My boyfriend complains he's fat but he won't do anything about it?

Question

My boyfriend has gained about 40 lbs since I first met him. Yes he's gained weight, yes he's a little chubby but I don't think he's fat and I'm still attracted to him.

The problem is that he complains almost everyday that he's fat and it's really annoying to listen to because he won't do anything about it.

I went so far as to sign him up for a membership at my gym which I am paying for. He wanted it but he almost never goes. In the last 6 months, he only agreed to go with me twice. It's clearly a waste of money for me to keep paying but he doesn't want me to cancel it because he says he does plan on going. I also tried signing us up for some fun classes and activities like cycling and rock climbing, rowing, boxing, etc. he has zero interest.

I try to make him juices, salads and generally a healthier diet. I don't even keep soda or junk food at my house anymore. When we eat out I always say we should skip the appetizer and desert.

I dont know, I feel like I'm doing so much to encourage him and help him and he doesn't do anything but complain.

What more can I do?

Telekinetic-Potato · Accepted Answer

You are so sweet, it's a little tear jerking.

I actually wish so bad that I could do something lol.

I think all you can do is try not to get too emotional about it and if you take it out on him, make sure he knows where it's coming from.

Perfect example. My Irish cousin came to visit me here in America with her boyfriend. They traveled from. . . I dunno, somewhere. . . very north. All the way down to the New Jersey/New York area. They were of course eating like crazy and she kept getting angry at him for eating too much.

Now we all thought it was funny. He didn't get all offended or anything, he usually just smiled and stopped or slowed down. It's good to have a girlfriend even just to be a reminder. Sometimes when you are trying to lose weight, you kinda forget. Can you see what I mean? Like you might go out and one way or another, a cannoli ends up in front of you and you go to eat it. You might want to just try giving him a look when he's about to grab for the second one.

Try coaching him. I think your gonna get further, trying to make him healthy stuff and bringing him out to eat places and showing that it upsets you when he get's fast food 20 times a week. Just be careful not to drive him too nuts! lol

I genuinely wish you good luck : )

jp612612 · Accepted Answer

Damn, you're one hell of a girlfriend! For one, 40 lbs is no joke so gaining that much is a pretty big deal. Plus doing all that for him? The thing is, I think you're just going to have to accept that he's not going to do anything about it and you should probably have a talk with him explaining that you don't like hearing him constantly complain about his weight. But you know, I'm a little disappointed that after all of that support from you, he still doesn't do anything about it. If you can't get your fitness in order with a cheerleader like that behind you, then you just can't do it.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I had the same issue with one of guy friends, he had a sports injury so I told him to go get PT but he could only come up with excuses, got angry and told me I was shallow and fat as well. I don't get it myself.,.. if you're aware of it and want to change, just start slow and go from there.. I think it feels like its too much... Which it is if you pummel into it but if you're so out of shape, you HAVE to take it slow in the beginning to be safe. Hate what some of these trainers do to get quick results.

I would definitely work out with him, go on walks, monitor what he eats, most likely he'll eat junk when you're not around :/ ... If all fails, say to him you're gonna stop trying if he stops trying. Oh and if you cook healthy, make it as tasty as possible, don't go to the uber healthy stuff like kale and soy right away or it'll scare him off. Make the sweeter juices mixed in with some greens.. Buy whole grain rice and breads, leaner deli meats.

MeghanL · Accepted Answer

I might suggest ways you could lure him to the gym but it sounds like you've tried similar tactics already to no avail.

At the end of the day you can't do anything. Nice that you're providing an encouraging environment but if he won't make the requisite changes he needs to make then nothing will happen. You can spend 4-5 hours a day in the weight room, run 10 miles a day & eat a low-cal green diet & you'll look like a cover model for Shape Magazine, but that will do nothing for him if he lays on the couch watching TV & eating Cheezy Poofs all day.

If his complaining gets to be more than you can stand you'll just need to tell him that if he isn't going to make the necessary changes then you don't want to hear him whining. That's the big part of being an adult. You get to make your own choices about things, but you also accept the consequences of them along with whatever benefits.

PrincessBubble · Accepted Answer

I think you're an amazing girlfriend with incredible strength and patience.

