Shy Guy Romance Fantasy or Reality?

[Anonymous]

Shy guy romance seems to be strictly a figment of imagination. Some don't understand that shy people in general can have a lot to offer and maybe even things some have never gotten to experience. But the problem is especially in guys is that well... THEY ARE SHY!

It seems more common for a guy to go after a shy girl then the other way around. Guys are "supposed" to go get the girl not the other way around so society tells us. It seems that shy guys are often left out in the cold because they are unwilling to approach and others are unwilling to approach them.

My question is would a girl ever approach a shy guy? You never know what you'll find till you sample right?

[WonderingNomad]

I really, really, have a thing for shy guys. I've approached a couple in the past, but I always regretted it and wished that I'd waited for them to approach me. You see, I"m kinda old fashioned in this sense and I like it when a guy approaches me. It tells me that, yes, he is interested in me and isn't just staying with me because I came up to him and, hey, why not? You know what I mean? I think guys in general tend to be more opportunistic when it come to dating, whereas girls tend to be more picky. Because I was the one doing the approaching, for the entirety of the time I was with these guys, I always wondered whether they were with me simply because I came up to them and they could be, and didn't have anything better coming along, or if they were actually interested in me before hand and would've approached me if I'd given them more time.

So, these days, I try to make the guy approach me. That doesn't mean that I won't give him a multitude of hints (almost to a fault); I'll introduce myself, I'll initiate the flirting; etc. But he's gotta be the one to actually ask me out. He's gotta be the first one to make the first move towards romance. I find that it makes for a better relationship down the road.

[froggggggy]

I agree.

[djmzes]

Why if you approach the result would be different
Simple as 1+2 is the same as 2+1.

[DishLady]

Sure, but then HE's shy and SHE gets the impression she's being unladylike (i.e., too forward).

So where does that leave the potential relationship? The guy is repressed and the girl is confused because there's a chance she's put herself out there and he's just not interested, and the relationship either doesn't take off OR ends up in Friendsville...

Ironically, Friendsville is where the guy finally opens up because he's totally at ease. The girl then has no choice but to shake her head, sigh, and accept the friendship.

Catch 22? Of course. (Relationships can be SO reminiscent of the Tower of Babel story, lol.)

[sportygirlmmg]

haha. it's funny you think that. because I am most attracted to nice shy guys. the only problem is I just don't know if they would be THAT into the relationship. like say you guys are going out... I wouldn't know if you would be okay with holding hands, kissing, etc. ya know? make sure your not TOO shy and if she texts you one time, text her another time to show that you ARE INDEED interested. like one time a shy guy asked me to dance at a dance and later on I texted him. then a few days later I texted HIM again. He never texted me first. so I kinda gave up... hope this helped:)

[Asker]

Lol well sometimes it takes a while for them to get physical, but its usually not hard to see they care, and if they really do they will eventually evolve to at least the level they need to be at to maintain a relationship..... hopefully.

[djmzes]

It is all because society teaches us that girls like confidence guys and tv shows bombared us with the same message that if you are shy guy you mostly a loser. Remember that we learn and we have no extinct. So if we are taught something even bad we will take it as the way it should be.

That why the shy guys will not approach you because he knows he will be rejected so why he should. It is same like you thinking that he is not interested or gay if he does not approach.

So girls do approach if he is shy... but learn first the psychology of a shy guy as it takes another route to the same dating destination.

[fleeble]

I'm shy. A girl eventually approached me. I was deliriously happy for a while. Then...she started trying to change me; ridiculing my insecurities, trying to pick fights, etc. And you will be controlled like a motherf***er; that's the type of woman that goes for a shy man. Good luck.

[Asker]

Mm really is that always true?

[fleeble]

Perhaps not always, but from my experiences and from what I've read, it is very likely.

[Asker]

Jeeze sucks hmm mayb that's 1 down fall of being a shy guy

[WonderingNomad]

I'm sorry that happened to you. But that doesn't mean that all girls who like shy men are like that. I am a pretty shy girl and I feel comfort with someone who seems similarly like a "gentle soul." Shy guys, I find, are sweeter and less likely to push ME around. And I would never want to try and change a guy I liked. So, my advice, I guess, is to not let that bad experience discourage you. Maybe find a nice shy girl. But of course, that means you may have to do more of the pursuing.

[Jessica1810]

There is a guy I am so interested in right now, who is SO cute yet obviously ridiculously shy.

I have been told I am an attractive girl and get a lot of interest from other men, but I only want him. He seems modest and humble and I know he is intelligent and very talented.

Now, I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. A lot of girls seem into him. They flirt.

