Why doesn’t my boyfriend care when other guys like me?

Question

I know it sounds selfish, but while attending uni, I’ve had a couple guys who I befriended develop feelings for me and ask me out. I’m very honest with my boyfriend and tell him about this, and all he says is “I’m okay with it, I trust you.” Now, I don’t want him to become angry or aggressive because of this, but he seems so unbothered. I’m not usually a jealous person, but I do feel a bit territorial when another girl flirts with my boyfriend (though i try to hide it as best as I can). I just wonder why my boyfriend seems so unbothered, like he couldn’t care less. It’s nice he trusts me, but I question if he really even cares or not. I guess I find it a bit attractive when a man gets a bit territorial/jealous, although I would never ever choose another man over my boyfriend. I guess it makes me feel good that he knows that.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

With out actually knowing your boyfriend and just thinking about this from a fellow man’s perspective.

I’d say it isn’t that he doesn’t care. He cares. But he also knows there is Nothing he can really do about other guys flirting and asking you out. But trust you. Trusting you is the caring option here. Guys will ask you out and flirt with you until you are old and gray. If he reacted aggressively or got upset every time it happened he’d probably give him self a heart attack. And also seem like a way over jealous toxic boyfriend, fiancé, husband. What have you. And while that sort of behavior might seem like what you want now. Eventually it would get old. Imagine it morphing into him being jealous of any male friends or co workers you have? ( the sort of behavior you seek often DOES by the way)
That’d be fun /s

In my opinion, and hate me if you want. When you tell him other guys are after you and silently hope for jealous reactions. That’s abusive. And unfair to him.

Personally I wouldn’t put up with that sort of thing. It’s like you want him to know that you have other options and are trying to keep him on edge.

Sonorous · Accepted Answer

I guess remind yourself that he's capable of being territorial & jealous. But maybe for his own mental health, he chose to not be like that anymore? And I imagine that already being in a relationship with you makes it especially easy. If he wasn't, then I imagine he'd be more competitive. So it's hard to be competitive when you don't see something as a risk.

Since it's not like those guys are touching you in innapropriate ways & you haven't expressed any attraction towards them, it seems as if your boyfriend has a very healthy way of going about things. I sure wish I was the same way. I have certain insecurities that make it hard to not be possessive. Mainly due to my general lack of trust in people. Which ofc wouldn't healthy if I were in a relationship.

KrisPW · Accepted Answer

1. You came to him and let him know. That tells him he doesn't have to worry and reinforces his trust in you.
2. He finds you attractive and realizes other guys will as well.
3. It likely gives him a sense of pride that the girl other guys want... only wants him.

NamerOfStars · Answer

Since I started coming here, I've started to think that schools should teach each gender a semester of the other's psychology; even if you don't want to date them, you'll be dealing with them quite a bit over the course of your life, and it could help avoid many unnecessary difficulties.

What you're dealing with here is one of those differences: you see his not making a fuss over it as not valuing you; he sees it as trusting you to be loyal in the face of temptation. I've been in this exact situation before: you need to realize that each of you sees it in a different way, and that you're prioritizing things based on what's expected of YOU. How you want to prioritize things and settle it all up is going to vary based on personal preference, but an open, honest discussion can help you clarify your feelings and get the reassurances you're looking for.

Anonymous · Answer

This is why women (like you) can be a damn pain in the ass. You cry and scream that "trust is the foundation and basis of all relationships", yet when a guy actually DOES trust you, you bitch about him not being jealous enough? wtf?

Of course, he cares about you, he's just not threatened by other men wanting you because he knows you won't want THEM! But that's not enough for some of you bitches - you WANT your boyfriend to be jealous in addition to trusting you, because you "think" it means he loves you MORE!! News flash - it DOESN'T mean he loves you more!! Or less!! It means he's not insecure, and, wait for it, he trusts you!

Make up your minds girls - what do you want - trust and security, or jealousy and drama? Quit sending mixed messages and figure out what you REALLY want!

PS> I'm posting this anonymously because YOU did the same.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

Because he feels secure in his relationship with you. I understand where you are coming from; you want that display of emotion as a sort of validation and excitement that he values you, but you gotta remind yourself that those emotions don't come from anywhere good.

Jaykrisss · Answer

Please don't do anything stupid. You said he cares about you. If i were in his place i would do the same because i wouldn't want my SO to think that i treat her like a posession.
Tell him what you felt and have a talk about it right now if you haven't already.

riskync559 · Answer

Like women guys r naturally jealous. Cus guy do try and snatch other guys girls. So that's the kinda of stuff guys have to deal with. I guess we don't want to loose what we have dispite Insecurity we invest a lot to time with out girlfriends and would get anyone mad if guys stare. But there are some guys that look at it like there good shit cus there girl is hot. I don't floss my girl like that. If I had one.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

He understands there's nothing he can do about it so why bother getting annoyed?  Girls are going to like him and guys are going to like you. It happens. You just have to remain with your man.

NathanDavis · Answer

you will grow up, eventually... and you'll stop thinking about this

Anonymous · Answer

Cos it's invetible that some guy eventually will and we don't have the energy to waste on pointless things that don't matter... If she likes me enough she won't go wondering off with the guy flirting with her... And if she does... I'm better off without her

mb120101 · Answer

Because he doesn’t have trust issues and that is actually very mature

Zolly99999 · Answer

I had a girlfriend once that's was so hot guys would stop their car just to look at her.. it was a big ego boost for me know that she was this hot and with me !

MrtoddsWildRide · Answer

He trust you and he is secure in himself. These are good things

Ekvark · Answer

I swear it's like there's no in-between with people

AndrésC64 · Answer

Why should he care if someone else likes you? As long as you like him, though that's all that should matter.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

You get upset if we're jealous; you get upset if we not jealous. You people need to make up your minds.

Juxtapose · Answer

If I didn't trust a woman to the point where I was worried then I would not be with her in the first place.

Jhunitor · Answer

He really trust you. There is nothing more. He expect you to reject every other men and never cheat on him.

jahaims · Answer

It's just because he trusts you and he is mature. Jealousy is immature

nawtee_me · Answer

Are you trying to justify your feeling towards him since he isn’t bothered by it and you would be if it was a girl asking him out?

Jackblue · Answer

He probably does feel jealous, but he is holding back so as not to scare you.

Iron_Man · Answer

Because he doesn’t care about you probably that much

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