He has a girlfriend, but does and says the following?

Question

So my huge crush on my coworker does/says;
*Teasing me (slamming my keyboard when in working, grabbing my phone and not giving it back untill i gotta grab his hand, calling me a evil bee/diabolic, teasing me with my former speech/stutter problem, making childish Jokes, teasing me about how my work performance is above average and when i have An average day that im the worst)
*Asking me wheter or not i kissed another coworker during a night of clubbing, how my past relationship went, if i hooked up with any guys at a party. He also openly expressed his opions about how relationships should work in further views ; also his view on kids etc and he told me about serveral of his past relationships; how he is into damaged chicks for the most part and that his current girlfriend isn't one
*Im a vegan and now that we spent more time together he wants to become a vegan aswell. Or at least try. He wants me to sent him recipes. He also said once that i have this glow about me, that i look so good and slightly younger. He said that he thought it was because of veganism. He doesn't really openly compliment me about my looks but when i look super tired/sick he stills says; aw its okay you still look great. Better then the most in your state
*We both have ADHD but since im really underweight doctors do not feel comfortable giving me Ritalin. He does have medication but he said that i shouldn't use it, since im already so thin and then i might get into serious health danger.*his car broke down and i said;i have tools at home to fix it. He said ;yeah Lets meet so we can fix it. I kinda brushed it off with saying that it would be better to fix it at the garage.*He has made comments like; oh we are almost the same height but im slightly taller. You can rest your head on my shoulder *He talks a lot like;yeah i can bench press xkg, i can play soccer really well*He mimicsy body language a lot;if i start obsessively looking at and moving my wrist followed by corssing my arms he does this aswell

Catskills · Accepted Answer

I have good advice about relationships, but first:
ADHD can be managed somewhat if you can accomplish or do things that stimulate your mind. To purposely understand not to collide or force feed your wills on one another.

My mom had it. Her main issue was magnifying something bigger than it is. When I hit adulthood,, I had to stop colliding with her to calm down, but instead, be thoughtful and give soothing responses.

ADHD parents can scare the crap out of their kids, whether the kid spills their milk or wets the bed,, the more the parent yells, the more nervous energy the child will develop.. So don't yell at your kids even when they are going through the terrible 2's,,, or throws a temper tantrum,, try and nurture and show love to them.

But also thinking things through and keeping the focus on your goals in life and realize none of us are wired the same.

Some with ADHD are a free spirit while others are regimented, but either way,, if you have a calm spirit you will always be more accepting, and really that is what matters is being more accepting to who people are,, they like you are living their lives.

Ok enough of that:

He has a girl friend, if you two hook up, then he isn't emotionally connected to her,, But if he has a kid with her, that really complicates things

If he isn't serious about her then discuss what it means to emotionally connect.

People who emotionally connect and in love aren't saying mean things or yelling and force feeding their will on each other, but instead are discovering compromising.

Talk about embracing the same wants, interests's and goals instead of colliding.

I think it is ok to talk about what it means to connect.

Society didn't mentor us to understand it,, in my case my parents were never emotionally connected or even loved each other.

Couples need to operate in good manners and be polite as they navigate through their challenges,, problems will be solved much quicker without verbally colliding.

This being a crush at work, makes it difficult to separate work from a crush,, but if this isn't going anywhere,, try to keep it friendly, but you two shouldn't pursue each other if he is committed to his girlfriend.

LesterJester · Accepted Answer

Plain and simple answer:

He has a girlfriend but he likes you more. His girlfriend is no doubt a decent person he likes and possibly saw a future with until you came along and found he has more in common and more interest with you.

At the same time he doesn't want to be a jerk and treat his girlfriend like crap by cheating or dumping her for no good reason as he still respects her. Him liking you more is not her fault and he feels guilty about it.

And at the same time he is trying to test the waters with you but won't go too far by asking you out and dumping his girlfriend if there is a risk you would reject him.

