaneous and quirky and interesting. He has a very dynamic personality that many girls love. Yet, he’s not a “bad boy”.


There’s nothing wrong with being a nice guy. Just be a genuine nice guy AND an interesting nice guy.

[dynamicyandere]

Ah, another thing that I forgot to add that’s very important.

Most girls are attracted to confident guys.

A lot of “nice guys” are not genuinely confident.

Most bad boys have confidence, most “nice guys” do not.

Be genuinely nice, be genuinely interesting, be genuinely confident, and you can’t go wrong.

[ManOnFire]

My answer is a bit longer than intended, sorry! But bear with me!

Real girls are cool with nice guys. But I don't really like to use the term 'nice guys' because it has such bad connotation now. I think what we mean when we say 'nice guys' are decent guys. Men who are upright, have a good outlook on life, are responsible, and understand what real love and respect are. Now let's solve for x:

Real girls - key words here - are cool with decent guys. Real females want and like that. The ones who don't - and unfortunately there are many and especially in the Western world - have unclean desires for the bad types of guys. These females make excuses to the roof for why they like them and not decent men. Because deep down they don't really want decency, and want to say how so many 'nice guys' just pretend to be nice, are only trying to get sex, are simpy, etc. These girls are 101% aware of the fact that there are plenty of 'nice guys'/decent men who are not like that. But they use those negative labels and those lame excuses for the fact that they actually want men of low morals, machismo, disrespectful behavior towards her and others, and fake confidence. These types of females think all that is sexy.

But some of them also like them because deep down they can see that a decent man is more put-together and more intelligent than she is, and that makes her feel bad, so some of these women will choose men of low value to get a sense of being above him, especially by thinking they can change the guy. It gives them a sense of control and moral superiority, because women believe that women are inherently good and more moral, so it's only right to think they can be God-like and change the dude.

So the key is to avoid the girls who will try to explain to you why the bad boy types are more attractive. You don't want those. And don't ever try to be something they think is attractive either.

[ManOnFire]

@pethouse I understood what you meant.

[LovingJo]

We do, but without the aspect of mystery and the "take charge" attitude from time to time, it can get very monotonous.

We like spontaneity, playfulness and variety. But that doesn't mean that we don't like stability, affection, loyalty and respect!!

[nitsuj86]

Because most nice guys are really just big pussies. They are "nice" because they are too afraid to tell the woman how they feel and risk rejection. They get walked all over, and would be killed in a second if we were back in the hunter-gatherer days.

Most successful people don't really need to be "nice". In fact, I find success has made me MORE of an asshole. It's given me confidence, which in turn has given me the attitude of "why should I please you?" I'm the one doing all the work while women just sit back, they need to prove to me they are worth pursuing now. Otherwise, I can just find another. That attitude is like crack to women. They love guys that think they are better than them, I'm serious.

[David6668]

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[RagnarRedbeard]

It’s not so much that they don’t like nice guys, they want the guy they like to be nice to them.

It’s more that when a guy is trying too hard and is overly nice it can come off as desperation and fake niceness.

Imagine a guy trying to sell you something. You know he’s trying to sell you something. But in order to curry favour with you he’s being overly nice, pretending to be your best friend, when all he really wants is your money. It’s a little creepy right? Now imagine you’re a woman and you know that the guy above just wants to get laid, it’s the same thing.

To add to that, women don’t respect a guy who they can easily manipulate, and their attraction to a guy is directly tied to their level of respect for him. Nice guys, because they’re eager to please and do whatever it takes to get her, are easily manipulated. All she has to do is dangle the possibility of sex in front of his nose and he’ll do whatever she wants.

[Anonymous]

Some nice guys aren't actually very nice when you get to know them, not all of them but a very good portion if not most are. My ex was what I'd call a nice, fun and caring guy before in less two weeks of dating he showed what he wanted from me in spite of my religious beliefs and asexuality I made clear the moment he showed he's interested, dumped him a month after this because he showed very clear red flags I noted down even if it was my first relationship who was just 17.

Now, I'm with a real nice guy, long-distance, but it had been a very healthy relationship with transparency and communication, I promised to immigrate to his country once I finish master degree because I think he's worth it with how sweet and caring he's to me, plus given mutual respect.

[Anonymous]

Because someone who is just nice all the time kinda gives the fake impression. And it makes me think this person has nothing else going on besides being good at being nice, so they use that to socialize/get girls. This is particulary cringy with handsome guys who are also too nice, it's like a walking red flag. And not to mention how being nice all the time is extremely boring. There are situations when being nice is a good thing, but being like that all the time or majority of time, and making that as your indentity is bad.

