Guys, how long does it take you to lose interest in a girl?

[Anonymous]

This guy in my college class that I had a thing for and I had been mirroring each other and he was showing signs of having feelings for me. After we messaged and I realised it could actually go somewhere, i panicked and went shy, didn't really talk to him for the week but did try to message him on Facebook, he replied quite short. I feel that he is upset or disappointed.

Is this a salvageable situation? If it were you, would you be put off? Do guys just loose feelings for girls if they don't see reciprocation?

In this situation he would loose interest and back off.

He would still have feelings.

He would be waiting for me to make a move.

He would be annoyed and confused that I didn't make a move.

Updates

+1 y

I asked him to do something with me and a friend today, really casually and he said he had to study? He was nice about it and exams are very soon but does that mean he's not interested?

Updates

+1 y

Thanks everyone for all your help so far! I'm really annoyed at myself for messing this up and I have so little experience with guys that i don't know where to start. On top of that I don't have the confidence to show my interest really openly because I can't be sure that he did really like me!

[alphadoggystyle]

he doesn't have feelings for you, guys take a long time to get feelings for a girl, unless you are talking about a very young or inexperienced guy. He probably had interest but in a case where a girl stops responding for a couple of days, especially a week, the interest will definitely fade, its not impossible to salvage but we sometimes interpret this as girls playing games and sometimes as disinterest, and if the girl isn't showing a lot of interest in us we reciprocate that to them, we might still respond if she gets back to us but we start looking at it as more of a potential of sex rather than a relationship.

[Cosytoasty]

Depends on the guy, the more serious the feelings the bigger the disappointment. A LOT of guys fall very hard for girls quickly and when she doesn't reciprocate they lose interest quickly too.

Also if he is a slow roller and is talking to several girls, you have definitely been bumped to the back of the queue now.

[Asker]

Thanks for your response, do you think he will see me and being overly desperate if i keep messaging him now though?

[StarsInTheEyes]

Have you observed his texting style from the beginning? Did he just recently started to text short responses after you stopped contacting for a week, or is this the way he is?

My best guy friend texts short responses, and when it's even shorter, it would be just "ok" or no response. If I took it personally, I would think that something's going wrong, but if I just let it go, when I see him, he talks the way he normally does.

[Agirlwithalemon]

I honestly don't see why he would stop liking you because of not speaking for a week. Usually feelings don't go away that quickly. There could be another factor as well, sometimes guys are really weird and VERY hard to read. Just keep talking to him and showing him that you like him.

[Asker]

Thanks for your reply, I really don't know what I should do now. Should I keep messaging him even though he is replying quite shortly?

[Agirlwithalemon]

By shortly, do you mean short sentences? Or is he responding to you very quickly?

[Asker]

Quite concise and short, no emojis! And replying quite slowly?

[Agirlwithalemon]

He still could like you, like I said before, I don't how someone could get rid of feelings in the span of a week. Just keep talking to him. If he's trying to push you away, you should be able to tell.

[Asker]

Thanks so much! I feel a bit less awful about it all now!

[Agirlwithalemon]

Glad to help. :)

[Anonymous]

You don't really know each other and just messaged here and there?
You didn't mess up, there are no feelings yet.

[Asker]

No we have know each other for 3 years now and been acquaintances and friends the last 3 months or so. It's okay I think I probably read too much into it

[Opinion Owner]

I see. If he's really interested he will come around again! Don't worry too much.

It may serve as a learning experience to you too, being honest may be hard, but you can't expect other people to be honest with you if you aren't honest first and try to play it cool.
I don't mean it in a harsh way or anything. Unfortunately, you can't be honest with just everyone these days, but you also can't hide forever.

[Asker]

UPDATE: (sorry i wasted all my updates) Thanks everyone for all your help! He messaged me again last night and we chatted for about an hour or so. He was pretty friendly, using emojis and just generally friendly. I tried to be more forward, but i couldnt bring myself to just ask him out, it didn't feel like the right time (?). I apologised for not being friendly last week as one of you advised. Anyway it seems like maybe i have a second chance to not fuck up!

Thank you all! Advice on how to proceed from here?

[Opinion Owner]

I'm glad to hear you're still speaking to each other.
Just be yourself and take it easy. Hopefully you can talk more often and things will progress naturally.

[LittleSally]

That's an entirely subjective Q with ONLY subjective answers... Could be anything.

[Asker]

Im sorry you are completely right, i didn't want to put too much detail in and put people off answering! But i really do need some guidance, i think iv completely messed up

[LittleSally]

I voted 'annoyed and confused', also - just start talking more with him and - hopefully - ask him out!

[Asker]

Do you think i should give him some space (i messaged him this morning and he didn't reply) and message him later in the week if he doesn't contact me?

[LittleSally]

NO messaging... Just literally talk to him in person.

[Asker]

We won't see each other for two weeks now!