If he dumps his girlfriend and you reject him he is left along. If you reject him it will make things at work very awkward.

But how you go about this is tricky. But basically the ball is in your court. If you say you would like to have a relationship, chances are he would drop his current girlfriend in a heartbeat

Belladonna_Bombshell · Accepted Answer

I think this guy is trouble. Not only is he betraying his girlfriend, he's behaving very inappropriately in the workplace. You could sue him for sexual harassment if you chose, it's that far over the line. Who says something like "I am into damaged chicks"? Are you kidding me? The only person who deliberately seeks out women who are "damaged" is someone who wants to take advantage of, or manipulate, someone who is vulnerable. This is an abusive, obsessive, stalker-in-waiting. The only reason he hasn't done anything too ugly to you yet, is because you haven't drawn a line or enforced boundaries. You need to do that... ASAP. If he's claiming to have a girlfriend then he is betraying her with the way he's acting around you. What a slime ball... seriously... this kind of person is not safe to get close to. He's figured out that you are an easy target and he's playing you for a fool. Don't let him.

appocalyptic_koala · Accepted Answer

sounds like he has a positive admiration for u... he is definitely comfortable around u, n also he is not sure about how u feel about him. and he wants to find out... that is.. he wants u to make a move that would make it clear whether u regard him just as a friend or if u really do want to take it forward from friendship. But since he has a girl there r three chances. 1. His relationship isn't working very well n u r d sort of person who clicks naturally to his personality. And he wants to get to know u better.
2. he is just nice n friendly n thinks of u as a good friend.
3. he is just hitting on u... trying to get u fall for him.
So u need to find out about 1 and 2. and if that's not d case then unfortunately 3, which I don't think will happen in this case

Js138 · Accepted Answer

sounds like perfect boyfriend material, except for one thing... he already has a girlfriend. Girls, never date a guy who would cheat on his girlfriend. Simple as that. If he could do it to them, he'll do it to you. I think the best approach would be to continue being friends, but don't read anymore into his actions until he's single. And definitely don't allow him to cross the line with mixed emotions. Tell him it makes you uncomfortable, and that until he's single he has no right to cross that line... until he's your boyfriend he has no right to ask who you're hooking up with. Men are territorial by nature. So him asking may not mean he's jealous, he just doesn't want anyone else taking your attention away from him.

KC1545 · Accepted Answer

I lowkey formed my opinion before I read what you said but first I'll respond to the details you gave. Honestly it sounds like he's being friendly. That's just from my experience. Whenever I like a guy I think everything they do is because they like me then I end up being wrong..🤷🏻‍♀️ But back to my first opinion I formed. If he has a girlfriend, leave him alone. Put yourself in the girlfriends shoes. If he does like you and leaves you for her, then who's to say he won't do the same thing to you. I strongly suggest you move on from him

iljay · Answer

This guy sounds like bad news if you ask me. First off, he is in a relationship with someone else. I can't say for you or anyone else but for me... that's a huge no, no. If I like someone but they're already in a relationship with someone else, I back tf off. It will only lead to heartbreak down that road. Not only for his girlfriend who will be shattered if she finds out the two of you were messing around with eachother. But also for you.

Because once his girlfriend is broken and he leaves her. Guess who he's going to be following around extra close trying to get with next... yeah, likely you. And if he does manage to convince you to be with him then good luck girl. That's not a rodeo I'd like to be on. How can you trust a guy like that to be honest with YOU. When you already KNOW that he is known to flirt with and pursue other women behind his s/o's back?

If he were seriously into you, and actually wanted to be with you properly, then he would break up with his current girlfriend and ask you out/get to know you properly. Instead of flirting in the workplace, bragging about himself, trying to keep your relationship with eachother on the down low. He just sounds like he's trying to seduce you for sex and have you as his side chick. If you're into that kind of thing then okay I guess, you'll get what you want lol. But from what you've said I get the feeling you are the kind of girl that would only become more attached if your relationship with this man became physical and you will end up wanting something more serious with him. Which either he can't offer you, because he is with someone else and will end up just dropping and ignoring you all together. Or he will dump his girlfriend and be with you, but then you will be constantly anxious and wondering if he has someone else he's interested in or having sex with on the side just like he has been with you.

