I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 1 month. When I met him it was an incredibly comfortable & safe feeling. We clicked right away. He is very consistent, kind, caring & what I like about him the most is that he’s well liked and cared for by his friends and family. This isn’t JUST a good guy this is a genuine good guy with friends to verify. He is a solid individual and honestly the best guy I have dated.
He is 25 & I am 26 & I am his first girlfriend. He has very little experience with girls. You would never know it when he`s with me because he carries the relationship very well & knows how to handle me, just simply be with me. I have asked his friend why he`s never dated & from what I understand until his best friend came along a few years ago he was very shy & awkward. He`s been on a few dates, he`s been interested in girls & he has tried dating. He`s not a loser. I wanna say that. I`m a girl with standards & he meets those standards.
He is a virgin & for some reason this does not bother me at all. I’ve been in many crap relationships. This is someone who cares for me in all the right ways & consistently so. In the end having someone solid is what’s most important to me. We have discussed sex. I was very impressed of how much he knows. He has already expressed losing his virginity but I told him no pressure just when he`s ready & to make sure he knows I`m the actual one first. He`s 25 I mean if I waited this long I would make sure.
We are taking things slow & it’s been a slow but sure progression.
I keep forgetting that he has never been in a relationship before & the only problem I`m having with him is the communication. We can talk surface all day but actually getting to know him & have him let me in to who he is has been difficult. I`m not so open book myself. I have insecurities & I`m trying to deal with them on my own time & not let them affect our relationship.
With him not being in a relationship before, as well as he handles it all, I get the feeling like he can’t understand why I would have fear to a certain extent. I don’t think he knows that there is a honeymoon period & then after that work. Relationships are not easy. Work is involved. It’s a struggle sometimes & I`m at that point with him where the honeymoon is over & the lack of intimate conversation is at the fore front.
With me being the one experienced I know I`m going to have to take the lead as to directing this relationship but I’ve never been in that position.
I really do think he has potential. He`s got great potential & he is willing. That’s the most important part. He not only has the potential but he is willing to learn & committed to being in a relationship with me. He has stated a future and always speaks in future terms & I believe him which is why I even care to bother.
How do I get him to open up? How would you
Most Helpful Opinions
Remember that a relationship is not therapy or need he be nor act as a therapist to your issues. What he demonstrates is the ability to listen and support you and he is open about the desire to explore new avenues in his life with you by his side. You need do the same with him by basing yourself on what he IS doing and not what he has NOT done without you before being with you. Stay focused and be real and you will see he is growing with you and is real also.
You have a negative point of view related to honeymoon period etc. This is something you believe because you never met the right person before to realize you are wrong about that whole insight. You want someone to take care of you and decide everything you want like you want and him to understand and obey you and you do not have the ability to do the same for yourself. Do not play the submissive - dominant game. Let him teach you good guys can make a difference and teach him that an experienced woman REALLY has her head on straight despite her hard relationship past. Give this man a chance to know you REALLY before you classify him as not good enough. He does not deserve to pay for what other men made you feel.
Easy to open up when you STOP TRYING TO CONTROL him, you and the relationship. Enjoy being happy and learn from each other. Explore don't regress. Give him and you a break and a chance ! :)
Your right. Your absolutely right I need to focus on what he is doing which is honestly the best I feel he can. He does listen & he always shows he cares. I hate, I mean I really do not want to think that in some way I`m causing him to pay for other guys but I am & I do not want to do that. I don't want to be the girl with "issues". Your advice was hard to read but I agree so thank you for answering!