Why do girls not like "good" guys?

[Anonymous]

I have worked very hard to become the best possible version of myself. Im not saying this to brag but to give context. I have a six figure job, I have a good physique with visible abs, I exercise regularly, I eat healthy, I know how to cook, I have my own house which is nice and I take good care of, I have plenty of friends, I graduated top of my class and have a IQ of of 138. I am a very lucky man. But girls do not like me. I am still a virgin. Everyone thinks that I am getting laid consistently but that is not true. I want to find a long term partner but I've never even been on a date. I've joined tinder, no luck. I made a goal of asking out 20 girls in one week and I didn't get a single date. They always said they had boyfriends or were lesbians. I feel like I should be a chic magnet but that is not the case. What am I doing wrong? Why do girls not like guys like me? On paper I am everything a girl says she wants.

Updates

11 mo

Update: Literally just a date with a stunner blonde i asked out at Kohl's ig asking girls out at thier work is something that takes a lot of tries 🤣

Updates

11 mo

*got

[Lliam]

I'm not sure.

Most girls want a guy who will be protective and make them feel safe and secure. He has an easy way about him that signals courage, quiet confidence and self assurance. He doesn't swagger, but his poise and demeanor signal that he could be very dangerous if necessary.

Many girls want a guy who will be honest, loyal and trustworthy. He has strong morals and ethics. That's the "good guy" stuff. They don't want a thug or criminal.

But they also like fearlessness, daring, athleticism, energeticness, and the thought of being with a guy who could pick them up, throw them over his shoulder, or crush them if he wanted to. It inspires a sense of danger and awe. They have to develop trust that he would never hurt them but, nevertheless, many women love being sexually submissive and being used hard by a man who is larger and stronger than them. They love being lifted, positioned, and dominated by a man who craves them. It's thrilling. I think that's the "bad boy" thing that people refer to.

[hsshannah96]

I want a masculine man I don’t want a soft spoken feminine man. That’s who I am haha.

[Anonymous]

They're either immature or just toxic. Most the toxic ones are too dumb to even realize how toxic they are. You just be you man. It's not your job to fix them.

[Emelina]

Well, I love man that are normal and not into themselves. But if you're the kind of guy you say you are, then I would love to meet you, but its to bad that I am older and you're to young. Take your time, and be picky who you want in a partner, you don't need to rush bc I rushed and now I am divorced, have kids that my ex husband uses them to get to me unfair to the kids, and I dont own anything bc my ex husband who's a narcissist took everything but I am happy now without the dramas. And I learned that not all man are like my ex, so now I am looking for the love of my life... I wished I waited but hey I live and learned my lesson, I keep going forward. Anyways, take your time and who cares if people think you're getting laid, at least you're amazing in bed haaa haaa, usually guys think you're bi if they know you haven't had a girlfriend or had sex... so enjoy the not true of you getting laid... lol. pretty sweet deal if you ask me. 😉 take care and you're sweet.

[catiecatie]

So we are about the same age. Most women look for older guys for protection. I know that’s what I’m looking for. And I’m not saying super old, but a couple years older than me. Take my crush, he has everything a woman can ask for but does he put himself other there. I don't know. He is really helpful. Wanting to help me with my test. That is a hint that he likes me. I do need to send him some questions because I am so confused and he would be able to explain it better. But maybe go out do something find a cool hobby. I mean my mom asked me if I was a lesbian because I haven’t dated anyone in almost 4 years. No I am straight but it can be tricky finding a guy and according to my friends it should be easy for me. Many guys are either really clingy or not my type. My crush is definitely my type and I think I’m his too. Let’s hope anyways lol.

[Anonymous]

Because there are so many guys trying so boldly to have sex with them that when they meet a "nice" guy, it feels dishonest and desperate to them.

Woman understand power better than most men do. They respect men who are valuable, have limited availability and aren't foolish. It usually helps to have some air of mystery.

When a dude is bending over backwards for a woman, at some point a part of her is going to wonder what value she has that he wants, what value does he have that she wants and it's gonna be colored by all these emotions along the way.

Chicks would have you and probably themselves believe that they want a guy who is nice and affectionate and constantly putting others needs ahead of his. But woman are biologically evolved to take a much more Machiavellian view.

They want a man who is successful in getting what they want. A man who understands how to navigate the world with relative ease.

In other words, if you can't be a leader to her, than you'll eventually become her mark. Or in the best case she will lose interest.

If everywhere you go, you're being all nice and outgoing and you're buying people beers or giving every random person the time of day. Eventually, you're going to look foolish to a woman because ultimately such behavior is foolish.

