Boyfriend carpooling with girl from work, should I be concerned?

[keo22]

so my boyfriend had a meeting for work yesterday. he rode with some of his guy friends there, but on the way back he rode with a girl from school he knew. he didn't bother to send a text saying what was up, he just walked through the door and said "so and so have me a ride, the guys didn't have room."

I would like to add that employees that attended the meeting got boxes of merchandise to take home after the meeting. I don't want to flip out for no reason, but I do feel like a heads up would have cleared some things up. this girl he works with... I have hung out with her once. we went to a club. but I just feel like the best way to mess with someone s man is to keep the girlfriend (me) in the dark while they flirt or whatever all night at work. please tell me if I'm tripping. they've sent some texts to eachother along the lines of "hey are you ok you look down today" and one where he asks her for some candy. she said i have some for you, nobody else.

yes

no

need more details to answer

Updates

+1 y

I have talked to him multiple times about boundaries, it gets me no where. I'm always tripping to him. but if I were to ride home with a guy all hell would break loose. I've also caught him answering sex ads on Craigslist so yeah I've got some trust issues..

[chopper1977]

The reason I said yes, is because I read all the way down to the texts you cited. Just in itself, I don't really see an issue with the carpooling. If there was an issue, like others stated, he wouldn't have even shared that with you. The texts though... flirting plain and simple. Not being ugly, but it sounds like he is lacking in common sense. Stuff like this starts out innocent, then turns into other things. Her texts are inappropriate if he's in a committed relationship. It's not just your boyfriend, hell my husband was ignorant to it as well. Married woman at his job texting him while he is at home about work-related stuff... texting him one time asking how his vasectomy surgery went? Come on lady. Of course he don't see an issue with his... really? Want a male co-worker texting me in my off-hours asking me how my pap-smear and mammogram went? Men are just oblivious to common sense about what's appropriate and what's not. Participating is down right disrespectful... and you know, females are just as bad. Anyhow, men LOVE any female that pays them attention... it doesn't matter their looks, status, or anything. So this woman at his job innocently flirting... yep, he's going all crazy about it and he doesn't even know it.

[keo22]

thank you! I know it sounds crazy written all out like that, but I agree with you 100%. there's just so much history of innapporporiate incidents that he doesn't see as innappropriate.

he came home once and told me the bosses were investigating the warehouse because people were caught in the bathroom messing around. he's told me about some of his co workers messing around on their spouse up there. and the texts with the girl.. and I don't really know what they talk about or do over night. if she wants to be friends with us, she needs to be contacting me. she doesn't need to be setting my man apart from all those other men up there

and since you get it. I'll add... a few years ago he had another friend that he was close to in school and we had all went out, she brought her boyfriend and everything was alright. Maybe like a week afterwards I went through his phone and he was texting her about how he wanted to steal her away from one of his best friends

[keo22]

that she was dating at the time. And that I was just not a pornstar like himself and her. Basically whining about our sex life. I don't care what anyone else says I know that it is not okay.

[mitz86]

The sex ads is a concern. For now the coworker isn't a big deal yet... If they start hanging out without u. Yes its a problem then. Keep ur friends close and enemies closer... Be her friend. Dont try to ruin things before hand. Find out if she has a love interest that isn't ur boyfriend. Other than that. Let your boyfriend know this bothers u. If he changes then he's doing an effort. If he doesn't then be concerned...

[cflr0227]

If he is the type of guy that answers sex adds than you should leave him period, but just because some people think your overreacting about a ride it doesn't matter because all relationships have different boundries, if you have talked to him and he disregards your feelings and keeps doing it that's called disrespect and that to me is a relationship ender

[Anonymous]

''I'm always tripping to him.''

''I don't want to flip out...''

'' he rode with a girl from school he knew. he didn't bother to send a text saying what was up''

He sounds like he's potentially emotionally disloyal, and you sound like you are dysfunctional, possessive, and unsure of yourself. Nothing sets you apart from other girls so you feel afraid he will leave you for another.

''I have talked to him multiple times about boundaries''

Talking about boundaries without enforcing them, or taking action if someone crosses the line, is like complaining about a stinky toilet but never flushing it.

[ZanyInternetName]

"Hey, he is having normal social interactions with other human beings and doesn't tell me because he assumes I'm a functioning person and not a paranoid freak. That son of a bitch must be up to something."

Now, the sex advert thing I think may be quite concerning, but the carpooling? Nah.