I don't think there's much else you can do tbh.. Just reassure him that you love him and you'll support him with anything he chooses to do

You've done more than enough.. it's up to him if he wants to do something about it. Don't put too much stress or pressure on yourself.

goodgirl27 · Accepted Answer

Tell him to stop eating foods that cause estrogen dominance and tell him to stay away from plastics. A man who complains and doesn't do anything about something is actually acting feminine not masculine.

ShortCircuit · Answer

If losing weight is your only goal, going to the gym is practically useless. You are wasting your money.

All he needs to do is count calories and run. Weight lifting and core exercises (etc) are meant for toning and building muscle. They do not burn enough calories to make a noticeable difference in weight loss.

I know they have treadmills at the gym, but he would be better off running outside anyway. If he insists on using a treadmill, it would be a better long term investment to buy one and use it at home than to keep paying for the gym membership that he doesn't even use. However, I would advise you wait until he is committed to running outside before you buy a treadmill. Side-note: I personally prefer home gyms as well because it is easier to motivate yourself to work out at home than it is to get out and go to the gym.

Anyway, you should try to do whatever he does with him. Go out and run with him. That way, you can offer encouragement every step of the way, offer him advice, and make sure he is doing everything right (by reading, I assume you know what you're doing when it comes to health and exercise).

FemWorship · Answer

Complaining =
a) a bit uncomfortable and more work shopping clothes, money spent that could be food
b) beat critics to the punch + advertising he really doesn't want to be this way when obviously he prefers it to the discomfort of reversing it

To do?
Withhold gently incentives that reward those that break fat habits
Create new incentives given only to "skinny" (goal weight) achievers
Buddy up in existing/new athletics which includes lead-follow dance lessons, socials, parties
Substitutes for alcohol, drugs
Walk or bike don't drive, park a looooong ways from entries (carry a gun), citing other perks beside calorie burns, like fewer door opening dents, less traffic, etc.

Browneye57 · Answer

Hmmm... you're his mommy? Encouragement is fine, but you can't make this guy get off his ass. The desire to move has to come from him.
This is one of the reasons women lose interest in their LTR - the guy gets fat and lazy, drinks too much, watches too much TV or sports, or place too much video games. Or faps to porn.

Consider a serious sit-down, determine for yourself if this really what you want for the rest of your life. If it is, then knock off the trying to do it for him - he's not gonna change.

TripleAce · Answer

Obviously he is taking it for granted. I suggest at this point give him an ultimatum. There is no 'i plan to go' you either go or don't. And he hasn't

Cut it all off. He will only feel the pain when it's his money being flushed down the toilet for not going. As of now. Not going is no skin off his back
-you're still around
- you're still paying

You're a great girlfriend just make sure you find a way to push him a little harder. Even if it's tuff love. It's still love

JR1989 · Answer

You are the perfect girlfriend. You do not mind 40 lbs, you pay his gym, he seems lazy and whines a lot. You cook and take care of him, I hope he returns the favor in other ways as well.

Nothing much to do, just try helping him, but here is no worse blind man than the one who doesn't want to see. There is no worse deaf man than the one who doesn't want to hear.

pawan_jasoria · Answer

do whatever you want to do but dont pay fees this time, let him pay. might be he will go. if not then you already know he won't do anything.

moynikid98 · Answer

he lacks motivation, offer to go out with him, most the reason men gain weight is cause of lack of motivation and action. tell him he looks sexy when he begins to lose weight, reward him with how much you love a slimier more muscular body

Ayshea · Answer

It's hard to help someone who doesn't want to help themselves. I don't think there is much you can do.

cooperkern83 · Answer

Your boyfriend has to motivate himself. You've done everything you can. You've laid out the path to success and he won't take it. It's his own fault. You can lead a horse to water, but cna't make it drink.

GingerGuy · Answer

Just say "if you're not going to do anything about it, stop complaining"

Anonymous · Answer

You need to be straight with him as clearly he's not getting the hint. Either he does something about it or quits whining as you dont want to hear it

cupidkisses · Answer

tell him to see a dietitian

scooogy · Answer

Try to involve fitness units into your sex life

Anonymous · Answer

Keep nagging him every day

CryWolf · Answer

eat less bread

fireboy26 · Answer

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