Are shy guy + shy girl relationships difficult? Do opposites truly attract?

[BluMac81]

I've been wondering this for a while, and I would like to hear responses from shy girls and shy guys who have been in a shy+shy relationship and how it worked out. My own experience is that there are a lot of awkward silences during conversation, and a lot of going back and forth saying 'whatever you wanna do' when deciding what to do. That was a long time ago though, and since then I avoid shy girls, not only because of my experiences, but because they are SO HARD to initiate conversation with, especially if the guy is shy too. Actually I always get the impression that shy girls are stuck-up or lesbians, cause they don't react to flirts and usually show no emotion. I know that that's not true though, it's just an impression I get.

In a college class of mine, I have had a crush on this shy brunette for a while. I came on strong at first, like asking her to come sit at my table, and randomly joking and flirting with her. Then I (stupidly) used a peer review paper she gave me for class to look up her name on facebook, and I added her saying that I am from class. I came back to class and told her that I added her on facebook (and she said she didn't know that), and then I later told her it's okay if she doesn't want to friend me there, that it's no pressure. And of course after a few days of not being added or denied, she denied my request. Since then I act colder to her because it feels as if she doesn't like me (or just doesn't like men...?) Still some part of me wonders if a different side of her personality would come out if we dated, like she might actually be fun and intimate. So that's what brought about this question.

So, I've been thinking about dating an extroverted girl (something I typically don't do because its a little intimidating for a shy guy); but, hey, I'm willing to step out of my comfort zone if it really means finding the right girl, maybe the shy + extravert combo works out great! So that's the other part of my question. For those that have been in a shy + extravert relationship, was it great and did you compliment each other well? Or did it not work out due to someone being too shy or too extroverted?

It's just so hard with shy girls to determine whether they are just being shy or if they don't like you, possibly arrogant, lesbian, etc. I'm sure girls experience a similar thing with shy guys.

Please let me know your opinions and experiences on this!

[markml]

Putting two shy people together in a relationship is like hell when you're a teenager...

See, there's this very weird psychic empathic connection that can develop between two shy introverts when they're close to each other, because they can't communicate verbally. Like you know, almost a sixth sense.

Sounds kind of romantic, doesn't it?

Well, when I was 14, I'd never experienced anything intense like that before so I thought I was truly in love with this one girl and had found my soul mate.

So you'd think everything would be great because you can emotionally understand each other, right? In fact, this bond is so strong that your feelings start to get mixed up...their feelings become yours and vice-versa. But the problem is...even though you can understand their FEELINGS, you still don't know what the other person is actually THINKING!

And that's where it becomes hell to be a teenager in this kind of situation. Because you know that all teenagers are neurotic, and shy teenagers are especially neurotic. And when you have this kind of bond, those neurotic feelings get bounced back and forth all over the place and amplified a million times. You have a moment of happiness because you're together, and then that goes south very quickly. You become very suspicious of each other. You start to lash out at each other based simply upon what you know the other person is feeling. It gets so bad you can't even look at each other!

There is no easy break-up from this. You become like ghosts perpetually haunting each other. The only thing you can do is run as far away from this person as possible. That's the intelligent thing to do. I really should have switched schools when I had the opportunity to do so! Instead, I let the pain lasts for a very long time.

Maybe it doesn't have to be this bad or extreme. I'm not sure if anyone else has had this kind of experience, or if it's just me? In my case, I found out the girl had some messed up stuff in her family that just made the whole situation worse. I no longer believe in soul mates, because even if I met mine, I wouldn't be sure it's someone I could live with.

I'm saying, just be glad you never got that far. It's better to be rejected in the beginning than to have to deal with that.

I think now that I'm well into my 20's, it may be safer to date a shy girl, because we'd hopefully both be more mature and know how to deal with these kinds of problems better than I did when I was teen. I'm considering a kinda shy girl right now, but we're both in our 20's. I think that going for a shy girl who is even in her late teens is kinda risky, but since I'm more mature, I can handle the situation better regardless. It's just that with shy girls, you don't know what they're thinking and the communication is a problem unless you both make some efforts in that area to be as honest as possible with each other.

I don't know about extroverts. I've never really gone for one, and they don't tend to go for me. But I'm open.

[MakeLoveNotWar]

Interesting stuff, you take psychology as well?

[markml]

Actually no, although sometimes I wonder if I should have.

