Guys, When A Man Says, "You Can Talk to Me Anytime You Want."?

[shortandsweet24]

Hello, guys!

So, should I take this as is, or was he just trying to get me to sleep with him? We have been seeing each other casually for a few months, now.

So, any insight?

[AlphaMale1]

Seeing each other as in having occasional sex or just seeing each other for lunch, a movie, etc?

If you believe he is sincere when he says this to you then he likes you as a friend and a person. However, because you are asking on this website what we think my first thought is you have doubts and think he may have a hidden agenda in mind.

[shortandsweet24]

More for the first reason than the second. So, yes. I do have doubts about his sincerity...

[capturemyheartnow]

It just means that that he likes you and has an interest in you. And that he will take time if you need to talk to you. No thoughts of having sex are implied here. Talk to him if you like him and need to talk to him. That's all he wants from you. You have to take the initative and he will respond favourably. It's as simple as that.

[shortandsweet24]

So, he likes me but... we were just about to... you know. And, the old saying is, never trust a man's word, when sex is on his mind. Isn't it? 😒

[capturemyheartnow]

Not in all cases. If you need to have sex , you can trust him. If you don't need to have sex , still you can trust him and tell him that you are not ready for it or that you feel that it is not appropriate at this stage of your relationship. If he understands you than your trust in him will ne confirmed. If he does not understand you , then you don't need to trust him any more.

[shortandsweet24]

I was ready. We have done that many times before but... the separation after is the painful part. I would like to speak to him more often and that's ehat I told him. Hence saying what he said. And, now I'm confused...

[capturemyheartnow]

You have done that (sex) with this boy? or are you referring to your past lovers?

[shortandsweet24]

I have with him. We have. And, we are both very safe and respectful of each other. He is always checking in to make sure that I am comfortable and happy, etc. But, he shuts down, avoids emotion and I cannot read him...

[capturemyheartnow]

Are you two separated for the time being? If so why?

[shortandsweet24]

We aren't really. He's producing his father's Christmas Nutcracker ballet show, like he does every year, so he's busy. Plus, he has a 10 yr old daughter. He has a lot on his plate, which I understand. I do also but... I miss talking to him...

[capturemyheartnow]

My God , you have got a great romantic lover. Whether you understand him fully or not , i know that you will not get anyone better than him. Nobody has the capacity to understand anyone fully or completely for that matter. He has his own set of duties and reponsibilities and problems associated with it and you have got yours. You two have to make the necessary adjustments and grow your understanding for each other. This is how love is built and grown. When he tries to talk to you , treat it as your most precious moment. Don't doubt what he says. Accept what he says wholeheartedly.

[shortandsweet24]

Perhaps. But, if he refuses to be anything more than a casual partner, what do I really have? 😢

[capturemyheartnow]

See , when you fall in love with a person you take measured risks. When you get the rewards associated with that risk , you naturally feel happy about it. But when things don't go as you wish them to be , you will definitely feel sad. But the point here is you are looking for happiness. And unless you try to get something , you will never reach your goal. All people may not succeed. But you have got good chances to succeed here. And if you succeed , you will be happy for life. So go for it confidently. If he fails you , just forget about it. There is no such thing as failure really. Cos failure is just that thing trying to move you in another direction. You always gain from your losses. If you say , I am a fool , then I will go to school and gain knowledge. That should be your attitude towards life. You can always make the next right move. Your life is bigger than that one moment. Failure is just there to point you in a different direction.

[shortandsweet24]

Wow. That was truly insightful. Thank you. Honestly, while there is more than a 60% chance of failure, as he enjoys being free and not tied down, no matter what he feels for me, I don't believe in giving up on people. You aren't a fool. You're a dreamer and visionary. I respect that. I'm one, too. :)

[capturemyheartnow]

Thanks.

[shortandsweet24]

Thank you. I'm glad someone is telling me that he isn't a loser, and that I can do much better. Though, on some level, they may be right, I wouldn't be much of a psychologist, if I gave up on the people I care about... 😊💜

[capturemyheartnow]

Never give up. Fight till the finish.

[shortandsweet24]

Thank you. I would hug you, but there's no way to do thay virtually... 😋

[capturemyheartnow]

I will type it here-----"-HUG"---- Sweet you. Live for your sweet dreams.

