Is there really nothing a nice guy can do to attract women?

[Anonymous]

im basically a nice guy but just a friend to girls. like that's the type of person I am. I'm have no issues socializing with people. I'm a little shy but who isnt? and I believe that if you really like someone, which is the entire point of pursuing a relationship, its very difficult to actually come clean or approach the girl. so I really don't pursue girls at all. its very hard to put yourself out there. I prefer girls that I actually know for a while too. I don't like the thought of approaching random women. I've only really ever tried getting to know 3 girls.

besides all that, I feel that I do everything else right. I'm not an ugly guy. I'm nice, friendly, confident in social situations, I'm reasonably funny. I just don't understand why girls wouldn't want to be with a guy like me. meanwhile they date guys that look like they want to be thugs and that are in perfect shape or that have a reputation of substance abuse. and I'm sorry I can't "provide" those things for them, but I'm happy that I am who I am and don't have that sort of negative reputation of being a bad boy. why can't girls just wake up and appreciate a guy like myself? :(

Updates

+1 y

i just feel like there's nothing else I can do to attract a woman myself without being a douchey mans man, with bulging muscles, or without going to bars and clubs, or being a drinker or smoker. I'm even a skilled musician and girls show me no interest. I've never been kissed or been on a date. and girls will talk to me in person but once indirect communication comes into play, getting blown off is a common occurance. but if I looked and acted like a thug, I'm sure girls would magically love me! :/

[notsosimple19]

Don't give up yet! Not all of us out there are like that. I know you've heard this before, but one day you'll find a girl who gives you all the appreciation that you deserve. You just haven't happened to come across her yet.

Girls think the same way: 'Why can't guys just stop sleeping around and be happy with a great girl?' But not all guys are like that, right?

The thing is, don't change yourself - whether it be into a 'thug' like you mentioned, or a selfish guy with a 'hot body'... just don't. Girls prefer nice guys, guys that they can be comfortable around and that they can trust. Being a nice guy doesn't mean your unattractive, or that you'll finish last.

To be honest though, you'll have better luck with girls if you decide to pursue them some more, rather than waiting. That'll open you up to a lot of different kinds of girls, as well.

:)

[Asker]

well its not like its done me any good in the past. :( I've had girls claiming to be my friend, but not even hang out or talk to me outside of school, or I've just wanted to make new friends with new girls that were attractive, but that I didn't like like that, and they wouldn't even talk to me. and I wasn't being weird or anything, just was reaching out. but no I'm not a bad boy so I'm not "cool" >.<

[notsosimple19]

In that case, just don't try and change yourself into a 'bad boy' simply to be 'cool'. It's not worth it, and once the right girl comes along, she'll like you for you, not for who you'd pretend you were.

Keep putting yourself out there! You'll regret it if you don't.

Forget about the people that hurt your confidence sometimes. Pick yourself up and keep trying, it'll pay off. :)

[Asker]

well I hope so. I just don't see an attractive girl breaking the typical norm though. and really aren't all the attractive girls taken already? :/

[notsosimple19]

Hey! Don't be so quick to jump to conclusions... you never know, right?

[Asker]

I've yet to see real hope.

[notsosimple19]

Well that's too bad then... because negativity isn't gonna get you anywhere.

[Asker]

just saying, I'm totally a positive person in real life too. I just don't know.

[Anonymous]

Dude. When girls make distinctions between guys, it's NOT between "nice" guys and "thugs." It's between "strong" guys and "weak" guys. You're problem isn't that you're not an ass; it's that you're not displaying "strong" personality characteristics. For instance:

Girls don't approach guys. They want guys to approach them. Why? Because it's kinda tough to do that and it screens out a LOT of the weak guys. Also, if you're waiting for a girl to kiss you it could be a VERY long wait. Most don't tend to make the first move physically. Why? See the answer to the above question.

SO if you want to get better results with girls, you're going to have to learn to LEAD and to make the first move a LOT. Does it suck; yeah, kinda! But it was hard for you to learn how to read and how to do long division, but you're a better man for having learned it.

[Anonymous]

I know how you feel. It is annoying that we pretty much have to do everything.

-Approach the girl

-Spark the initial conversation

-Keep the conversation going

-Try to get her interested in our personality

-put our egos and self esteem on the line and try to get a number

-make the first call

-etc

While all the girl has to do is say yes or no.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Regardless, that is the way it is. Just talk to girls, and if you get rejected, don't let it get to you. Eventually, you will get a yes.

[Asker]

i just don't understand what is so interesting about the typical "thug personality" anyway though. its so common to see hot girls with guys that think they're the next little wayne or something. and there's a lot of these guys out there so its not like theyre all that special. so many bad boys just act the same exact way and say all the same things and follow the trends. I have my own personality. and above all, I want to just find one girl and treat her with real commited love. why can't a girl see?

[Shorty1991]

That's no all true. I've always believed that who ever has the crush should act on it first. Women do make the first move too. I've acted on my past crushes and I didn't get the desired outcome but at least I made more effort and knew where I stood. So stop basing it on gender roles. All I hear is constant whining"guys have to approach", "guy's have to initiate" wah! wah! wah! Blah, blah blah. Feeling sorry for yourself won't get you anywhere for a start. Overly shy people seem to shift the blame onto their crushes because they can't do anything about it themselves. If you actually tried talking to more women and getting to know them a little better. You'll stand a better chance, don't blend into the background like a chameleon. You need to try putting yourself out there. Then you'll find out that not all women want a bad boy. The bad boy persona is something that I just dont care about.

[mysteryyy]

I think you should be more aggressive