He smiles and is unfailingly gentlemanly, but never is forward nor flirts back.

It makes him more attractive in my eyes... yet I feel I do not have a chance with him.

As another poster said, in humans it's usually the male who initiates the dating process and it seems to work well this way... I am confident but feel I would almost certainly face rejection if I asked a guy, just because it's not acceptable in our culture and I may seem desparate.

It's sad, and I feel very confused as to why he is like this. Perhaps he is gay, although he certainly doesn't seem it.

[Impacti]

Take the jump worst that can happen is no you just described me and I have no clue if I'm in same position as the guy but I hope I am. To all of you scared women we don't have the guts to ask you out you have to have the guts for us both! However, I can tell you we shy guys are faithful with out fail!
Yours truly,
THE SHY GUYS

[grnpari]

YES! If they are physically attractive. I see the problem here, a lot of girls won't like an "avg. looking" guy until they get a taste of his appealing personality THEN they magically find them even more attractive, but the thing with shy guys is that we don't get a feel of your personality because you don't talk! So all a girl has got is your appearance :( Only chance they've got is with girls they work with, or see occasionally, because then little by little you get to know each other and the attraction can build based on a personality match. OUR ATTRACTION IS NOT BASED ON THE PHYSICAL 90% LIKE DUDES lol

[DoctorSex]

And I quote...." So all a girl has got is your appearance :( " LMAO

[WonderingNomad]

this is a really good point.

[Flusher]

Personally I think that shy and unsocial are two different things.. I am a social guy but shy with girls romantically

[froggggggy]

I AGREE! I met a guy that wasn't attractive to me at first but as I got to know him little by little I began to find him very attractive! And the attraction has been building based on his personality!

[ilovecookies]

Shy and introverted me attract me the most, but, I still prefer men to approach me. In my memory, I don't think I've ever approached a man, just because I think it is attractive for a man to approach a girl. And what is even more attractive is when a shy guy approaches you, because he is really trying hard and that's really cute.

[Anonymous]

I am crazy about a shy guy. We've been crazy about each other for eight months now but neither of us seems to have the guts to take it further. We're on the same sports team and he's way younger than me, so it's a bit weird and awkward, but we stare at each other all the time and he acts weird around me, he gets flustered, blushes, has to keep catching his breath, etc. He shows off in front of me, his body language is obvious and he's always near me (as far as training permits). But no action! If I wasn't so shy myself, I'd ask him to go for a nature walk or something (something very non-threatening).

[cutelittleshy_18]

Well it depends to the personality of the girl, I'm a shy girl so I prefer not to be the one to approach the guy but I guess most of the girls have what you called "Pride" that prevents them from approaching a guy...

[Ashmehcash]

YES I would so get to the shy guy it makes him mysterious. <3

[brunettebelle]

I like a guy who is shy, he opened up to me more now which is good.

[lemonface]

Well if she was shy as well, sadly no she wouldn't approach a shy guy. If she was outgoing and social I know a lot of girls who would go for the shy guy.

[Asker]

Do you think that outgoing and shy hookups lead to control in a relationship?

[JenniferBrown]

Hmmm, sometimes shy guys are way more interesting because of mystery... :)

[Anonymous]

I don't know like there are guys who are shy around some girls and different around other girls...i think shy boys are cute

[Anonymous]

actually I have a crush on a shy guy right now lol. but the thing is I'm not sure if he likes me or not so I really don't no what to do.

[Asker]

You should approach and not ask him directly - but be overtly playful and flirty and see how he responds

[JerseyGirl]

Yes, I have the same thing going on.....showing interest back and forth and he is not making a move. I am ASSUMING because he is shy, and not someone who just wants attention or is playing games with me. Based on some interactions I am thinking definitely shy. I even let him know I like him and he STILL isn't moving forward, but showing interest still. I prefer a shy guy.....I think they are great once they let you in.....which seems like a lot of work to get there but I am thinking worth it.

[Asker]

Usually once he gets comfortable he will move forward lol. I know it seems like its at snails pace but yes overall it does tend to be worth it once the shy ones are ready to be open and contribute to the relationship. but it takes time but I wonder .... does being shy open the door to being whipped?

[WonderingNomad]

QA: no, I don't think it does, necessarily. It depends on the person, though. I am a pretty shy girl, and pretty easy going about most stuff, but that doesn't mean that I'm not a strong person on the inside. (something, unfortunately for them, a few past boyfriends didn't seem to realize). As soon as someone starts to act controlling, I'm outta there. If they think that just because you're shy, that you're weak, then they're not the kind of person you want to be with anyways.

[Anonymous]

I don't fantasize about shy guys

[Impacti]

I feel you