+1 y

Why does having a boyfriend seem to decrease my value to some guys?

While this may come off a bit vent-like...it's a serious question. It's so annoying and I don't even know how to approach it. My biggest issue right now is not knowing how to address the following two type...of which are usually combined. All I really know to do to combat it is to literally reciprocate their jerk-behavior by seeming like just as big of a jerk in return.

A. Guys who try to play off questions and lead you into casually sexual topics.

B. Guys who lose interest in friendships or making a friend if they don't have a chance (or befriend a girl with the sole intent of catching her if something happens)

I have ONE guy friend that at least respects me enough to not get annoyed at the happiness my boyfriend gives me.

The rest of the guys I've known literally make me feel guilty for even being nice to them and completely turn off my niceness with things like "Not to sound bad but...sometimes I wish you and your boyfriend weren't working out." Or when you chat with someone...and their whole demeanor drops when you casually bring up your boyfriend.

Why the hell does my personal value drop (in the eyes of a male) the second I have a boyfriend? This is exactly why he's my boyfriend...because he has never treated me like an pbject. :shudder: I've lost too many guy friends from finding someone I really love and that disgusts me.

I don't mind so much that I try to bullsh*t to keep a bullsh*t friendship but wtf...I'm so digusted by so many guys right now.

What I hate...is that means: If I try to give them a benefit of a doubt and not mention a boyfriend...it's leading them on...and the second I bring him up to casually alleviate the situation...they quickly lose interest in me as a person...which PRETTY MUCH spells out their motive. If I'm not going to eventually makeout with you...there's nothing interesting about me in your eyes...which says I'm nothing to you but an object to be used for pleasure. If I'm not your girlfriend (or a girl you can date/flirt with/fantacize about) I'm not all that interesting anymore.

(Note: I am by no means saying all guys, but I have run into mannnnny...who even paint themselves as a friendly guy...and then magically transform into a douche once my status is revealed as 'taken'.)

So tell me guys, how should I respond to 'that type'? How can I address guys without completely isolating myself from them and shutting them all down. I'm totally open to any friend that can respect me and lately...I have a hard time trusting their motives and honestly...it sucks. I don't want that kind of attention. I just want to be a cool PERSON...not cool because I'm female.

Positive personality traits+fellow male=not bad I guess; I'd probably hang out with him.

Same traits+female=a really cool chick (why does it even change?)

Same traits+attractive female=a mecca

Same traits+same attractive female+has a boyfriend=not worth my time or energy to get to know (all traits become null and void)

What's up with that?
Updates:
+1 y
There seems to be a lot of confusion here about "Why I need attention from other guys." No. You're confused. I have a 'no new friends' rule and there are very few males I allow in my circle. I get it. Trust me.


I'm referring to principle here. Principle that some of you seem to miss. I GET that it's 'reality' and to just deal with it...but I do think it's a little bit flawed that having guy friends is basically impossible because they want something else...therein lies the question...why?
+1 y
Which by the way, I'm aware that a few of you did get and address my question. I clarified because there seemed to be a running theme.


Truly, the only person who's opinion truly matters (besides my own) is my boyfriend's. I have only eyes for him. Period. I am very taken and in love with him. So project away but I don't have any issues that cause me to depend on external opinion. I assure you I have no shortage of compliments from those who I value most on things that actually matter to me.
Why does having a boyfriend seem to decrease my value to some guys?
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