[keo22]

lmao okay. point proven. I can be a bit much

[DeterMind]

If he was hiding something he wouldn't of said he got a ride from her. Nothing to be worried about, he needed a ride and she was willing to give him one

[boggboss]

I think you are tripping a bit but that u are u must have ur reason I personally wouldn't feel the need for a heads up but that's because I see it as nothing a ride in a car with a person gender don't matter

[boggboss]

Well is issues for reason just cos someone is of the oppersit gender don't mean it should be a issue

[Girly1710]

That would make me concerned but I'm also one of those people who always has to consider the worst case scenario. The fact that he told you is probably a good sign that he's not hiding stuff.

[Logorithim]

Talk to him, let him know your concerns and set boundaries/expectations for this. It's probably harmless, though.

[Milandoingthings]

Exactly!

[Logorithim]

OK, in response to your update, I'd say you have reason not to trust him. It's time to think about whether you can tolerate what he does, and if you can't, you need to cut him loose since he doesn't seem to care. That bit about answering sex ads is completely unacceptable.

[Anonymous]

This made me kinda sad. Your boyfriend shouldn't be having fun with other females. This turns you into "the woman he goes home to" vs the fun chicks he talks with out there. I went through this and it made me feel so low. I hope things get better between you two. You might have to do something about it.

[samhradh_leannan]

It wasn't wrong for him to get a ride with a female coworker. At all.

However, some of the content of the texts, combined with your past failed attempts to discuss boundaries with him, seem a bit concerning.

[CallMeMissT]

I’d say you should be concerned about your relationship not just this scenario. Seems like there’s a few underlying issues

[hammeronfire]

you and a lot of the women who answered this are sooooooo over reacting. what exactly are they gonna do in a car on their way to work.
besides you always trippin on him is just gonna drive you crazy and push him away. take a breath and really think about how you would feel if he were mad that you were getting a ride to work with one of your guy friends

[SarahsSummer]

Car pooling with guys or girls to the same place seems fine to me but You say he goes to work with guys but comes home with a girl from school. does she drive to his work to pick him up? That seems odd.

[howlyz]

those texts where they talk about candy as some internal joke only they understand is something you should think about, really... like what could that mean

[keo22]

oh believe me, I have lol

[Trish123]

I think you should do the same stuff to him, that he does to you. I bet he wouldn’t like it.

[Anonymous]

Funny I had to miss work the other day cuz the only person who could give me a ride was a guy and his girlfriend was acting jealous. Get over your insecurities or find a new man.

[keo22]

lol it's not his girlfriends fault. find another ride. I would ask a man in a relationship to take me anywhere. but of course, different strokes for different folks.

[Opinion Owner]

It’s not anyone’s fault per say but it makes her look ridiculous. If you can’t trust your man in a car with a female then wtf are you doing in a relationship. That’s just immature.

[chopper1977]

I get what you are saying, and if my husband mentioned once to give a female coworker a ride I wouldn't see any issue with it... BUT, even more than once, SORRY!!! Just saying.

[keo22]

I can't even argue with that. I probably am being immature trying to love someone who isn't necessarily loyal. I'm young, we all live and learn. The car pulling thing wasn't necessarily an issue, it was more so his history of interacting with the so-called friends. If he wasn't such a flirt and wasn't addicted to sex I probably would have a different perspective

[cbicsurfs]

Why the h*ll are younstill with this cheater. Its a no brainer lady!

[2opaz]

he's banging her

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[Othrys]

He doesn't need to send you a message just to tell you that someone else is giving him a lift home and he told you about it when he got home.

[keo22]

he didn't tell me beforehand because he didn't want to hear my reaction.

[Othrys]

I don't want to be rude but you sound like a bit of a control freak. He doesn't need to asked permission for his every move.
Why were you checking his messages.

[keo22]

it's not rude. I do have those tendencies. also, I haven't even brought it up to him that it even bothered me... I don't want to fight with him. I just want to know why it would absolutely not be okay if I caught a ride from another man that I worked with, but it's okay that he does that kind of thing. if you read one on my responses from above, you'll know why I check his phone. it's the only way I find out about they sketchy things he does.

[Othrys]

Mabey you shouldn't be with him if you can't trust him or be open with him and I understand now I thought you were checking his phone before this happen.

[Smegskull]

If you had anything to worry about he wouldn't have told you she gave him a lift.

[butterflyflyaway]

She might be into him

[pinkfoxla]

keep an eye on him ! thats how it all starts

[sbj78]

Yes, they're flirting