Why do guys have to do all the work in dating and relationships? it seems that girls do nothing at all!

[Anonymous]

Why is it called being a "Man"? Why is it Masculinity, having balls? who said so? is there a Law that says so? Where or When did Life, Society, Culture, say that is part of being a Man? Does it say so in the Bible? Did God say so? Is there any proof or evidence that God said so? and why are a guy's or man's balls a reason as to why he has to do those things? what is it about balls that symbolize masculinity, manliness? I know that obviously literally only males have balls, testicles, but literally everywhere, society, culture, the media, etc. They always say to guys "Man Up, Grow a Pair", I seriously feel like kicking a person's ass, physically hurting a person very bad when they say that to me in a rude way. Anyway, the work that I am referring to in dating and relationships is that not only do us guys always have to make the first move, take initiative start the conversations and keep them alive, prevent all the awkward silences, and ask the girl out, overall, be the ones to start the relationship, take charge and make things happen, we also have to do all the work while in the relationship. We have to lead, basically be the leader in the relationship, make all the decisions, make all the plans, do the calling and texting first, meanwhile the girl is just along for the ride. I hate how girls always say they want to feel safe and secure with their man, I'm not saying that I am a cowardly weakling or p****, I just hate having to spoil, pamper a girl like I'm her Daddy.

Updates

+1 y

Why can't girls just take care of themselves? I know that obviously girls hate weak whiny guys because it makes the girl feel like she is being the guy's mom or sister, well a lot of guys hate being a girl's daddy if we literally aren't her daddy.

Updates

+1 y

It's like I have to be the Limo Driver and the girl is the Passenger, I don't like doing that, I hate being taking for granted, being used

Updates

+1 y

F*** CHIVALRY!

[Anonymous]

I think maybe instead of focusing on and literally listing everything you don't want in a relationship, you should start thinking about what you do want and quit dwelling on the things and people you can't change.

By the way, you really can't generalize about a group of people that make up half of the population. Not all women don't take initiative, expect to be a spoiled princess by whoever they're dating, and want the guy to make all the plans and lead the conversation. That just isn't realistic. I will agree with you that a lot of women like someone whose chivalrous, but I think you are missing the point behind it. Girls want guys they know will treat them right.

I know a lot of women that don't want to be spoiled by their man, me being one of them. I know with my relationship, I'm the one that always took the initiative and started the conversations etc. I've always been a firm believer in equal partnerships. If a relationship doesn't have balance than it's not a relationship worth having. So if my boyfriend takes me out to a nice dinner, I'll go out and get him something he likes. It's about making each other happy.

The whole point of a relationship is to enjoy each others company and to want to do things for one another.

[Asker]

gosh why do you women have to have it so easier?

[toulouse]

Date a girl who is not brain washed into thinking she is not supposed to naturally have conscious volition. there solved.

btw lot of guys freak out when girls take initiative. I agree with yo I think this instinct people are talking about is the desire to act , to accomplish, to persue, to be creative, to effect change... Which belongs to women and Men. personally between being stereotyped as weak & stereotyped as strong id choose strong. Stereotypes attributed to women are a real pain in the ass. They subsist in relationships and in every other single facit of life, because your competency is constantly in question and the starting assumption is almost always from negative or less than, or a bigoted perspective. Even if I personally do not feel pressured into nor care to follow sub-humen social standards- I still can't get through a day without being hit with it from every direction. But I can see your frustration:)

[Asker]

I still think girls do nothing to contribute to dating and relationships

[toulouse]

Date a girl who is not passive. What does 'i still think' mean? As tho you've considered something new-while you refuse to discuss anything.

WHY raise/ use backward ideas that are against Men and Women&use it against Women? I would think you'd be more enlightened to the hypocrisy-having to deal with it yourself.

How do you come up with A stereotype against you being = to w/e is said about Women? I am inundated with demeaning stereotypes against myself-that does not mean I think men are pigs.

[Asker]

the social world is the biggest part of life, so that's why you girls have it easier, you don't have to work in order to gain something

[toulouse]

that would make sense if your starting assumption was dating is 'the social world' & Women want to live a passive existence. Even still you have left out work politics rights careers , sports, community participation, school- as well as assuming women wanting to live a passive existence,

In addition who says women 'do nothing' and who sys they want to and Why are you talking to me without responding to anything ?

Anyone who says 'blank' without asking Q does not really give a sh*t about 'blank'

[Asker]

basically I'm saying is that women don't have to take responsibility for anything

[toulouse]

basically you are ASSUMING that any rational human being would not WANT responsibility. and the other side of 'not having to take responsibility that you refuse to look at is if women are responsible & not passive guys freak out and say they are clingy or aggressive or psycho.

you hate being told you HAVE to do all the work. Flip side of that is Women being told the guy is supposed top do all the work- ie they CAN NOT do anything.

Why do you think any rational be being wants lack of control in anything?

[Asker]

yeah I hate doing all the work because I don't want a girl that is just along for the ride, that just sits there and does nothing to contribute to the relationship

[Darkfairie17]

Men do not do all the work, I think you are picking the wrong women. I have been slaving away for this guy that I really like. I am a full time student and had my midterms a couple weeks ago and I still cooked from scratch, a nice homemade romantic meal for this guy. I do this a lot, just because I like him so much. If you have ever cooked a whole meal from scratch you will know how hard it can be. But I think your problem lies in the kind of women you are seeing. Try finding different women, or just taking a break from the dating scene.

And I have also done the planning and what not about what we are doing and paid for a lot of stuff too.