[art84]

Shy girls will open up over time once you get to know them. I really can't see a girl being shy but as for dating them, I would expect a few awkward moments here and there on the first date. I think going out with an extravert girl would make you a bit uncomfortable depending on what the girl wants to do. Like if she is into partying and dancing and your not then it could let to problems. So she might find you boring or vice versa with the shy girl. I know most extravert girls might get upset for the shy guy not saying much and put pressure on him.

[Book-Tard]

My boyfriend and I are both shy. We met at work... needless to say, our first date was pretty awkward and silent! However, we've been together for over a year now and things are great :)

We have both had problems with initiating relationships in the past (i.e. neither of us flirt well, are somewhat prude, it takes a long time for both of us to come out of our shell). These similarities are what strengthened our bond though. Both of us take things slow, so there was no pressure from the other end to "take things to the next level" at an uncomfortable pace. Because we are both introverts, we know how other introverts act... if that makes sense. For example, if he doesn't say anything I know it's not just because he is being rude or is mad at something, it's just because he feels there is nothing pressing to say. However, an extrovert may be offended at this non-response.

Even though we are both introverts, we have still been forced out of our comfort zones: meeting the parents, hanging out with the others' friends, etc. We both know these situations are difficult for the other so it is easy to sympathize. An extrovert may be unaware of this and continue to put the other person in uncomfortable situations.

I can definitely see how one would perceive a shy, introverted girl to be lesbian or stuck-up. I've been called stuck-up many times because I don't typically engage in seemingly useless conversations (gossip, drama, etc). But it is definitely worth it to pursue the girl if you have an interest in her. Just remember, it takes time... most of us don't like to rush things.

Shy+Shy CAN work! And, if for some reason it doesn't, both the girl and guy will be relieved to at least know there are others out there in the world willing to wait and coax one out of his/her shell.

Hope this helps, if you have any other questions just comment below :)

Good luck out there with whatever you decide!

And remember, all relationships (whether they are shy+not, or shy+shy) take work. Every relationship has its ups and downs and they all take equal giving and receiving.

[mickl3]

what about physical contact? how long does it take to even kiss? you know that there's everything too beautiful, genius conversations etc. but the physical contact is sooo hard to come. from both sides.

[drillerswife]

It also depends on aspects of personality other than introversion and extroversion whether two people are good together or not. Like someone said - values, beliefs, interests, pure chemistry.

I'm well into my late 20s. My husband and I met at work. We were working at different branches of our company in different cities. The few times we saw each other at the office, he thought I was a stuck-up cold bitch (as he later told me) and I thought he was a heartless cold person uncapable of feeling anything (as I later told him). Few months later we were put together on the same project abroad. When forced to spend our whole days and evenings together working, we got the chance to get to know each other. We realized that we actually really like each others' company and that we're both very sensitive, loving and caring people. On Day 7 of our business trip we slept together. On Day 21 of our project it was clear to both of us that this was going to be something serious, long-lasting and beautiful.

Of course we argue a lot but he always sees my point of view (even if he doesn't want to accept it) and I see his. There are silences, yes, but they're not uncomfortable. I just know he's taking his time to think and vice versa. I know I'll get an answer eventually. We both need our time apart in order to come back to each other. I find this slower pace of communication more sincere, and we also don't get sick of each other through constant small talk. We can spend hours just laying in each others' arms and/or being intimate without much words but the gestures and body language say so much more. I know I want him to be the father of my children and can't wait.

So yes, it can work between two shy people but not just because of their shyness.

[AmyDove]

The guy I'm sort of with now is shy like I am and although there are some awkward moments and some prolonged silences, I think it's quite sweet. I feel much more comfortable being quiet and shy around someone that I know understands and can relate to that. If anything, you can both help each other become a little more confident together, not just in your relationship but as individuals. A partner who is outgoing may lose patience or become frustrated when the person they're with finds themself unable to open up in the same way they can.

I personally feel more at ease within my own comfort zone, so being with a shy guy works for me but some girls who are quiet are intrigued by and a little turned on by a guy who is confident in himself and around others. Remember that girls, psyhologically speaking, need a protector and a man to fight for them if necessary. Shy guys (to some girls) are percieved as being weak and unable to attend to those needs.

We're all different but I think similar personality types are likely to click better :)

[AngelDemon]

I'm having something like that happening to me right now... I don't know if he likes me cause we are both really shy and he has shown a lot of signs he likes me but its hard to plan a date since he works and goes to college. Our personality is similar that we click as if we known each other since forever but have only known each other for 5 months.

[stillagoodgirl]

I personally always liked guys who were more talkative and outgoing than me. For friendships I don't really care and like variety and I've had close friends who were outgoing and some who were quiet like me.

