Can I ever trust again or did she ruin me forever?

[Anonymous]

Was with my ex for 8 years. Everything was great. I loved her deeply. She was my best friend, my lover, and I thought my soul mate. We hung out daily. Lived together. The sex was incredible. Made her come every time if not twice. I was about to ask her to marry me. She had been going over to her cousin's a lot. I trusted her, plus it's her cousin. Well, she came home a few weeks ago and told me she no longer loved me. Said she was in love with her cousin. That she had always loved him since they were little but thought they could never be together. Since then I've been sleeping on a buddies couch. How do you know someone for 8 years and get blind sided like this? I feel like I'll never be able to put myself out there like that again. Has anyone ever over come sh*t like this? Or just been dumped from a long relationship? If so, do you ever really love again? Because I don't think I could trust a girl again. I feel like she's turned me into one of those overbearing assholes that doesn't trust his girl. I mean think about it. If I ever date again and she says she is going to stay with some family, I'll be the only guy on earth worried about that now. She'd be like "it's family, not like I'd f*** family." And I'd be like "maybe" So honestly, am I f***ed for life? I feel like it.

[jefferson]

Life lesson man. You can never trust a woman fully. When they know you do, they either do things or they lose interest, or both. Most women are fickle, easily manipulated, and context sensitive. Yes context sensitive, you see, their decisions are based on this gut feeling, if it feels good do it, key word is feels good, ( Not sexually pervert) little if anything else matters when it comes to this feeling. Loyalty is a character trait that is utterly incomprehensible to most women, I mean I'm sure they know the definition, but they don't feel it. But, of course your mad at your dog for leaving a steaming pile of sh*t on your carpet (which stains most of the time), but you don't hate it. No hating it wouldn't make sense, the dog can't help it. It doesn't know its done anything wrong until it sees the look on your face. at the time it felt so right. And just like this Strawsonian dog, your woman will realize her mistake, hopefully for your sake, much too late. When I was dealing with something similar, minus the incest, man that's f***ed, I tried to understand, it is futile I might add. My friend gave me a glimpse into a womans mind which didn't help me understand but helped me sympathize. You see women are utterly incapable of introspection, because introspection combined with being emotional would literally and utterly consume them with guilt. You can't expect people to do the right thing, the only question is when they come around do you forgive them.

[CaramelCoatedBuffalo]

Bravo, I applaud your cynicism and sadly that's how it is a majority of the time...

[Stutz09869]

That situation sounds like a complete bitch. But honestly you may want to consider other options. Men and women alike find someone who is wrong for them, sometimes it just isn't in the cards and that fact just blows a fat ween, but it's true.

There's no reason not to trust again, why would you ever want to do that? You'll never find someone you can truly love if you don't trust. But it will still take some time to get over this issue, then eventually you will be able to make a conscious decision as to whether you will trust again (you should probably choose 'yes').

IF YOU WANT TO STAY WITH HER, I'd say you probably won't ever trust her again... Even if you choose to trust her. On a subconscious level you won't trust her truly for many, many years, if at all. That will drag out and eventually ruin the relationship in-and-of itself.

Sorry, man :'(.

[Asker]

Thanks for the answer. It was good. Yeah, I've come to the realization that me and her can never be together again. I've talked to her a couple times and she's tried to patch things up but I know it's over. Hopefully I will choose "yes" when the time comes to trust again. But I just don't know if I can put myself out there like that again. She hurt me bad. I know I can be loyal to a woman. And have a relationship. But I just don't know if I'll ever truelly let one into my heart again.

[Simplyinlove]

Awww I'm so sorry that happened. I know you must feel heart broken.. My longest was a year so I don't know exactly how hard it mist be for you but I do have advice fpr you sweetie. OK you have to look at it like this ... yES you can trust again because every girl is not the same. That's one thong you have to remember. Some girls hearts are bigger and just simply care with a lot of emotion and hearts. Some girls know that guys have hearts too! Hymmm like example..my boyfriend I'm with now has a hard time of trusting me too.. Its not the fact of me but he said its the past that he has a hard time with.. All I told him was that I'm the girl who won't brake your heart like that because I know how it feels when some one does... But do realize that all the other girls out there are different and not exactly like your ex..! I hope that helped ou and again I'm sorry.let me know how it goes!:)

[NoordiN]

i never trust women
be careful bro

[Juliana777]

:S I'm sorry for what happened to you...well your situation is very difficult and painful, but I think it's possible to recover and trust again, just give it time...

I also had my heart broken =/, my ex boyfriend of 4 years cheated on me, and it made me feel that ALL men are jerks and I would be single forever and could never trust on someone else again, but I'm feeling better now...the pain goes away with time...it seems like it wont, but its actually the opposite...you will be surprised in a good way (feeling better) in few months... :) well, wish you to feel better soon!

[Asker]

Thank you. I'm glad to hear you're doing better. Hope that I can move on as well as you.

[LoveLee07]

You may feel like it, but you're not. She did the wrong doing, not you. In my opinion, she was using you as a crutch so no one would notice her real self. It may take awhile to get through this hard time you're having but it's not over for you.

[Asker]

Thanks. It's been a while. 9 months...holy sh*t. I'm doing a lot better now. Had a rebound relationship already lol. Not proud, but it happens. It wasn't the same and ended mutually. But at least I'm back on my feet. Can't say that I'm same, nor can I say if I'll trust again. But I can say that life goes on. And you know what, despite the lack of regular sex, cuddling, and love, being single isn't all that bad lol. I'm hopeful for the future though and that's all that matters.

[idontunderstand]

the whole orgasim thing doesn't matter, girls fake it ALL the time. I just have to ask are they blood cousins?

[Asker]

I know the orgasm thing doesn't matter to some but as a man I felt secure in the fact that I didn't think she would cheat on me since I could handle myself in the sack. I figured that if a man pleased a woman(not just sexually) there would be no reason to cheat. I didn't take into account that she might just not love me as much as I loved her. I mean after 8 years, come on. But yes, they're f***ing 1st cousins.

[Anonymous]

thats a tough blow. I could only imagine what your going through. what does her family think about this new relationship she is in?

[Asker]

That's the f***ed up part. She didn't want me to tell anyone but after 8 years I'm pretty good friends with her parents and was actually concerned for her mental health. So I told them, and they are just like "what can we do?" They don't seem to mind a bit. They feel bad for me because they liked me, but they seem to be as f***ing crazy as she is.

[Opinion Owner]

They are fine with it!? that's crazy man. the best thing to do is get far away from that family. I hate to say this but just be glad she didn't bring you on jerry springer or something. but all kidding aside, there are better girls out there. she broke your heart and maybe try and think of it as that your glad your not with her anymore. 8 years your going to miss her for sure but man she sounds screwed up. I'm sorry you had to go through that man. that's a tough situation

[Asker]

Thanks man. Dig the advice. That's what my family has been telling me. Jerry Springer LOL, I think I would have killed her. I appreciate the chat. Thanks

[Opinion Owner]

No problem man. anytime. focus on you for now and good luck with everything!