Guys, is it normal to go a day without texting your girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

I just would like some opinions. Do you ever actually just not feel like talking to your girlfriend or anything like that?

yesterday I decided to not message my boyfriend first, but although he was active on all his social media lots that day he didn’t bother to shoot me a text. So I texted him at maybe 11:30 saying that I hope he had a good day, and goodnight. He replied an hour later that it’s okay and goodnight to me to.

i knew for a fact he was busy at his work, and he was busy with this small business he owns with his father where they have hand crafted wooden objects so he gets preoccupied with that lots.

but would there be a reason why you didn’t text your girlfriend for the whole day even though you were on your phone lots? I understand he was busy but it takes like 30 seconds to send a text and I’m confused because This is the first time this happened.

[ManFrom1982]

... "It takes 30 seconds to send one text, but when is the last time a woman was seriously okay with just one text when she's wanting contact?"

That right there is what my brain thought when I read all of your question. So my answer is that when we're preoccupied or busy, yes men do put off talking to our women because we don't feel like we can give you the attention you want/deserve. As we get older and more experienced, of course, we learn to still keep up contact with things like "Can't talk now, but wanted you to know I'm thinking of you." in a text. Especially if he's still in his early twenties, I wouldn't assume something is "wrong", but it might be worth negotiating with him for something like "If you will send me a text when you're busy, and say you're busy in it, then I promise I won't text back because I know it makes you feel obligated to hold a conversation. But will you then at least text me every so often so I know you're still thinking about me, about us? Can you manage 3 a day even when you're busy?" I think most guys would be impressed with a girl that took this approach, especially if she gives him a measurable number where he knows that you will give him "good boyfriend" status if he keeps his score up to par. (just know that the first time you didn't keep up your end if that bargain it will do damage and he'll clam up with the texts again). Relationships are about working together to meet each other's needs, about negotiation.

[Asker]

This is amazing advice, thank you! So you think I should just give him the space he needs while he’s doing what he needs to do? He hasn’t told me anything specific, this is actually the first time he intentionally didn’t message me. I’m just scared is all, I have this fear that he’s losing interest and it’s all I can pray isn’t happening

[ManFrom1982]

So first, try and get a hold on your fear. I know it's hard because relationships make you vulnerable. Second, I wouldn't just "give him space" as in not talk to him about it, but yes do be understanding of the demands of his work. I would look at this as an opportunity to start a pattern of negotiating for your needs with a willingness to compromise. It gives you a chance to show you're a reasonable girlfriend, who cares about him as well as what she wants, and it does so more than just staying quiet. Showing understanding by being silent is like showing skin in the dark. He won't see what you're doing for him and it may lead to misunderstandings.

[Omaewamo]

I have a hard time with this, even with friends. It's actually very important NOT to talk so much. It outs a higher value on when you DO talk. And makes the relationship that much more special. I still struggle with NOT messagign so much, but It's just my personality to be very social with people I like. But it really depends on how long into the relationship you are. You should take a break every now and then to spend time with friends. It shows your significant other that you don't NEED them, but that you WANT them.

[Asker]

Well we have been going out for over 6 months now, and yesterday I did spend some time with my friends and I told him this the day before what my plans were so maybe he knew and didn’t want to bug me? Still it’s strange, he was at work to and was busy wth his small business he owns but he was still posting on social media and such. If e has time for that doesn’t he have time for me?

[Omaewamo]

Message me

[Omaewamo]

I just realized I can't send or recieve pm's rn. Stupid system of levels.
I'll send my response in parts, k?

[Omaewamo]

It's not that he doesn't have time for you. He could just want some time for himself. It's good to have a life outside just you and him, because again, it shows you don't NEED each other, but that you truly WANT each other. Because if you guys wanted, yeah, you could hang out all the time. But that line can blur after you spend so much tim etogether. It seems to me that you're at the transition point in your relationship, where things can get even more intimate. Talk to him about this. Try and write it down beforehand if it really bothers you, that way you don't upset him, and he doesn't upset you.
Every guy loves affection... but some like it in different doses. Some like it all at once regularly, some enjoy it in small doses over time.