However, it never seems to work out with outgoing guys because they lose interest fast or just don't seem to know or acknowledge that I exist! And I do make an effort to initiate contact. Sometimes they'll ignore me esp when others are around. At least with a shy guy he'll make eye contact.

Maybe it's a sign but I still try to chase the lively ones. I don't know why. The fee shy guys I've liked didn't go anywhere because he didn't seem to like me at all where I had to almost always initiate talking. That was too frustrating so I quickly gave up plus it wasn't as exciting I guess.

I honestly can't be the one in charge. I don't like always deciding and feeling or wondering if the guy is OK with it. I need a guy who's gonna step up to the plate. Otherwise I kind of get annoyed and lose respect for the guy. I can't take him seriously if he took so long to make a move. Esp with outgoing guys because I know that his first choice or priority didn't work so I'm just the back up option

[diosadelanoche]

I don't think it was because she was shy. I think she just wasn't into you. Girls who are shy and interested will at least respond positively to your advances, unless they have other issues. I think relationships between introverts can work, provided one person is willing to take on the role of the initiator. Shy people are generally only shy around people they don't know very well. As you get comfortable with one another, that starts to melt away.

I classify myself as an introvert, and I don't think I work particularly well with extroverts. I tend to find extroversion overbearing at times. But maybe I work well with other introverts because I'm more of a "social" introvert (I'm good in social situations, even if I'd sometimes rather avoid them). I'm often comfortable being decisive and taking the lead if the other person is much shyer than I am.

[luvgirl]

Oh gosh. Well, I am pretty shy and my ex was a pretty shy guy and we didn't mind it at first. We then realized we didn't have a very big social group and that became a problem because it was always just me and him

With that said, being shy has become a problem for me. I would rather date a guy who is more extroverted since I am a very shy girl. I think it would be a better balance for ME. But if I was the extroverted one, I would not mind dating a person who is more shy than me. But for right now I am more focused on outgoing guys.

[doctorwhofan23]

I would kind of like not a big social group.

[BluMac81]

same here

[miki94]

Same here.

[G_GTom]

I like more of the same. It's just what's comfortable to me. Shy at first doesn't mean shy all the time. Once you get comfortable around someone, you tend to open up, but shy can also mean less social situations ( at least large social occasions ) and that will not likely change.

[Anonymous]

I'm shy and I don't like parties and drinking. My guy is shy and he can't dance either, neither does he like partying and drinking. that makes us both boring and shy people, and that is what I like about us :). good luck!

[Myraziel]

I'm not much help because I've been on a couple dates with a shy guy and I'm confused too. It's so hard to tell if they are just being shy or not interested. And I have to initiate conversation most the time which is discouraging for me.

[Reggie1]

Shy guy/shy girl relationships can be tough if you're both really introverted. There comes a point when one of you needs to be more assertive and it doesn't happen. You end up with awkward silences and wishing someone else was there.

[justaskinnn]

well, extroverted girls are slut. Maybe you want to be slut but don't have gut. I am sure you will find someone nice if you go slow and careful. Lots of guys are so impulsive.

[Lorifairygodmother]

Wow that was rude. Not all extrovert girls are sluts.

[justaskinnn]

sex is the way of compromising. The more you love the more you hate. You are only trying to make peace with your enemy.

[doctorwhofan23]

I am shy never dated before but I want a shy girl because outgoing girls scare me.

[BluMac81]

I know how you feel, outgoing girls can appear very intimidating to shy guys, but I have in fact been in a relationship with an outgoing girl and we had some really good times; it really works out great because her hyper-talkativity kind of draws the little bit of outgoing qualities I had as a shy guy, its a good balance overall, it just gets awkward when she brings a third wheel girlfriend on the date.. ugg, but as a shy guy it's hard to say anything against it

[doctorwhofan23]

That sounds scary.

[BluMac81]

it is

[doctorwhofan23]

Bummer that does not sound fun then but I guess it is wrothwile.

[Viccie]

But she cheated on you right?

[ASjun]

Fact- opposites do attract

Fact- ^ couples don't last

Fact- couples that are similar last longer

[markml]

These facts are not true. My parents are complete opposites and have been together since dinosaurs roamed the earth. On the other hand, see my story above.

[ASjun]

Just cause one is shy and one is outgoing doesn't mean they are opposite. I'm talking everything else, personality, values, beliefs, etc.

[Anonymous]

It's next to impossible since one takes forever to make a move

[1stranger]

Sorry.. I have an unanswered question🤬 WHEN?

[Anonymous]

It might