Listen to your gut. In my experience its usually right! If you get that bad feeling in your stomach or you feel like its screaming at you that something's not quite right. Don't try to block it out. Our natural instincts are strong and there to protect us. But sometimes we let our emotions get in the way. And we only realise after the damage is done, and we're left hurting, that we should have listened and trusted ourselves.

Now, me and the many others here could be wrong. He could be a nice and genuine guy. But sadly what you've told us suggests otherwise 😝

In the end though, its your decision to make. Best of luck! ☺

Sparkzs · Answer

This kind of behavior can mean looooots of things. My initial feeling is that he's looking to leave his current girlfriend to be with you; or that he's trying to seduce you.

Playing around at work isn't always a sign of romantic intent, he might just be bored, and if he has ADHD that sounds like a reasonable excuse for him giving you so much attention when he should be working. Teasing you about personal things, however; like speech patterns, is usually a sign of comfort and intimacy.
When a typical man asks about a woman's sex life, it is quite usually a way of making sure that she's still available. Many men still view dating as an act of "hunting" or "territory marking", so if you were to have hooked up with a co-worker recently, he might have a poor reaction, or stop giving you attention all together. A way to test this is to tell him you did kiss someone else after a night out, and see how reacts. There *is* a slim possibility that he just wants to know you better and be friends and isn't shy asking about your romantic/sexual life; but I am way too jaded about my own gender to ever truly believe that.
On Veganism. Bullshit he wants to be a vegan, he just is saying that to get closer to you. Either that or he's gay in which case I have bad news for his current girlfriend, and you if you're into him.
On ADHD, please don't take any meds that the doctors think would be unsafe for you to take. It's a funny coincidence that you both have ADHD, and makes for a quite anecdote, but definitely only take meds which are prescribed to you by a licensed doctor.
Him asking you or teasing you about resting your head on his shoulder is a yellow flag, to me. Next time he brings it up, ask him if his girlfriend would be comfortable seeing you two touching like that.
If he brags a lot about weight lifting and sport, he's tapping into some primal man bullshit and is just trying to impress you. He's boasting, trying to get your attention, and seeking to be validated - you actually have a lot of power in this instance; but he's definitely trying to attract you.

The best way to approach this situation is to ask yourself: would you be okay with your boyfriend acting this way with another girl?
A lot of these behaviors are borderline cheating tendencies, and most monogamous couples would view them as unacceptable.
All that said, there is the possibility that he just wants to be friends and is a very open person, but what you've written makes me think he wants more than that.

Brewmaster531 · Answer

Yeah, he doesn't love his girlfriend and is super interested in you. Believe me, I was that guy long ago, and I hate that that was me. I ended this cycle before it repeated, but he's going to treat you the way he treated her, and then he's gonna move on from the girl he leaves you for for another one and no one is going to be perfect enough. I'm a very strong believer in not getting in a relationship with someone who just got out of one or being the reason someone leaves another relationship. First off, he could do the same to you once the novelty wears off. Secondly, if he's gonna leave a girl and go straight to you, there is a boat load of drama and baggage that's gonna come with that guy. He really wants you, but only for now. You know he has a girlfriend, so tell him "hey, why don't you respect your girlfriend and stop hitting on a chick from the office?" Put this scumbag in his place. He may have a pretty face and a kind, charming front, but any guy willing to act this way is a scumbag and it doesn't end.

