I didn't know what topic to put this in, but i am a really sensitive guy, i dwell on any negative things im dealing with, im not assertive enough, im kind of a pushover, i cry too much, i find it hard to attract girls that im interested in. I dont even feel much anger anymore, like i used to feel a healthy amount of anger when i was a teenager which helped me deal with things better, now i just leave shit go. I need to be more manly any tips?Any tips on being more masculine?
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I appreciate everyones answers, i will take them into consideration.
First don't listen to women who tell you that being overly sensitive and emotional is a good thing. It isn't, most women aren't into that. For example my girlfriend's friend would say these things about the guy she's with when they first met, and now all she does is complain about how annoying it is that he's so overly sensitive about everything. I've seen many examples of this.
That's just the way women think and give advice. It isn't malicious, they think it sounds like a good idea, and often they just want to save your feelings so they'll basically tell you that you're fine the way you are and that you should never change - which means never improve. If you never improve you'll always have the same problems. Men on the other hand will only ever tell you to improve yourself and will push you towards that. That's the problem here probably - the lack of masculine guidance in your life. You can't learn how to be a man from women. That's like a shark trying to learn how to be a shark from a penguin.
A book I'd highly recommend you read is "The Way Of Men" by Jack Donovan. In that book he looks at all cultures around the world, compares all of the different ideas about masculinity in these cultures, and looks at what all of them have in common. Then from that he breaks down what masculinity actually is. One of the biggest points to be taken from his work is that although most evolutionary psychologists talk about masculinity in terms of what women look for in men, masculinity is as much if not more-so to do with what men look for in other men in their peer group. Masculinity is defined by men, not women. This is another reason you should listen to and learn from other men.
Next you need to do more things that will just make you feel more masculine in general. If you're crying all the time, getting easily upset, dwelling on negative things, lacking assertiveness - this can have to do with low testosterone.
Many men today have low testosterone for many reasons. It's most likely that you'll be able to fix this naturally however. Diet and exercise are important. Eat good food and lift weights 3-4 times per week. Not only will this help you to build more muscle/a more masculine physique, but it will improve your health in general as well as your hormonal balance. It's one of the easiest, simple things you can do to look and feel more masculine. Boxing/martial arts can also help you in this area. When you know you can defend yourself you'll feel more masculine and you'll take less shit from people.
Lack of assertiveness is something you have to work on by itself. Again there are many books and articles about this, just read up all you can and put the advice into practice.
Other than that I'd say keep reading and watching people who talk about this. Self-improvement is a gradual process, there's no quick fix. Some people say that we're the product of the main 6 people we hang around with, and this is mostly true. The same goes for the things you watch and think about. Whatever you consume you'll become. Even just reading and watching things that have to do with self-improvement, masculinity etc. will eventually trigger a change in the way you think and will propel you forward.
Morning sex provides men with a natural boost of testosterone which will entail more masculine features and behaviours over time.
Morning is the perfect time for sex because, quite frankly, your body’s ready for it. That’s because estrogen and testosterone levels are at their peak during this time. Why does that matter? Well, one 2013 study found that your libido is affected by your hormone levels —the higher they are, the friskier you feel.
9 unbelievable benefits
Science agrees: Morning sex is where it’s at. That’s because…
1. Your body is primed and ready to go
Morning is the perfect time for sex because, quite frankly, your body’s ready for it. That’s because estrogen and testosterone levels are at their peak during this time. Why does that matter? Well, one 2013 study found that your libido is affected by your hormone levels —the higher they are, the friskier you feel.
2. He’ll last longer
Speaking of hormones: The more testosterone, the better the sex. High testosterone levels will boost your partner’s libido and improve sexual function, according to one 2007 studyTrusted Source. One older review published in 2000Trusted Source also found that higher testosterone levels can increase erection strength.
3. It releases the “cuddle hormone” oxytocin
Morning sex can bring you and your partner closer together. How so? Sex produces oxytocinTrusted Source, also known as the “cuddle hormone.” Oxytocin is the chemical in the brain that controls love and bonding. When it’s released during sex, you’ll feel more connected to your partner.
4. It’s a stress reliever
Want to get rid of stress? Then have morning sex. One 2010 study found that pleasurable activities can reduce your stress hormone levels. That means climaxing before you head to work can put you in a great mood for the rest of the day.
5. It releases endorphins
Morning sex produces endorphins, the magical pain-relieving chemicals in your body that help boost your mood. That’s why you usually feel happier after you’ve climaxed. So why not start your day with a chipper attitude?
