Whats "bad timing" for a relationship really mean?

[Anonymous]

Me and the guy I've been seeing for 9 months, had a talk about where this is going. He's met my fam, I haven't met his yet, I've talked to his mother on the phone etc, but he told me its bad timing for us to be serious. He said he wants to be together, he thinks we'd be good together, that he wouldn't talk to me if he didn't like me & he wouldn't lead me on. We don't see each other much (which bothers me) We do not have s*x..we've only hugged & kissed, so I know that's not what's he is interested in, as he's never tried to either. He tells me I'm different & he's never met a girl like me,or had so much in common. He ended a long time relationship a few months before we met 9 months ago. It ended badly So I don't know if that's the issue. I'm just confused about what "bad timing" means. He's not getting "ANYTHING", except mostly talking on the phone & hanging out occasionally. I just don't want to wait & then he decides I'm not what he wants. Can "bad timing" really be bad timing or is this usually code for something else?

[PhatPat]

Wow! Well it seems like everything is moving SUPER slow for someone in our age group girl :(. How frustrating!

Bottom line here...this is so rare a situation, I think you just need to be straight out with him. No body can truly answer what his "bad timing" means but HIM. It's his life that he hasn't really brought you into so only he knows exactly why. You deserve to know where you stand with him because up until now, it sounds like although he's been nice, you've only gotten crumbs. And that's just not good enough after 9 months you know?

I say, approach him. Make sure you're not emotionally fueled. Make sure that you don't use accusatory or "you" language; let him know you just need to open a true line of communication between you guys. As him to define to you what "bad timing" means so that you can better understand where he's coming from and what you should expect out of what you guys have. it's only fair sweetie. Good luck :)

[Asker]

Thank you very much for your advice. I will def try to fig out what is going on & talk to him..lately he's gotten better at talkin about things so maybe we can fig this out.Its hard because I was in a relationship for 5 years, that ended bad. It was almost the exact same thing but worse (we were physical, basically lived together,but he didn't callme his g/f...makes no sense I know..he was my first, so I didn't know any better) I do now, and I refuse to let anyone do this to me or let myself do this

[imfierceyessir]

omg I'm going trough the same thing kinda..mines in the army and he wants to be oficiall but he's like we need to take it slow..its been 8 months and I don't see him often either,and we havnt had sex only kissed..

[Asker]

It sucks!! Especially when you really like the person..I wish you luck and hope you too can figure things out.

[imfierceyessir]

I know right

hes all like I want to be with you but not right now

and he's so perfekt but so hot and cold at the same time...

and at the moment I don't know if his even interested or playing me :(

[Asker]

Hot and COLD! that's the exact term I use!! he sounds exactly like my guy..i think he's interested...especially since your NOT having sex..i don't think guys invest time if they don't really like us or aren't interested..I hate this waiting game. Sometimes its just "prolonging a heartache"...ps I like ya screename =)

[imfierceyessir]

Hehe thanks

but ye I guess my advice for guys like that is

move on and if they come after you

you know they want you

mine gets very jealous when I talk about other guys so

im always thinking hm does he like me?

[basilleaf]

It could be the past relationship.

I ended mine 10 months ago and still the thought of a relationship fills me with panic.

[Asker]

Im wondering if that is part of the problem. I guess I have to ask him. I know they were on and off for a very long time, and she recently popped up at his house, and calls him and his mother all the time..shes not trying to give up. Which I understand that's not his fault. And ill understand if that's why its "bad timing". I guess I just don't want to hang around to be hurt in the end. Thanx for your answer =)