Have some mystery, don't let everything out all the time. It's OK to be a decent guy, but don't overdo it, as soon as your gestures don't feel special, you've started down the path of being a doormat, if you're not there already in her eyes.

Woman want to earn their close connection with you, they want to build it up so it has value and feels sturdy and worthwhile.

[hsshannah96]

Stop calling us chicks that’s the first step ha

[hsshannah96]

Guy: why don’t I have a girl. Also dudes: call us cuss words and names like chicks

[Opinion Owner]

@hsshannah96 a cuss? In what way does calling women chicks carry any negativity? That's like being mad at a woman for calling men dudes. Doesn't make any sense.

[hsshannah96]

chicks is what a misogynist calls a woman

[hsshannah96]

Cuss is like h*e, wh*re etc

[Opinion Owner]

@hsshannah96 chicks is not a cuss. How is it misogynistic? Is calling someone a fuckboy misandry? Not that it would even be an equal comparison.

One describes men as children for being promiscuous and the other describes woman as stylish.

[MJackson1234]

Let me give you an advice that might safe your life. Don't confuse being a good guy with spineless. If you are just a pleaser and a yes mam kind of guy then she will have no respect for you. She will be cheating on you with the old fat guy that spanks her over his knees. Also get off tinder. That app is meant for one thing only and it's not finding a girlfriend. Talk to someone that you might know something about them and know something about their background. Finally, stunner at this age is not always a good thing. They come with baggage.

[Asker]

Yeah ik this the reason I've been able to make it as far in my career is because i stuck to my principles and didn't put up with bs. idc if your a boy or girl. there are always boundaries that you cannot cross.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

No one wants a girl who cheats with an old fat guy anyway. Big deal he doesn't her respect

[MJackson1234]

I have known plenty of men that have leadership positions and extremely successful but in front of their wives or girlfriends they are like little puppies wagging their tails for attention. A guy like you should beating off girls with a stick. You give this vibe of being desperate. Especially with that comment about a stunner. Dating is like a job interview. Ok, this is what I am looking for. Just hangout with your friends and so your thing. They will come on their own.

[Asker]

ok cool i still think she's a stunner cause she's attractive. if you think im putting her on a pedestal ik better. im not saying imma be rude to her either. im just saying i have to stick to my principles because thats what has worked the best for me so if she pulls any bs like my coworkers have. ik that i have to put the hammer down otherwise ill be disrespected and labeled a pussy.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

@MJackson1234 This is the second time I've seen you call someone "desperate" in the last 10 minutes. You're just here to rant and shit on guys.

[Asker]

yeah apparently calling a girl a stunner means your desperate 😮

[WanderingLoveWizard]

Lol, seriously. Don't worry about that

[Asker]

im not worried about it im pointing out its a stupid argument. if i said the girl was "hot" or "sexy" she still would have called me desperate. she assuming im putting the girl on a pedestal

[MJackson1234]

@WanderingLoveWizard If it fits a situation then I will use it. This guy ranted for a long paragraph about how girls aren't looking for good guys and his only comment about his date was a stunner? I will he like wow, I had an amazing date, we connected so well. She likes the same music, we have in common friends and OMG she is gorgeous. Especially when you rant about looking for a girlfriend and not a ONS. If you don't think you can get a stunner and it moves your world when you get one that speaks about you. You think my world with shake if a good looking guy hit on me. Nope, just another one.

[Asker]

i haven't even been on a date with her yet. she agreed to a date and they only rhing ik bout her is she's hot. i dont know her personality i talked with her for 2 min. also you have a bad attitude. you obviously think men are below you. also girls dont approach guys often so mentioning being approached by hot dudes is a bad analogy. if i were approached by hot girls all the time of course id become numb to it. bit that doesn't happen for men because the dynamics are different. as a women in her 40s you ahould know this

[Asker]

i think yur deserving of one of them spankings youve been talking about cause your def need an attitude adjustment 🤣

[tempton]

@MJackson1234 He's got a point. I would be too scared to approach a guy. My friends have never had to approach guys either.

[Asker]

@tempton tf tur a dude r u gay or something

[tempton]

I am actually a girl. I made a guy account because I wanted to see if I could go undercover.

[Asker]

hhhmm thats SUS 😳

[Asker]

no yur def a dude i looked at yir past posts and you talk about being a dude

[EricSummer]

At your age it cannot be attributed to chance alone. Something important must be wrong with you.

Are you good at small talk and pleasant convesation? Can you listen and ask questions that make her want to talk more? If not, you might want to do a course for that, not for pick-up (!), but normal conversation.