[2much]

To be honest if you really want to do something with him ask him to go out after the exam
If he use a new excuse that means he already lost interest in you
Did you apologised or talk to him about the last time?
Like I said just try once more like invite him for a coffee after the exams

[Asker]

Im really scared to be too forward! No i haven't apologized because i didn't want to come across as annoying and reading too much into things, you know?

[2much]

Even if you look annoying to him as you think he will see you as a serious girl specially if you apologies and set a new meeting
Don't be scared to be foward because he doesn't read your mind so talk to him I'm sure that he will accept to talk to you
If you wait for too long you might lose your chance

[Botchie]

Asker It's just asking him to coffee, not necessarily a date. It'd be like asking any other friend to do an activity.

[MrOwens]

Yes it is salvageable. But since you blew him off for a week. You are going to have to do the work to get his attention if you believe he is worth it. You are going to have to work harder for his attention. Because you have place yourself in not being serious spot.

[Asker]

thanks for your response. i have tried now twice to message him and invited him to do something with me and a friend today but he has been pretty short and hasn't really replied. Should i keep on trying or give him some space?

[MrOwens]

If it were me. I would not contact. Why because it makes you look clingy and needy. I would move on. Wait for him to contact you.

[Asker]

Okay this is sort of what i have been thinking too. I dont feel like i can really be the one to message again. Should i just let it go?

[MrOwens]

I would find someone else. If he contacts. You have a choice. Understand you have options.

[Asker]

Thank you, i really did like him, i just feel so incompetent!

[Leos123]

You've hurt a man's ego. Of course he will not reply to you. You've hurt his feelings. If he's still angry/upset with it, then he still have some feelings for you. Go ahead and talk to him.

Just take caution. You don't want to make an impression that you're chasing him. Just give him that hope that you might like him. Let him do the chasing. Maybe flirt a bit? Just wait for it. Like a week. If there's no response, time to move on.

[Asker]

Thanks for your response! I feel so bad for potentially hurting him. It won't be something that stays with him and damages his confidence will it? I never wanted to be in a position where i could hurt someone with my inadequacy.
I will do as you say and give him some space and wait a bit!

[Leos123]

Nah... It's an ego thing. It's different from confidence. Really. And don't be too concerned. You'll just hurt more of his ego. Just let him do his tantrums. And wait. You'll know your answer after sometime.

[Leos123]

P. S. The sign you would be waiting for is if he shows a slight hint of interest like he respond longer messages, ask you something or make an effort to talk to you. So that's it.

[Asker]

Thanks a million! Especially for the tip of the sign to look for, obviously i am completely clueless about guys, i wouldn't have even known that this was what to look for! This is what he did at the start of the week before i put him off! I will look out for it and hope for the best. I hope that it gets easier the more experienced you get with relationships! Any-other tips about guys would be amazing!!!

[CReed99]

He probably still has feelings for you. Guys have a way of hiding those feelings until they know for sure that the girl or guy feels the same way. But in some cases if the guy falls hard for you and they don't get a response or read that they feel the same way then they get really disappointed.

All in all, just that one week of being could've affected his confidence or his feelings about you, but he most likely still has feelings for you. Just because he replied with a short answer doesn't mean he isn't interested.

So yes it is a salvageable situation, I wouldn't be put off, and it all depends on the guy.

I think you should keep messaging him. Guys are difficult to read so the worst thing you could is just stop trying. That would put any guy off.

[Asker]

Thanks for the response i appreciate all the help! I need all the help i can get with guys psychology!

[Walrus_au]

In answer to your title question - depending on the situation I have had it happen in a literal split-second.

That said, the situation you describe isn't one that would do that to me.

Have you ever thought he is being honest, and actually does have to study? Maybe he just doesn't like trying to communicate via text (cellphone text or facebook) as it is unreliable from the point of view of being miss-interpreted. It seems you are particularly quick to read into things.

[Asker]

Thanks for your reply, I do try not to read into things too quickly but it does happen for sure. He definitely does need to study, we both have exams coming up in a week so I know it was genuine, I just know so little about guys, I always second guess what I think!

[Walrus_au]

watch the second guessing. And for the most part - pick the simplest, most direct option - it is more likely to be true. Most guys don't bother playing games, or they aren't very good at it so it looks like they aren't anyway.

[LostGentleman]

Tell him you would like to have a coffee with him and smile like you're interested
Face to face
Casually
Be yourself
You showed US that you want him, why not to him?

