Sneaky link for a year how do I talk to him? any tips on being myself and opening up more? Should we just call it quits?

[Anonymous]

So I’ve had a sneaky link situation going on for over a year now we both agreed to just sex and said we would see where it goes. I’m very quiet and it takes me a long time to warm up to people so even though I’m somewhat comfortable with him I haven’t opened up all the way. My partner has told me it’s annoying at times that I still act shy towards him and I understand that but for some reason I can’t open up and he has tried several times to get me to but long story short because of this he believes that I’m uninterested. Anyways fast forward recently we were talking about feelings and I was scared to say how I really felt so I said I didn’t have any but after he said that he did and basically wanted things between us to get better and I agreed. Fast forward again I feel like he’s not putting enough effort in and now I’m confused I don't know if it’s because he still feels I’m uninterested or is it because he didn’t really mean it. Despite us having our little isssues we have these periods where we talk everyday see each other every week and then it just stops out of nowhere for a few weeks and It’s things like this that makes me believe he didn’t mean what he said. I do like him but I am also cool with what we have now and I’m not trying to force anything and we’ve already been sleeping with each other for over a year so I don’t see the reason to lie but his words don’t match his actions so what do y’all think am I being played? I’m just confused and need advice.

[HollyK21]

Personally I don’t blame you for responding to his actions how you do, because he isn’t being genuine to you. When a guy wants to build a relationship with you beyond just sex, he actively does the work to move forward and show sincere interest. From my perspective, this guy straddles the fence how he does because he’s not ready to be off the streets and invest in you. There just isn’t much incentive when he gets boyfriend perks without committing. The guy gets regular sex, adequate attention, intimacy, time, and etc from you, but then he has the right to fall back at any moment because you’re just “friends”. To me, this is unfair and you should draw a clear line, simply because the end of the day you’ve got to protect your heart and don’t want to delve into opening up to someone who isn’t trying to genuinely be with you. If he wants sex, then he needs to keep it there and stop trying to prod around your life and act as though he wants to grow with you. But if he actually wants to give dating you a real shot then he has to commit. No more of this game playing indecisive bs from him though, it’s too toxic.