[Asker]

to me it seems like guys have to do all the work

[Killfest400]

If you're interested in a girl, then be a man and ask her out. If she's being boring, spoiled, bitchy, etc, then be a man and ditch her. There's tons of spoiled, entitled, boring, and bitchy girls out there- if they're not girlfriend material, then you have every right and every reason to leave.

Yeah, I hate it too, but that's pretty much the hand we're dealt. Take the advantages you have- if a woman isn't worth your time, you don't owe her a damn thing. Pack up and move on.

[toulouse]

Advantage? girls can dump guys too how is that an advantage?

aso Q a maybe you are just not meeting girls who have initiative, its no different then girls who wait for guys they like to find some courage- sometimes tho its just a case of feelings not being reciprocated.

[Asker]

I wish there were other ways to prove your masculinity and manliess instead of initiating everything

[frustratedchump06]

because life is unfair like that

[frustratedchump06]

F*** CHIVALRY!

[arsenal25]

well it is your choice to date girls like that! Not all girls are like this, first stages of dating sorry you are the guy MAKE THE CALL AND ASK OUT, after couple of dates the girl should be making plans and coming up with ideas, if not well she is just boring, move on if you don't like her sitting on her ass with no ideas. We do take care of ourselves, in school, in college, working... these are the girls you should go after than, so there is your problem solved, independent. We are not making the moves first not to look easy, we don't want to be looked at as aggressive, we want to be cute! we don't just sit there, we worry and stress as much as you do, not to seem clingy and easy we don't initiate and make first moves on you. It is what it is, there are girls out there who make moves first, go date them and stop complaining.

[toulouse]

i is not being aggressive its looking after your interests. not everyone wants to look like cute & helpless. Some people do things based on what purpose it serves -not how passive they can look.

If you're going to use stereotypes at least have the courage top speak for yourself. Your misconceptions are as offensive as his- if not more so because you are confirming his & you claim to speak FOR all women- not just about.

They are no different yet you are telling him not to generalize. Hypocrisy.

[arsenal25]

With we I meant me, and girls I know that think the same way which makes us we? ha don't ya think, and cute and helpless? I am far from helpless, nor did I say helpless, I want to feel cute and not aggressive, I like to be chased a bit. And I am speaking for myself -___- duh but other people girls who agree with me. If you don't agree and have an opinion? suggest you make your own comment up there, and voice your opinion. and I am sure I said there are girls out there who make moves first

[arsenal25]

thus to go and date girls who don't think like yes like WE DO, ones that do not like to be aggressive. and yea it is being aggressive in my point of view, and I am not the only one who thinks a girl who goes after a guy as aggressive, it is what it is.

[Asker]

well if a guy tries too hard, it's a turn off, if a girl tries too hard, guys don't care

[arsenal25]

yea you are right, so it should be a balance. I say read her body language and how she acts around you, it is easy to see if a girl is in to you really. Trust me when you make a move and ask out a girl that is in to you, it's not that complicated. All you have to do really is ask the girl on a first date, and second after that the girl will make plans with you and suggest stuff to do.

[Asker]

seriously, why can't you girls realize that you have it easier?

[toulouse]

"well if a guy tries too hard, it's a turn off, if a girl tries too hard, guys don't care"

r" you on crack? if you want to go by conventional norms its impossible for girls to do ANYTHING without being type cast. If a girl tries 'too hard' she's called clingy desperate needy emotional-of course girls have to deal with being called that anyways. (but) If she tries 'too hard' according to w/e guy as too hard is subjective-shes a psycho stalker.. Where do you live that girls are not insulted for trying

[Asker]

well it just seems more acceptable for a girl to need and want a boyfriend to complete her life, to validate her existence, but it's not okay for guys. If a guy wants and needs a girlfriend, is lonely and can't stand being single, it makes him look weak, desperate, but if a girl feels the same way, guys don't really care, they are happy to fix that

[toulouse]

I don't see that. I see guys thinking girls are helpless. It freaks them out. To the point the WORD girl, is used as a euphemism for 'needy desperate clingy emotional'-and her needing a boyfriend just confirms that to guys.

You really think they are 'happy to fix it'? how many posts are about guys pining after a girl who dumped?

Yea guys write about wanting a gf-but its mostly girls pining for their ex. Because guys can't handle the demeaning picture they have painted in their head about girls 'needs'.

[moviedude714]

I know, can't girls just take care of themselves? that's why a strong man should have a strong woman as well

[Anonymous]

I think you've got a very warped idea of mans role.

A man is supposed to WANT to initiate things, it's the hunting instinct, it's primal. And all I get from your question is that you'd rather sit on your ass and have women come to you or something.

Men don't do all the work in a relationship, but many of the examples you list are supposed to be things men want to do.

[Asker]

well I don't want to do those things and many other guys agree with me on that too

[Opinion Owner]

Homosexuals?

[Asker]

nope, I hate initiating, I hate it when my advances are not welcomed

[toulouse]

its a mans role in north american magazines, like cosmo , esquire, teen magazine. not exactly where the whole world goes for insight , and ethics,

[Asker]

whatever

[Asker]

I still hate and despise it with a huge passion

[cutebubble]

I don't think so, but girls like to be chased. I mean if you have a problem with that, then find a girl who wants to chase you.

[Asker]

ummmmmmmmm a girl chasing a guy is like winning the lottery

[Anonymous]

kinda like how we're expected to stay in the kitchen... not gonna happen.

[Anonymous]

cuz otherwise guys call us clingy and make fun of us to their friends.

get over it.

[Asker]

I don't think it is clingy and many other guys agree as well too

[Opinion Owner]

guys say things that make themselves seem great. of course you "think" its clingy, but when your actually in a relationship something changes. its reality. and then you all act crazy ti us women, who use our brains in relationships. whos thinkin know bitch lol