[shortandsweet24]

Thank you! 💜

[Pac-Man]

I think it just means "please talk to me" lol Doesn't necessarily mean that he wants to bed you.

by the way, wanting to sleep with someone doesn't exclude wanting a serious relationship with them.

[shortandsweet24]

He was pretty clear on the casual part. But, he does things that are less casual, like hugging or kissing me goodbye and calling me sweetheart, hon. Last time, he remember my birthday, and told me he put it into his calendar...

[Pac-Man]

If he said that it's casual then he means it.

Now that I think about it, it kinda sounds like he's telling you what you want to hear.

[shortandsweet24]

Great. So, I should ignore it, rather than believe him? Why can't men just be straightforward?

[Anonymous]

It means you can text him whenever you want. Don't make this more than it is.

[AlwaysBelieving]

Can't tell based on that. Have you two hung out at all? What are his actions like when you're around him if you do?

[shortandsweet24]

We hang out for hours, but it always involves intimate contact. So, I can't tell if he's being sincere or being a guy, trying to get something. He acts friendly and considerate and kind but... is it because he and I are intimate?

[AlwaysBelieving]

If I didn't know any better, if this is a friends with benefits situation, I would say that he's testing the waters on if you'd be up for a (romantic) relationship with him.

[shortandsweet24]

It sort of is friends with benefits but, if he says he likes the way things are and acts another way, what do I believe?

[AlwaysBelieving]

His actions. It seems that he's in self denial in my opinion.

[shortandsweet24]

I don't know what to think. I feel like he cares but, he pushes me away and flirts with other girls. He doesn't seem to care that it hurts me until we're together... 😢

[AlwaysBelieving]

I think time to ask "what's up."

[shortandsweet24]

I have before and he insists that we are friends with benefits and I can't be his girlfriend. He never explains why. He just says he can't be my boyfriend. 😒

[AlwaysBelieving]

The question is what do YOU want. Because I think there are only two choices. Be b/f and g/f with him or cut ties. I have never had a friends with benefits situation so I won't begin to imagine how difficult this second choice for you will be. I think it is in your own best interest, because you have to think what will happen if and when a guy wants to be in a relationship with you and you with him. You'll have to make that choice.

[shortandsweet24]

But, if I really want to be with him and he still pushes me away, I have been there and felt how painful it is. It kills. I just wish I knew what he was thinking or feeling. He refuses to open up because he says women hate it and don't find it attractive. And, that is all I want from him... 😢

[AlwaysBelieving]

Got it. That's the thing. People can SAY and MEAN completely two different things. I just keep in mind the saying of "there's two reasons for doing something, one that sounds good and the real one (reason). That sounds like #1. It may not seem like it, but it is. The more I see it (your writing), the more I think he has vulnerability issues.

[shortandsweet24]

So, what can I do?

[AlwaysBelieving]

If I were in that position, I'd go with the two choices I gave.

[shortandsweet24]

The first one is the best option, but I have no idea how to get there...

[AlwaysBelieving]

Ultimatum time

[shortandsweet24]

That is dangerous. He has a bad temper. He likes being in control. If he feels cornered, he'll walk... 😢

[AlwaysBelieving]

All the more reason to do it. Think about it, do you really want to be in a relationship with a guy that has anger management issues?

[shortandsweet24]

I guess, I love the good in him and believe that is stronger than his little outbursts. I'd like to believe that if I stick around, he will mature. I just don't know how long that will take...

[shawnski]

He may just be looking for some but if you have already been with him you might be over analyzing it. You have been there before

[abw121290]

Have you hooked up this this guy yet?

[shortandsweet24]

Yes. A few times, actually. 😕

[abw121290]

Why that emoji?

[shortandsweet24]

Not sure. The whole situation is confusing. I'm confused...

[abw121290]

I think he was using you as a booty call. And he wants to see you again.

[shortandsweet24]

The problem is he goes on tour in two weeks, until January

[abw121290]

Yeah. He wants to get action for the next 2 weeks

[shortandsweet24]

He also said he's going to be busy with work and his little girl, so he will call me when he's free. 😒