[Omaewamo]

Then there are guys like me, who want to hang out all the time and be best friends practically joined at the hip.
I personally like it to be gradual and lead into that..
What I'm getting at is, you need to start talking to each other ABOUT your relationship, and what you want from each other, and where you want it to go.

[Omaewamo]

But the thing is, you're young... you won't be able to talk about these things if you tried. It's still way to early for you to be thinking about any of this seriously. Go with the flow. Relaaaax. Take your time and see where these things take you. He's younger than you, and is still growing, so for all you know, he can just suddenly change his mind and lose interest later on. It happens at that age.
Take your time and treasure the moments you DO have together. And try to find other things outside of your relationship with him he enjoys fortnite and video games? Maybe get some video games yourself. Or find a show you like. Or pick up an old hobby, or get a new one. Find something to occupy your time more, and stay off your phone. I guarantee you will be happier and more relaxed when you do. There are TONS of guys out there. He's not the only one around.😂

[Asker]

You’re so right, like we don’t spend as much time together as we used to but I feel like when we do now it’s all special. I love to give him affection in person, but over text is a little bit of a different story, I think he’s never really been much of a tester, at the beginning of our relationship yeah he was but like that’s gradually died off and we’ve been together 6 months now. We both of course have lives outside each other, and as much as I hate to admit it I just want to talk to him lots again. Texting is the only way we can make plans etc. but your point, we don’t exactly talk about our relationship and our feelings. We had a lull in our relationship and took some time apart for a weekend, but apparently he missed me lots and realize she loves me more than he thought. But that’s starting to happen again, we’re starting to distance and I’m not sure what to do

[Omaewamo]

What you should do is stop texting and start meeting more in person. Even better, from now on, when you want to meet with him... call him. Hear his voice. It feels better. Let that want to talk to him over text build so that every time you meet in person feels even more special. Even if it's every day. Just stay off your phone. Cuz the phone is just a tool. You can make a connection over he phone, sure, but the important stuff is what happens off of it. It is the ship that connects you to others... but that's all it is. If you stay on the ship, you cannot meet the people outside. Cuz no one is gonna just talk to you from the shore. They want to see you. But it's hard putting a phone a way, I know. But it's a good skill to have. Stop texting him, and call him. Meet him in person more. If you are having a hard time bringing up these subjects with him, tell me. I'm more than willing to help out more.😊

[MaryAnn210]

Sometimes we need space... Or we are not in the best mood to talk, not even with our loved ones... But if it makes you feel bad you should tell him. See what he has to say

[Asker]

I understand that, I know he might just not feel like talking but I still just have this crushing fear that he’s losinf interest or something and won’t tell me.

[MaryAnn210]

Look... Maybe its just a bad day for him and he is just tired and doesn't want to talk, or maybe is true and he is being a dick to you... Anyway you are not doing any good by imagining the worst possible escenario. Talk to him and you will have nothing to be afraid of, the only thing thats scaring you are your own thoughs... And remember, a good relationship is the one that makes u feel good, not the one that makes u insecure or scared

[ChronicThinker]

Yeah, sometimes my man is just too goddamn busy. Who cares?

[Asker]

Omg I understand that perfectly, but it still takes 30 seconds to send a text especially when he uses his phone before bed I know he isn’t busy. I’m definitely not saying he’s entitled to text me all day, but I just like to know he’s thinking of me

[ChronicThinker]

He's likely just too wrapped up, men tend to hyper-focus on their tasks and don't place the same value in a text as we do.

[Trollfather]

I agree it's not that hard to send a single text every day or 2.

[ecfresh]

Going to mention a few things and if they are obvious (you already know) or already have been mentioned just ignore them. In no particular order:

1. Guys don't have the superpower that women do. Women can think about multiple things at once and it allows them to better multitask. They can be at work while thinking about their SO and wondering if they need to pick up food for dinner at the same time. This is unbelievable for a guy, because we are single focused. When we are at work our minds are on one thing at a time. Get whatever project we are working on done and move onto the next one. That means that we do not intestinally ignore our SO while at work, we just may not think about them every hour.

2. Guys need less frequent communication when it comes to feelings. If you tell a guy at the beginning of the week that you love him and then don't bring it up again until the weekend, unless something major changes we still believe you love us. However women prefer more frequent reassuring communication when it comes to feelings. Daily reminders are often minimal for women to feel secure in their relationship. Not all guys know this by instinct and must be informed. If at a minimum you want your SO to communicate and tell you how he feels about you, you need to ask him and keep reminding him its something you need. Being able to honestly ask for things in a relationship is a sign of a successful mature relationship.