We guys get confused easily, and we aren't too fond of rejection, if I were him I'd be a bit confused at your intentions too
Nobody likes to get hurt
:P

Go for it, you can do it

[Asker]

Thank you, this is actually really uplifting! You are right i did say it on here, i think i get too caught up in my own head you know? I won't see him for about two weeks in person now though! I am a really straight forward person with everything else, i wish i could be with this too. Thank you so much for this though, everyone on here has been so great

[Robin24]

I thing it the other way around, you what to do something with him. You are in college and you need to keep yourself focus on your classes. If he loose interest in you quickly is because you do not match his code of ethics, morals, and values.
God swimming, take a walk. Keep your sex drive uncontrol. Just because he said he need to study does not mean he does not have a interest in you. Do be self worhisp in other people's life. You will have no one. . You need to respect him and his body. I seee you trying to get some sex needs met.

[Asker]

Hey robin, thanks for your response, it is totally not like that though! I am a straight A student and we have the same motivation to get good grades and study, hell im studying at the moment! I do see your point about not expecting to be the center of someones life, this is completely true and definitely a healthier way to approach relationships.

[WalterRadio]

You are putting way too much emphasis in nothing.

Inexperienced guys may differ, but for experienced guys, they know that if one girl isn't reciprocating interest, there is another one right behind her. So, there is no waiting. There is always someone else.

[Prof_Don]

It is impossible for a guy to distinguish shyness from lack of interest.

All we observe is "she isn't talking to us", and it is retarded to continue pursuing a girl that isn't showing interest back. Especially when most guys presume that a girl can get another guy interested in her really easily, so the first thought in our mind is "she likes another guy more than me".

So most of us guys get disheartened or even annoyed by her lack of interest, and we end up losing interest.

[MancGuyUK]

Deepends on how much I felt for the girl it would take me a little while to lose interest in a girl I liked even if she was shy but that's just me some guys can lose interest very quickly

[MusicMayhem]

Until a better girl that isn't afraid of showing interest comes along.

[venomhbk1313]

I would lose interest two ways first if she showed signs of interest then decided not to or if I did not return a message because I was afraid of getting close

[venomhbk1313]

there's times I would piss them off on purpose if I knew that things weren't going to workout

[Usersame]

In this situation if you still want to be with him, YOU have to CHASE him. And i'm advocating chasing ONLY because you scr*wed up royally.

[JohnDoe3000]

C

It's been only a week: he hasn't lost his interest but he's confused and upset with you. You have to step up and make a move now.

[Asker]

Thanks for the responses! I stepped up and asked him to come along with me and my friend to do something, he said he has to study and didn't reply to my reply, he was nice about it but it felt a bit final?

[JohnDoe3000]

You can try one more time, and be more direct: just the two of you and it has to be something suggesting romance. If he refuses again without suggesting an alternative day/time it's time to give up.

[Asker]

Thank you! Would i be better off to wait a couple days, see if he says anything or tries to message? I am not good looking so i feel i dont have much right to pursue too heavily and we do have a lot on at the moment. Thanks so much for replying, really appreciate it!

[JohnDoe3000]

Don't think about your looks, he either likes you already or he doesn't. Maybe wait until tomorrow.

[Asker]

Okay thank you again, i will take your advice!

[canihelpu]

Once i knew a girl didn't like me it only took a week or so to get over her

[Asker]

If the girl did show you some signs would it still be as easy?

[canihelpu]

No it would take longer because you are always clinging onto hope.

[rogers121]

He probably wasn't interested from the start so you did not do something wrong.
Next time, smile a lot and use eye contact. That is all.

[Anonymous]

I think you fucked up, guys are programmed now to move on after rejection since we are labeled stalkers if we continue flirting after rejection. Better luck next time!

[armansky94]

Listen life is short, just tell him that you like him and want to go out with him. He'd appreciate and respect you for your straightforwardness.

[kitty71]

I wish all the guys were like that. Cause some guys show you they are interested in you and you sense they are attracted so you think you can reciprocate but then they tell you things are not going to work out and they do not explain why.

[armansky94]

Well if they say this then they werent 100% sure. In short stop wasting ur time.

[mits777]

I lose interest immediately, I have no time to lose with girls that want to play hard or aren't interested enough in me.

[scooogy]

Quite a while actually, sometimes years or even longer

[Blueeyes81]

Depends. I've lost interest in a woman before in a matter of seconds. Others it can take a while. It really depends on my level of interest.

[Asker]

Thank you all for your responses. Look it seems like Iv fucked it up this time so I think I just need to leave it and move on. I can't close or delete a thread on this website but I don't think I can keep reading these responses. I know I fucked up, or I over thought it or there was nothing in the first place and I will leave it at that.

[Anonymous]

Rule of thumbs guys: Unless your fucking her within a week. Do not catch feels for her and never ever become her texting buddy.

[Opinion Owner]

Simps on gag. So sad.

[Anonymous]

Well since you have little experience, this is a time to learn. Think of it as a learning experience

[AleDeEurope]

I would've moved on already.

[Anonymous]

it changes person to person

[Anonymous]

1 hour

[thesunstillshines9]

10 mins

[xsashax]

LOL 1 hour? Yeah ooooook

[Opinion Owner]

@xsashax never heard of getting under another girl