Can guys' feelings hurt even when they don't show it?

[Anonymous]

A lot of guys put on this tough guy front that nothing ever gets to them and they don't care. Is this really how they are or are they just as sensitive as everyone else but they don't show it? I know that society expects guys to be emotionally strong but does that mean you guys have feelings like we do and you have to cover it up, or you just don't care by nature?

[Mesonfielde]

I'll tell you the ultimate truth regarding this question.

Guys are expected to hide their feelings and not be affected, to be logical and rational and cold in all situations. By doing so, they eventually close out their emotional realm - especially if they don't do fantasizing-related activities that would improve their capabilities. I can speak for myself in this case, I did not read much and I still don't have words for many different emotions that I have.

The problem is, by not knowing their own feelings, and after all those years of suppression, guys are technically truly getting closer to being more like a "robot" than a real "human" (depending on how you define it), they lose their capability to know what they feel. However, they are still affected to a level in the subconscious mind - and they won't be able to control it on their own.

This is quite a problem on the long run.

LONG STORY SHORT:

Society suppresses the emotional capabilities of guys, and seriously - if guys cared, you wouldn't like them. I've been there.. the only time any girl ever showed any interest was when I couldn't have cared less. I didn't want to be this way... but this is the only way society accepts us.

[Mesonfielde]

Oh I totally forgot to answer the actual question at hand - yes, guys can feel hurt regardless of all this. They might know this, they might not - they might suppress it, they might not. Negative attitude towards other people is always a valid response for "being hurt", though. So the answer is: Yes.

[Mustachekitteh]

With some men it seems like they don't have any emotions when it comes to feeling sad, hurt, let down, etc . I mean men don't have to be like women and break down crying and explaining every detail of what hurt their feelings. Just why don't some at least just say "that hurt my feelings some" or something like that. Instead of showing no emotions. Just feels like you could say you hate them, deny anything they give you, and call them a bunch of negative things and it never fazes them. Even if the girl they love is crying and they don't act like it bugs them at all or make them feel a little bad that she's hurting.

[Mesonfielde]

@Mustachekitteh this is a really old answer of mine! I think I wrote this about 4 years ago. I can see the "nice guy elements" here where I claimed that "girls only like you if you adhere to the concept of masculinity" which is just nonsense :p

Guys really do learn to suppress their emotions though, or at least I certainly did, and no one really taught me. It's just something I knew, "males are expected to suppress their emotions to be seen as masculine".

I personally usually don't feel sad. That most often gets channeled into anger. Otherwise, I can't really help with your situation, I'd have to be able to see if the guy you speak of is just generally unemotional, or if he's suppressing, or he really just doesn't care.

[Mustachekitteh]

I just joined and didn't really see when this was posted. I'm actually trying to find the date right now and failing. XD I need to look up how to use this website better. XD

The guy I'm talking about He's like the most logical/rational type guy I've ever been with. I'm an emotional person which I've been working harder to not freak out over pointless things. So that adds to the trouble of telling if something hurts his feelings or sad about something. He doesn't like talking about problems he doesn't know how to fix.

I do know he cares about me just really hard to tell how he feels about certain things. So I guess bottom line men who are logical to where they are truthfully blunt. It can be hard not to take it to personally and to figure out their emotions.

[Mesonfielde]

@Mustachekitteh you can't see the dates because the date indicator is removed after either 4 or 6 months, I'm not sure which. Don't ask me why, they probably just didn't code it to show 6 months, 1 year, etc etc. :p

As for estimating what a guy feels, well the best thing you can do is judge based on the behavior you know of them, and estimate using empathy and self-projection (what would you feel in that given situation).

Everyone experiences emotions, just at different intensity, and with different means of handling them.

[hsshannah96]

I don’t like it when guys don’t show how they feel. It makes me confused and frustrated

[soccerguy90]

Yes, we are definitely as sensitive as girls in most areas, we just have to be the man and not show any signs of weakness, its a messed up social view that is pushed on us guys at an early age, and really isn't fair. But that is how it is. We really care as much as you but we have trouble expressing it most of the times, girls can wear their hearts on their sleeves if a guy does that he is usually looked at and often times made fun of cause he acts like a girl. So don't think we are any less caring, we just have to be strong for the ones around us.

-Humble Christian 20

[Anonymous]

when my teen daughter and her boyfriend broke up for a few weeks after a few days of him looking devastated along with her, he was in full "i'm fine see me laughing" mode and she was still devastated and was so perplexed at how easily he'd moved on from her and how quick he got over it. I told her over and over that he was just pretending(not something she can do lol) and when they got back together he told her he cried every night and every time he saw her was like a knife to his heart...on the outside she saw none of this and was really surprised at the depth of emotional pain he was feeling and showing NONE on the outside. It was really a learning experience for her to know that men don't show their pain and how he could control it.

[kangy]

I guess so but sometimes i do think they have no emotions because like what you mentioned they show always the I dont care, or it doesn't bother me look.
At one point, I even wondered whether they would feel guilty at all if they are the wrong in the relationship or if they hurt someone.

[Stacia]

No men care, but they often want don't want to show their emotional side to others that easy and often want people especially women and their male friends to see the macho side of them... But we shouldn't be worried by that its just a front thier putting up...

[Yeahhbro]

No men are sensitive too, but much less than women that is for sureeee! and yes society expects us to be tough too. That however doesn't mean that you can do whatever you feel like with your guy and expect him to be a "man" about it, since I know how much you guys like to do that.

[kinkynconfused]

I guard myself emotionally. I am not afraid to show emotion though around people I trust. It just isn't something that I don't display in public. That being said, when things really get to me in public, I just get very quiet and withdrawn.

[Anonymous]

All guys care, they just don't show it because "it makes us look more attractive."

You have to admit that to an extent it does, I mean you're not attracted to whiny little bitches now are you?

[Asker]

yeah I don't like whiny little bitches, to be fair I don't think anyone does. but there is a balance of being human and acting like a nonfeeling robot. I don't know when a guy cares and when he doesn't so to be honest I am not the most considerate of him because I think he probably doesn't care anyway. I feel bad if I have been mistreating someone who does care

[Opinion Owner]

I'll give you an example. Today I was destroyed by a girl. Did I show it? Nope

Was she even aware? Not at all. The reason I did this was because I can already tell she's going to think I'm creepy by making a big deal out of something, or she's probably oblivious.

Either way why look weaker in front of someone you like just to look human? It's like saying hey, look at me, I have feelings!

[Lamnad]

we show our hurt in different ways, but it does often happen that you will hurt a guy and never see that you have until it's to late.

[repetron]

Yep, my feeling can get hurt pretty bad. I just try not to show it too much.

[Anonymous]

Mesonfielde is right on the money. Even if I could be hurt I'd never tell anyone else about it let alone a woman. There's something to be said for suffering in silence. I haven't cried since I was very young.

[GIntrovert]

I've never had the capability to hide my feelings.