On the other hand, "bad boys" usually give the impression of someone who has a lot going on and is being his honest self, not carring about what others think. And are kinda more sexual and use that to get girls, which to me makes more sense and is more natural, then the guy who is being super nice to me right off the bat without even knowing me. Both want sex, but bad guys just have better approach to me.

[CubsterShura]

If being nice is all you bring to the table, and you act nice hoping to get girls out of it... That's not impressive at all. That is just manipulative.

There is a huge difference between being nice and being kind. Most so-called nice guys quickly show how unkind they are once they don't get what they feel entitled to.

[OfMiceandMen]

If they are nice to the point where they are a wimp then she may not like that he doesn't have a backbone or stand up for what he believes.

However, the guy would have to have a certain amount of nice or women would reject him for being an ass.

[CountryTJstar]

I’m a recovering “nice guy” when I got into relationships I would make my life all about my girlfriend. It’s craZy how fast a woman loses respect for a guy like that.
I had no success picking up girls at bars, and I am a lead singer in a country rock band.

after I got divorced I read “no more Mr nice guy” by Dr Robert Glover and “mate” by Tucker Max.

These books were life changers for me. It doesn’t mean you have to be a bad person at all, in fact I still consider myself to be a friendly person, but I committed to becoming a better version of myself. I got into therapy, I started working out vigorously and eating better, I chased after goals of mine, I got a job I’m proud of, and when I meet women I act as if they are the lucky ones to be with me.

[Anonymous]

Because nice guys are gettable. A woman doesn't want a gettable guy. Even if that guy is the best thing for her. Because in a woman's mind if he's gettable than he's not really in demand. And if he's not really in demand. He's not really worth having.

You're young. Some women are taught the value of nice guys when they're young. And they typically get married early and go on to have nice stable marriages. But the rest of the women have to learn the hard way. Same with guys. The best woman isn't always (in fact seldom is) the hottest. Some of these remaining women will learn after a few guys, some will learn after a lot of guys, some... will never learn no matter how many guys they meet. Because they simply do not understand what constitutes a quality man.

[Miristheiss]

They do. They also don't like men that are too agreeable and bland and weak and who are a pushover and boring.

They like men that are confident and exciting and interesting and who surprise them and have some sexual chemistry.

They don't like "bad" and dislike "good" but bad guys display the stuff that attracts them more than guys that are "TOO" nice.

[crossdressingrihno]

They don’t realize it but they are subconsciously more attracted do dominant personalities.


Dominance=Strong
Strong=Provider
Provider=good partner.


It’s not that the bad guys are bad or the good guys are good but mor like the bad guys exercise their masculinity and the good guys don’t exactly radiate masculine provider energy.
You can be a good guy and still radiate masculinity is just not that common.

[Marked_Man]

Because women don't like to admit that they don't know why they're addicted to losers who use them and dump them. It's easier to label the guy they should be attracted to as a "loser" or "incel" rather than accept that she's the fucked up one.

[Sleeper07]

There's an entire book dedicated to explaining this called No More Mr Nice Guy. Essentially nice guys are very insipid manipulators who give stuff with the expectation that the girl will give something in return. And because we are men, it is always about getting laid.

[melanieeeB]

Cause the self called "nice" guys are not nice and just acting nice, lying and trying to manipulate to get something out of you

[grega239]

I dont do any of that and id call myself nice.

[Marked_Man]

This is a lie that women think if they repeat it enough times it'll actually be accepted as true when the reality is women don't know why they keep picking losers, they are damaged.

[Anonymous]

They want someone who is confident and knows what he wants. An overly nice guy can often come off as too passive, and doesn't know how to take charge. It can be read as wussy, clingy and needy, which of course can be a major turnoff for a lot of women, especially a confident one.

[UniquelyBasic]

I think there's a difference between being a "Nice guy" and a actually considerate person. The nice guy that women hate are the ones who are being nice to get something in return and when they don't get it they get mad.

[Biancam13]

You are correct sir

[little_bird1]

Exactly.

[007kingifrit]

2 reasons. 1. young women confuse arrogance for confidence

but 2. even as adults women don't want to make many choices and a guy whose only quality is nice is probably not assertive and not interesting

in the end being good and being nice are not equal or the same

[rupam_das]

They want bad guys to be nice.

Girls aren't visual like us, they more on to personality & attitude, and being a gentleman type personality isn't drive them sexually.

They are not able to attract to gentleman type personalities, but they respect nice guys.