ohshee · Answer

What is the closest things about people coming into our lives we become friends sometimes it's very very good friends a true friend. sometimes friends I better friends then our spouses or significant others in different ways basically because it's unconditional sometimes we're so happy this person's in our life it makes us feel so good that we want to take it to a different level a different place because of all the build-up we do in our hearts and Minds Andrew sometimes lonely and we want to feel affection and love passion mistakes that friendship as something else sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. but no matter what we do in life there's a trade-off but we're going to get let's play pretend 14 you guys did hook up it worked out great for a while and then I'll send it start going sour which one of you are going to leave your job he has a girlfriend right now you say that's another choice you both have to make and deal with it's like having kids let them be kids as long as they can because when they are not kids anymore the world gets harder more responsibilities more choices good and bad more stress I say B kids as long as you can

huckleberryhound · Answer

My previous assertion of him is even more emboldened. He definitely has a major character assassination flaw, his faithfulness and loyalty is completely on display, in that he has none. Probably not very open or honest either, in that I doubt he tells his current girlfriend much about he likes you, secret keeping is such a bad thing in this case. But if you wanna live your life in doubt and speculation by pursuing this person (won't even dignify calling him a man, because he isn't) that's up to you, just hope you don't remember these times when he's not by your side for extended periods of time, like if he gets a new job elsewhere.

Ravenlord · Answer

He would have to go very far to be solely manipulating you, and to what end? Surely he has something going on but it's impossible to tell. This also has a lot to do with how much he and his girlfriend have been together and how far have they gotten. If it's a very long relationship I would back off, he is ready to drop a large amount of commitment and time for you. You would never be able to tell if he would be doing the same with you. If it's a shorter relationship it could just be him wanting to get out for whatever reason. What if his girlfriend is the evil one? We can never know for sure. Taking in account the ADHD it could also be his way of expressing it out, my little brother has a similiar disorder and likes to mimic me. At this point it's hard to tell from Obsession/Crush. It could also be both! It's your call wether you want to take it or not. Just be wary and don't get into trouble, obsessions can have dangerous ending if the one obsessed snaps off a little too much.

StylesCpt · Answer

Okay , so firstly you're dealing with an insecure guy who will definitely become overly protective if you were to get into a relationship with him , secondly he doesn't know how to be affectionate or show real care or love , my personal opinion would be , don't get trapped in his plan , you're probably a plan in his head to be his future sidechick or worse , you might share the same characteristics and all , but you're not the same people , I can see you're way different than him , this is only my opinion , don't make decisions based on what I say , you need to follow your heart or you need to confront him and ask him what's this all about , don't be afraid and hold back , ask him , it will lift a heavy weight from your shoulders

Moppy · Answer

Not sure I can add much as so many have commented already.

My only idea is that maybe you should pry into his personal life more. He likes to posture as you have told us.

Whats his family life like?
Ask him about his parents, siblings.
Ask him about his partner, what she's like what he likes about her what they do together.

If you do it in a natural conversational way you should be able to tell a lot from how he responds both verbally and physically.

Honestly it sounds like he considers you a trustworthy friend but it wouldn't surprise me if he considered you as more. Still you need to consider his partner in this and whatever you choose to do should avoid hurting her.

Good luck and take care!

UnknownXYZ · Answer

He's flirting with you clearly. Try to proceed with caution. And if you are actually thinking about getting with this guy, just remember that he was doing all this stuff to you with his girlfriend. Who's to say he won't do that same thing when he goes out with you. Looking at the other comments. it seems that he actually pulled a move on you, you will "allow" it to happen. There's not much I can say that realistic other than to avert your eyes elsewhere.

smcv21 · Answer

He definitely likes you. So, the thing to try to find out is what would happen if he didn't have a girlfriend.
You could be sort of playful and ask him "what would you do if you weren't with your gf?". If he says "you", then you know.
Or, if you don't like the idea that he may be disloyal and want him to feel bad about flirting with you, then you could invite him round one time, flirt and have sex with him. He'll enjoy that, you'll get the satisfaction from your desires, but he'll later feel so guilty. That would be good revenge.
Hope that helps.