As a male with high intelligence, do you have a diagnosis on the autistic spectrum (let's work by excluding potential factors). This needs a more targeted approach.

Finally, do you pick your potential partners entirely on your own and make a move only when you already start feeling "in love" with the selected object of your desire? That is not a good method. Observe if a girl already sends positive signals and is open to your flirting. Then make a move early on and see if you can get a date.

[Asker]

Yes I am good at small talk I am a salesman so I know how to build rapport. I do not have Aspergers I have been tested. I have ADHD and OCD. However there is a lot of overlap between Aspergers and ADHD. Also I know better than to get feelings for a girl I haven't even made a move on. I go for women based on their looks and intelligence. But lately I've just been approaching any girl who meets a certain attractiveness threshold. I've lowered my standards to date women who are not intelligent because I haven't been able to find many that are smart but also single.

[EricSummer]

Ok. Asking twenty is really a lot. Where do you meet them? I like it best to meet a woman at sports, for example a course in pair dancing, or events to learn languages. Private parties are also great.
For example, in a sports club or religious community you tend to have something in common, and at a private party women are reassured you are not a weirdo or dangerous as you already know the host who can vouch for you.
In fact, if you first chat and get along at your activity, success can be up to 50% for a first date if you ask at that stage. I also find out if she has a boyfriend. Most tell at the first opportunity without a direct question. If she does not mention him at all she may want to change him, anyway.

[Asker]

Almost all of them were waitresses cause I go out to eat a lot other than that they were cashiers at stores.

[lollypop2003]

Asking girls out where they work is the worst place. Bars or other social settings will be more successful

[Asker]

Yes but not asking them out gives me a 0% chance

[lollypop2003]

Right. Go to more bars, pubs, work nights out. Or get friends to play match maker and set you up with people. Asking girls out at where they work isn’t the best option but I get what you mean that it’s a 0% chance. Most people just don’t liked being asked out at work. Good luck to you!

[EricSummer]

I fully agree. That must be the reason. The girls are not in their free time and not in the mood. In addition, you come across as weird already because you are asking them at work.

[Asker]

@eric summer. Its still worth a shot though the worst that can happen is they say no. but yeah asking out girls who are working is not ideal. but im not around a lot of single women so i dont have a choice. my friends throw parties but the girls are either ugly or taken.

[hsshannah96]

No don’t be afraid to ask them out at work. one of my guy friends did this to my coworker and she just didn’t have feelings for him. She didn’t embarrass him over it she just didn’t have feelings! That’s all.

[silvermoon84]

A lot of girls your age aren’t mature, so they go for the bad guy who’s exciting and sexy, but stinks as a person. Some of them get to be my age and STILL aren’t mature. Also it’s the same reason guys don’t like good girls. Bad boys (and bad girls too) offer excitement and sex and adventure. The cons of dating them? They’re pros at making women fall in love with them without any intention of sticking around. The challenge of trying to change him into boyfriend material keeps us sticking around. Good guys (and girls) have a lot of pros: good long term partner, etc, however they’re perceived as borning. (I’m not saying YOU’RE boring OP, just stating my opinion)

[hsshannah96]

What’s really boring to me is an un masculine not confident man. I find that boring and it actually makes me anxious. it isn’t d bags that I like it’s the fact that they ask me out, they’re self assured. I hate their arrogance but it’s those factors I like

[stepyo99]

Getting a date is purely a numbers game, just keep asking women out.

Also, the stuff you do to improve yourself should be done for yourself. Improving for a woman's affection is only going to lead to pain and disappointment because of their fickle nature. The only person you need to impress is yourself.

If you're really being truthful about everything you say about yourself, then you can absolutely afford to be picky too. Make sure you don't settle too quickly for the first girl who gives you any affection. Make sure the women you date are working hard and putting in effort for you. Women will manipulate you if they sense weakness.

I would save sex until marriage as well, it's the most reliable way to know someone is committed to you.

[CallmeTheKnight]

You’re not fit for anyone with this mindset. It doesn’t matter what you have or how you look. If something about you is off putting or your personality sucks, you’re gonna always be a virgin. Women will always choose who they want just like how we men choose who we want. It’s not complicated
Are you capable of listening and understanding? Are your empathetic? Are you capable of courting?
Your 6 figure salary only attracts trashy spirited women and your high IQ does not mean you’re smart as you think. It takes common sense as well and you’ve missed that part as you boasted about yourself.
You’re not even the best version of yourself at your age. You don’t have enough experience and wisdom just yet.

[Anonymous]

Good guys posses one fatal flaw:

They do not recognize that women crave some sick shit. They crave domination and a man who can "grab them by the pussy." Meanwhile, they're angry that anyone would say such a thing.