6. It counts as a workout
Sure, having morning sex may not be the equivalent of running on a treadmill for an hour, but it’s still one hell of a workout. Sex burns about five calories per minute, according to research from the Harvard Medical School. That’s the same as going for a walk. Wouldn’t you rather burn at least 75 calories with a morning quickie, though?
7. It’s good for your brain
Want to give your brain power a boost? Morning sex is the answer. Multiple studies show that getting busy releases a mix of neurotransmittersand hormonesTrusted Source — in particular, dopamine, the feel-good hormone — that can benefit brain health and cognition.
8. It boosts your immune system
Sure, vitamin C might do wonders for your immune system. But so does getting frisky in the morning. Researchers from one 2015 studydiscovered that sex can boost your immunity by triggering your body’s nat
Sure, vitamin C might do wonders for your immune system. But so does getting frisky in the morning. Researchers from one 2015 studydiscovered that sex can boost your immunity by triggering your body’s natural defenses against bacteria, viruses, and other germs.
9. It can help you look younger
Morning sex may be your very own fountain of youth. Some experts think that sex is the key to looking younger because it releases oxytocin, beta endorphins, and other anti-inflammatory molecules. BBC News reported that older research suggests having sex at least three times a week can make you look several years younger than people who have less sex. Orgasms can even benefit your skin in several ways!
In some of the classical studies I did, we read about Roman male virility, and some of the men in our class found it to be quite inspirational. Roman virility is about self control in emotions, intelligence, aggression, assertion and all walks of life. Here's a summary by the Washington Post:
To possess Roman virility, the editors write, was to radiate not just sexual power but “virtue, accomplishment.” The virile man wasn’t just sexually “assertive,” “powerfully built,” and “procreative,” but also intellectually and emotionally “levelheaded, vigorous yet deliberate, courageous yet restrained”:
The virile is not simply what is manly; it is more: an ideal of power and virtue, self-assurance and maturity, certitude and domination. . . . courage and “greatness” accompanied by strength and vigor.
The Romans made virility more complex and demanding. The main challenge for Greek men who aspired to andreia had been insufficient brawniness: Maurice Sartre quotes a cutting description of an almost virile young man named Theagenes, who impressed with his “broad chest and shoulders,” but was ridiculed for, among other things, the “blond fuzz” on his cheeks. But Roman virilitas was even harder to achieve. A man with virilitas had to be tall, muscled, handsome, tanned, and well-endowed. (Roman men spent a lot of time naked at the baths.) He also had to be clever, energetic, confident, and politically engaged. But the defining quality of virilitas was self-control. Virilitas was an ethic of moderation, in which strong or “vigorous” powers were kept deliberately reined in, in the manner of a standing army. If a man became too aggressive, too emotional, or too brawny—too manly—his virilitas could be lost. For this reason, being a ladies’ man could compromise one’s virility. (“For the ancient Romans,” Thuillier writes, “giving in too often to the charms of women is in itself slightly effeminate.”) To be sexually powerful, you had to be in control of your desires.
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I don't think it's necessarily about being "manly", but more about learning to deal with certain things in a healthier way and standing up for yourself when necessary.
Personally, I know a lot of guys who really try hard to be "manly" and macho, and it's really off-putting. I'd much rather a guy be himself than act like a show-off or a "tough guy".
By the way, if it helps you to cry, there's no shame in it. There's nothing wrong with crying. There's nothing wrong with being sensitive either as long as you're not wearing your feelings on your sleeve, but in my experience, building confidence helps with that.
I have kind of the opposite problem of yours; when I should feel sad, I usually just become absolutely irate instead, and it's even worse if it's about something completely out of my control with no one to blame (like a loved one being diagnosed with a grave illness). I don't know where along the line I became like this, but I want to say it's a relatively newer thing that's developed within the past ~5 years or so. I don't really know what you can do to get a certain emotion back, but I can relate in a way.
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Also, as far as attracting girls goes, the best thing you can do to attract the right person for you is to be yourself. If you try to make yourself into someone you're not, you're not going to be able to find a happy relationship and a truly compatible partner.
Get your hormone levels checked at the doctor. You may have a hormone imbalance. Start lifting weights--that will increase your T, too.
Check your diet, also, make sure you're not eating an overly large amount of soy or flaxseed, as these can increase estrogen. Unfortunately, 'cause they're hella healthy. Plastic bottles have estrogen as well, if I recall. Drinking water is also highly contaminated with estrogen, so you want to use a water filter. Well, dunno if that will get rid of it, but it can't hurt
Make sure fats are at least 15% of your diet. If they're not, this can damage hormone levels.