3. You must feel confident. He chooses to be with you and even after 6 months he isn't going anywhere. Honestly a few of your responses below came off as being needy, insecure, and fearful if you don't talk daily he will leave you. You need to spend some time working on your self esteem and realize that you are an amazing woman and he is lucky to be with you. If you continue to feel fearful that he will leave then you may push him away based on your neediness and how you are expressing your fear. Did you know upwards of 50% of all women fear they will be homeless in their lifetime (http://articles. latimes. com/2013/mar/27/business/la-fi-mo-bag-lady-20130326)? Realize you are not alone to fear being alone, but make sure you overcome your fear and learn to believe in yourself.

4. We are all individuals. Yes even in a relationship we need space and that space often generates a longing to see your SO again (as you said with the weekend apart). So even if he was on social media he was acting as an individual, just as you decided not to text him.

[Asker]

All these things are true, I’m starting to think maybe he’s just got things going on. He’s the kind of guy that will have his phone in his pocket while out shopping with his mom but still won’t really check it. I’ve been there with him and he doesn’t really check it although it’s right there. And maybe he’s just been busy and doesn’t feel like talking to anyone at all, or he has a friends over I don’t know there could be so many things. Right now I replied to his message from last night about 2 hours ago and he still hasn’t messaged back although he’s been on his other social media besides the one we mainly text on. Is this also cause for concern?

[ecfresh]

No cause for concern. Unlike the phone, texting is a form of communication that isn't time based. You don't know what the other person is doing so you send a text and cannot judge based on response time anything. They will read your text and respond whenever. Like you said, texting should primarily be used to make future plans and for checking in.

That being said I would suggest you offer up a carrot in terms of motivation. One of the fun parts of text when in a relationship is the flirting.. If you feel good about yourself and want to help him feel good you could flirt a bit and tell him what you want to do with him sexually next time you spend quality time together. Not recommending you do this all the time but if you mix it in with other texting it may cause him to check his phone more often and be more excited about texting with you.

Also I hope at 6 months you are making plans at least 3 months out. Planning a trip or a weekend together as a vacation helps ignite excitement.

[DemCheeks]

In my own opinion, I find asking how someones day went every single day removes some of the sincerity from the question and becomes more routine. Don't get me wrong, I want to know if anything bad or good happened, but other than that, most days tend to be rather mild.

If I see my S. O. is in a different mood than normal, then I'll ask them how their day was because I'm actually curious and will listen/be more into what their saying.

If he usually always texts/messages you every day, and he feels more distant, next time you see him in person, ask him how work/whatever he was doing was. Instead of asking why he didn't message you all day, which can give off the feeling of control/paranoia

[DemCheeks]

I quite often don't message my girlfriend for a whole day, either I'm busy or I know we'll catch up in person.

[Asker]

This all makes perfect sense, and I know some people do need space and such for each other but this is the first time he’s intentionally not texted me. We did take a small leave of absence from each other one weekend because we felt things were getting distant, and he said he missed me the whole time. But he still can message me anytime, I’m just worried he won't

[DemCheeks]

Take him on a date, dinner then a walk in a park or somethong conversatonal, maybe if there is something wrong for him, he may voice it, or if you feel he's being distant during the dinner, you can confront him about it or express your emotions about it, something maybe like "I felt _____ when you didn't text/message me the other day."

[Drakeula]

How long has the relationship been going? It's also all dependent on the person. When I was with my ex for the first 2 years. We kept that type of contact somewhat casual, gave eachother space but still not too much where it seemed like neither one of us cared. However, after 6 years and all the stuff I went through with her, there are several things that I will make sure to and not to do. Texting, keeping communication will be number 1 priority for me, not to the point of seeming klingy, but never take anything for granted. But as stated before, it is all dependent on the person, if it bothers you, be vocal about it. Communication is the key, I promise you

[Asker]