That is all. The nice guy is missing out on sex appeal. He does not possess the necessary understanding of dominance and submission and so therefore is incapable of pleasing SOME women in bed.

They can see you're a nice guy from a mile way. People who are freaks walk different. They have a different kind of confidence.

And most women are freaks. Point blank. They'll deny it forever but once you tap into that freak side of women you'll be drowning in choices.

[Anonymous]

I'm going to be completely honest and say you could be going for girls way out of your league. Just because you have all of that going for you means virtually nothing to a girl that is a 10 where she can get a guy that has lots of money in the bank. Sorry to sound shallow but hot girls these days are going for the money and usually that means going for older guys. My best friend for instance is a 10 and goes after guys that are way older than her for security. You are very young and probably can't provide that tbh or at least that's what they may think when looking at you and choose not to pursue you. I don't think it has anything to do with you being a "good" guy. I think it has a lot to do with just wanting a guy who is going to secure the bag for them. That's if you are going after 10s like I think you are.

[Asker]

I wouldn't say 10s more like 7-9s but were I live 6 figures is a lot. So i dont think these girls are gold diggers

[Opinion Owner]

Even so, you are very young and they might just be looking for an older guy. Girls around your age go more so for older guys. You could also be coming on too strong. Girls don't like guys who are pushy and seem desperate to find someone. Not saying you are desperate but you could be coming off that way.

[es20490446e]

Girls like you, you simply aren't realizing it.

You allow yourself to be deceived by what they appear.

And you, subtly, act according to that.

For example by hiding your interest, or just the opposite, by wanting them to show it quickly due to lack of faith.

If you simply knew girls liked you for the simple fact of being a boy, you will simply try to seduce them and not hide your interest. Softly, like a gentleman, but unapologetically.

If you want to know what girls like, I would play the following game.

It is a story about a guy who was shy around women, but certain event in his life changed it dramatically.

It is written by a girl, and it is terribly accurate in that regard.

https://story-anon.itch.io/out-of-touch/purchase

[lollypop2003]

Most guys who have to say they’re good guys are most always too forceful and kinda creepy. I’m not saying you are but if you’re asking out this many girls and not one has accepted then the problem might be you. I would chill out in your approach and ask friends to look at your dating profile for advice, preferably any girl friends.

[Asker]

Thats why I put good guy im quotes. Im looking at the term good guy through the lens of society. Which is all a bunch of superficial things. Also ik its a problem with me. The thing is im a salesman and I've always had good social skills so thats why im confused and frustrated.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

You're mentality is the problem with "why girls do not like me" or "girls don't like good guys"

Makes you sound like a self entitled lame on here so just imagine the energy you put off in person?

Your accomplishments are nice but accomplishments isn't what always attract women.

You attract women first physically, if a woman doesn't find your face physically attractive then you have to put in extra effort i. e. go up to them and say at least hi and be friendly and kind to them in a genuine way.

Not even so called top 1% men will get any women he desires, you just have to find your match and using Tinder isn't for serious relationship but rather for shallow people looking to have sexual flings so don't expect good luck there trying to find a quality woman.

[slatyb]

How many women do you greet by name? It sounds like you are just walking up to strange women and asking them out. That doesn't work very well. You have to learn to initiate conversation. If she's engages, then say the end of the conversation you can ask for another meeting. Also get over yourself. I work in a building full of guys who are smarter and earn more.

[Asker]

Yeah dont just ask them out right away i get to know them for a couple minutes then ask them out. most the time though they say no right away. if i do get a number they flake

[mobiusforniner]

Throwing out all your stats and complaining how it doesn't land you a date, doesn't make you a good guy. In fact, it makes you come across as an entitled pretentious snob.

Girls ain't dumb, dude. They can sniff rhis shit from a mile away. revise your perspectives, be optimisitic, confident and secure in yourself and you'll find many people will want to be around you and the challenge then becomes keeping girls away.

[Asker]

According to what society says about what makes men attractive I should be getting a fuck ton of dates

[ImalwaysrightOK]

Oh shut up. Do you know how many jerk guys like you say these things to good guys hoping to keep them down and out of the dating game. It's ones like you they should be avoiding.

[ImalwaysrightOK]

@mobiusforniner

[Jltakk]

We're in an age where a guy honestly opening up and being vulnerable, asking a question that's been eating away at him gets him lambasted by the audience, given labels like "incel". Its little wonder why many just stay quiet about these concerns.

As far as the question, I think its just the connotation in modern western society, no thanks to how they tend to be portrayed for committing the cardinal sin of simply asking what more is left to do to impress the opposite sex. What was I talking about again?