You may also want a group of masculine male friends. They can get rowdy. Maybe their T will rub off on you. You'll have to prepare to get a bit tortured though and know how to endure it and laugh off teasing and man-jabs. If you fight against it, you'll create enemies, and that will not end well for you. Mentally push and get pushed. It'll build character and strength.
As for dwelling on the negative, that's easy for anyone. For that, create what I call a "counter-program". Your brain is basically a computer. Each time you think a thought or commit an action, it creates pathways in the brain. Each time you repeat that action, those pathways are strengthened. So each time you're a bitch, your bitch pathway gets strengthened. Those pathways will never disappear. So you have to create new ones to overlap the old ones.
So each time you act like a bitch, notice it mega-cognitively, then insert a new "counter-program" which calls that out.
It may help to label that part of yourself. Call it the "bitch-[insert your name here]". That's not you. You're "manly [insert your name]". That other pussy can fuck right on off.
Each time you successfully resist, get happy. Feel good about it. "YES! I won!"
Meditation can help greatly in this "meta-cognition": or, thinking about thinking. Observing your behavior from outside yourself, then redirecting it.
Look at some famous fighters such as Mike Tyson or Conner Mcgreggor or Muhammad Ali, or even the Diaz brothers. These are EMOTIONAL men without a doubt. Any hot headed guy is most likely an emotionally driven person.
The best advice I can give you is to be yourself unapologetically. If your emotions are intense and you're impacting by them more than your average guy, the worst thing you can do is hide them. Literally just be yourself and fuck everyone else who doesn't like you. You're always going to have haters no matter what personality type you are, so you might as well be yourself.
If you're still searching yourself and your inner masculinity, experiences bad and good are what shape a man. I went into the Marine Corps infantry and it was probably one of the best and worst experiences of my life. It broke me down to nothing, and built me up to everything. Relationships did the same thing for me. Having wisdom and life experience is the center core of a mans inner masculinity. So don't be afraid to go out and get your hands dirty. Learn yourself.
Also, for a man to be centered in his masculinity, he needs to have his life mission in tact. Do you want to be rich? What are you doing to get there? Want to reach a certain prestige within your career? You better have a string map on how to get there and obsess over it if you want to make it happen. You constantly need to strive on your mission and life and work hard at it. It makes us men feel accomplished. Makes us feel strong. Gives us confidence. etc..
Hey bud, I'm sure u already don't like the term "bud" but it's not meant to be impolite. First off, I was raised by a single mother since I was 2 And I struggled with this. So here ya go from what I've learned:
1. Go ahead and cry... in your room but there's no need to publicise it. This does not help you. Women like to verbalize that they like when a guy can cry but they will bury you in a second when they hear u talk about it or actually do it.
2. Don't talk about hair or skin products in public. People will think you are gay or super metro.
3. Shoulders up, chest out, but not like u wanna fight someone. Just good man posture. Do urself a favor.
4. Learn/research/love going down on a girl. Don't broadcast it, just know and love the fact u can be the master at it.
5. Don't think about your dick size. #4 will take care of that and you'll quickly realize no girl will actually leave the moment especially after you've done a verbal number on her.
6. Manscape. Take care of your appearance. Upper and lower. Get a trimmer to do down low. Shave... your... balls. want better chances at getting a BJ? Shave em. Feels better too.
7. Have an opinion! But don't press it if no one else is really on board. Ask yourself "is it better to be happy or right?"
8. Open doors and buy flowers. Because too many men insist on not doing it. Don't think it's a big deal, because it's not. Do it because it's right. And it makes a woman feel like a woman.
9. Listen, don't wait to talk. I'll let you figure that one out.
10. Be resourceful. Don't know how to change oil? U can learn how in 5 mins with YouTube. Be WILLING. Men fix stuff. YouTube and Google are insanely good resources. USE them!!
Hope this helped, dude. Spend more time being you, and less time worrying. Because that keeps you from enjoying life and letting people know the real you.
Anger has nothing to do with masculinity. But as for the rest, there is masculinity within all men, you just need to be in the proper environment, perhaps there's a lack of a father figure in your life or a poor one, I don't know, but often when there's a lack of masculine energy in a man it's due to a poor environment in which he was raised.
What you mustn't do is listen to the women on here telling you it's ok to completely let go of masculinity or questioning its very existence or importance. They really do not know what they're talking about and whether or not they admit it, women want and need masculine men of responsibility and leadership.