That’s true that’s all so true, and we’ve been in a relationship for just over 6 months now. I feel like the honeymoon stage has worn off and we’re comfortable, but this is fairly new. I guess he’s the type of person who has always been this way? Except for when we first began dating, but the excitement has definitely died down and maybe we’re just losing interest in each other I don’t know. Maybe I’ll voice this to him if I ever see him again, the only way we can ha hour is initiating it through texts most of the time

[Drakeula]

Well if you're not feeling it anymore. Then maybe it just isn't meant to be you know? It sucks I know. But if you're honestly not feeling it yourself, then it is better for the both of you if you two talk about that. Maybe talking with him will help bring back the spark, and if not, then maybe itll help you realize, it isn't what you really want? It's hard to say and I dont want to suggest doing the wrong thing. But like I said, communication and go with your heart. But if you feel like he's not into it anymore, then you need to step up if he doesn't and stop it for your sake.

[Zenurus]

For me it is. Yea it's awesome and important to give your partner or anyone close to you attention - but it isn't right to expect people to be in symbiosis with you.
Sometimes people need space. It's equally important to give em that space. It's a balance between understanding and respect in my honest opinion.

[Asker]

Yeah that’s all so true, do you suggest I just ask him what he wants for now? If he comes straight out and tells me that would be great, but he tends to beat around the bush when I ask him about anything. He sucks at communicating feelings and things

[Zenurus]

Well ask about it from yourself. How much does it bother you, what do you want for yourself in the future, etc.
For it to be more softer for your boyfriend, first ask yourself about the bigger picture, and then your boyfriend about the one day silence. Just make sure you're not blaming him, or judging the fact if he needs that time for himself.

[INTROVERTED]

Depends on how long you've been in a relation with him, over time passes it happens.. Happened with me as well I used to send so many lengthy texts to my girlfriend when we had only just begun but later when I got a good grip on her and knew that everything was going the correct way and that she's not gonna dump me now.. after a year I too started decreasing the amount of msgs I used to send eventually leading to not sending any message throughout the day only a little chat before sleeping is enough now and she understands that as well. by the way mine is a long distance relationship and texts are the only way of communication but still we go a full week without talking and it's not affecting our relationship anyway we are rather exited for the weekend nights to tell what happened throughout the week. In all it's alright sometimes not talking much or texting is not that much of a problem. Hope it helps❤

[Mac4kayla]

Maybe he's just not big on communication. My boyfriend texts me almost all day every day even if he's working. I guess that's also because I don't get to see him everyday because he works out of town for 3 days the he comes back. Then again my boyfriend rarely goes on social media, once in a while he checks Instagram to see if I posted anything but usually it's like once a week he checks it. He's always on redit and he likes to send me links and to cute puppy or kitty videos and we send each other weird pictures to laugh about. I guess we've always just texted everyday and it never takes too long for him to text back.

[fierce1]

With my boyfriend, he at least tries to send me a few texts a day and right now I know he is super busy with work. I also try to send him at least 1 text a day to let him know I’m thinking of him and try to make him smile. He’s not a big texting person anyway. I try not to bother him since I know he’s very busy with work, he will text me when he can.

[Asker]

That’s what I assume girl, I don’t want to bother him so I’d much rather just wait for him to message me. But still, I get worried something else might be wrong and he may be losing interest. Maybe if this happens again I’ll just wait until he contacts me

[fierce1]

Just be straight up with him. Don’t be scared to talk to him, maybe he can ease your mind. But do it in person. My boyfriend is very busy with work so I’m trying to give him some space. If he texts me great but if he doesn’t that’s fine also.

[Redf00q]

Im talking with my girl once a week, on phone, when im at work or she is on her work, we don't bother each other. We consider that time work time, and self time. You need some time for yourself. Pressuring him won't be good for your relationship. Considering the fact he juggles multiple business ventures, is very normal.

[RyanPlyler]

It also depends on how close you are or how long you've been in a a relationship. If it's a 1-6 month deal, that might be a bit odd, especially if he usually texts you. After that tho going a day or two without texting night not be all that bad. Still, in my opinion, a guy should give his girl a reason. Yes I think it's completely normal to just "not want to talk" for a day or so. If you want to be together long term, you won't be able to be all over each other all the time. But a heads up goes a long way from my experience.

