Should I leave my ex-fwb alone?

[scorpiogurl]

I know there are possibly gonna be plenty of people who are gonna tell me "you never should have been in a friends with benefits relationship in the first place." I can only hope that some people will put their bias aside and actually pay attention to the question being asked/base their answer on that question. I thank anyone who decides to, if so.

Basically I'd been friends with benefits with a guy friend for about 3 months. I thought everything was going pretty well until I noticed he was being distant. Eventually he told me he had to stop because he was lonely, and emotionally unavailable. I told him I never asked for him to be emotionally available, and he responded with "I'm a very emotional person." Then, under the assumption that I had feelings for him, he started saying stuff like "I'm in love with someone I can never have." To be fair, he was drunk at this time.

This was hard for me to accept because I'd gotten comfortable. I'm pretty introverted, and enjoy spending time one on one with people, so I figured now that he's decided this, we'd have to go back to mostly just seeing one another in groups. Mind you we didn't JUST have sex when we got together. We would watch movies, listen to music, talk about whatever, etc. This whole thing really seemed to bring us closer (and it seemed like he felt that way, too.) So even though I don't have romantic feelings towards him, and there won't be anymore sex, the idea of us not spending time alone together in general is upsetting.

He told me a few days ago that we can hang out alone still. But, he isn't rushing to make plans like he was before. And the way he phrased it -- "we CAN hang out alone" -- has me wondering if he's only saying that for my benefit and not his own.

Is it time for me to just drop him? I'd still consider him a friend, I guess, if I did drop him.. just less so, because of the space being put between us. I just really don't understand him and what his issue even is right now.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's wrong of you to get into a friends with benefits situation. There's no problems with friends with benefits as long as you keep all emotions aside which you did. I understand being confused about the whole he's emotionally unavailable when he should correlate emotions with you. I'm not saying he was/is using you or settling for you but maybe he had feelings for this other girl but couldn't have her so he would hang out with you and do things with you to suppress that lonely feeling but that feeling has caught up with him.

Ya know people's emotions are hard to deal with because we all express them differently. If you really enjoy this person and still want to be part of his life maybe you should also distance yourself from him for a while then get back in touch. Or have him reach you when he's ready to.

He isn't rushing to make places because he's just dealing with some emotional stuff. Don't think that any of it is your fault or that you have to fix it. You can't help a person who isn't asking for it. You an let him know you are there for him if ever needs to talk and maybe just lay low for a while then get back to him.

Just be patient with him. I'm dealing with something similar with my ex. He wasn't emotionally available when we started dating so he broke up with me and we broke up nearly 2 months ago and just now started to talk again. Not about getting back together just small talk. So I know how long and hard it can be to deal with someone emotionally unavailable but you just have to give him his space and respect it don't try and force him to hang out with you. Just let him do it in his own time.

[scorpiogurl]

This was extremely helpful. And honestly makes sense, considering how he's saying he's an emotional person. I can't figure out why else he would say something like that.

I'll definitely take your advice. Not interested in losing him this way if I don't have to and I think if I try to initiate things it'll push him back more. Thank you for replying!!

[Opinion Owner]

I can't either unless maybe it goes deeper than that. I've had those periods of time where I would shut everyone out and just not want to be around anyone. And I can't pinpoint why exactly I felt the need to do that. But if he feels the need to just step back allow him to.

Yes you def don't want to be pushy because that can push him away more. You've probably gone through something where you didn't want to do something and just wanted to be by yourself you weren't in the mood it your friends kept trying to force you to go out with them and have fun it's an annoying thing to go through and you don't want him to feel like your doing that to him.

And since you didn't do anything wrong I don't see you having any issues with him never wanting to talk to you or see you again. Just make sure you respond before you react. You're welcome! I hope everything works out for you!

[theharikane]

It's simple, lady. I think at some point, you might've personally said or showed something to him which would've made him think you were starting to get feelings for him. Think he's scared to get into a relationship and saying all things to make sure you don't get feelings for him ever. Roll back time and think about the last time you guys were happy and then to the point he said something this. That point is when you might've screwed up with words unknowingly.