A man is responsible. A man is a leader. A man is respectful. A man is strong. A man fights for what he believes in. A man protects. A man is not afraid to show emotion.
Reflect on these things and try to surround yourself with men of this type.
Make decisions quickly and stick to them. If a decision turns out to be wrong, only until it's proven to be absolutely terrible should you make a new decision. Then with that adjustment you stick with it the same way.
Say yes and no, rather than maybe. If you're not sure, say I'll get back with you with a definite answer. Then comeback with a yes or no.
Don't justify yourself to others, like apologizing for nothing or trying to justify why it's okay you like certain things.
When walking with a girl, lead the way. If you're not sure where you are going, then get a general idea before you leave so you can lead.
I believe this is a confidence issue rather than whether you're masculine or not. You know how to be, but I'm guessing you're probably not confident in yourself. Start working out and take martial arts. It gives you an ability to not pick fights with people but also not be afraid to stand up for yourself and others in case an argument leads to a fight. Just start picking up Jiu Jitsu and taking classes for it and working out. You can also watch videos on being confident as well. Watch these.
Please read all the way through: find a masculine hobby. Wood working, auto repair, bear wrestling. Work at it, fail sometimes, but never quit. Persevere. Become "manly" and then realize that maniliness is really a synonym for competent. The kind of person who can work at something and never quit until they are good at it. Look back at all the "alphas" that keep preening and doing the mating dance, never knowing why they struggle to attract women. Smile, humbly, in your accomplishment. Good for you dude.
Agree, but honestly if you're wrestling black bears then your balls probably haven't dropped yet. Only brown bears and bigger count. If it's a sun bear you might as well put on a dress, Nancy.
Don’t beat yourself up. There’re girls out there who like sensitive guys with emotions who will shed a tear here and there. And you definitely don’t need to be aggressive to be more of a man, most women don’t even like that! Now if you really want to change I would say fake it till you make it. Force yourself to go out of your comfort zone and at the beginning it will be weird but you’ll get used to it. Hang more with the boys etc.
Depends, as I said there’re girls who like guys who are emotional. It’s cute and shows that he’s not afraid to show his emotions. And these kind of guys are normally loyal and they really care about their partners’ feelings.
Yes but usually the girls who like these guys are the ones who leave them or cheat. I'm a big muscular masculine rough kind of man and lots of these girls befriend me have these kind of boyfriends and the second he does something too wimpy (which can often be crying) many try to come on to me and they just come out and say things like "my boyfriend cried and i just didn't feel like he could care for me like a man cares for a woman and he is more like a girlfriend than a boyfriend"
Of course there’re girls who are like that, but there’re girls who like seeing guys being vulnerable. My man is very emotional and cries a lot and I’ve been with him for 6 years now, seeing his soft side makes me feel safe as I know he can’t possibly hurt me. Most girls who go for sensitive guys are the ones who had some kind of a bad experience (abusive ex etc) but that’s not always the case. It can get a little overwhelming at times but what you get in return is much more - they’re romantic, soft, they understand your feelings better.
That's not even about being "manly" so much as mature and mentally healthy. But naturally, it helps to be mature and productive in your thinking patterns is a good step towards acting like a grown man.
[...] But naturally, it helps to be mature and productive in your thinking patterns [as] a good step towards acting like a grown man. [...]
As for becoming more assertive, a lot of that is about overcoming fears. You can't please everyone. The desire to do so often invites more conflict than it avoids. So it helps to speak your mind. It helps to disagree with people (including those girls you want to attract).
This has nothing to do with masculunity and all to do with individuality, yours! Gry socializing, be with people. Join a club, do stuff with people. Hang out with people that only boost your sense of worth, maybe get some therapy. Figure out why you are stuck on the negative. Try to have a positive attitude. Attitude is everything. All these actions will boost your self worth, your confidence, your sense of purpose, help you find a healthy balance of happiness and struggle, and will automatically make you more attractive to females and to people in general. Only one life to live, only one life to die. Good luck, now go! :)
Have a dick. That's all you need to be masculine. You don't need to be assertive, or to give up crying, or to stop being sensitive. It's just how you are. Dwelling on negative things could be a concern, but I advice you check with a psychologist as soon as you get a chance to not have it advance into something else, but lack of anger is not necessarily something bad. I'm not sure what a pushover means to you, but you could check that with a psychologist too, as their role is advising you in your behavior to become healthier mentally. You don't need to attract girls that are not interested in who you are, unless you're into making pointless relationships and screwing around with girls. There's gonna be someone that's interested in you for who you are, rather than this whole "masculine" masquerade. What I advice you to improve however, is the way you present yourself to others. You need to learn how to put yourself out there without following some rules that are not you
I'm not up for one of my serious longer answers right now, but I'd like to suggest a song... On my question 'what one song defines who you are at your core' (https://www. girlsaskguys. com/entertainment-arts/q3838182-if-you-had-to-pick-just-one-song-that-defines-who-you-are-at-your), @StephenCF answered this. You need a little of what he's got.