CatInLove · Answer

He is clearly interested in you. I think none of us can tell you if he has good intentions or not. The fact that he doesn't contact you much outside of work may mean that his intentions are not bad. I went through a similar situation. Was in a relationship and started developing feelings for a co-worker. I wanted to get distance but at the same time I didn't want to... messed up feelings. We ended up becoming close and really good friends. But I made the decision to ignore my feelings and stay with my boyfriend. 1.5 years later my boyfriend and I broke up and my friend/co-worker told me he loves me. We are a really happy couple now. I guess you can't do much. Just let him figure out his feelings and don't get physical as long as he has a girlfriend. He has to fix his own life.

j42186 · Answer

I would caution you that he will be dangerous without medication and therapy. It sounds like a manic episode most of the time and that's leading to a high and unhealthy infatuation with you. If you want to give him a shot because he's nice start to ask him about his younger years, especially his upbringing. If he says things like his dad was abusive or he has a really "good" relationship with his mom but in reality it's coddling by Mommy. Sadly those types of issues are ingrained in their minds and it will follow them throughout life. As a woman you've got to protect yourself and future children (if you have any) from mentally unstable people because it can and will turn violent and vengeful.

MrMilti · Answer

Thanks for the invitation.

When I started reading, I thought "what a bully/asshole" and "why the hell can a girl have a crush on such a person?"

But as I kept going and read about the ADHD, I am not so sure anymore. He seems to really like you and just does not know how to express it.

Its just like news about celebrities bad behaviour: Even bad puplicity still is publicity - He just wants you to notice him.

So talk to him, go get something to eat after a shift together and see how you function together. When you talk about fixing his car, dont just say it, do it as well. Eventually he might stop to annoy the hell out of you

Mikeredskin · Answer

Mimicry of body movement is a sign of attraction, wether physical or sexual. Perhaps he may want to replace his current lover with you or perhaps he just wants a piece of ass. Be careful, he is borderline cheating on his girl and if you choose to play into his game it is extremely plausible that he will cheat on you as well. I say ignore him, find a guy who asks you a ton of questions, someone who asks how your day is or what your future plans are. Not someone who mentions how much they can bench press, they are only trying to get you sexually attracted.

melanieeeB · Answer

He wants you. Reject him.
First he is in a relationship and even if he left her, he will then later probably do the same to you with another girl.
He is an asshole, trying to cheat on his girl with you. Like I said reject him, you will be better off

JDavid25 · Answer

Well, he definitely is into you.. Sounds a bit possessive of you to be honest.. I know he's yo crush, and it would hurt to get away from him.. But, I mean he already gotta girlfriend and he is basically doin all but hittin on you.. It's up to you where this goes though..

Potatoempn · Answer

I see only one of two things happening.
Either he wants the booty.
Or he's just an asshole.
POSSIBLE third option, where he is genuine, but I have seen too many women and girls go through the same thing at school and work.
Give it a chance, but do not put out with him.
Or just keep it as friends. It might be hard, but it will save you in the end.

Coffinspire · Answer

He's just trying to get into your pants. You know this when guys agree with everything you are saying and is obviously trying to impress you. Not only that its a red flag that if he does this to someone he's with (obviously he likes his girlfriend or else they wouldn't be together) then what would happen if you guys DID in fact get together and he got bored with you or more intrigued with someone else? Yum, that logic stuff!

Canuck37 · Answer

He likes you.

The fact he's doing all of this despite having a girlfriend is a warning sign.

You should not attempt to get with him. Treat him as a friend, and nothing more. A guy who's willing to do this with you, despite having a girlfriend, is a guy who will do this with another girl when he's with you.

Alan180188 · Answer

your head is a jungle ! :D you over think waaay too much, relax and give him the way to do what he's up to, answer his question in a strong flirty way, be confident and return his jokes, so he can make his first real move !
he's swimming around you searching for the perfect moment to get a grab on you, so relax and open his way...

He has a girlfriend, but does and says the following?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said