Shy girls--are we a turn off?

[Anonymous]

Yesterday I was with my mom and sister and they saw for the first time how shy I really am around guys I like. They think this was part of the reason the guy I liked stopped keeping in touch with me and blocked me on fb (I would flirty IM msgs or comment once/twice on his pic but in real life my anxiety would sky-rocket). It didn't help that he was popular (and I am too but only because the pretty girls think I'm pretty enough and my quietness comes of as cool arrogance or some stupid sh*t like that).

So are shy girls a turn off? Please elaborate if you like! Girls feel free to answer too, as your experience as a shy girl or assertive girl.

Yes

Depends.

No

[markml]

Certain types of shyness can be more attractive than others, but I've never found any shyness to be a total turn-off.

The reasons that certain shy girls have been able to make my heart melt in the past:

1. I was born introverted, methodical and shy so I feel closer to people who can relate to that, and know what it's like to try to overcome that. There's an understanding there.

2. A girl's shyness can make me feel more confident and masculine, if it forces me to overcome my own shyness to court her.

3. There's something about the tension between two shy people that I find incredibly romantic, even if it's quite annoying.

That said, being with a shy girl is not easy! I've yet to have a successful relationship develop with a shy girl, and I don't know if it's possible. I think it also matters how shy she is and why she's shy. A lot of the shy girls I've met also ended up having some other issues which made them emotionally disconnected.

In general, when you put a shy guy and a shy girl together, there's this weird attraction/repulsion property -- you're really attracted to each other at first, until you get too close and then the shyness repels you away from each other (like two magnets of the same polarity). And this can go back and forth until you either overcome the shyness, or you run away because you're afraid of being repelled.

But if it weren't for that fact, I'm definitely more attracted to shy girls than assertive girls.

[freakyzeaky]

Shyness isn't a turn off if it is only around strangers. Most people are a little bit shy when they first meet someone but they soldier through it and fake confidence. I'd say about 10% are so outgoing that they are completely fearless in social situations and about another 10% are so much of a nervous wreck they can't look anyone in the eye or can't even pick up the phone to call the repairman.

Shyness sucks for meeting new people, but once the shy person, man or woman, gets comfortable, then they tend to open up.

For example, I am an introvert. I like geeky hobbies - reading, horror movies, music, writing poetry, comics, anime, nature, history, and building computers. I recharge on my own. But if I am completely comfortable with a friend, I can be goofy, very chatty, and an empathetic listener.

Shyness only really affects me when I first meet someone or when I am not comfortable around them. Assholes, for example, I tend to not engage with them at all, it is simply too draining.

[musicisloveee]

I have the same problem. When it comes to me actually developing feelings for a guy I'm too afraid to communicate with him. I'll hide myself behind texts or the computer in order to hold a conversation and he'll just stop replying because I don't make any attempt to talk in person.

The thing is, I've had plenty of guys tell me that they like me... just not the ones that I have feelings for.

[Anonymous]

Forget the guy for a second. Shyness is only an issue when it holds you back from what you want.
When this trait is based on deep insecurities and lack of confidence it s not attractive nor good for you. But if it is a natural reaction to him because you like him then it s fine even adorable.

[danhearts]

Shy = Mysterious

To some guys, it could be intriguing. But I guess to others it's a chore- depends if he likes you/wants to get to know you.

[jnesss68]

shy girls are not a turn off (im very social so its not a turn on either, its just neutral) but it helps if you hint in real life that you like him not just on the computer because that's just mixed signals. you won't talk to me in real life but you only talk to me over the computer. he could have thought you were not interested in him. even though it has been said men like to chase that's not always true. with some guys (like myself) if the girl shows no interest, the guy will back off because he doesn't want to be seen as a creeper for trying to get with a girl that already rejected him. he could have also assumed that you were just embarrassed to have him talk to you in real life.