Apart from all sorts of emotional growth and self-awareness/understanding yourself aspects, my short answer is try chemistry. Music, caffeine, cannabis, nicotine, a Manhattan/whiskey-type drink... get your body going and out of your head. And then go do something, quick, before it wears off. You need action, not more thinking. Good luck.
Umm... do you have any trauma or.. negative influence from your mom or dad or got bullied?
If i were you, i would try to analyze and dig myself to search the root cause of being overly sensitive. Thats the first thing to do. Analyze and find out what has shaped you into who u are now.
I can't give you advice how to be more manly.. it's a very general question.
Be calm and understanding yourself first. And to understand urself, it really takes years.. its a long process and u will not realize that u would become better and better in time in controlling urself.
But anyway quick tip for you to attract ur man: be calm, analyze the girl first, and do move forward (do some action) if u like the girl.
Fuck the traditional gender roles. Be the sensitive guy. Try not to dwell on the negative which i know from experience is hard. I suffer from pure OCD which means any thought i have i obssess over until all the details are thought out. You have to put yourself in a mindset of happy thoughts. Its not easy but you can do it. Meditation helps a lot. And its a good thing you dont feel anger much anymore. Its a toxic emotion that brings you down and makes people flee.
Bottle up your emotions. You don't have to show them because not everyone who comes in your life cares about you and your emotions. I think it also depends on individual. Some sweat about it, some don't.
Anger has nothing to do with masculinity. Lol girls get angry too.
You have to learn to be confident! It is the key.. really. If you aren't confident, try faking it. You'll know you can pull it off better when you act more confident hence it'll give you reasons to be more confident (naturally).
The rest is pretty obvious: stand on your ground, respect your authority, know your worth etc.
Firstly, are you sure you’re alright? Don’t be afraid to seek professional help if you need to:) . But I do have advice for you. Try to find a hobby, something likes martial arts. This will improve yourself and girls are more attracted to guys that have things going on. I would also say try to build muscle. In terms of girls, bro don’t focus on them. Focus on improving yourself. Have goals. Don’t put girls on pedestals. If a girl doesn’t like you it really doesn’t matter. If you’re on a date with a girl be assertive, you decide where you want to go, don’t ask her. Those are some quick tips, but don’t forget to get professional help if you need it hun:)
This is really really good advice. I would add that many desirable "alpha" behaviors although intuitive to alphas, can be learned by others I've had alpha buddies who were really good people, and offered excellent advice on relationships.
You dont need muscles to attract WOMEN. Girls on the other hand, most definitely. Mature women mostly care if you're fit. There are also plenty women that prefer "dad bods" over abs.
The most manly thing one can do is be himself, and do so with confidence, do not try to be someone you are not as that will only attract women who are interested in the facade rather than who you are.
That is what I do, I personally do not exactly fit the stereotypical macho type myself (I am more boyish than rugged and such) and I just be myself.
There are women who want the kind of man as you describe, so do not worry about that, honesty is the best policy after all.
You’re the type of guy I like so other girls must exist who would love you the way you are. Just be yourself but if you really want to change then make small changes slowly. Figure out what’s making you feel this way.
Been there done that. It is all related to one word, confidence. Nothing more. You need to build it. That is done by working on yourself. Workout, practice a sport, join a chess club. Any activity that you like. As you get better your confidence raises and you get more confident in any ocasion without even realising it. If those options do not appeal to you, I have one that helped me a lot. Go do some voluntary work. For real! People there are usually super chill. You will help people, meet new ones and it can build your confidence a lot!
1- Go to gym 2- Grow some facial hair 3- Talk less, do more 4- Be good to others (especially those whom you can’t benefit from) 5- Be a gentleman to the ladies and treat them with utmost respect all the time 6- Don’t talk behind anyone’s back 7- Pick your signature cologne (Acqua di Gio Absolu is a good option) 8- Wear darker colors 9- Wear a thin chain that has meaning to you (not an extremely thick one that cries for attention) 10- Be a hard worker for the most part, but have some fun when there’s time for fun
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