[FlutteringFeelings]

I learned a huge lesson that guys really do need their space sometimes. Allow a guy to miss you sometimes whether he’s your man or not but he needs time to himself. Being in someone’s face or phone 24/7 can get quite annoying sometimes whether you’ve been together for awhile and if they love you. Space, Space, Space.

[performerwannabe]

My boyfriend clearly said "The fact that I don't text you everyday doesn't mean I don't like you" so I guess it's fine. It does annoy me when he doesn't even check if I had a good day or whatever but I'm learning to get used to it.

[Asker]

Omg that makes sense, but still my boyfriend has never said anything of the sort so it kind of makes me paranoid. What do you suggest I do?

[performerwannabe]

Ask him straight up, that's what I did. I can't tell for sure since not people think the same so?

[Asker]

Maybe I’ll try that, for now I’m waiting to open his message still so that I know we’ll at least talk once today

[Browneye57]

Don't rely on texts to build your relationship. There is no emotion, and zero body language, so you're missing out on at least half of what is being communicated. Which leads to misunderstanding and confusion, and then silly questions like this.
If you want a status update pick up the phone and call him, or go see him. This texting shit-test is a joke.

[AxlStahlmann]

I think everyone needs a bit of space in a relationship until they're married or actually living together. Life goes on for both people and sometimes we have things we want to take care of. Or, alternatively, there's nothing that needs to be said that day.
Just my opinion to take with a grain of salt.

[BreadNbutter]

Since it’s the first time I wouldn’t really panic... I’d just make an attempt to call him the next day... no big deal. You don’t want to be that girl who freaks out over small things creating unnecessary tension. Tomorrow is a new day and he may be sorry for not texting you but again it’s no big deal unless it happens for several days. Give it some time to be clear exactly what could be happening, he really may be busy

[VincentLaw]

Texting isn't really talking in my eyes. I see my girlfriend almost every day right now, but if I didn't text her on the one day we weren't together I wouldn't mean anything by it. Texting always feels a little hollow to me anyway. It just means he's busy or that he knows he's going to see you soon anyway

[VincentLaw]

Besides, it takes 5 seconds to check his phone, but if he's working he doesn't have the luxury of holding a conversation over text. Maybe he doesn't want to start texting you only to be forced to ghost the second work picks up again.

[thetealover]

Well, it depends. Sometimes you just need to be alone, sometimes you're not in the mood. It's completely normal. I'd be concerned if I didn't contact my girlfriend for 2 days or more. But there's always a reason, right?

[Asker]

Yeah I understand that, I figured he just didn’t feel like talking but he usually always texts even if it’s later on in the day. Unless I text him goodmorning first, but when today I replied to his text from last night (I had messaged him first saying goodnight) and it’s still been over an hour and he hasn’t even looked at it although he’s been on instagram etc. I’m so confused, I’ll just give him time

[EmmaMary]

Quite normal, no one is joined at the hip, and everyone deserves and needs their own time and space.

[Asker]

That’s what I figured girl, but I don’t know why it makes me paranoid that he doesn’t like me anymore. Should I just let him have his space today and he can get back to me whenever he wants to?

[EmmaMary]

How do you know he doesn't like you, has he actually told you this in words?

[Asker]

He hasn’t no, but he’s not good at communicating at all. His sister even agrees that he’s not good at it, cuz he never answers her texts or anything etc.

[EmmaMary]

So, there's your answer, it's not you.
Try giving the guy his space, but at the same time talk to him explaining exactly how his lack of communication and interest is affecting you.

[Christopher_Rockwell]

Honestly, its not that we don't want to talk to you, it's that we get caught up in doing whatever it is were doing that we don't think about it. It has nothing to do with how we feel about you, it's just that we don't text people as often as girls do so it's not always on our minds to text you

[Celq532]

Totally normal. Not because of "busy-ness", but because I think most guys during the dating phase prefers to do stuffs and not be distracted by partners or even friends. Nothing personal against you, it's just they want to do stuff their own and focus on that.
Not every men is like that, but definitely a good jumper of guys are. Girls are very likely to be like that. I met a few but not a lot. Compare to most guys that I know.

[Philyouup]

I can go several days.. if she texts me too soon, I will ignore the text for a day or two. can't do constant contact.

[Asker]

What’s your reason for going so long? One text wouldn’t be too much but I understand people need their space