[IamThisGuy]

Honestly it depends on what you are labeling as shy. If you are referring to how sociable you are around new people, then no it doesn't bother me. Lots of people are like that. It takes a little bit to get comfortable around new people to be yourself and that's understandable. Now if you are labeling shy as someone who is normally quiet or timid around even her friends or she is opposite of spontaneous then I would find that a turn off. Again there's nothing wrong with you it's just that for me I wouldn't think we are compatible. Hope this helps! :)

[cheesepuffs]

I think shy girls are adorable, but the one experience I had with a cute shy girl was awful and got nowhere. I'd approach her nicely and try talking to her but would always get short one or two word answers constantly and she would never say her opinion, even on big, general issues. Everything was, "I don't know". It was like pulling teeth to get some feedback but at the same time I would catch her looking at me sometimes like she liked me and she would smile at me and stuff. Soooooo frustrating! It's cute to be shy, and I like the challenge of having to work to get shy girls to open up (I don't like "easy" girls) but you have to give us SOMETHING if you are interested back. It drives me crazy when I think about it to this day because I STILL don't know if she ever liked me or not and what could have been.

[Musclecarman]

I voted 'depends' so to elaborate I generally like shy girls, but not when they are the equivalent of a brick wall when I try to have a conversation with them,as it makes me think they are not interested or they are so shy that the (potential) relationship won't be able to progress,i like the girl to put forth the effort herself as well. I had to actually give up on a girl like I just described simply because I wasn't sure if she was into me or not. In short be a wee bit more outgoing don't have to run up to the guy and confess your undying love for him, but be a little more aggressive in your "signals" Hokey Dokey?

[LegendDary]

the shy girl is not the first one you start a onversation with and also we may believe that you are a prude and you don't even wanna hold hands because this is against your shy little religion thing, it is not a turn off but many guys see you as maybe boring or just weird. I got hit on by a very pretty girl when I was in high school.. funny thing is two days later she went on a holiday and we only spoke online for two weeks, she was very much in love with me that's for sure, but at school afterward she just couldn't seem to talk to me much or look me in the eye, she would just kinda check me out on a distance because she was way too shy to meet me in real life after the internet. this is just about your courage to go out there and ignore your own lack of balls no pun intended .

advice is get out of the internet and into life.

[Anonymous]

In an age where lawyers are everywhere, and women oversensitive, nice guys won't approach women anymore.

men are getting sued, fired, arrested for sexual harassment just for saying hello to a woman on a power trip or in a bad mood.

I know a guy who got fired just for saying hello to a girl, and later on we found out he was gay.

now our entire dept never shows up at company social gatherings because we don't wanna be near the women who work in the sales dept, and we changed lunch hours to make sure we don't run into them.

frankly, men can't tell the difference between a shy girl, and a snob. and its no longer SAFE for men to try and find out which one she is.

so women need to either step up and make a move, or get used to half the available men out there walking away because he doesn't wanna risk making a scene.

[longrodvonhugendong]

I think you're exaggerating a bit. An employer with half a brain won't fire a guy just for saying "hello" to a woman. Any guy with half a brain would sue for wrongful termination. Also, any lawyer with half a brain would know that a sexual harassment case spawned from the word "hello" wouldn't go anywhere. Damages are a critical part of a civil lawsuit, and "hello" does not cause physical or financial damage, nor would it cause a reasonable person reasonable apprehension within the workplace.

[Opinion Owner]

Not everyone can afford a lawyer, nor has everyone ever gone to law school.

but we know a dept full of bitches when we see one

[1saltyCracker]

Shy girls are cute. Just be yourself and if people think you're too shy then don't worry about it. You'll find the right person one day, but If you're trying to be someone your not, such as trying to be more aggressive rather than shy, then you might attract someone who's not as compatable with your personaltiy. Be patient.

[WeaponZero]

I've dealt with girls like that and it's not that it's a turn off, it's that it leads you to believe you're being led on. I've dealt with girls who were extremely sociable online but in person they're like total strangers. It's weird and it makes you think you're being mind f-cked. Convo me if you want to discuss this further.