[LiamJHayden]

Some just don't.

However, most who get accused of it simply do not like boring guys or, worse, guys who pretend to be "good" or "nice" when in reality those guys are just manipulators who are try to get in the girls' pants.

[Asker]

I wouldn't say im a manipulators but I know how to persuade

[Lansolot]

Tinder lol, find a hobby craft class. Don't go intending to meet a girl just go and be yourself. Pick something you really enjoy or want to learn. In my opinion you will never find "the one" on a dating app. Those stories are very rare.

Also I noticed your update, never bother girls in public. It CAN work out but it's just bad manners and if you're not some smooth talking guy then it can come off as very creepy.

[gothbxtch]

girls don’t like mean guys. if any girls like “bad” guys, it’s just that the guys are confident. AND sweet and capable. in your case, it sounds like luck of the draw; the girls you asked out were just gay and/or taken. one piece of advice is don’t make any more goals to ask out a certain number of girls in a week; find a girl you really like and ask her out, instead!

[Pohjolan]

"girls don’t like mean guys. "
Yeah no. Just the popularity of serial killers proves you wrong.

[Asker]

@ pohjolan tf r u talking bout. you sounds crazy. serial killers may be popular because of thier atrocious acts but they dont get girls 🤣

[Pohjolan]

Clearly you haven't looked this up.
www.mirror.co.uk/.../chris-watts-gets-love-letters-13656746

[Asker]

wtf those women are deranged

[gothbxtch]

@Pohjolan okay true crime bitches are not most of us lol

[Pohjolan]

@gothbxtch
True.
However said most women don't write love letters to the good guys or hit on them in general so the median average woman is statistically more likely attracted to a serial killer than a good guy.

[Anonymous]

A guy can have none of those things you listed and have women interested because of how he makes them feel. No matter what you have, if you don't understand how to build attraction and connect sexually / emotionally with emotional intelligence then it won't matter.

[Asker]

im always nice to girls. unless they are being mean to me. so girls should feel good around me.

[Opinion Owner]

Feeling good is not the same as feeling attracted though. It's completely different. Being nice to girls has little to do with building attraction.

[Asker]

wjay does then? you mean like flirting right

[Opinion Owner]

Flirting is part of it, teasing, pushing the boundaries of the conversation, letting them know you see them as more than just a friend. Touch can come into it, body language, and how you talk to give them images.

[Asker]

you actually knwo what tf yur talking about. please explain more.

[Anonymous]

Ultimately, when girls are young, they prefer the toxic 1% guy who has no serious intentions of marrying them and will cheat on them. Then they complain about how he cheated to you, her best friend, asking why men can’t be like you. Then just rinse and repeat until they get to around 30. Then after they’ve had their fun, they’ll start getting serious about finding a husband, but the same woman that spent her 20s yelling I’m a boss babe, I don’t need no man, I can take care of myself…. Wants a man who will take care of her, and pay for everything. The issue is that she doesn’t realize that she wants a man to fill that traditional male gender role, but she herself has no intention of fulfilling a traditional female gender role.

[boggboss]

Because u have not described yourself u have told us what u own and what u look like in most cases like this self proclaimed good guys have shit personalitys or ability to talk to a women think his money fame or body will do the job

[Asker]

Yeah money and superficial things are a small factor. However I am a salesman and have good social skills so I know how to talk to not just women but also men as well. I live in a small town too so that also makes it 10x harder to find someone. I understand that you are assuming that I have bad social skills and that im trying to make up for it with status and money but that is not the case. When I am in interactions with people I can predict with high probability what there next sentence is going to consist of. I always feel like im a step ahead in the conversation.

[boggboss]

So then what's the reason women tend to not want to even date you aslo if u know being in a town is a factor why not think of moving

[Asker]

I am seriously considering moving rn. Also people think having a high IQ would be awesome cause you would be smart. That is not the case I'd give anything to be of normal intelligence because there is such a huge disconnect when getting to know someone. Just because you understand someone doesn't mean they'll understand you.

[boggboss]

But what do women tend to say when they reject you

[Asker]

They say they have a boyfriend, are married or they are lesbian

[Asker]

Imma just keep trying most men dont even have the balls to approach one girl and I approached 20 in one week so I can't give up.

[boggboss]

So it could be that they was simply not attracted to you or that they did have a partner

[mobiusforniner]

Having a high IQ doesn't make one intelligent. Nor does it imply women should flock to you. I work with many engineers who likewise claim how high their IQ is but couldnt do something practical, like fix a kitchen sink or change oil in their car...