Why does my husband keep comparing me physically to his ex-girlfriends?

[Tayshia]

We have been married almost eight months and ever since we've been together he has always CONSISTENTLY compared me to his exes and sometimes even pornstars? He's compares things like my boobs, private area, weight, thighs and booty with other women. I told him on about seven occasions that I don't like it because I feel like he's trying to bring me down and humiliate me. And he keeps doing it! Everytime he talks about anything on my body somehow his exe's breasts or bodies ALWAYS come up it's like inevitable. Everything he compares me to is PURELY physical never on a mental level. He's said a lot of things that I think I will never forget. Here are some examples. " I want to get you pregnant so you can pick up some weight." "Oh your getting thick I love it I must be doing something right." "You are the smallest woman I've ever seen." "But your perfect I love you just the way you are and I'm not trying to compare you." "Your breasts are so small and petite compared to my exes and other women I've seen but I like yours better." "You are the smallest women I've been with my exes had a slim waist big breasts, hips and thighs." Which doesn't make sense to me because I wear a 36D which I think is pretty average and I'm 5ft4 and 146 pounds I just have a very toned body due to me doing sports growing up. "My exes breasts were the size of watermelons shaped like circles and yours are perkier shaped like a pear and the size of cantaloupes." "There breasts would sit up more than yours and go to their chin in a bra but hang down real low and would stuff my face in them it was too much." "Your breasts are not really small I prefer to call them small because I consider anything below a 40DD small." " I couldn't grab their breasts with my hands like I could grab yours." He says he's attracted me and that he loves my body so much better so why is he ALWAYS comparing and showing me he's interested but not that interested. I've never had this issue with any other guy ever.

[SkyeMind]

This is one of those behaviors that creeps up on us. When it comes in the dating phase, we don't think much of it. He said you were smaller and in that sense, you probably took it as a compliment. We have the selective hearing and we judge things differently. The more information we get about a behavior though, the picture gets clearer. And here you are. He hasn't changed his behavior, you are on the hand waking up.

I had the same thing happening to my children's dad. When I looked back, I could see his opinion hadn't changed, it was there all along; I just never heard it the same. I walked.

The behavior - even if it's been there from the start - is unacceptable. And after asking for change, he doesn't do it. He still compares you and I find his comments unnecessary. He has no real point in bringing them up. He could just as well say "I love your breasts shaped like a pear and the size of cantaloupes" without saying anything about the ex's watermelons, but he doesn't - and that is a hurtful and disrespectful demeanor. It's a power play.

I would sit down and talk about it. Explaining it clearly. You have to grab things head on. He might need examples of behavior that is acceptable to you. He might need ways of understanding WHY it isn't acceptable. Be prepared with as much information about this as possible. It could be that he doesn't know the consequences of his comments or the effect they have on you. Clarify this.
It could be that he doesn't have the understanding - then make him try.

It could also be that he doesn't want to change it, that this is how he wants to go about, and then you have to make sure you know what you want. It's ok to say it is not ok. Stick by your worth if he can't. He's supposed to. He's your husband.
His behavior isn't Love to me. He doesn't make you feel loved. You're not safe and proud of what you have together. And he isn't either, it seems.

If talking won't do it, therapy might. And when you've tried all you can/said all you can/done all you can to get your respect in your marriage - and it doesn't change; you shouldn't stay.

<3

[SkyeMind]

Thank you for the MHO, deary. How has it progressed for you though? Are you ok?

[Kyren]

I really have to ask why he keeps comparing you to them like this in the first place. If you've asked kindly for him to stop comparing and he still does this, he's not respecting your wishes; that he'll only love you more if you changed your body to become thicker like his exes were. It just feels like he's a shallow person in a sense for wanting to change you like that; that he constantly needs to remind you until he gets what he wants. Just tell him that you'd appreciate it if he didn't keep bringing up the topic so much because it makes you feel uncomfortable. If he continues without listening, it may be time to reconsider your relationship with him and have a serious discussion with him of what to do next. He's your husband! You both deserve a happy relationship together and this kind of behavior from him is unacceptable.

[markscott]

If he an idiot? Understanding Women 101, says to never compare your wife for girlfriend to past girls you have known. I don't think you, or any one else, will ever please him. Don't change your body for him. If you want to change your body, do it for yourself.

[NaomiTT]

This would really really annoy me and also make me feel insecure with my body. I'd have to have a very serious talk with him about it and it really needs to stop. My boyfriend used to do the same, saying his preference is actually darkskinned girls knowing I'm lightskinned - I started to feel insecure about it but I pulled him up after a couple of times and he stopped but I still have that in the back of my mind. It's not healthy for you and he should respect your wishes.. Especially as you're married too.

[johnmichaei]

Cardinal sins you cannot compare one woman to another woman and tell her about it why you doing it I can promise you that's big enough for me I would love them to death 3/43/6 don't let me like a 3/2 too I was raised in the South one of the first things they're not talk to one woman about another woman in the comparison of either woman really I don't know why some of this generation didn't pick up some of that and feed it back to the kids

[Brewmaster531]

He gets pleasure out of you showing you're insecurities. Makes him feel better about himself. It's somehow entertaining for him.

[Desconhecida]

Yikes!! Kick his ass
Better yet.. give him the same courtesy. Say his dick is smaller compared to your ex boyfriend 🤣👿😈

[MadeInAmerica]

Kinda hard to stop his behavior since he been doing it your whole relationship and you've only told him off 8 times and he never took you seriously and continues to do it.

[madgoat]

Disrespectful. He seems to want you to look a certain way and is nagging you until you do.

[4nication]

I like your hair. It sounds like he is a very visual person. I think if you are happy with the way you look, that is the most important.

[TripleAce]

Well you really know how to pick the good ones huh 😛

[Tayshia]

Yeah I guess so

[TripleAce]

Honestly i told her i didn't like
It and she didn't stop. Id see that as a lack of respect and would reconsider our relationship

Like if it doesn't really bother me that much fine. But if its something that really gets under my skin. Id expect her to stop. 100%

Now only you know how much it bothers you?

[TripleAce]

Well thats why you get married after sometime so these exacty things show up BEFORE you get married lol

[Anonymous]

It's because she's the one that got away and he's trying to see if you're a quality enough replacement, or he has to find a new one.

[Anonymous]

23 and married, yikes

umm, if he's still talking about his ex's, he's not over them. guys don't talk about their exs, if they're over them

[aialex]

Why did you say 'yes' when he proposed?

[klumpii-v]

Sounds like an ass