[longrodvonhugendong]

I like shy girls who do things that make it obvious that they like me (try to talk to me all the time and smile and look at me a lot) but don't want me to know that they like me.

It's unattractive if they try to fake confidence and coolness around you though.

[icepuffin]

Shyness in girls is a turn-on, makes them appear all cute and innocent. But social awkwardness is a turn-off. I don't know if the confident guy has the easier time with shy girls compared to shy guys though.

Me? I'm somewhere in the middle. I've got a date with one, but getting her to talk to me and open up more is really hard, it feels like I'm doing all the work lol, but at the same time I know I could be trying better myself, since she opens up more to other friends.

[nolan]

you just need to find that special guy who you can be your true self around, it seems your more of an individual so it will be real special when you do meet that guy. you shouldnt be forcing yourself to be flirty or anything

hope this helps

and btw I think shy girls are cute

[TheTaxMan]

I'd say not. It depends on the level of shyness. If it's anime style, hide behind the guy thing then it's kind of a turn off. If it's just a little shyness where your a little uncomfortable, then it's fine. It shows that you are cautious of your situations.

[BlueSuede]

I wouldn't say it's a turn off at all. In fact it can be quite fun to get into a shy girls shell and help them open up to you and know that its because they care about you that much and not just that she's just some easy bitch. Not saying girls who aren't shy are automatically easy, but shy girls, at least in my experience, seem to be a bit easier to connect with since I'm shy as hell too, and makes things more easily comfortable.

[B3T15]

For me, not really, I find it's kinda cute. But if you are that shy the only problem is guys might feel like your not into them, so make sure to do subtle things to show interest, like smiling at him when you see each other and things like that. Hard to go if you're shy, but if you wanna let him know you like him and are to shy to go right up to him, probably the best thing you can do. So no, it's not a turn off for me.

[NirvanaChic]

im a shy girl with average looks. and I have noticed that shy girls with good looks have lots of friends. In high school there was this really pretty girl from russia who dressed really nice. she hardly spoke, and when she did it was usually something weird. but she had so many frinds and so many guys liked her. anyway, I don't have many frinds, and the few boyfrinds that I've had broke up with me due to my lame boringness (im not much for conversation I guess).

[darkknight1x]

I've only seen 1 attractive woman that is shy. Most women who are shy are unattractive looking. And I'm a laid-back, quiet, and very introverted person. And I think that being in a relationship with with someone that's shy would be boring but, I would give the girl a chance if she was cute. But, I think its best that I go for someone that's almost the complete opposite of me and that would be someone that's hyper,spontaneous,spunky,funny, and very outgoing.

[IamThisGuy]

No offense but wouldn't you be playing the part that you didn't like about the shy girl (a little boring) to your gf?

[darkknight1x]

No. Because quiet and shy are different things.

[Lockjawx27]

Being shy probably makes you come off as either A) a prude or B) a self-centered princess

Trust me, you may think your just being shy and cute, but in reality, most guys probably see you as stuck up. So start talking and being social, us guys already have to carry much of the ice-breaking burden

[Anonymous]

Shy girls take longer to get to know. He has to really like you and be patient. It might be misinterpreted, as something else like disinterest etc...not a lot you can do about it if that's the way you are, just gona have to find someone who likes you and will spend the time to get to know you.

[brunohusker]

To me not really unless they have that cool arrogance thing you described. I think it can be cute. At least for me. Also why are you shy, you said your'e pretty, so you know guy's want you, and hopefully some guy will want you for the right reason.

[here4you]

being shy is OK but when I'm dragging answers out and you're not talking to me then it becomes a problem.

[anynymoooooose]

Good answer, I totally agree. have you ever tried to just speak up without fear of making a mistake around guys? I think you'll get used to it and realize there's nothing to be shy about.